Welcome to Gaia! ::

So this is my first fanfic ever.
It has some implied Chelley in it if you want to see it. It takes place right after the end of Portal 2. It's part of a two shot, the other chapter will be called 'Aftermath' and will be written from Wheatley's POV.
Enjoy, I'd love some feedback on this! I really, really would.
Feedback concerning how I wrote Chell, isn't she to OOC? and of course on the general 'story' .
Please do feel free to correct any mistakes you read, etc as well! : )

Quick disclaimer tho, I'm sorry if it has major flaws and errors in it but English isn't my native language. I try to do my best tho and get most faults out of it. : )


--

‘She’ had finally released her, the only thing standing between the girl and her freedom was the escape lift. Hesitantly the mute girl entered the lift, she looked around nervously. She knew this was going to be a trap, ‘She’ had never been that nice. Even the one robot she trusted and even called her friend at one point wasn’t this nice. He had betrayed her when they were about to escape and got her into this weird string of events. In the last few hours she had teamed up with ‘Her’ and even helped ‘Her’ getting back the control over the facility by defeating her so called friend.

Now here she stood, looking up at the ceiling of the lift, nervously shifting her weight from one leg to another as the lift slowly started to move up. The girl, also known as Chell, saw bits and pieces of test chambers and other parts of Aperture fly by before her eyes. “So far so good, maybe ‘She’ did have a change of heart” Chell thought, until the lift started to slow down miles before reaching the surface. Her stomach dropped as an army of turrets slowly came in sight, they were waiting for her, she knew it. The sides of the turrets started to open and Chell felt her whole body shaking, this couldn’t be the end of all this. To her surprise though, instead of bullets the turrets started to release sounds, as if they were singing. Slightly uncomfortable she moved around in the lift, hoping it would start going up again soon. Luckily it did but at a much slower pace than before. When the lift finally got to the surface after what seemed like an eternity Chell found herself in a tiny crummy shed. The door was open and the blue sky and some sunshine greeted her to the outside world. Still suspicious about ‘Her’ kind, even friendly attitude towards her, she carefully made her way across the shed. Deep down she still feared this was all a trick and that the floor could collapse at any minute beneath her feet. Strangely enough it didn’t and she set her first few steps outside of the facility.

Chell took a deep breath, looked around her and tried to take in her surrounding as thoroughly as she could. Every piece of wheat, every blade of grass, the soft breeze that played with her hair, the cheerful twittering of birds, she took it all in. She took another deep breath and tried to sort out everything that happened these past few days, maybe even weeks or months in her head. The chirping of the birds stopped her from doing so though, they constantly reminded her of a certain spherical robot, reminded her of various memories she tried to repress. Chell hadn’t much time to try and do so as a sudden ‘thud’ caught her attention.

The girl turned around to look what made the sound; apparently it was the sound of a falling companion cube that now was placed rather neatly in front of the shed. When she realised what just happened a smile started to creep up her face. A companion cube, the only ‘real’ friends she had through this whole adventure was sitting right in front of her again.

When she picked it up, she was all of a sudden struck by doubt. ‘Is this really a good idea to bring it along? Won’t it remind you too much of ‘Her’, the laboratories and the testing?’ a voice in her head asked doubtfully. ‘At least it doesn’t talk drivel all the time …’ another voice in her head answered. ‘Would you really mind it if it did tho?’ the voice asked again which made Chell’s mind slowly drift to the many memories she wanted to repress. Memories of her ex blue-lensed friend. The smile on her face gradually grew bigger but she knew she had to stop so she firmly shook her head. ‘No’ the voice in her head said again and Chell dropped her companion cube. She couldn’t take it with her, it’d remind her too much of the testing, ‘Her’ and even worse Wheatley, the blue-lensed moron she probably could never forgive.

Chell felt some tears welling up but quickly blinked them away. This was it, the beginning of a new chapter in her life, ready to leave everything what came before it behind, even her cube but not her portal gun.

What if she changed her mind and did want to shoot one last portal? Preferably aimed at the moon.
[ My sorrow was for the world.. ]

I liked it. I don't think it was bad, but personally, I think it was lacking in..substance? I'm not sure. It just seemed very...empty, like it might have been missing something. perhaps it's just me?

Oh. And while I wasn't going through this with a fine tooth comb, this caught my eye: "Would you really mind it if it did tho?"

It should be "Though." You should always try and leave shorthand out of written work.

Either way.♥ Don't get me wrong, it's not bad. ^^

I also don't think that Chell was too OOC. As she stands, she's a very...neutral character. Throughout the two games, we're given little more then "She has a tenacious attitude," so it leaves a lot for character interpretation while writing. Everyone's Chell could be completely different, but still "In character." ♥~

[ ..Not for the people in it. ♥ ]

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get Items
Get Gaia Cash
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games