PARENTS. Do you think your children should have privacy?

[Overexposure]

Reminiscent Soul Dream

Overexposure

Reminiscent Soul Dream

But how come so many parents seem to want their kids to do the wrong thing so that they can have more control over their kids' lives? I mean, that's what I see, from my experience and my friends' experiences. I might be missing something vital?
And by every parents' standards 'responsibility' and 'things trustworthy' have different factors. Some parents are stricter and have more rigorous standards their kids have to live by while other parents have less standards.
When it comes to a child's diary or other private form of personal expression, should parents have the right to invade their child's privacy?

Wrecking your pretty designs for space purposes : (

Any parent who WANTS their kids to fail so they can have more control is a control freak. I have yet to meet someone who wants their kids to fail. I've met parents who will sometimes step back and say, do what you will, to allow them to learn a lesson, but it's not for control.

Yea, what is considered responsible and trustworthy will vary from person to person. Just being parents won't change that.

I would say that, Yes a parent has the right to read those things. I would emphasize that they should allow their children to have privacy and only violate if they feel there is a problem.

Say your child is acting secretive. He (or she!) has recently and abruptly stopped talking about whats going on in their life. You may have caught them lying about where they were at some times or may have noticed them sneaking in our out of the house. They won't tell you why when you ask them about it.

What do you do? Do you continue to respect your child's privacy? Or do you see if you can gain insight into the issue by reading their diary/blog?

Haha, don't worry about the design >.<

Hm, I wouldn't say I meant that the parents wanted their kids to fail, but more that I see a lot of parents seem to pick out the flaws in their children and magnify those flaws so that they can have more control over their children's lives.

Only grabbing this part since we agree on the rest.

Can you give me an example? Like are you referring to them saying "You can't go to the party, because you lied to me before" type thing?

[EmotionallyInconsistent]

Reminiscent Soul Dream

EmotionallyInconsistent

What's important to remember is that you as a parent to NOT want to foster an environment of mistrust.

My father did that... but in a slightly different case. I told him things in good faith that maybe he wanted to help me or something--I thought he was concerned. Instead he turned what information I trustingly shared with him against me--he used them as violent stabs to demean and hurt me. neutral

That is very true.
I think what many people have as a problem is where to draw the line between an atmosphere of no trust and neglecting their child.

I am sorry you had to go through that with your father. I kind of understand how you feel - my parents did that to me as well when they read my diary two years ago, but I guess that is in a different way.

And for those of you who have thoughts that I had some nasty, horrendous stuff in my diary, I didn't. They were just personal things - crushes, the friends I had luckily come to make, school stress, dreams and hopes and wishes.

Thank you; I guess the worst that can happen is no longer trusting him. And while your situation is different it's still the same principle. I'm sorry for what happened to you. neutral

Overexposure

Any parent who WANTS their kids to fail so they can have more control is a control freak. I have yet to meet someone who wants their kids to fail.

My father waits for me to make any little mistake viable to him so that he can pounce and go on a "self-punishment" rant. While I agree that most of the time people make their own mistakes and should strive for better, I don't think it's right to continuously bring it up all the time--especially when the intent is psychological torture. neutral

[Lord Setar]

Track02_restore

What exactly is it that you kids are trying to keep hidden from your parents?

Since when does wanting privacy mean that one is trying to keep something hidden?

Track02_restore

And it's not an invasion of privacy when you live in their house.

So minors are not afforded the same privacy that adults are? Why the discrimination?

[Herald of Lies]

Lord Setar

Track02_restore

And it's not an invasion of privacy when you live in their house.

So minors are not afforded the same privacy that adults are? Why the discrimination?

She never said it was dependant on their status as minors.

[Overexposure]

EmotionallyInconsistent

Reminiscent Soul Dream

EmotionallyInconsistent

What's important to remember is that you as a parent to NOT want to foster an environment of mistrust.

My father did that... but in a slightly different case. I told him things in good faith that maybe he wanted to help me or something--I thought he was concerned. Instead he turned what information I trustingly shared with him against me--he used them as violent stabs to demean and hurt me. neutral

That is very true.
I think what many people have as a problem is where to draw the line between an atmosphere of no trust and neglecting their child.

I am sorry you had to go through that with your father. I kind of understand how you feel - my parents did that to me as well when they read my diary two years ago, but I guess that is in a different way.

And for those of you who have thoughts that I had some nasty, horrendous stuff in my diary, I didn't. They were just personal things - crushes, the friends I had luckily come to make, school stress, dreams and hopes and wishes.

