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Stop ripping off Tara. U PREP!!
miss moony lupin's avatar

Virtuous Werewolf

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Hun, you need to atleast correct your spelling.... and everyone aught to be ashamed of themselves.

Teasing this young, aspiring writer instead of giving her decent advice.

(only ONE person tryed to help)
OK I will try to fix my spell! I know its not alwats good but im tried to injoy makeing my story. I did notise that I make a few quiet bad spelling things... oops!!!! SRY guys i hope u can read it other than that!!!


I like dinner, i like eting. Normaly I have lots of foods espesialy doritos, chiken wings, lasangea, and docter pepper, but i just cant put on any wait.

strangly, i cannot eat tonite. i look up and see him that hansome teacher... draco malfoy, the vampirevela... and i relize that he and i shares a secret.

i know the true of his existents. if head master dubledor understod that draco was a vampire and veela then he would prob fire him from being my profeser and that wuld be awfull.

it make me feel strange to hear him know that he is vampire veela and to know that also he is very ateactic to me and i can barley look up at him siting at the hade table.

i looks up and his puter eyes meet mine breafly. they are beutiful and i cant look away... like magic... and misterious.

"um lyke w

I look up at kaait and she roles her eyes.

"U are being soooooo wierd. ur just look down at lunch all day and all red in the facce, wut is UP with u>"

I shake my head and she role her eyes.

I can feel his eye watching me and my hart races and i cannot eat or drink or... even sleeping... i feels like i am droning.

i cant be near himm any more. so i jump up and the plates falls and then i am out the doors leving the profeser and kaiit and fhre rayne behind to wondering why i ran away.

i needs to be alone... away from my sole mate!!!!
U GUYS also if U like it plz click on that thing @ the tops that makes it say VOTE the hart one.
Simply god-awful.
Want me to elaborate? Fine.
First of all, your grammar is horrendous. It makes me want to mix bleach, magma, and hydrochloric acid together in a gigantic bowl and stick my head straight into the hellish mixture. Even if your writing wasn't equivalent to the huge, runny dump that I take every time I eat Taco Bell, the grammar makes it impossible to take seriously. Honestly, never has grammar been so bad that I can barely understand what it means. Infact, I'd like to take the time to point out every error in the first five sentences of this "Story."

it was a very dark nite and i was laying in my bed my jet black hair uncombed and my icey saphier blue eyes peircing the cieling. above me... hogwardts school was soo boring how would i ever stand being a part of slytherin for another 4 years

draco malfoy steped into the girl's dormitorey his eyes blzaing.

'there you are, mudblood' he says to me.

"I am not a mudblood," I say back.

he glared at me and stormed back out.

Counting the spelling errors, punctuation errors and capitalization errors, that's a whopping 24 errors in the first five "sentences."
This a godawful scribbling. That's right. This abomination does not even deserve to be called a work of literature. Every day I wake up hoping that people who write this awfully have their hands cut off and shot into the sun.
Unless you're trolling, in which case, good job.
Not British Just Gay

Stop ripping off Tara. U PREP!!
emptyhearse's avatar

Eloquent Genius

this reminds me of my immortal...

U cannot under stand the joy that i am feeling when i rite this story and that is all that matters.
Bard Kayna Ashkevron's avatar

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While I have to agree about the grammar and spelling, I'm glad you're enjoying writing your story!

Do you type this up in a word processor like Microsoft Word? If so, then it can spell-check your writing for you, and that should help fix some of the errors. If you're using Word and you see a little red line under a word, that means the word is misspelled. A green line means there's a grammar error.

Another thing I would suggest is reading the books. If you'd read them, you would know that Dumbledore would be dead at the time this story takes place.
Bard Kayna Ashkevron
While I have to agree about the grammar and spelling, I'm glad you're enjoying writing your story!

Do you type this up in a word processor like Microsoft Word? If so, then it can spell-check your writing for you, and that should help fix some of the errors. If you're using Word and you see a little red line under a word, that means the word is misspelled. A green line means there's a grammar error.

Another thing I would suggest is reading the books. If you'd read them, you would know that Dumbledore would be dead at the time this story takes place.

Thanx but i think i have not got that on my computer, i use word pan.

Also i am not as mad as i was b4 cuz i relized that it dose not matter wut other ppl feels they have the rite to feel bad but personaly i wuold stop to read a story that i did not like!!!

soon i will pots my next capie and i hope sum ppl will like ie!!!
hayyyy jus figured out i can change font with the clickers at the top!!!

so after sevral days of him starring my way and me starring back in class ad also him ariving in my room unanounced and watch me as i sleeping, it is inevitabel - we fall head over heals in love. i was etaing my diner one time just having some frito pie and pepsimax and sudenly he stalked up to me and sat down on his one nee and pulled from in his jens a box and when he opend the box it had a super big dimond on a gold ring, the dimond is bigger then even a jelly belly.

