why people stay in unhealthy relationships?

[anadentone]

My brother has been married to this woman for about 25 years. She tells him what to wear, what to eat,what to do even tells him not to talk to his family (but its okay if he talks to her family) she doesn't work, cook, clean or even do the wifely duty (aka smex emotion_awesome ) She can drive, strong as an ox but lazy. After my brother gets off work at 6, he has to go to the store, cook dinner, to which she complains isn't "how grandma made it" and insinuate that he wasn't "taught how to even cook" (which he wasnt) She even calls our grandmother nasty, called mom (RIP crying ) a b***h, and all his sister (he's my half: same mom diff dad, he has 2 sisters same dad diff mom) lesbians and whores and he takes it. His two grown kids, will make him keep their wild a** kids on the weekend and if he dont "I hate you daddy" followed by "I wish you were dead!" and the wife sides with them "You must not love our grandbabies" (right in front of the kids) but he stays with her.

I got a guy friend whose girlfriend cheats on him, makes him change his number so that only she knows it, forced him to close his fb and all social media sites (create a new one with only shes on it), who wants him to buy her new expensive items like macbook pro and iphone 6 although he works at rite aid (drugstore cashier) and yet he stays with her.

another online friend has a bf who verbally calls her fat (shes 5ft5 125lbs), ugly, and stupid. Who takes her pay check (he doesnt work) and spends it on other women. Even stole from her dying grandmother when they were at her house in a pseudo coma yet she stays with him because "He's got a nice c**k"

why do you people stay in unhealthy relationships?
I think it's self esteem or lack of. They like this attention they're getting or they like the idea that they will change the person,yet never happens. Or it's a fear of being alone. ("I've never get men to notice me" wink How many times have we heard about men and women in abusive relationships who have died at the hands of their partner because they didn't just walk away before it got worst?

[Divine_Malevolence]

M'thinks it's more of a complete inability to willingly harm anyone, no matter how necessary.
They think, "What would this person do without me", and in most of the cases you mention the answer would probably be "end up on the street", and as such they can't bring themselves to pull the plug.

[Valiant Corvus]

Because people are stupid and naturally self-destructive when faced with the prospect of being alone.

Which is why I'm fine with being a loner.

[Tackle and Tickle]

There are many reasons why people do it. a few are

For the relationship sake. -

Stay together for the kids.
Because they vows to death do us part.
the security it provides: House,Money or other things
so they are not alone.

Got their emotional wires crossed

Their are some people that seek out such relationships it is just how they are wired they enjoy pain, suffering, and being abused.

Then their are those that after a while convince themselves that the abuse is a form of love which is why in family violence a lot of the abused people defend or cover for the abuser they love or at least thing they love them.



Misunderstood

Relationships are complicated and outsiders do not see everything and misunderstand a lot of what they see anyways. In fact a lot of people only see or hear about the bad side of a person more than anything good about them.

[Chahklet]

Self-esteem

[it emily]

As you said; lack of self esteem. Thinking they deserve it. Trust their partners "lies" and believe that they love them despite of the bad things they do to them. Don't understand that it's abuse. Are scared to end it because of threats the other person has made. Idk. There's a bunch of reasons I don't think anyone can truly understand unless you're in the relationship.

[00_ChampagneCharlie]

Wow, she's such a c**t, you should knock her out for the fam

[SchizoSpazz]

Self esteem like you said ('I don't deserve better. This is as good as I can get it. If I was a better person, they'd treat me better'')

Bad role models (if they grow up in a crappy family, they may not really know any better, or they're so comfortable with the dysfunction that they are uncomfortable in a 'normal' relationship)

Vain reasons (like looks or a 'good c**k')

A belief that the controlling behavior and/or jealousy is a sign of love.

Obligations ('we did say 'till death do you part'', 'the kids need both parents')

After enough time in it, not realizing that it is abusive. It's like the frog in the pot. If you drop a frog in a pot of hot water, they'll jump out, but if you put the frog in cold water and gradually turn up the heat, the frog will burn to death. Same theory.

There may be something beneficial to the relationship that people don't see that makes all this worth it.

Sometimes, when the person is frustrating us, we complain about them, and then when we go back, those we complained to don't understand why. In the heat of anger, we can paint them in a horrible light, but on our own, realize we like it, and we don't tell those about the good qualities.

I'm sure there's more.

[Riviera de la Mancha]

Eh, I often suggest people step back from analyzing other relationships and consider that some relationships are functional for those in them.

