HOT 4 THATEACHER DRACO MALFOY - with less edward cullden

[Crimson Creame]

Are you trolling?

[dark vamp angle101]

GUYS i will post the chapeter and then i will post the chapter AFTER it is runned with the spell chicker, okay?

NO SPEL CHECK VERGION

So when we go to the ofis then mcgonigle says to us, “oh hi there wyntersnow why do u have a freind hear who is a verpire??”

“Oh” I say “this is edward cullin who is dracko malfoys cuosine”!

“Oh okay then cool” she says “So whats up?”

“Lastime i saw draco he was laying in the slitherin comen room just a day or 2 after he engadgement to me. It is yestearday and i think mabey something bad is happen to him.”

“yes he do seem very odd when i bring you in hear to talk about u geting merried... and it is strand that he would endgage to a student all of a suden, did u engadge in innaproprate relations with draco before that engagdement?”

“Imapropriate prelations?” I ask.

Edward whisper in my hears. “for nickation.”

“Oh good ness no principal never ever would i do sch a thing, it is probibited by the bible...”

“oh course i know you would never do such an evil thing my deer for give me but i must ask. Yes i think mabey he is unwell or something, watever. Ill check round the coridors par haps you can do the same.”

she got up and left but i still felt like drack was in throughble. Edwird looks my way.

“i think he is not here i would sense his presents”

i noded

“i will check my vamp network and see what they all are saying about draco and then i will come back and i will let you know whats up allright by sun down.”

Then he picked uph is bag and his silkey hair and he flew thru the window.

I did not no what too do so i slush my feet on the groud and sloly go back to the comen room for slitheryn. I go there and nobody is there ecsept fyrerain.

'woh u look beet gurl!”

“totaly”

“havent u been goin at it with ur hawt new fiancee dracko malfoy”

“um no thats not cool”

“Oh rite i guess i new that you dont go for that stuff... btw i realy liked the bibel you gave me i am almost thru ten pages of matthew.'

'ya that is my fave book fo all of them” I say “anyhow my fiancee has gone mising let me know if u see him as vol di mort might have stole him”

“Oh wow ok”

Then i went to sleep with many horribel night mares, only to waken up when edward arive with news of my fiancee.

**************** SPEL CHECK VERGION **********************

So when we go to the obis then McGovern says to us, “oh hi there Winters why do u have a friend hear who is a verdure??”

“Oh” I say “this is Edward culling who is Dracula malformed cuisine”!

“Oh okay then cool” she says “So whats up?”

“Pastime i saw Draco he was laying in the slithering come room just a day or 2 after he engagement to me. It is yesterday and i think maybe something bad is happen to him.”

“yes he do seem very odd when i bring you in hear to talk about u feting serried... and it is strand that he would engage to a student all of a n***s, did u engage in unappropriated relations with Draco before that engagement?”

“Inappropriate predations?” I ask.

Edward whisper in my hears. “for nitration.”

“Oh good mess no principal never ever would i do sch a thing, it is prohibited by the bible...”

“oh course i know you would never do such an evil thing my deer for give me but i must ask. Yes i think maybe he is unwell or something, whatever. Ill check round the corridors par hasp you can do the same.”

she got up and left but i still felt like rack was in throughput. Edward looks my way.

“i think he is not here i would sense his presents”

i boded

“i will check my vamp network and see what they all are saying about Draco and then i will come back and i will let you know whats up all right by sun down.”

Then he picked uh is bag and his silky hair and he flew thru the window.

I did not no what too do so i slush my feet on the ground and slily go back to the come room for slithery. I go there and nobody is there ecstasy suzerain.

'who u look beet furl!”

“total”

“haven't u been goon at it with oer haw new fiancee Draco malformed”

“um no thatch not cool”

“Oh rite i guess i new that you don't go for that stuff... BTW i relay liked the bible you gave me i am almost thru ten pages of Matthew.'

'ya that is my fave book few all of them” I say “anyhow my fiancee has gone musing let me know if u see him as vol DI Mort might have stole him”

“Oh wow OK”

Then i went to sleep with many horrible night mares, only to waken up when Edward rive with news of my fiancee.

SEE is it realy all that beter with the stupidass spelchecker???

[Rillem Eenad Raiham]

Urgh. Well, I don't know what to say other than, please, unless you're trolling, please stop posting this.

[Crimson Creame]

No more. My brain is dieing now.

[dark vamp angle101]

Ok pepz, I got my self a betta reader with the fan fiction net. But then they quited - SUX. BUT I did get my pino teacher to agree to hlep me. She is pretty smart and has gone to univresty and suck.

