19 years later

[valetina101]

you are a really good writer keep writing

[Dansbabygrl]

thank you so much for these great comments

[Dansbabygrl]

When the class started, the class had to put their right hand over the broomsticks and say “up”. The brooms for Regi, Albus, Jimmy, and Nathalie all rose when they said “up”. “Now put your leg over and sit on the broom. We’re going to kick up from the ground, hover in the air for a minute, then lean forward and come back to the ground,” Hooch said, and then all of a sudden James showed up. “You’re late, Potter!” Hooch said, getting angry. “Sorry Madame Hooch. “Potter, get on your broom like everyone else,” Hooch said. James did as told, standing next to his brother. Then, a first year, a boy named Edward, started rising in the air without meaning to.

“Come back down here Cullen! Now!” Hooch yelled, looking up at Edward. Something fell out of Edward’s pocket when he was flying upside down. It was a remembral. Edward’s broom made him fly all over the place then Edward got stuck on a roof top. Edward started sliding down, then fell onto the ground, hurting his wrist. Hooch remembered of Neville Longbottom’s first year at Hogwarts.

Pansy Parkinson’s son was a first year, name was Emmett, picked up Edward’s remembral when Hooch and Edward had left back to the castle. Emmett got onto his broom, flew into the air, holding the remembral, looked down at James and said, “Potter, what’s the matter, too scared to come get it?” “Give it back Parkinson or I’ll knock you off your broom!” James said, flying up to Emmett. “Is that so? Have it your way then,” Emmett said, throwing the remembral, James flying fast past Emmett to get the ball before it broke. James got the remembral before it crashed into McGonagall’s window to her office.

[Dansbabygrl]

McGonagall saw this and was amazed so went outside when she saw James land. “James Potter,” She said, coming out. James went to her when he heard his name. “Follow me, Potter,” McGonagall said. James followed his teacher to a class that was going on. “Excuse me, Professor Lovegood; can I borrow Wood for a moment?” McGonagall asked. Luna nodded yes. Oliver Wood’s son, Jake, came out. “James, this is Jake Wood. Wood, I have found you a seeker!” McGonagall said, excitedly. Jake smiled, really happy with his head of house. “James, meet me on the quid ditch field at seven tonight. Ok?” Jake said, shaking hands with James. James nodded, shaking Jake’s hand back. At seven that night, James met Jake at the quid ditch pitch.

“James, there are three types of balls. This golden one, that I want you to worry about, is the golden snitch. Its wicked fast and damn near impossible to seek. There’s three chasers, two beaters, one keeper, that’s me, and a seeker, that’s you. The other types of balls are the bludgers. Got to watch out for them. They are very hard and could knock you out. that’s why the beaters use bats to hit them with. The quaffle, which is this one, is handled by the chasers and thrown into one of those three hoops. The keeper, me, defends the hoops. The person who catches the snitch ends the game and the team wins. Do you kind of get the game now?” Jake said, looking at James.

James nodded, looking at the golden snitch which he would be going after tomorrow, the first quid ditch game of the season. “The chasers are, Rosalie, my girlfriend, Alice, and Jessica. The beaters are, Dan and Mark. Then there’s you as seeker and me as keeper. We got everything now?” Jake asked, looking at James again, putting the balls back into the chest. James nodded, helping Jake. The next day, Saturday, was Gryffindor’s first quid ditch game of the season. They were playing Slytherin.

[Dansbabygrl]

It wasn’t the best Gryffindor had played, but James, like his father, was a very good, fast seeker. He also caught the snitch in his mouth in the first game like Harry did. Gryffindor celebrated in the common room. Renee was very proud of her boyfriend for winning the game for their house. “Congrats, baby! I’m very proud of you!” she said, over the noise to James. James smiled and kissed her a thanks. Renee smiled and kissed back.

