Verbal Abuse

[Artorious_75]

gurlwiththepurlearring

God-The-RapistV2.0

Are you ******** kidding me? Why the hell do you even need to ask this question.

Just because your ex-boyfriend has feelings differing from yours does NOT mean he is abusive.

I honestly want to put you in a room with people who have actually been abused verbally and allow the to tell you tales of manipulation, coercion, behavioural grooming and the pain of cognitive dissonance.

If his attitude bothers you that much break up as in stop talking to him. If you feel like you are being treated poorly, then that is reasonable. If you dare call it abuse because he has emotions like everyone else then YOU are the abusive partner.

From what you've said here it seems to me that he has some problems that he needs to work out but he is entitled to his opinions on a situation. If he feels put down, or stressed, or vulnerable you should talk to him like a living human being not a potential abuser.

he actually kinda sounds abusive a little bit because he sounds very self centered

Hold on. 'Abusive' and 'self-centered' are two completely different traits. I'll be the first to tell you that I'm self-centered, but I never went around hitting my girlfriends, or yelling at people. Personally, I think 'verbal abuse' is an excuse to be weak and not seem like a coward to others. If yelling at someone is a form of abuse then my Training Instructor in basic abused me and about forty-nine other guys at least fifteen times a day. Any less and he was doing his job wrong.

[Damnit]

Neko Namida Ame

I'd say your case is not verbal abuse but it is a bad thing for him to say and even manipulative if he tries to throw it in to the mix out of random like that. You're better off with out a person who seemingly has no idea how to deal with the ills of life.

Verbal abuse is far more chronic and systematic. It's a form of repetitive negative sayings meant to affect how a person views themselves and warp their thinking and effectively their behavior. If your boyfriend called you stupid constantly, told you you can't do anything right, and put you down whenever the opportunity arose, that would be verbal abuse. The reason why this is far more extreme is because hearing any bit information repeated causes someone to be far more inclined to believe it. If your parents constantly told you the sky was green as a kid, when you grew up, even if someone told you the sky was blue, you'd probably tell them they were wrong. This goes the same for things said about a person. If they call you stupid and worthless, with time you will almost certainly believe you are stupid and worthless and you will behave and react according to this whether it be not applying to the job you really want (and probably could get) because you don't think you're good enough or believing you have to rely on the person telling you these things to do everything for you that you think you cannot do for yourself. It's a form of extreme manipulation and sadly, is a very good way of keeping someone close to you even against their will.

He wasn't so blatant as to call me stupid, but he would subtly put me down always. Either he would hint or use a tone implying that I was lying (even if it was so obvious I did nothing wrong), he would demand that I shouldn't go out with my guy friends, just stuff like that.

[Damnit]

Vanity Strain

Damnit

What is your definition of Verbal Abuse? When does the person really cross the line?
Is it when you just "feel" wronged? Or certain things said that are wrong by society's standards?

My dad died 2 years ago and an ex-boyfriend said to me:

"It's hard dating someone with a messed up family. Dating someone who lost her father. It's hard on me being the first one you called when he died."

I had only spoken to him about my dad a handful of times. He always seemed to make everything about him.

When I was in the middle of my sentences, he would always cut me off before I was finished, assuming something and acting rude.

Is this verbal abuse? What experiences have you had?

I think that's proof enough that you need a different boyfriend or to begin batting for the other team.

But, this isn't so much verbal abuse as it would appear for him to have some sort of attention complex.

I know what it is to lose my Father at a young age and I would never allow any boyfriends at any point within my lifetime to speak of him in such an ill manner or at least in relation to my connection and loss of him.

Thank you for posting, it means a lot to hear from someone who also lost their father. I guess I am very sensitive when it comes to him...but I feel that someone who loves me should be equally as sensitive.

[Disa Uniflora]

It may be a self-centered thing to say, but at least it's also refreshingly honest. Very few people genuinely want to 'deal' with someone who's experiencing difficult life issues. For the vast majority of us it's something that we're still 'happy' to do, in the sense that we easily tolerate it and do so voluntarily because we prize our friendship above the short term discomfort of such scenarios, but it takes a very special and rare sort of empathy to actually enjoy being that person in the immediate sense. Next time he'd be wiser keeping such feelings to himself, but he didn't give voice to any particularly abnormal sentiments, and he certainly doesn't sound like he was being abusive or intended to be abusive.

[Neko Namida Ame]

Damnit

Neko Namida Ame

I'd say your case is not verbal abuse but it is a bad thing for him to say and even manipulative if he tries to throw it in to the mix out of random like that. You're better off with out a person who seemingly has no idea how to deal with the ills of life.

Verbal abuse is far more chronic and systematic. It's a form of repetitive negative sayings meant to affect how a person views themselves and warp their thinking and effectively their behavior. If your boyfriend called you stupid constantly, told you you can't do anything right, and put you down whenever the opportunity arose, that would be verbal abuse. The reason why this is far more extreme is because hearing any bit information repeated causes someone to be far more inclined to believe it. If your parents constantly told you the sky was green as a kid, when you grew up, even if someone told you the sky was blue, you'd probably tell them they were wrong. This goes the same for things said about a person. If they call you stupid and worthless, with time you will almost certainly believe you are stupid and worthless and you will behave and react according to this whether it be not applying to the job you really want (and probably could get) because you don't think you're good enough or believing you have to rely on the person telling you these things to do everything for you that you think you cannot do for yourself. It's a form of extreme manipulation and sadly, is a very good way of keeping someone close to you even against their will.

He wasn't so blatant as to call me stupid, but he would subtly put me down always. Either he would hint or use a tone implying that I was lying (even if it was so obvious I did nothing wrong), he would demand that I shouldn't go out with my guy friends, just stuff like that.

So he had some issues, maybe was even a little controlling, but it still doesn't sound like he went so far as to verbally abuse you. Tone is insulting and a problem but verbal abuse tends to be far more aggressive instead of passive aggressive.