So ya i toled her to check the speling. I hope you like.

* * * *

So I woke up. Edward Cullen was sitting in my open door way. He had beautiful colorful hair that shone in the moon light. He crawled through the window and sat on the end of my bed.

"Wyntersnow."

"Edward." I said.

I could barely hear his melodic (magical - ?) voice over the crashing thunder and lightening and rainy weather.

"I have terrible news."

"Oh God what is it?"

"It's... Draco." He choked back a sob!!! "He's been hexed permanently. He is under the full mind trap of the Vol Di Mort. You must now forget about him he can never ever be your husband."

I wailed and rolled off the bed onto the ground and Edward tried to comfort (control - ?) me by putting his hand on my shoulder and looking solidly at the wall.

"I am sorry too Wyntersnow. I was almost killed by that evil b*****d of a wizard when I sneaked into the Vol Di Mort castle and watched what was happening. He is such a total evil b*****d, I cannot believe it!!!"

I looked and realized he had cuts and bruises and stuff like he got beat down.

"I know Edward oh my gosh what will I do I am practically a widow."

Edward sighed. "I will be signing up for wizard school here at Hagwarts to protect you until you graduate and it is the least I can do now that the man who should have protected you is now a slave to the evil king of english magic people."

"But..." I looked into his crystalline eyes. "What about Bella?"

"Um, she is fine, she is in the USA with her dad hanging out with the werewolf guy and our kid. I'll send a letter and she can even visit, she understands that family is important to me including my little cousin Draco."

Our eyes met finally. His crystal eyes met my dark ocean blue ones. I felt his hand on my shoulder and it seemed very unreal. Draco was nearly possibly dead at least as an individual person. Edward was here to save me in the wet rain and had risked his life to find out about Draco at the dark lord castle.

"I've got to go."

He ran away leaving me sad and hungry in the middle of my empty bedroom in the middle of the rainy night with no possibility of ever seeing draco again.

OK HOPE THIS WAS BETTER

[Crimson Creame]

Better, but after it's edited change Vol Di Mort to Voldemort. Or tell your teacher it's Voldemort.
Note: Melodic- like musical. Carl should join the choir; he has such a melodic voice.
Comfort- It means to make feel better. I was feeling down so Carl comforted me, and I felt better

[dark vamp angle101]

oh ya actshually i think my paino teacher has some problems figuering out witch word i wAS meaning to use... tho it's kkind of obvious from the sentince... : ig otta talk to he bout that, it is mean to be

MELODIC and CONTFROT

[Crimson Creame]

Oh I see smile
Well, that makes it readable and people won't complain as much.

[Crimson Creame]

I can be your beta reader if you'd like.

[vulcans stole my homework]

Oh. Oh, honey...

Your writing is horrible. I mean really. Not just the spelling.

1. How everything flows is an issue. Your fanfic is...clunky, for lack of a better term. It doesn't read smoothly. You need more description beyond the basics. Like "The rain fell down my face," can be expanded into so many different sentences without going into purple prose.

2. Spelling is still an issue, I think. It takes a beta reader and a spell checker to improve into a still pretty mediocre attempt at grammar and spelling. You need to do stuff like that by yourself with little to no help. I couldn't help but laugh when you called the spell checker "Stupid a**," or something like that. I thrive on spell check. I'm a terrible speller a lot of the times. I don't spell like you but I still have some issues with it. It's to help you, take advantage of it!

3. The characters. Everyone is a cardboard cut out. Draco hates Muggles. This has been established a blue million times in the books. The original characters are Mary Sues beyond all Mary Sue-dom. They remind me of the characters in the My Immortal fic. There is a reason your fic has been compared to My Immortal time after time.

4. The plot is really flimsy. Draco just suddenly gets to be a professor because not only did a lot of Hogwarts teachers die during the war of Hogwarts but because he's one of the best wizards of our era? Uh, no. Say your school experiences some tragedy, like some sort of shoot out or war. You don't get to be a teacher because a lot of teachers died and you made As and Bs most of your classes with the occasional C. And it's not ever been stated that Draco is one of the best wizards of the Golden Trio's era. If anything, Harry is. In a letter to Hermione, Viktor Krum was gushing to her over Harry because of how advanced in school he was. Viktor was graduated and he didn't know half of what Harry did.