"you are the most gourgeus girl in this whole castel and purhaps in the entire world," he says in the grate hall 'will you mary me, wynter snow?"

and i say yes even as the entier grate hall gasped and feinting at the site of my techer propposing to me un expectidly!

"mister malfoy and miss wyntersnow can you plese folow me to my offits right now"! Head Mistres Macgonadgle shouted angerly from the tabel. (btw dumbel dore is dead now)

i know that is a bad sine but i did not care becase now i would be madame mafloy. kaait and firerayn were watch me as i starred at my ring while walk behind the head mistress out and also with the profeser... i mean, draco my futuer husband.

'soon wyntersnow we will be as 1 under god,' he laghed softly to me as wewalked to the head mistresses plaec.

but i feel something - in my heart - was not quiet normel, despiet the happyness i felt at my new engadgement ring. [/s
in my room i brused my hair and singed a song to my self while i got for bed. i was so happy even thogh the head mistress had yeled at me and draco a lot thru out the day for the engadgemint. BUT... draco malfoy was sialent the whole time never 1ce replying to the head mistres's shout.

he ran away after and i was a lone in my room.

sudenly edward culen was there in my window, he had flown as vampires can do at times they need to run away fast. he sparkeled in the light very pretty and i gasp at his beuty tho i know that he is maried to bela the american girl with the pick up truck so i try not to stair to much.

;i have some worieng news abut my dearist cousin draco mafloy my dear wynter snow.'

'oh why dont u come in i can give aspot of tea and biscits as it is fore o clock and you must be fammitched,;

'oh why thank u beatiful wynter snow u are too kind and grasious,' edward says politly and flies into my room and sits on my chair.

i say a spell and ice tea and chocolate coco nuts biscits appear on a plate. he picks up a tea cup and blows on it witch makes me im pacient.

'well can u tell me what it is u flown here from USA for to tell me? my god damn it dont make me wait if it involves draco malfoy!!!"

"truely you are mean for each other if you are so woried about him, wyntersnow". Edward sigh and place his hand in his heads. "i beleave that draco malfoy may be under the control of vol de mort and this is why he has ask you to mary him."

"Oh my god!!!" I droped the hot tea onto the flor and it splashes all over my feet bt i cannot even feal the burning i am so numb from the news that draco mafloy may be under the control of the evil dark king.

'I must go now as vampires are kiled by being near a vol di mort spirit,' edward says. 'good bye wyntersnow i know if anyone can figuer out what is wrong it is you, you are lovely and inteligent and it is very good that my cosin has a friend like you and maybe to be a wife like you."

i watched him as he jumped out the window but i was not woried as i know vampires live for ever and also he can fly.
so the bote was int he lake and there was a big octapis that layed under the water waiting for bad students to come by

how ever, i also know that the magic lake water was the one chance i have to save draco malfoy. i had used my wand andhad made him unconcis while he had his back turn to me while he was drawing some thing on the chalk board at the front ofthe class room.

thank good ness no body was around when i had zaped him with my wand - no students have been around or any thing. me and edward had floted his body into a row boat and i had rowed out to themiddle of the lake where the magic lake water was its strongest. edward flew over us in the air looking down with a endless and deep look in his starring eyes.

draco malfoy groned in the botom of the bote.

"Ughhghgg!!!" He groned.

"oh no edward he is wakeing up"

"it is all right wyntersnow the magic of the lake from that book you read will help make him heal!!!"

"but something is not rite..... i think...." and i fliped open the book and it showed a pictuer of sleeping beuty who was sleeping in the middel of a lake.

"ithink maybe there is some thing else that i am missing..."

"Oh maybe you need to give draco malfoy a kiss" edward jumped up excited "that must be it that is also how i hsaved bella many times!!!"

Why diddent I think of it? But yet he was y teacher! He was the hottest man in hogwearts!!! I could barley breath near him... and but i knew in the magic of my sole tha this kiss was right and would cure draco malfoy of his terible illness.

and then the octapus jumped up from the water and he grabed us and the boat also fell over!!!
YO GUYS here is my next chapie, i wanted to work in more good news so i put it in!! THX FOR READiNG XOXO


1ce the octapis let us go we were both realy wet and wanted to dry off so we walked into thes chool. Then we sat down. At the cafe that was builted after the graate battle agaist vol de moart. So that us student could sit down and have some good tasting cofee and aand chocolate rather thin going to drink alcholhol.

So then we got some coconut frapucinoes and drank them while we dryed off.

"you are a very facsinating woman wyntersnow." he rub his face "it is very dificult to keep me from being atractive to you!"

"No remember bel!" i cryed "but yes i find you atractive to edweard." i jumped up and knock the frapuchino onto the floor.

"waite waite!" but i had run away from the vampire because i could not have another man atrative to me... it is too confusing expellicaly considering how importan christ is to me and we gota remember proverbs 31 so we can be perfect rubeys.

So that is how i endd up in my room crying my eye out because of deward cullin and not knowing what i should do.

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