Regi and Albus were sitting in a chair, Regi on Albus who had his arms around her waist. They were happy, until Isabelle came up and said, “Regi, why aren’t you in Ravenclaw common room? Why are you in Gryffindor common room?” Regi blushed. “I don’t know, Isabelle. I-I-I- was celebrating with the Gryffindor house. I have a feeling you want me to leave. I’ll go now. I love you Albus. Night baby. Good catch, James. Good game, Gryffindor!” Regi said and left to Ravenclaw common room.

Isabelle watched Regi out the portrait hole then turned to Albus. “Albus, you know other houses cant come into our common room!” Isabelle said, then turned to go up to her friends, Rosalie and Alice. Albus looked down, turned and went to his dorm. A girl named Lexie frowned, feeling sorry for Albus. Lexie walked up to Isabelle and said softly, “Isabelle, I don’t think Albus remembered that rule or didn’t know about that rule. He is a first year after all. Lay him some slack. He’s only eleven. We’re fifteen. At least you are. I’m fourteen. Give us younger people little more time to get to know the rules if we don’t know them that well, or don’t know them at all, like the first years. Ok?” Isabelle looked at Lexie.

[Dansbabygrl]

“I’ve never seen you before. Who are you?” she asked, still looking at Lexie. “I’m Lexie Place. I’m a fourth year. I’m usually quiet and all. Don’t have many friends. Well don’t have any at all L,” Lexie said, looking down, feeling sad. “I’m sorry about that Lexie, I really am. You’re right. I should give younger people some slack. Especially the first years. Cheer up, if you speak up and aren’t so quiet and shy, you’ll have friends in no time J,” Isabelle said, smiling, hugging Lexie.

Lexie smiled, hugged back, “thanks Isabelle. I really appreciate your help. I’ll try not to be so shy and quiet. J.” Lexie went up to a girl called Americus, another fourth year. “Hey Americus. My name is Lexie. Um, I’m kind of shy but want to be friends? We can talk about anything. Tell each other about ourselves,” Lexie said softly to Americus who turned to Lexie and smiled. Americus smiled and nodded. “Sure. I’d love to be friends with you! I’d love to talk about that stuff. Lets go to the dorm and talk J,” Americus said, walking with Lexie to their dorm.

The next day, Americus and Lexie walked to breakfast together, sat down together, did everything together. They soon became best friends! They found out they had all classes together. That pleased them both. One day, during free period, the two best friends, Lexie and Americus, were sitting under a tree near the black lake, when Emmett Parkinson came up to them and said, “Look who we have here! Place and Felton! What are you two up to? Having lesbian sex? Haha! Lets go boys,” Emmett said, turning to his friends, turning to his friends, Jason and Sam.

[Dansbabygrl]

Jason laughed at what his friend said but inside was sorry because he liked one of the girls. Lexie and Americus looked up when they heard Emmett’s voice. “What do you want, Parkinson?” Americus asked, getting her wand out. Emmett turned back around and said, “Nothing, Felton,” He smirked and left with his friends. Americus kept her wand out. “I’m gonna get him someday, Lexie. Lexie, you ok?” Americus asked her best friend who was holding her side.

“No I’m not, Americus. My side hurts like hell. I think I knocked into something sharp on our way out here cause my side really hurts,” Lexie said, continuing to hold her side. “Lets go to the nurse then. Go check it out. What do you think?” Americus said, getting up again and putting her wand away. Lexie nodded, getting up slowly, holding her side with one hand, her other helping herself up. Walking up to the castle, they were stopped by Isabelle. “Americus, the Head Mistress wants to see you. You’re not in trouble she said though,” Isabelle said. “But I am taking Lexie to the nurse, Isabelle,” Americus said, looking at Isabelle. Isabelle shrugged. “I’m sorry, Americus. I’ll take Lexie to the nurse. Head Mistress wanted you once I found you. So, you better go,” Isabelle said, taking hold of Lexie’s body for Americus. “What happened to you?” Isabelle asked Lexie, as they reached the hospital wing. Lexie, who was wincing now, said, “I don’t really know. I think I knocked into something sharp when I was walking to go outside. It hurts like hell. I hope madam Pomfrey can do something for it.” Isabelle helped Lexie onto a bed then said, “She always can. Did you hear about James and Albus’ father’s second year here? She grew half his bones back. Well his whole right arm needed the bones to be re-grown. Madam Pomfrey re-grew them. Let me go get her. Wait here.”

