Verbal Abuse

[Damnit]

What is your definition of Verbal Abuse? When does the person really cross the line?
Is it when you just "feel" wronged? Or certain things said that are wrong by society's standards?

My dad died 2 years ago and an ex-boyfriend said to me:

"It's hard dating someone with a messed up family. Dating someone who lost her father. It's hard on me being the first one you called when he died."

I had only spoken to him about my dad a handful of times. He always seemed to make everything about him.

When I was in the middle of my sentences, he would always cut me off before I was finished, assuming something and acting rude.

Is this verbal abuse? What experiences have you had?

[Nicola Svoboda]

I think you're just overly sensitive.
But then I come from a family where we're always telling each other to kill ourselves.

I guess if it's intended to hurt you, you could consider it verbal abuse.

[gurlwiththepurlearring]

why do you need to define it? he's obviously simply being an a** and you either try and change him or move on

[Damnit]

gurlwiththepurlearring

why do you need to define it? he's obviously simply being an a** and you either try and change him or move on

I was giving an example for further elaboration, I am curious on the subject in general and other people's experiences.

[gurlwiththepurlearring]

Damnit

gurlwiththepurlearring

why do you need to define it? he's obviously simply being an a** and you either try and change him or move on

I was giving an example for further elaboration, I am curious on the subject in general and other people's experiences.

couldn't you watch dr phil for examples?

[Damnit]

gurlwiththepurlearring

Damnit

gurlwiththepurlearring

why do you need to define it? he's obviously simply being an a** and you either try and change him or move on

I was giving an example for further elaboration, I am curious on the subject in general and other people's experiences.

couldn't you watch dr phil for examples?

Haha, I'm sure I could...but I could watch something for a majority of these posts in the ED forum ;]

[God-The-RapistV2.0]

Are you ******** kidding me? Why the hell do you even need to ask this question.

Just because your ex-boyfriend has feelings differing from yours does NOT mean he is abusive.

I honestly want to put you in a room with people who have actually been abused verbally and allow the to tell you tales of manipulation, coercion, behavioural grooming and the pain of cognitive dissonance.

If his attitude bothers you that much break up as in stop talking to him. If you feel like you are being treated poorly, then that is reasonable. If you dare call it abuse because he has emotions like everyone else then YOU are the abusive partner.

From what you've said here it seems to me that he has some problems that he needs to work out but he is entitled to his opinions on a situation. If he feels put down, or stressed, or vulnerable you should talk to him like a living human being not a potential abuser.

[Moratuoa]

There is no real consensus on a definition for verbal abuse.

Your example makes your boyfriend appear insensitive and self absorbed, but he does not seem to cross the line into abuse (threaten/demean/insult/shame/etc). If his behavior consistently upsets you, perhaps it might better for you to seek out the company of someone more supportive.

[gurlwiththepurlearring]

God-The-RapistV2.0

Are you ******** kidding me? Why the hell do you even need to ask this question.

Just because your ex-boyfriend has feelings differing from yours does NOT mean he is abusive.

I honestly want to put you in a room with people who have actually been abused verbally and allow the to tell you tales of manipulation, coercion, behavioural grooming and the pain of cognitive dissonance.

If his attitude bothers you that much break up as in stop talking to him. If you feel like you are being treated poorly, then that is reasonable. If you dare call it abuse because he has emotions like everyone else then YOU are the abusive partner.

From what you've said here it seems to me that he has some problems that he needs to work out but he is entitled to his opinions on a situation. If he feels put down, or stressed, or vulnerable you should talk to him like a living human being not a potential abuser.

he actually kinda sounds abusive a little bit because he sounds very self centered

[Damnit]

God-The-RapistV2.0

Are you ******** kidding me? Why the hell do you even need to ask this question.

Just because your ex-boyfriend has feelings differing from yours does NOT mean he is abusive.

I honestly want to put you in a room with people who have actually been abused verbally and allow the to tell you tales of manipulation, coercion, behavioural grooming and the pain of cognitive dissonance.

If his attitude bothers you that much break up as in stop talking to him. If you feel like you are being treated poorly, then that is reasonable. If you dare call it abuse because he has emotions like everyone else then YOU are the abusive partner.

From what you've said here it seems to me that he has some problems that he needs to work out but he is entitled to his opinions on a situation. If he feels put down, or stressed, or vulnerable you should talk to him like a living human being not a potential abuser.

I have been abused on a higher scale by my first boyfriend, physically abused at that. There is no need to get hostile. I could elaborate further on his behavior, but it was a slight example to start conversation. Not meant to be the focus. You're jumping to extreme conclusions.

[Damnit]

ThatoMafiki

There is no real consensus on a definition for verbal abuse.

