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Hmm. Nice one Cam lol.
Honestly I didn't think Fan Fiction had to be so perfect. Darn there I go thinking again surprised wink wink


heart heart Sandie heart heart
Aight, I got to read it just now kind of. I was a little tired last night and creating this account really sucked because my computer just decided to hate me cry .
I don't agree with the people that seem to hate your writing, but I don't agree with those who do. God, that sounded horrible. What I mean is I love the style but I don't think it's like J.K. Rowlings, what's the best way to describe it?? A grandmother telling a family story to her grandkids? That my perception though. I have no right to say anything about punctuation because I completely and utterly suck at it myself. If need be when Obie's on the chat you might want to check with him, 'cause apparently according to those who strongly dislike it all you probably as good at it as I am =/.
The story plot is alright I guess again I have nothing to say about it really at all because since everyone likes to tell me about the books before I even read them I end up disinterested in them. Overall I think it's pretty nice and I do think you could be a good writer, you do have to work on it though because I don't think publishers would publish a book that has 'OMG!' in it y'know?
I hope you don't mind the constructive criticism, 'cause I love ya hun xd
heart heart Sandie heart heart
yeah, i don't mind, Sandie, cuz i luv ya too <33 ty for the comment of what i said to that girl though razz XD oh well, i'll wait for obey and i'll still continue to write though cuz people love it smile i'll talk to you in teh chat razz
Ginny walked upstairs to her and Harry's room, got ready for bed, and got into bed to sleep with Harry. Ginny couldn't sleep that night. She was too worried about her daughter all alone at St. Mungo's. Ginny wanted to be there with Lily. She didn't want Lily to be scared and not sleep. Ginny finally fell asleep at 3 in the morning.

Harry awoke early that morning before anyone else. He was not wanting to talk to anyone when they awoke. Harry just wanted to be alone. He wanted to sort things out by himself. Harry was upset that he let his little girl, his only daughter, get sick and be sent to St. Mungo's He wanted to do something. Harry wanted to be the one to cure Lily, not the healers. He wanted to make Lily better.

When Ginny awoke, she went downstairs to find Harry sitting by the fire. "Harry?" she said quietly. Harry looked up. "Hey, sweetie," Harry said, he really didn't want to talk to anyone, but he would at least talk to his wife. "Harry, dear, whats wrong? You were all quiet and went to our room last night once we got home from St. Mungo's. What's bothering you?" Ginny asked, concerned for her husband. Harry shrugged. "I guess I blame myself for Lily getting sick, Ginny," Harry replied.

Ginny went to Harry. "Please, Harry, don't blame yourself for our daughter getting sick. It's not your fault. It's no ones fault. She just got sick. She'll get better, we just got to believe that. Okay?" Ginny said, putting her arms around her husband. Harry nodded.

James then came into the living room. "Mum? Dad? What's wrong?" James asked, rubbing his eyes. Ginny looked at Harry before answering their eldest son. "Nothing, sweetie. Just having a little chat, that's all. Want some breakfast, James?" James nodded.

Albus then came in, rubbing his green eyes. "Mum, i want some breakfast!" He said, whining. Ginny nodded. "Alright, Albus. You may have some. I'll have Kreacher make breakfast for everyone. Alright?" Ginny said, going into the kitchen.

Harry stayed out in the living room with his sons. "Dad? Anything wrong?" Albus asked his father. Harry looked at Albus. "No, Albus, nothing is wrong. Just a little hungry is all. Bet we all are, right?" Albus nodded as did James.

Ginny came back in. "After breakfast, we're all going to get ready, dressed, and go see Lily. Alright?" Ginny said. Harry nodded. James and Albus were happy that they got to go see their little sister this time.
Good Cam. I think you said Harry too many times in the second paragraph but still good <33
After breakfast, Ginny helped her sons get ready to go out before she got ready herself. Harry was already ready while his wife was getting their kids ready to go. Harry was anxious about seeing his daughter again. He wanted to know she was okay. He wanted to make sure that Lily was not scared being alone.

Once at St. Mungo's, the family went to the front desk. Ginny told the witch at the front desk who they were there to see. The witch then summoned a healer to escort them to Lily's floor to see Lily. Once there, James and Albus rushed into their sister's room to see her.

"Lils! Omg! Are you alright!? I hope you are! How are you feeling?!" Albus started questioning his sister once he got into the room and seated next to Lily's bed. Lily looked a little suprised by the sudden appearance of her family. She was happy that they were there though. She wanted company. Lily was very lonely all by herself.

"I'm okay i guess, Albus. I'm feeling fine at the moment," Lily responded after a moment of silence. Albus smiled, happy with her answer. "Mum? Dad? Did James come?" Lily asked looking around for her eldest brother. Ginny nodded and pushed James into the room.

James looked up, a little upset. "Lily! It's all my fault this happened to you!" James said, breaking down into tears. "It is not, James! It is not!" Lily said, trying to get out of bed but getting pushed back into it by her father. "Stay, Lils. You are not well enough to get out," Harry said. Lily obeyed her father, disappointed that she couldn't go comfort her brother.
Lily continued to look at her brother as he sobbed. She really wanted to comfort him. She just layed in her hospital bed, sad and lonely. Her family was going to leave soon. Lily didn't want them to go. She wanted them to stay with her the whole time she was there. She was very lonely and very scared at St. Mungo's by herself.

James looked up at his little sister after about a minute. She had layed back down. He really wanted to stay with her while she was there but he couldn't because he had to go back to school soon. James didn't want to go back to school. He would think too much about his little sister and not be able to do his school work. He'd be too depressed. He wouldn't want to talk about it with Renee either.

