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[light] come and find meh l!
[l] i would if i did not have this blindfold on. . .
[light] hehe *lifts l's blindfold and gently kisses his lips*
[l] *blushes and hides face* redface
[light] *lifts l's chin* you are to sexy to hide your face.
[l] *snugggles up to light's cheast* i love you light
[light] i love you to l and i have a question
[l] yes?
[light] *sits l on the bed and gets on one knee and puls something out from his back pocket* L will you marry meh?
[l] rofl yes light i would love to spend the rest of my life with you!
[light] *snuggles up to L* i wanna b with you 4ever heart

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        ...
        this is EPIC FAIL.
        too much out of character and so creepy to read.
        -shivers-

        ):<
ZaiaFantasy's avatar

Melodious Saint

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I'm sorry to say but this is terrible. The characters are nothing like themselves and the grammatical errors make my eyes hurt. I'm sorry, I just couldn't enjoy it.
haha i got brd DNT JUDGE MEH! rofl
I understand how fun it can be to write something like this. I have a notebook filled with these sort of things.
But that's where I keep them, in my notebook.
Something like this can't be called a fanfic. For the simple reason that it's not a story. It looks like a chat, and a short one at that.

(But just so you know, the yaoi fangirl that lives in me was jumping up and down in joy while reading this heart )
Same as Sora chick... ( inner fangirl died of nosebleed... biggrin )
erm . . . this was a good rough draft . . .

It was too short, too fast, and you didn't keep the character personalities at all.
You need to make it so it's not just dialogue.
uhm , what else . .

you need more discription, and a better plot. it was boring . . .
sorry .

there's more, but I'll stop .
yeah it was kinda bad but hey i proabaly couldnt write anybetter p.s i hate twilght stressed
I understand your love on LxLight forever!!! Here, I would be delighted to help, somehow? We could RP together XD here...

takes place right after L chains them together biggrin

L: Well it seems...it is time to sleep.

Light: -thinking 'So this guy does sleep after all...but those bags under his eyes would never go away'-

L: -pulls Light alongside while mumbling- I haven't slept in a couple days...hmmm I wonder if the bags under my eyes will ever go away...

Light: -halts to a stop, pulling on L- Hold it! What do you mean, sleep?

L: -turns around- By this, I mean sleep is a natural and periodic state of rest during which consciousness of the world is suspended.

Light: -frowns- I believe I do know what sleep is, I mean where are we going to sleep?

L: -eyes widen in a cute way- Well. We are going to sleep in something called a bed, Light. A bed is a piece of furniture that provides a place to sleep.

Matsuda: -in the corner, stifles a snicker-

Light: -tries not to growl fiercely- Fine. Yes. I can see there is no way we cannot sleep separated, I assume?

L: -smiles- Exactly. Matsuda, shut up. -pulls Light into the bedroom with surprising force...and sexiness-

smile I've enjoyed this...I want to write more. I'll do so again, later. If you'd like me to, please ask me to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Depends on what you think.
luvable_bear's avatar

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... it's good if it was written in a better format... and it would be better if they were a little more like their character...
LunaTamagaki
I understand your love on LxLight forever!!! Here, I would be delighted to help, somehow? We could RP together XD here...

takes place right after L chains them together biggrin

L: Well it seems...it is time to sleep.

Light: -thinking 'So this guy does sleep after all...but those bags under his eyes would never go away'-

L: -pulls Light alongside while mumbling- I haven't slept in a couple days...hmmm I wonder if the bags under my eyes will ever go away...

Light: -halts to a stop, pulling on L- Hold it! What do you mean, sleep?

L: -turns around- By this, I mean sleep is a natural and periodic state of rest during which consciousness of the world is suspended.

Light: -frowns- I believe I do know what sleep is, I mean where are we going to sleep?

L: -eyes widen in a cute way- Well. We are going to sleep in something called a bed, Light. A bed is a piece of furniture that provides a place to sleep.

Matsuda: -in the corner, stifles a snicker-

Light: -tries not to growl fiercely- Fine. Yes. I can see there is no way we cannot sleep separated, I assume?

L: -smiles- Exactly. Matsuda, shut up. -pulls Light into the bedroom with surprising force...and sexiness-

smile I've enjoyed this...I want to write more. I'll do so again, later. If you'd like me to, please ask me to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Depends on what you think.



Mmmmm.
I Loved Your Story about L and Light<33
Sexy:]
Mabe Light should shoot Misa!
and get together with L:] heart

Light:Misa....
Misa:Yes light!
Light biggrin oe Butch!*Shoots*
L:WTF Light!
Light: i did it for you ut of love<3
L:..ohh.well if it was for me then there no promblem.

*goes in bed*
everybody:Wtf is that?

L and Light:uhh..we can explain?

haha..
that funny!
SolemnSerpent's avatar

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There were too many grammatical errors and the format was unpleasant.

Therefore, I was unable to enjoy this, like my inner-yaoi-closet-pervert self should have.
turntechg0dhead's avatar

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Jamainme
        ...
        this is EPIC FAIL.
        too much out of character and so creepy to read.
        -shivers-

        ):<

lolz tell me about it burning_eyes

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