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Chapter Fourteen


"I'm going to school today, Dominik."

A blanket pulled up to my hips, I laid on my side as I watched Aleks roam around his room, pulling on various pieces of clothing to make an outfit. Having only woken up from a restful sleep just minutes ago, I was still a bit out of it, a yawn begging to be released from within me. "Can't you stay home at least one more day?"

"I wish I could, but the matura is next week and I need to finish the final preparations." He came close to the bed and leaned down, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "You should come back to school. If you study, you could still take it."

My eyes darted away, a flood of memories that happened inside of the school coming back to mind. "I don't know about that, Aleks."

Noticing my reaction, he sat down on the edge of the bed, hand reaching to take mine into his. "If anyone so as much makes one smart remark about you or us, I'll give them absolute hell."

"About us? What do you mean?"

He smiled before bringing my knuckles up to his lips, kissing them softly. "Check Facebook." The smile lingered as he got up, releasing his grip on me. "If you don't want to come to the morning classes, at least come to the afternoon ones. It'd only be a few hours."

I nodded, not wanting to give him a definite answer just yet. "I'll think about it." Watching as he turned to walk out the door, I felt a bit sad, knowing that I would be alone. "Wait!" I called after him. When he stopped and turned around, I continued with my thought. "I'll miss you."

He chuckled. "I'll miss you too, my prince. Call me if you need anything." Giving me a small wave, he uttered a 'Goodbye' as he made his way out of the room, closing the door behind him.

When I heard the front door open then close, I slipped the covers off from around me and swung my legs over to the edge of the bed. Pushing myself to my feet, I paused to stretch before starting a brief search through Aleksander's room for his laptop. I'm only going to check Facebook, I reminded myself. I couldn't and wouldn't go back to Suicide Room...even if I knew that Sylwia was there.

Eventually, I found his laptop, hid in a crafty spot underneath the bed. Climbing back underneath his covers, I settled down with his computer. "No lock screen?" I muttered to myself, pointer finger scrolling across the interface of his computer. Navigating to the Internet browser, I pulled up the home page and quickly found my way to the saved tabs, one of them being Facebook.

It immediately pulled up to his account, feed now in clear view. Sifting through the multiple statuses and pictures, I wondered what had happened that was so significant. Glancing at the notification panel, I saw that he had at least five and curiosity gaining the better over me, I clicked to see what they were for. A game request, a comment from a status Aleks is following and a like on his...changed relationship status? Clicking on the notification, I waited for the page to re-load as it took me to the scene of the crime.

Aleksander Lubomirski is now in a relationship with Dominik Santorski

Underneath the status was a picture of myself; one that I never remembered taking, let alone posting on the Internet. I cringed at the thought of what the response was below; surely, there would be more hate that outweighed any positive comments there may be. The update had at least 40 likes, which was not surprising, concerning Aleks' popularity on Facebook and in our area of Poland in general. My eyes scanned over the multiple comments that littered the screen.

Karolina Zimmer: Jak jesteś z Dominik? Myślałem mięczakiem offed się dawno temu. (How are you with Dominik? I thought the wimp offed himself a long time ago.)

Henryk Chmielewski: Zostawić na tydzień i wrócić pedałem! Eww! (You leave for a week and come back a f**! Eww!)

Michalina Jaworski: Spierdalaj was, Aleks jest bezpłatna na bieżąco kto chce, a Dominik jest cool i tak, więc zamknij się o nim. (******** off you guys, Aleks is free to date who he wants, and Dominik is cool anyway, so shut up about him)

Sabina Pawlak: Słyszałem, że zaangażował się w jakiś emo okultystycznej Internecie i próbował się zabić w barze. (I heard that he got involved with some virtual emo occult and tried to kill himself at a bar.)

Karolina Zimmer: Dominik powinien po prostu zostać w domu i podciął sobie żyły z resztą swoich żałosnych przyjaciółmi online, i przestać kurwa się nasze życie w szkole, bo nie może się zdecydować. (Dominik should just stay home and slit his wrists with the rest of his pathetic online friends, and stop ******** up our school life because he can't decide.)

I couldn't bear to read the rest of the conversation within the comments. Their words were full of venom, the toxicity at its most highest level as they spewed hatred towards myself and Aleks. My stomach felt tight, twisting with anger and the helplessness to defend myself. It was a feeling that I knew all too well; when Aleks was behind the computer screen, making me the butt of his torment, I was on the other side, hopeless and tied up in a sneaky mind game. It was as if communication through the Internet was a force field that protected you from those that you know and those you do not know. But what harm could you do? You couldn't reach through a screen and strangle someone. No, everything was tied up into a dangerous web of anonymity and cowardice of the insecure.

Knowing that there was no point in staying on, I exited out of the browser and put Aleks' laptop into Sleep mode. Putting it to the side, I laid back, sighing as I reveled in the feelings that raced through my body; rage then sadness before turning into defiance. I have to put them in their place, I told myself. If they claimed to be my friend before all of this happened, then I am going to give them hell. Glancing over at my bag, set on the chair by Aleks' desk, I thought about getting dressed...raising a storm and hitting the already s**t-covered fan with just a little bit more – I was not going to be weak or hide from them anymore.

I thought back to what Sylwia told me around the time that we first met. I was like her... sensitive. Too sensitive at times. But I was caught in an internal conflict; should I abandon all emotions and take on a careless attitude or continue to let emotions govern my decisions?

I wish I had her here to give me advice. Thinking back to what happened the previous day, I smiled at the memory of sitting on the grass, feeling the breeze brush through my hair and whisper across my cheeks, as we spoke of everything that we could think of. After I kissed her, she seemed to open up some – not a lot, maybe just a crack in her cold exterior – and she began to tell me about how her life was, three years ago, before she retreated to her room. I found out nothing, but I found out a lot at the same time. That was the thing about Sylwia, though, she told you enough to pique your interest but not too much to reveal anything sensitive that you could possibly bring up to her in the future.

If Sylwia were named for one coping mechanism... it would be avoidance.

But Sylwia would tell me that I need to go back to that school. Scare them, let them know that they don't have any control over me anymore. Sitting up, I found a new feeling of determination begin to well up inside of me – not enough to be classified as enthusiasm, but I felt motivated...almost riled-up, so to speak.

I'm Dominik. I am eighteen-and-a-half years old. I'm alive and they hate that.

But you know what? I'm gonna send them to a place so dark that they'll wish they were in hell.