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Chapter 1

One day, One Direction randomly showed up at your house, rang your doorbell, and you answered it, but you said "who is it" before you opened the door. First you hear an Irish accent that sounds like Niall and then you hear 4 Australian accents that sound like Harry, Zayn, Louis, and Liam. You open the door and start faingirling a little. You offer them to come in and they all sit on your couch. You start thinking: Oh my gosh, I have One Direction germs on my couch. What could get better? Then you ask them why they're here. 4 of them are just along for the ride. Harry's the one who wanted to see you and talk to you. Harry replies- " I was stalking you on Twiiiter and I looked up your address. I think you're beautiful". You start to faint, but Harry catches you. "I think I'm gonna go get some food" Niall says. "I just wanted to get to know you more and maybe be your's, if you don't have someone yet"? Harry said. "But, my mom said that I couldn't have a celebrity boyfriend. Sorry." "No, go ahead, he seems like a nice celebrity." Mom replies. Harry starts kissing me and Louis breaks us up. "Hey, what are you doing? He's my man. You do know that, right?" Louis says. "Sorry Louis, me and Kaitlyn are a couple now. Go get your gayself a girlfriend." Harry replies. "I already have a girlfriend for your information." Louis says. Niall gets back from eating food. "Did you ask her yet?" He says to Harry. Harry responds: "Yes, I did, she said yes." All 5 boys: "Awww." "Kaitlyn, I'm sorry, but we have to go, here's my number, so call me maybe?" Harry says. I and Harry kiss and Louis gets jealous again. All 5 boys: Bye Kaitlyn. "I love you" Harry responds.
Sorry, but I can't read that. You have written it like a big chunk without even making a new lines for dialogue. I'd recommend you put some spaces in there to make it easier on your readers.
Alice WR Ashdown's avatar

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I feel the same way as the previous commenter. The grammar needs definite work, because I could not make head nor tail of that...
Devincooper64's avatar

Lonely Gaian

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Fan-fic:
Fan fiction (alternatively referred to as fanfiction, fanfic, FF, or fic) is a broadly-defined term for fan labor regarding stories about characters or settings written by fans of the original work, rather than by the original creator.

This was your first mistake 1D is not a work, person, or setting of fiction. Also your grammar, pacing, spelling. And pretty much everything was poorly made.
Not to mention it's about One Direction. eek

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