Welcome to Gaia! ::

One story can be told a thousand ways
To each has there own way to retell it
And so it will grow in our hearts
Our mind and it will grow from love
A true story that will stand the test of time


No matter the town or state, high schools are all the same. Humans lack a creative bone. Every idea stolen form somewhere but I am no different. Just tired of being me. Jacob caught my gaze and frowned.
"Your to much like her." He chuckled, nudging me gently. I felt my face slip into a smirk. Bella and I were to much alike except for one major thing. She was happy and I am at war with myself.
Jacob sensed that I was in no mood to cheer up. I felt him leave my side, his heat no longer comforting me. I hated being cold but my thoughts where elsewhere. Things just clicked for him. He made high school look easy. I walked down the hall, side stepping people.
Every one was scurrying to class, chattering of summer break. I followed like a zombie, no one asked about the new girl. Just left me in peace. It gave me time to study the layout of the school and map out how to get around.Nothing like getting lost on the frist day. English classroom was easy to find. As I entered I walked straight to the back of class. Not even noticing when Jacob joined me as I took a seat. Our teacher started ranting about the syllabus and something about not using sparks notes because he had an extra sense.
Out of boredom, I started taking stock of the class room. Exits where always first on the list. Never enter a room you cant escape from. Three windows on the first floor and the door. Next the people that occupy the space. Fourteen students, five girls including myself. That left nine of the male persuasion. Something white caught my eye, snagging my attention.
Sitting two rows ahead of me was a girl with white hair. She had it styled in some emo style and a deep red ribbon tied at the bottom over the top. She wore a school uniform through it wasn't required at public schools. But her skin was my envy. I am pale like Bella but hers was honey colored and glowing.
"Humph." I crossed my arms and looked away. Jacob chuckled looking just where I had. The teacher who's name I never caught started role call. She turned back to look at the clock, my eyes were drawn to her full lips corners perked up into a mischievous smile.
I felt Jacob tense at my side, I glaced quickly at his darkening face and followed his eyes. Staring straight back at me where two dark red eyes compelteing the face of the white haired girl.
Maybe this year will be interesting?

_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

JACOB

My anger sat thick in my throat. I had never had to control the beast within me for so long. I left that English class after the bell rang and walked straight off.
"A vampire sitting right in class!" My thoughts screamed.
Once in the cover of the woods, I released the anger and just ran. I had the other voices poking in, so I let my thoughts run.
"There was no smell and it was sunny even the Cullen's missed the first day. That girl seem completely at ease around all that blood. There was no strain in her face or body langue."
"Maybe she albino?" Seth teased me which only fueled my frustration.
"Your kidding right?" Quil asked. His mind felt foggy and sleepy.
"Why are you two not in class?" I demand running into the grounds of the Cullen's new house.
A huge stone front with a quest house that the pack used. I ran straight into the house without listening to the excuses that Seth or Quil had for me. I grabbed my change of cloths and headed to the main house. The door hit that wall as I opened it, I knew Edward had already relayed most of what I had to say. All their eerie faces looked calm. They already came to an agreement.
"We will wait and see. Maybe she is new to our way and her eyes haven't switched yet or she hunts far enough that its untraced to this town." Mr. Cullen said his eyes meeting mine. He had the air of authority around him. I sat down my anger leaving me. We have moved three times last year because of my anti-vampire habit. I came close to blowing our cover. I needed control. This was not a request but a silent command for me to stand down and see if she becomes an issue.
"We will watch her closely, Jacob." He said answering my unasked question.
"Hell for all we know she is albino!" Emmet booming laugh filled the room. The tension left and a carefree feeling came washing in. Jasper smiled lightly under his blonde mane. They where family now and I've come to depend on them greatly. We knew each other weakness and strength and together we were strong as coven and pack.

_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_
Are you looking for critique, or are you just posting this here because you want others to read it?
You truly have a talent. Omg so good! rofl
acheron beach, I always welcome constructive criticism and will always welcome anyone who wishes to read my work.

Thanks for your support
-Kobacca
starcatblue's avatar

2,250 Points
  • Grunny Rainbow 100
  • Hygienic 200
  • Treasure Hunter 100
It's really great and well written but there are some grammar mistakes that I will point out... cat_sweatdrop

-"Every idea stolen form somewhere but I am no different." Is "form" a typo and supposed to be "from"? also after "somewhere" the sentence would read more fluently if there were a comma
-"'Your too much like her." Should be "You're" as in "You are". "Your" is only used possessively
-"Bella and I were much to alike except for one major thing." Should be "too". Also would read well if you to the 'too' away entirely
-"She was happy and I am at war with myself." There should be a comma after happy
-"I hated being cold but my thoughts were elsewhere." There should be a comma after cold
-"English classroom was easy to find." Should it be "The English classroom was easy to find."? Or "English class was easy to find."
-"where two dark red eyes compelting the face.." Should be "were" and"completing"
-"Jacob chuckled looking just where I had." Comma after chuckled
-"Cullen's" No apostrophe the first time
-"'Your kidding right?'" Should be "You're"
-"'Maybe she albino?'" Should be "she's" or "she is"
-"Mr.Cullen said his eyes meeting mine." Comma after said
-"We have moved three times last year because of my anti vampire habit." Should be past-tense "Had"
-"'Hell for all we know she is albino!" Emmet booming laugh ..." Comma after "Hell" and should be "Emmet's" booming laugh
-"The tension left and a carefree ..." Comma after left
-"They where family now and ..." Should be "were" instead of "where"

I hoped that helped and I hope I wasn't too "nitpicky" or whatever. Othere than that the story is great and I hope you continue it! cat_4laugh
Blade of the West's avatar

Dedicated Informer

I concur with the above post spare the first statement.

This wasn't done well at all.
adorabunni's avatar

Lucky Risk-Taker

Apart from several grammar mistakes (thank you starcat blue for covering that), overall I prefer this to Twilight itself. I am very curious about the white-haired girl. Unless she's wearing a wig or cosplaying as InuYasha (I've seen weirder things in high school), I'm assuming she is albino. If that is the case, do your research and don't, don't, don't make that part of her "exoticness." (there is an albino Chinese runway model who gets the exotic treatment, but the media fails to mention how hard she has to work to literally keep her eyes on the road.)

I'm also not sure who you character is in relation to the canon characters. Is she a werewolf? A vampire? A human who knows Jacob is a werewolf?

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get Items
Get Gaia Cash
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games