Thank you; I guess the worst that can happen is no longer trusting him. And while your situation is different it's still the same principle. I'm sorry for what happened to you. neutral

Overexposure

Any parent who WANTS their kids to fail so they can have more control is a control freak. I have yet to meet someone who wants their kids to fail.

My father waits for me to make any little mistake viable to him so that he can pounce and go on a "self-punishment" rant. While I agree that most of the time people make their own mistakes and should strive for better, I don't think it's right to continuously bring it up all the time--especially when the intent is psychological torture. neutral

Maybe he sees you doing the exact same stupid things he did growing up? Sure he's probably overreacting, but maybe he has such faith in you that you can do better that it literally crushes him when you don't?

I see that happening with a lot of parents. And what is continuously? Is it when you make a mistake or does it seem random? Maybe you need to communicate more to him? It's very hard to be objective when it's your own parents.

[Reminiscent Soul Dream]

Overexposure

Reminiscent Soul Dream

Overexposure

Reminiscent Soul Dream

But how come so many parents seem to want their kids to do the wrong thing so that they can have more control over their kids' lives? I mean, that's what I see, from my experience and my friends' experiences. I might be missing something vital?
And by every parents' standards 'responsibility' and 'things trustworthy' have different factors. Some parents are stricter and have more rigorous standards their kids have to live by while other parents have less standards.
When it comes to a child's diary or other private form of personal expression, should parents have the right to invade their child's privacy?

Wrecking your pretty designs for space purposes : (

Any parent who WANTS their kids to fail so they can have more control is a control freak. I have yet to meet someone who wants their kids to fail. I've met parents who will sometimes step back and say, do what you will, to allow them to learn a lesson, but it's not for control.

Yea, what is considered responsible and trustworthy will vary from person to person. Just being parents won't change that.

I would say that, Yes a parent has the right to read those things. I would emphasize that they should allow their children to have privacy and only violate if they feel there is a problem.

Say your child is acting secretive. He (or she!) has recently and abruptly stopped talking about whats going on in their life. You may have caught them lying about where they were at some times or may have noticed them sneaking in our out of the house. They won't tell you why when you ask them about it.

What do you do? Do you continue to respect your child's privacy? Or do you see if you can gain insight into the issue by reading their diary/blog?

Quote:

Haha, don't worry about the design >.<

Hm, I wouldn't say I meant that the parents wanted their kids to fail, but more that I see a lot of parents seem to pick out the flaws in their children and magnify those flaws so that they can have more control over their children's lives.

Only grabbing this part since we agree on the rest.

Can you give me an example? Like are you referring to them saying "You can't go to the party, because you lied to me before" type thing?

Eh, worse than that per se.

Example...
This is something that has happened to me:

I got a "C" or a 76% on my first geometry test last year. So my dad yelled at me and said this C will lead to me failing the class which will cause my overall GPA to go down which may cause me to not be able to graduate meaning I won't go to college and get a job and will be homeless. So then, a month later, when I asked if I could join an extracurricular activity, I couldn't, because my dad brought up that grade and said if I joined an after school group, I won't be able to study more and I will fail the next test.

I guess that example doesn't tie in with privacy, but it's an example of what you quoted.

[EmotionallyInconsistent]

Overexposure

Maybe he sees you doing the exact same stupid things he did growing up? Sure he's probably overreacting, but maybe he has such faith in you that you can do better that it literally crushes him when you don't?

I see that happening with a lot of parents. And what is continuously? Is it when you make a mistake or does it seem random? Maybe you need to communicate more to him? It's very hard to be objective when it's your own parents.

No. He will take things from ages ago just to have to ride someone's a** into the sunset. For the most part I've been improving, but he refuses to acknowledge it. neutral

Also, communication with him is mission impossible because he turns things into a "it's your fault fest", talks over everyone before they can make a point and even has the nerve to complain that we're (my mother me and sisters) aren't letting him make his points (and he does make his points but closes the subject before anyone can take advantage of the silence). If anyone--even my mother--tries to open the subject again he resorts name-calling and eventually violence. neutral

[September the Eleventh]

******** yeah.

[Khamsin]