5. READ THE BOOKS. Goodness! This annoys me. A lot of plot holes you have in this is rooted in you not reading the books. You get a better feel for the story and the characters. You understand everyone and everything a lot better than you do with faulty book-to-movie transitions, like the Goblet of Fire movie and Michael Gambon's portrayal of Dumbledore. Butterfly in the skyyyyy, I can go twice as hiiiiiggghhh. Take a look, it's in a book, a reading RAINBOOWWWWWW!

[dark vamp angle101]

HEY thx for all the hepful peeps out theer, i apresciate you comments and stuff!!! SO HERE IS THE NExT CHAPIE1!!

4 tha other peeps i no you are tried to help but if you are not likeing the storey mabey stop reding becuz i think it is doing much beter and i have even tryed to get a betta and such

---------ooo----------

When I sat in school for the next day, I could barely listen to the teachers. It was as if my whole world was confused, and I did not know what to do. Edward Cullen had gone and told the Head Mistress that Draco Malfoy was caught by the Dark Lord Evil Voldemort. Though she had told us to keep it a secret it did not matter... everyone was whispering and rumoring about Draco's disappearance and the sudden appearance of the good looking young vampire in the school.

"Where is your fiancee?" Fyer Rain asked me.

Then I brust out crying and I ran out of the transfiguratings classroom.

I ran and ran and ran to the lake where Draco and me had shared that romantic moment when the big squid octopus had almost killed him. That made me sadder. Then I felt a soft hand on my shoulder and I jumped around with my wand out to attack who ever had snuck up behind me while I was wailing and greaving the pretty much dead fiancee.

"I am so sorry Wyntersnow, it is a tragedy to be sure. I mean he is my cousin too and I think Voldemort has sucked all of his spirit out of him and now he is just a robot."

"Oh Edward what ever will I do? It is all so confusing. I wish I can just drop out of his horrible school and maybe even run away to America with you."

Edwards face was a mask of pain. "There is something I discovered this morning, Wyntersnow."

"What is that you discovered?" I ask but I did not really want to know. He looked so sad and mysterious and also tragic.

"I will not be going back to America ever."

"Oh my..." I felt faint! "Why?!"

"Wyntersnow... its Bella and my child... Voldemort... attacked them... because I went looking for Draco. He wishes to punish me for my nosyness about Draco... because I followed Draco and found out what happened to him."

"Oh what happened?"

"Um..." A single crystalline tear rolled down his porcelin-smooth face. "She is... dead..."

I fainted and I felt Edward catch me as I fell.

[gyuli]

Oh god. Not another My Immortal clone. Please, get a new idea for trolling.

[dark vamp angle101]

Lushus Malfoy stood at the gate of the school when me and Edward ran back inside all wet from rain. His goldeny hair shone in the candles. His cane shone. He was a scary sight and I turned to run away.

"Wait Wyntersnow." He said. "I will take a wand promise to make sure I will not harm you and besides..."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "I'll get between you and Shaundrah if I have to, Uncle!"

"Calm yourselves, you excitable little children, you are absolutely ridiculous!" Lushus sighed and a single crystal tear rlled down his white cheek. "I came to tell you... Draco is gone. His mind has been sucked from him. He is nothing but an automaton."

"We know, Uncle!" Edwad whispered. "We know! Oh, God it is just so damned tragedy!"

"Narsisa and me will be going away and leaving England. We must get away from these... god... " He hiccupped. "God... oh God the memories of my son! You know, Wyntersnow, despite you being a mud blood, my son thought very highly of you. And i see if Edward is your pal he thinks that you're awesome too."

"I do!" Edward shouted angrily.

Lushus nodded saldy. "I shall leave now I will disappearate to France with Narsisa. Good-bye... take good care of her, Edward. Dracko would have wanted that!"

"I will uncle Lushus, good bye..."

And then suddenly with a popping noise Lushus was gone leaving me and Edward standing on a step alone in the rain. Edward stood very close to me close enough that I could feel the warm feeling from his body.

It was wrong. So I ran away from him and back to my room and locked the door.

[Cognitohazard]

A few things.

dark vamp angle101

"I'll get between you and Shaundrah if I have to, Uncle!"

Who the hell is Shaundrah?

dark vamp angle101

Edward stood very close to me close enough that I could feel the warm feeling from his body.

Isn't Edward icy cold?

[dark vamp angle101]

Riyoushi Bloodfire

A few things.

dark vamp angle101

"I'll get between you and Shaundrah if I have to, Uncle!"

Who the hell is Shaundrah?

dark vamp angle101

Edward stood very close to me close enough that I could feel the warm feeling from his body.

Isn't Edward icy cold?

ONG silly me thx for the corections. Shaundrah is my name and also the name of the girl in my storey about star trek voyger.