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*looks around and grins*
Why hello there, friend! I am here to critique/give advice about your work, if you're okay with that x_____X
You don't really have to read all of this, just read the bottom paragraph. Half of this stuff I just know, but I don't follow because I usually don't post for everyone to see anymore. I wanted to share my (crazy, weird, yet somewhat useful) info I has in my braaain since you're doing so, and seem serious about this fic. SERIOUS DETERMINATION MEANS SERIOUS ADVICE... I THINK. D:<
Like Near2211 said, this idea and/or those similar to it, have been used hundreds of times. In all honestly though, who hasn't used it for a fanfic? I mean, c'mon? Sure, people have done this type of fanfic before, but everyone deserves the chance to overuse an idea when it's a good one, right? XD
I must say though, if you really want this fanfic to shine, make sure you give a flair that makes it stand out from the hundreds who have already done this.
And yes, I have seen a plot similar to this (where ninja turns HS) unfortunately ;-;
Most really good fics I've seen, though it's not exactly like this and only sticks to high school, use humor. Humor usually works, but everyone has a different sense of humor, so make sure you appeal to every style (sarcasm, dead-pan, pure idiocy, corny, crack-like etc.).
But with humor, comes drama. Can't make the fic too happy, yes? biggrin So add drama. And drama isn't just, "Oh my goodness gracious, you're breaking up with me for HER?" its, "WHAT THE F*CKING HELL IS THAT? I, HINATA, WANTED TO BE PAIRED WITH NARUTO FOR THAT PROJECT!" In other words, you have to add drama in small ways. Like if you were seating the characters in a classroom, place everyone in different pairings than the ones you planned. Like put Sakura with Shika, Naruto and Shino (WTF?), and Hinata with Sasuke. Though you may hate it, it adds a bit of drama to a situation that's usually pairings-only. That, and because you have characters outside of the pairings next to people that you'll be focusing on the most, it's easier to incorporate them into the plot line.
But something I want to emphasize is characterization. I spied some of the characterising you have in your little summary up there, and I don't know what you have in mind, but I'm going to state this anyway: make sure you stick to the personalities that Kishimoto-sensei gave to each character. They're not your charries, so give the poor mangaka that much. For example, Ino is more than just a fan girl, right? She's a fashion diva! Same with Sakura: she's the smartest girl out of all the kunoichi! (Try not to use the same adjectives for two people, it makes it boring for readers to read ;3 Like Neji and Gaara? Neji is not one would avoid, to me, but more like he would be the realistically harsh, student body prez, not socially-retarded Sai. NEJI BELIEVES IN FAAAATE.) Not to mention that Shika was part of the four-man group that Naruto hung out with when he was younger. They were trouble-makers, and they got some the worst grades in the Academy! Don't forget to add every one's bad points too: MARY-SUES ARE BAAAD. Sasuke sulks, and he has a temper, as does Neji. Sakura and Temari also have a tempers. Hinata's too shy for her own good, and Lee is annoying at times.
Main characters also have to be equal to other main characters when it comes to descriptions and when it comes to events. Since you're centering the fic around the Konoha 12, you need to properly give love to every charrie, right? So when you add a good point to one main character, they ALL have to get one somewhere in the long-run, or else it shows favoritism, and that's not good when you're trying to appeal to every reader. I know you adore Hinata, but you can't focus only on her, but you already knew that. XD Sadly, some people don't love her as much as we do, so once Hinata's turn/chapter is done, you have to move on to another character. So when Hinata gets a date with Naru-kun, Tenten catches Neji's eye because she scored a goal or something >=)
Oh, and remember to describe everything that should be described. And try not to place the description all in one paragraph; spread the descriptions around where they would fit the best. Like if you were trying to describe Chouji. "Chouji was slightly chunky, and he had really weird hair," would cut it, but, "Chouji, placing his chips against his slightly chubby tummy with one hand, ran through his really weird hand with the other. He left chip all over his head," sounds more descriptive of both him, and of his habits, ne?
Lastly, and MOST importantly if you're going to post this for everyone to read, struggle to please your readers. Sure, you have to please your needs as a writer, but the whole point of posting it up for everyone to see is not only a good way to get critiques like this, but also a good way for others to enjoy themselves. By describing what you have in your mind, others don't have to imagine something, and piece together your story instead. There are thousands of people on Gaia, and all of them have different opinions of things, including Naruto. Sure, you're going to have people like SS_ShitStorm here, who will think your story is crud, and you'll have others who will think it's really good, like animexlovexlife. Not sure what SS_ShitStorm meant by what she said, but she really should have told you what she thought you were doing wrong before just going, "WTF," and leaving. For all we know, she was amazed by this! biggrin But like I said before, try not to show too much favoritism. (Avoid making one character with a horrible past, is all happy sunshine on the outside now, but is crying alone inside. Too much drama for them. Try giving them a person that they rely on, and that shares their pain if you must have one. Like Ino is to Sakura, or how Sasuke and Naruto rely on one another for friendship. Sasu and Naru have horrible pasts, but since Sasuke is emotional and revenge-bent, and Naruto's the one who makes friends with everyone, they're not, "Oh boohoo, I'm so sad! You should look at me only now, people!" wink
That, and ignore those who don't even give a reason why they leave nasty comments. Try to understand the flamers, and try not to be insulted, and ignore them. But you knew that too, haha XD
Then again, you probably knew all of this >.>
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Holy shizznats, I wrote a lot. Hope you read it, and take my advice >.< You don't have to, but I want you to get more readers! (CHA!)
Here's what I basically trying to say before I went on my little tantrum about writing: lots of humor of different types, lots of drama in all amounts and sizes, fair charaterazation, anti-favortism, descriptions of everything so a person doesn't have to struggle to envision what you have in mind, and pleasing everyone so this fanfic will shiiiiiiine~
THE EFFIN END ;3
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