Reminiscent Soul Dream

ℛ ϵ ɱ ɨ η ɨ s ϲ ϵ η ȶ xx Ϛ ѳ ʊ ʆ xx D ʀ ϵ ɑ ɱ ☪
⊰[⇝ღ⇜]⊱


Parents.
Do you think your children should have the right to privacy?
If your child, say your daughter, had a private diary where she writes about things that go on in her life, her feelings, whether they are positive or negative, and other personal things, would you sneak in her room and steal her diary and read it?
Or a private blog?
I know many kids these days, especially teens, have diaries or a blog they set and keep as private, meaning only they can see it.
Many teens have these things because sometimes it is hard for them to talk to others about it. A lot of them work things out better when their thoughts are collected. Instead of taking out their problems and issues and feelings on other people, they write to calm down and make sense of things. However, they do not want others to see their thoughts, because, (from what I can gather, and from what friends have told me) they are afraid of being shunned or feeling guilty for things they cannot control.
Many of my friends tell me that their parents make them think one thing, and turn them prejudice against certain ideals whenever their parents discover their private/personal beliefs and opinions.
While I agree that parents can help kids with their problems, I think it's best that whatever kids write in their diaries/private blogs, should stay private.

Parents, what do you think?
Should kids have a right to their privacy?
Discuss:
Privacy in phone conversations, Instant Messaging, Text Messaging, Diaries, Blogs, Journals, Letters, etc.

Privacy is absolutely necessary for a parent-child relationship to thrive. If there is any real or perceived invasion of that privacy, it breeds resentment, and the child will simply push parents away. It's breaching a barrier and that destroys trust. So while I agree that a certain vigilance is necessary in order for parents to protect their children, it's not good to cross the line that the child has established unless the parents know EXACTLY what they're looking for. It's like bringing a man to court who probably robbed a bank, but you're not sure. It's just not a good plan. Respect the child's boundaries and it will create more trust and good feelings. Parents will be seen more as guardians than tyrants, and hear the problem(s) from the child rather than from incriminating evidence.

[Overexposure]

Reminiscent Soul Dream

Eh, worse than that per se.

Example...
This is something that has happened to me:

I got a "C" or a 76% on my first geometry test last year. So my dad yelled at me and said this C will lead to me failing the class which will cause my overall GPA to go down which may cause me to not be able to graduate meaning I won't go to college and get a job and will be homeless. So then, a month later, when I asked if I could join an extracurricular activity, I couldn't, because my dad brought up that grade and said if I joined an after school group, I won't be able to study more and I will fail the next test.

I guess that example doesn't tie in with privacy, but it's an example of what you quoted.

His reaction is over the top, I'll admit. His logic is pretty much the fears of every parent though. And it's based on that entirely.

Fear.

You are now the scariest thing your parents have ever had to deal with. If they make a mistake, they can ruin your life. Forever. That's rough to have to deal with. And it's not likes there are any cheat sheets out there. You can't just add water, leave in sun and watch grow with a kid.

Which ties into the privacy issue. How much is enough? When do you step in? HOW do you step in? Then what? Will this ruin my relationship with my son/daughter? Will this ruin his/her life if I do too much? If I do too little? What the hell am I supposed to do?

EmotionallyInconsistent

No. He will take things from ages ago just to have to ride someone's a** into the sunset. For the most part I've been improving, but he refuses to acknowledge it. neutral

Maybe what you do is more important to him than you think? What you see as a tiny mistake, is to him a gigantic one. Or quite possibly, he's a gigantic a*****e.

It seems more likely to me, that he's just really worried about the job HE'S doing as a father. Maybe his father rode his a** over everything, and without anything else to go by, he's doing that.

[Reminiscent Soul Dream]

Overexposure

Reminiscent Soul Dream

Eh, worse than that per se.

Example...
This is something that has happened to me:

I got a "C" or a 76% on my first geometry test last year. So my dad yelled at me and said this C will lead to me failing the class which will cause my overall GPA to go down which may cause me to not be able to graduate meaning I won't go to college and get a job and will be homeless. So then, a month later, when I asked if I could join an extracurricular activity, I couldn't, because my dad brought up that grade and said if I joined an after school group, I won't be able to study more and I will fail the next test.

I guess that example doesn't tie in with privacy, but it's an example of what you quoted.

His reaction is over the top, I'll admit. His logic is pretty much the fears of every parent though. And it's based on that entirely.

Fear.

You are now the scariest thing your parents have ever had to deal with. If they make a mistake, they can ruin your life. Forever. That's rough to have to deal with. And it's not likes there are any cheat sheets out there. You can't just add water, leave in sun and watch grow with a kid.

Which ties into the privacy issue. How much is enough? When do you step in? HOW do you step in? Then what? Will this ruin my relationship with my son/daughter? Will this ruin his/her life if I do too much? If I do too little? What the hell am I supposed to do?