Isabelle came back a minute later with the nurse. Pomfrey looked at Lexie then asked, “What happened? What’s wrong?” Lexie repeated what happened once again. “It really hurts,” Lexie said, holding her side. Pomfrey, walking to Lexie, said, “Lexie, let me have a look at your side. I’ll try not to hurt you. Ok? I just need to see it to see what I can do for it. Can I see your side?” Lexie finally let go of her side after two minutes and let Pomfrey look at it. “Oh dear. Yes, there is a big gash on your side. Looks like someone cursed you. I’ll see what I can do. I’m going to keep you here for a couple of days. Isabelle, you can go back to your classes,” Pomfrey said, turning to Isabelle after looking at Lexie’s side.

[Dansbabygrl]

“Head Mistress? You wanted to see me?” Americus said, walking into the office. Professor McGonagall turned, nodded and said, “Sit, Americus. I have to tell you something. I just got an owl from your home. Your father is ill. He’s at St. Mungo’s. I’m going to go with you to visit him. We can go whenever. We can go now if you like. Do you want to, Americus?”

Americus was speechless. “My father? Is in St. Mungo’s? You’re lying. You are!” Americus said, starting to cry. McGonagall shook her head. “I’m sorry, Americus. I’m not lying though. It’s true. If you want, we can go now,” she said, walking to comfort Americus. Americus sniffled and nodded. “Yes. I’d like to go now,” she said, crying. McGonagall took Americus to her dorm to pack some thing. Then they went to Hogsmeade so Americus could hold onto McGonagall to apparate to her, Americus’, house. Once at home, Americus ran inside. “Mum! Mum! You home!?” Americus exclaimed, tears streaming down her face.

Tom, Americus’ younger brother came down the stairs. “She’s at St. Mungo’s visiting dad. I stayed to wait for you to go,” he said softly. Americus looked at her younger brother, tears still coming down her face, said, “Well, I’m here. Lets go. McGonagall is taking us because she knows where it is and where to go. Ok?” Tom nodded and they left.

[Dansbabygrl]

“Isabelle, where’s Americus? She hasn’t visited me for two days. I’m a bit worried. Do you know anything?” Lexie asked when Isabelle came to see Lexie on Saturday. “Um. Well, I’m not supposed to tell anyone but since you’re her best friend, I’ll tell you. Her father is in St. Mungo’s. He’s very ill. She went with Head Mistress to visit him. She’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll tell her to come visit you,” Isabelle said.

Regi and Albus were sitting under a tree when James, Renee, Rose, Malfoy, Jimmy, and Nathalie all came up. “Hey Regi, Hey Albus. What are you two up to?” Jimmy asked, sitting down by the lake, Nathalie sitting in his lap. “Oh, hey guys. We’re doing homework. What about you?” Regi said, looking up. Nathalie smiled, “We’re just hanging, enjoying the beautiful day. Its Saturday. Why do homework? Did you get an essay to write or something?” Regi nodded. “Albus and I were talking when Professor Slughorn was giving us instructions.”

Jimmy frowned. “Why did you do that? You know you would get extra homework from him.” Albus shrugged. “We didn’t know he had started class. We were talking about what we would do today. Instead of what Regi and I planned, we’re stuck doing this damn essay,” Albus said. James looked at his brother. “Don’t use that word! Mum will have a fit if you say bad words in front of her or in letters to her! So don’t even start!” James said.

Albus looked down, ashamed of himself. “sorry bro. It won’t happen again,” Albus said, still looking down. Regi looked at her boyfriend, frowning. “you know I don’t approve of those words either baby. L” she said, going back to her essay. Albus nodded. “I know. I’m sorry baby. It wont happen again. L” Albus said, also going back to his essay. The group sat there for about an hour.