"James, Albus, go hug your sister good bye. It's time to leave. We'll be back tomorrow before you two leave for school with your father. Okay?" Ginny said sadly. James nodded and got up. Albus also got up and followed his older brother to the bed and hugged Lily after James.

At home, James went to his room and closed the door. James wanted to be left alone for a while. Albus stayed with his parents. He wanted comfort from his parents. Albus thought it was HIS fault that his sister was sick. He wanted Lily to get better quick and fast. Albus wanted Lily out of St. Mungo's so bad he didn't want to go back to school either.

Ginny and Harry sat in the living room of their house with Albus. Harry was reading the Daily Prophet when he heard a noise come from the kitchen. He went into the kitchen to see what the noise was. It was Ron, Hermione, Rose, and Hugo. "Hey Ron. How are you?" Harry asked his best mate and brother in law.

Ron looked up at Harry. "I'm doing good and you? How are you holding out? We heard what happened to Lily. How's she doing?" Ron asked, putting Hugo down. Harry shrugged. "She's doing alright. Still at St. Mungo's, but doing a little better. Hopefully be out soon," Harry said.

Hermione went to Harry and hugged him. "I'm so sorry for what has happened to Lily, Harry. I really am," Hermione said. Harry hugged back. "Thanks, Hermione. We'll be alright, though," Harry replied.
heart heart heart

heart Have I told you lately that I love you heart

Haha

.:.Nice job on the story CamCam, see ya in the chat.:.
Thank you, Sandie love. <3 yes you have told me that you love me razz
Hermione looked at her best friend. "You sure?" she asked him. Harry nodded. "Yes, i'm sure. We'll be alright. We just got home from seeing her actually. If you want, we're seeing her again tonight. You guys can come with us," Harry said, sitting down near the fire. Hermione looked at Ron before answering. "We'd love to come. Are you sure we can come with you? Harry?"

Harry looked up again. "Yes, i'm sure, Hermione. Want something to eat? I can get Kreacher to serve us food," he said. Hermione paused before responding. "No, i'm not hungry. Rose? Hugo? you two hungry? Ron, you hungry, dear?" Hermione asked her family. Hermione's children nodded eagerly and Ron shook his head. "Okay, i'll let Kreacher know," Harry replied, getting up to find his house elf.

Ginny came in. "I thought I heard you guys. Hey, Hermione, Ron. Rose! Hugo! Glad to see you guys! You too, Hermione, Ron," Ginny said, smiling at her brother, niece, nephew, and sister in law. Ginny sat next to Hermione near the fire as Harry was finding Kreacher.
Albus then came running in. "Mum! James won't stop yelling at me!" Albus cried. Ginny sighed, got up, and went to the living room to talk to James. Albus stayed in the kitchen to talk with his cousin, Rose. They talked mostly about how they missed their other half, or the person they were dating. Then, Rose just burst into tears. Albus went to his cousin and hugged her.

"What's wrong, Rose?" Albus asked, looking at his cousin. Rose wiped the tears away. "I miss Scorpio and I want my cousin to get better!" Rose cried. Albus hugged his cousin again. Hermione then came over and comforted her daughter. "It'll be alright, Rose, sweetie. We're going to go see her tonight, alright?" Hermione said to Rose. Rose nodded, tears still streaming down her face.
heart -Curls up in the big arm chair by the fire and waits to hear the rest of the story.- heart
Hermione took hold of Rose as Ron took hold of Hugo. They, Harry, Ginny, James, Albus, Hermione, Ron, Rose, and Hugo, went together to St. Mungo's. Once at St. Mungo's, Ginny went to the front desk and told the witch why they were there. The Witch summoned a Healer to take the two families to see Lily.

In Lily's room, Lily was reading a book. When she heard noise coming into her room, she looked up. She was so excited to see her cousins! "Rose! Hugo!" Lily exclaimed, wanting to get out of her bed to hug her cousins and also the rest of her family.

Harry went over to Lily and lightly pushed her back down. "No, sweetie. Maybe when you are little better, you can get up and hug," Harry said, kissing Lily's head gently. Ginny went and kissed Lily's head gently as well. Lily frowned and pouted. "I want to get out of bed NOW!" she responded.

Hermione smiled, heading towards Lily. "I know you do, sweetie, but you can't. But, you can when you are better, alright? Just rest up and get better for us. Can you do that for me? For the family?" Hermione asked her niece.

Lily pouted still but nodded. "Yes, Aunt Hermione. I'll do that for you and the family. So, how are you guys?" Lily asked, a little happier. Rose smiled at her cousin, wanting to go near her. "I'm alright. Have to go back to school soon sad I don't want to," Rose said, frowning.

Albus looked at Rose. "You said you wanted to because you missed your-" he was stopped by a look from his cousin. Hermione looked at her daughter. "You missed your what, sweetie?" Hermione asked Rose. Rose blushed. "No one, mother. No one," Rose responded.

Ron looked at his daughter suspiciously. "Rosaline, tell your mother the truth. Alright?" Ron said, continuing to look at his daughter suspiciously. Rose nodded and turned to her mother. "I miss my boyfriend, Scorpio Malfoy!" Rose blurted out and then ran out of the room, embarrassed with what she just said.

Hermione stared at Ron. "Ronald, you didn't just understand her, did you?" Hermione asked her husband. Ron nodded. "I did, sweetie, I did. She said Draco's son's name. Scorpio. She's dating him. Our Daughter, Rosaline Weasley, is dating Scorpio Malfoy. Are we going to allow that?" Ron asked, still shocked as Hermione was.

Hermione didn't know what to say. She might allow it if her daughter really loved Draco's son. But she also might not allow it. So, she decided to go after her daughter and to calm her down instead.
-looks around- Did people give up on reading your story?

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