EmotionallyInconsistent

No. He will take things from ages ago just to have to ride someone's a** into the sunset. For the most part I've been improving, but he refuses to acknowledge it. neutral

Maybe what you do is more important to him than you think? What you see as a tiny mistake, is to him a gigantic one. Or quite possibly, he's a gigantic a*****e.

It seems more likely to me, that he's just really worried about the job HE'S doing as a father. Maybe his father rode his a** over everything, and without anything else to go by, he's doing that.

I think you have said what many others, including myself, have tried to figure out.
Maybe parents are just trying to make sure they are doing a good job, and that the pressure to make sure their kids grow up successful and can survive on their own, is so great that mistakes are often made. When they are made, they must be fixed, but then parents wonder how? They don't want to make the same mistakes trying to fix them.

When it comes to privacy, I figure the big question for parents is how much privacy to give, not that they should or should not give privacy.

But then it comes to another key issue - when kids talk to parents about it and parents do not see any other compromise or solution except for theirs. What's the right thing to do then?

[demonbarber14]

I think that unless people could be in danger, then kids should have every right to privacy.

[Overexposure]

Reminiscent Soul Dream

Overexposure

Reminiscent Soul Dream

Eh, worse than that per se.

Example...
This is something that has happened to me:

I got a "C" or a 76% on my first geometry test last year. So my dad yelled at me and said this C will lead to me failing the class which will cause my overall GPA to go down which may cause me to not be able to graduate meaning I won't go to college and get a job and will be homeless. So then, a month later, when I asked if I could join an extracurricular activity, I couldn't, because my dad brought up that grade and said if I joined an after school group, I won't be able to study more and I will fail the next test.

I guess that example doesn't tie in with privacy, but it's an example of what you quoted.

His reaction is over the top, I'll admit. His logic is pretty much the fears of every parent though. And it's based on that entirely.

Fear.

You are now the scariest thing your parents have ever had to deal with. If they make a mistake, they can ruin your life. Forever. That's rough to have to deal with. And it's not likes there are any cheat sheets out there. You can't just add water, leave in sun and watch grow with a kid.

Which ties into the privacy issue. How much is enough? When do you step in? HOW do you step in? Then what? Will this ruin my relationship with my son/daughter? Will this ruin his/her life if I do too much? If I do too little? What the hell am I supposed to do?

EmotionallyInconsistent

No. He will take things from ages ago just to have to ride someone's a** into the sunset. For the most part I've been improving, but he refuses to acknowledge it. neutral

Maybe what you do is more important to him than you think? What you see as a tiny mistake, is to him a gigantic one. Or quite possibly, he's a gigantic a*****e.

It seems more likely to me, that he's just really worried about the job HE'S doing as a father. Maybe his father rode his a** over everything, and without anything else to go by, he's doing that.

I think you have said what many others, including myself, have tried to figure out.
Maybe parents are just trying to make sure they are doing a good job, and that the pressure to make sure their kids grow up successful and can survive on their own, is so great that mistakes are often made. When they are made, they must be fixed, but then parents wonder how? They don't want to make the same mistakes trying to fix them.

When it comes to privacy, I figure the big question for parents is how much privacy to give, not that they should or should not give privacy.

But then it comes to another key issue - when kids talk to parents about it and parents do not see any other compromise or solution except for theirs. What's the right thing to do then?

I would bow to their superior experience. Sure, it may suck having to do things you don't want to do. I know I fought my parents long and hard, much to my eventual embarrassment. But what a lot of kids ignore, is the fact that their parents often have 20-30 years on them. They've been there, and done that. And now they're trying to keep you out of all the trouble they got into.

demonbarber14

I think that unless people could be in danger, then kids should have every right to privacy.

How will you know if someones in danger unless you look?

[OneWithDunamis]

Track02_restore

OneWithDunamis

If your child is masturbating you should sit there and watch, and make sure he or she doesn't hurt the vital organs or stunt their growths.

I don't want to know how a kid can masturbate that would cause harm to vital organs or stunt their growth.
I also don't want trolls cluttering up a good thread.

Then you might consider leaving.

[Kilomech]

I believe that it's not right to go through your child's diary for information. Online blogs, if they're set to private-only are the same thing. If it's a public blog then read away, but private information should be kept private.

My parents used to buy me diaries when I was younger. Lots of them. And, despite them buying them for me, I used to have to hide them in different places every few days just to keep them from snooping in them. If they found them, they would tear out certain pages and then confront me about them later on. It's horribly offensive.