For example, a very close female friend of mine has been dating a guy for like three years who is in many ways similar to your brother. My friend lives with him rent-free as the girlfriend, moved in all her stuff into his space, etc. About the only thing they don't do is the fighting or paycheck theft and the like. However, their relationship works because as much as the guy may feign protest, he likes being told what to do. Some people are just more submissive.

[LynnFall]

You're pretty much right, self esteem/fear of being alone. I was in a 4.5 year toxic relationship to a guy who was an alcohol, did drugs occasionally, forced me into an open relationship so he could openly "cheat" on me, pushed away my friends and family, didn't cook/clean/work do anything and I had to pay for all his whims.

I didn't think I deserved anything better, and I thought maybe if I loved him enough he would change. And I was just happy to find someone that wanted to be with me, even if he was killing me. Bleh.

[from blue to]

Eh...easier to get into a routine than out of one.

[adosohcohc]

what i notice is a lot of people don't realize relationship unhealthy. and longer you stay in it, harder is to leave.

so your brother been in for 25 years? well, that long time and hard recover from cuz it been so long.

most people aint trained know early sign of emotional/manipulative abuse and unless they lucky enough got some good friends who recognize sign who tell them early enough on that something aint right with their S/O, then it hard to get out.

Many of these people in bad relationship being manipulated by person in relationship and that why they say. it different depending on person.

This stuff aint taught in schools unless your school in a s**t hole where domestic abuse is abnormally common.

[CptDeadCraft]

anadentone

My brother has been married to this woman for about 25 years. She tells him what to wear, what to eat,what to do even tells him not to talk to his family (but its okay if he talks to her family) she doesn't work, cook, clean or even do the wifely duty (aka smex emotion_awesome ) She can drive, strong as an ox but lazy. After my brother gets off work at 6, he has to go to the store, cook dinner, to which she complains isn't "how grandma made it" and insinuate that he wasn't "taught how to even cook" (which he wasnt) She even calls our grandmother nasty, called mom (RIP crying ) a b***h, and all his sister (he's my half: same mom diff dad, he has 2 sisters same dad diff mom) lesbians and whores and he takes it. His two grown kids, will make him keep their wild a** kids on the weekend and if he dont "I hate you daddy" followed by "I wish you were dead!" and the wife sides with them "You must not love our grandbabies" (right in front of the kids) but he stays with her.

I got a guy friend whose girlfriend cheats on him, makes him change his number so that only she knows it, forced him to close his fb and all social media sites (create a new one with only shes on it), who wants him to buy her new expensive items like macbook pro and iphone 6 although he works at rite aid (drugstore cashier) and yet he stays with her.

another online friend has a bf who verbally calls her fat (shes 5ft5 125lbs), ugly, and stupid. Who takes her pay check (he doesnt work) and spends it on other women. Even stole from her dying grandmother when they were at her house in a pseudo coma yet she stays with him because "He's got a nice c**k"

why do you people stay in unhealthy relationships?
I think it's self esteem or lack of. They like this attention they're getting or they like the idea that they will change the person,yet never happens. Or it's a fear of being alone. ("I've never get men to notice me" wink How many times have we heard about men and women in abusive relationships who have died at the hands of their partner because they didn't just walk away before it got worst?

Most people fear being alone is worse than being alone with someone, or they are hard wired to want a crave that person to change or they were to young in maturity to understand that loving someone means not getting beat and controlled in every aspect of their daily lives or babies..

[anadentone]

Drinking Lysol

what i notice is a lot of people don't realize relationship unhealthy. and longer you stay in it, harder is to leave.

so your brother been in for 25 years? well, that long time and hard recover from cuz it been so long.

most people aint trained know early sign of emotional/manipulative abuse and unless they lucky enough got some good friends who recognize sign who tell them early enough on that something aint right with their S/O, then it hard to get out.

Many of these people in bad relationship being manipulated by person in relationship and that why they say. it different depending on person.

This stuff aint taught in schools unless your school in a s**t hole where domestic abuse is abnormally common.

he use to be real close with his family and have a ton of friends then he married her and suddenly he no longer has friends. He even says so "I don't have friends anymore I have coworkers". He didn't spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with any of his family because she says so. His own dad and grandma and sisters didn't get to see him for the holidays because he spent it with her dad and her sisters. He comes by after work to see granny , he goes to the door say "granny I gotta go" and runs away like the house is on fire. All because he can see his wifes truck (they live 2 houses down) in the drive and fears she'll see him down there. She dont even let him sit with us at church. When her folks come to church , he sits with them and leaves me and granny alone in the back row.