[Dansbabygrl]

Half of the hour, Regi and Albus were doing their essay. After they were done, Regi cuddled up to Albus, and got into conversation with Nathalie as Albus was in conversation with Jimmy. Edward came up and joined the group. “Hey Edward. How are you today?” Nathalie asked, looking up as Edward sat down. “I’m good thanks,” said Edward softly. “Thanks James, for getting my remembral from Parkinson. I really appreciate it. J” James smiled. “Your welcome. Its what a Gryffindor does for his fellow Gryffindors. J” James said, sitting up now, seeing Emmett.

Emmett came up to the group. “What do you want Parkinson?” James asked, getting his wand out. Emmett shook his head. “Nothing, Potter. Just want Ms. Swan. Head Mistress wants her. wink ” Emmett said, smirking. Renee looked around then at James. “What does she want me for?” Renee asked quietly. Emmett raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know, Swan. I’m just coming to get you for her. Come before McGonagall gets pissed,” Emmett said, turning. “Potter, stay. Head mistress only wants Swan.”

James sat back down, whispering in Renee’s ear. “I’ll follow behind. But far behind so Emmett can’t see me ok baby?” James whispered. Renee nodded, got up, and left with Emmett. James followed far behind. “Head Mistress? Emmett said you wanted to see me?” Renee said, walking into McGonagall’s office. McGonagall turned and looked at Renee. “I didn’t say that to Emmett. I don’t want to see you. I’m sorry Ms. Swan, that Emmett made you-” McGonagall was cut off by a loud crash.

McGonagall and Renee ran out of the office to find James and Emmett dueling. McGonagall gasped. “Potter! Parkinson! My office NOW!” McGonagall barked at the two boys after stopping them. James and Emmett followed McGonagall into her office. Renee waited outside.

[valetina101]

keep writing it is getting good

[Dansbabygrl]

In the hospital wing, Lexie was reading the Daily Prophet when someone said her name. "Lexie? You ok?" said the voice going to Lexie. It was Lexie's best friend, Americus. "Americus!?" Lexie exclaimed, putting the paper down. Americus smiled, nodded. "Yes. Its me. Isabelle told me you were here and you wanted me to visit you," she said, coming closer. Lexie nodded, smiling. She said, "Yes, i did want you to visit me. I missed you. I really did. Where did you go? What did McGonagall want?" Americus then looked down. "She wanted to tell me that my father is very ill and in St. Mungo's. She took me to visit him. That's why I was gone for a couple of days. I'm sorry I didn't come tell you before i left. sad " Americus said, frowning.

Lexie lifted her best friend's head. "It's ok, Americus. I forgive you. smile " Lexie said. Americus smiled and said Thanks. "It's what friends are for," Lexie said. Americus smiled. "So when are you going to be out?" Lexie shrugged. "I really don't know. We could ask Pomfrey. How about we ask her now." Americus nodded and went off to find the nurse.

Americus came back five minutes later with Madame Pomfrey. "Americus said you wanted to ask me something, Lexie," Madame Pomfrey said, reaching Lexie's bed. Lexie nodded, sitting up, carefully. "Yes, i wanted to know when i was getting out of here. Do you know when?" Lexie asked. Madame Pomfrey thought about it before replying. "Well, Lexie, you have been getting worse. Your wound is not healing. It is not healing at all. I'm sorry, but I have to send you to St. Mungo's. I'm so sorry, Lexie."

Lexie's smile faded. "You are lying!" Lexie exclaimed after a minute. Madame Pomfrey shook her head sadly. Lexie let out a cry. "This isn't happening to me! This isn't!" she said, tears welling in her eyes. Americus tried calming her best friend but it didn't work. She asked to go to St. Mungo's with them but Madame Pomfrey sad no. Americus frowned in disappointment. She really wanted to go with her best friend.

[Dansbabygrl]

Once at St.Mungo's, Madame Pomfrey told the person at the front desk what was wrong and Lexie was taken to her own ward in the hospital on a floor that described her healt problem. Madame Pomfrey said she couldn't stay. That she had to go back to Hogwarts. Lexie was scared to be alone in St. Mungo's. The nurse attending to her said she would let her feel at home. Lexie still didn't feel comfortable.