Your example makes your boyfriend appear insensitive and self absorbed, but he does not seem to cross the line into abuse (threaten/demean/insult/shame/etc). If his behavior consistently upsets you, perhaps it might better for you to seek out the company of someone more supportive.

Yes, I agree the example does seem just that. He has however made me feel demeaned and insulted in little controlling ways. I feel like my perception is a bit skewed because I have put up with the behavior from others. Support seems hard to find.

[Moratuoa]

Damnit

ThatoMafiki

There is no real consensus on a definition for verbal abuse.

Your example makes your boyfriend appear insensitive and self absorbed, but he does not seem to cross the line into abuse (threaten/demean/insult/shame/etc). If his behavior consistently upsets you, perhaps it might better for you to seek out the company of someone more supportive.

Yes, I agree the example does seem just that. He has however made me feel demeaned and insulted in little controlling ways. I feel like my perception is a bit skewed because I have put up with the behavior from others. Support seems hard to find.

If you have been dating for two years, it can be hard to objectively assess a situation. You might want to consult the assistance of a professional. It's easy on Gaia to just say "Oh, he sounds like a jerk, so dump him." A psychiatrist or psychologist would be able to give you proper advice.

[Damnit]

ThatoMafiki

Damnit

ThatoMafiki

There is no real consensus on a definition for verbal abuse.

Your example makes your boyfriend appear insensitive and self absorbed, but he does not seem to cross the line into abuse (threaten/demean/insult/shame/etc). If his behavior consistently upsets you, perhaps it might better for you to seek out the company of someone more supportive.

Yes, I agree the example does seem just that. He has however made me feel demeaned and insulted in little controlling ways. I feel like my perception is a bit skewed because I have put up with the behavior from others. Support seems hard to find.

If you have been dating for two years, it can be hard to objectively assess a situation. You might want to consult the assistance of a professional. It's easy on Gaia to just say "Oh, he sounds like a jerk, so dump him." A psychiatrist or psychologist would be able to give you proper advice.

True, I mean we broke up a few weeks ago, but he tries to talk to me often. I feel like if you're with someone and they make you feel frustrated and undermined then it is probably time to call it quits. I mean in a normal relationship people care, right? He never asked how my day was, or anything. He would always make snide comments if I was hanging out or playing a game with a guy friend. Tiresome ._.

[Moratuoa]

Damnit

ThatoMafiki

Damnit

ThatoMafiki

There is no real consensus on a definition for verbal abuse.

Your example makes your boyfriend appear insensitive and self absorbed, but he does not seem to cross the line into abuse (threaten/demean/insult/shame/etc). If his behavior consistently upsets you, perhaps it might better for you to seek out the company of someone more supportive.

Yes, I agree the example does seem just that. He has however made me feel demeaned and insulted in little controlling ways. I feel like my perception is a bit skewed because I have put up with the behavior from others. Support seems hard to find.

If you have been dating for two years, it can be hard to objectively assess a situation. You might want to consult the assistance of a professional. It's easy on Gaia to just say "Oh, he sounds like a jerk, so dump him." A psychiatrist or psychologist would be able to give you proper advice.

True, I mean we broke up a few weeks ago, but he tries to talk to me often. I feel like if you're with someone and they make you feel frustrated and undermined then it is probably time to call it quits. I mean in a normal relationship people care, right? He never asked how my day was, or anything. He would always make snide comments if I was hanging out or playing a game with a guy friend. Tiresome ._.

Sounds like you are better off without that extra drama.

I've never found that keeping in contact with exes worked out well. So, good luck with a difficult situation.

[Damnit]

ThatoMafiki

Damnit

ThatoMafiki

Damnit

ThatoMafiki

There is no real consensus on a definition for verbal abuse.

Your example makes your boyfriend appear insensitive and self absorbed, but he does not seem to cross the line into abuse (threaten/demean/insult/shame/etc). If his behavior consistently upsets you, perhaps it might better for you to seek out the company of someone more supportive.

Yes, I agree the example does seem just that. He has however made me feel demeaned and insulted in little controlling ways. I feel like my perception is a bit skewed because I have put up with the behavior from others. Support seems hard to find.

If you have been dating for two years, it can be hard to objectively assess a situation. You might want to consult the assistance of a professional. It's easy on Gaia to just say "Oh, he sounds like a jerk, so dump him." A psychiatrist or psychologist would be able to give you proper advice.

True, I mean we broke up a few weeks ago, but he tries to talk to me often. I feel like if you're with someone and they make you feel frustrated and undermined then it is probably time to call it quits. I mean in a normal relationship people care, right? He never asked how my day was, or anything. He would always make snide comments if I was hanging out or playing a game with a guy friend. Tiresome ._.

Sounds like you are better off without that extra drama.

I've never found that keeping in contact with exes worked out well. So, good luck with a difficult situation.

Indeed :}. Thanks for the comments and advice.