Back at Hogwarts, Americus was worried, scared, and lonely. She really missed her best friend, Lexie. Americus would continuously ask Madame Pomfrey to go and visit Lexie but was told no. Americus got upset everytime she was told no. "Please, Madame Pomfrey!?" Americus said one day. Madame Pomfrey shook her head. "I'm sorry, Ms. Felton. I can't take you to go visit Lexie. I know she's your best friend but I'm sorry." Americus started tearing up and left to the Gryffindor Common Room.

Isabelle was talking to her friends when Americus walked in through the portrait hole. Isabelle looked up to see Americus in tears. Isabelle rushed over to Americus. "What's the matter, Americus?!" Isabelle asked, concerned. Americus, crying, said, "Madame Pomfrey won't take me to see Lexie! I really want to see her though! I want to know if she's alright. She's my best friend!" Isabelle frowned. "I'm really sorry. I'll try to talk to her ok?" Americus nodded, still tears in her eyes.

[Dansbabygrl]

Lexie was at St. Mungo's for over three months. She was getting sick of it. Lexie hardly got any visitors except her parents. She really wanted a visit from her best friend, Americus.

Isabelle went up to the hospital wing on Saturday. "Madame Pomfrey? I have a question. Americus really wants to visit Lexie. She came into the Common Room on Thursday crying. Can she please visit her? I'll take her," Isabelle said, smiling. Madame Pomfrey looked at Isabelle then shook her head. "I'm sorry, Ms. Swan but Americus can not go." Isabelle frowned and left.

Isabelle thought of a plan. When they went to hogsmeade, she would sneak away with Americus and one of her older friends to apparate to St. Mungo's. Once in the Common Room, Isabelle went to Americus, told her plan secretly then went to find Rosalie.

"Rose, can we talk alone?" Isabelle asked her best friend. Rosenodded and followed her friend outside. "You can apparate, right, Rose?" Isabelle asked her friend when they were alone. Rose nodded. "yes, why?" Isabelle explained why she wanted to know. "So i was wondering if you could take us, Americus and i, to St. Mungo's next Hogsmeade trip. Will you?" Belle asked.

Rose thought about it then nodded. "Sure I'll take you." Belle smiled and hugged Rose. Then she went to find Americus to tell her the news.

"Americus, come up to your dorm with me. I need to tell you something. You'll love the news," Isabelle said, heading to Americus' dorm. Americus looked at Belle once they were alone. "What is it?" Isabelle smiled. "Rose will take us to see Lexie next Hogsmeade trip!" Americus squealed. "omg i can't wait!"

Next Saturday, day of Hogsmeade, Rose, Isabelle, and Americus got ready to go down to Hogsmeade, get somethings for Lexie then leave to visit her.

Once at St. Mungo's, Rose went up to the front desk and said, "hello, we are here to visit Lexie Place." The witch at the front desk nodded and summoned a healer to take them to Lexie.

"Lexie! Omg! I'm so happy to see you! I missed you!" Americus exclaimed, running into the room. "Americus! Omg! I missed you too!" Lexie said, sitting up in her bed. Rose smiled at Belle who smiled back.

[Orienla of Rel Devon]

Darlin, I tried to help you in the past, but obviously it did very little - nice to see you using paragraphs and punctuation though. I might suggest offering plot ideas to other writers suffering from blockage instead of writing your own. I don't want to be mean or nasty, but this is not very well written. The story is poorly formatted, and rather pointless, thus far. Seriously "OMG"? That's terrible, sweetie.

On top of that, Prof. McGonagall is known to be retired by the time James and Albus attend Hogwarts, if she's not dead. She was already well into her 70's during Harry's time there.

I really think you might have a good plot idea, but you might consider offering it to someone with a little more talent. Sorry, I tried to be nice about it, but I can;t bring myself to lie to you and tell you it's good. It's not.