Parental Respect

[Lightning the Lulu]

The Herald of War

Generally there are reasons to be grateful to parents, at the very least for financial support for the start of your life. And when you're young and don't know much it's generally best to defer to people who know more, which your parents generally qualify as.

But when it comes to actually having respect for them, I think that really depends on how they've acted, just like when it comes to respecting anyone else. Being your parent doesn't mean anything in and of itself as far as respect goes. For instance an abusive parent deserves no respect. How someone acts determines the respect they ought to get.

Agreed. There is a large degree of difference between "Hey, thanks for not letting me starve and freeze, I know you worked hard for what we had" (gratitude) and "Hey, you exhibit qualities I find worthy, and the person you are is someone I admire" (respect).

[Tackle and Tickle]

Respect your Elders. I think the country has gone down hill after people got so gun ho against spanking as abusive behavior. I read the post here and feel most people think that there is no reason to respect your elders. I keep hearing respect has to be earned, well what makes you think parents or other elders (grandparents) have not earned this respect. Just because they have not earned it in your eyes. Society has rules to follow and Adults teach the children these rules raise and provide for these children and all they ask is respect.

[HMS Thunder Child]

I Shall Give You NoMercy

Oh god don't even get me started.
In the LD a few years ago, me and my friend were trying to comfort each other since we both had abuisve guardians (my mom and her grandma.) Literally out of nowhere, this random batshit poster started accusing us of being "selfish brats" and told us we deserved it because parents and grandmas are apparently always in the right no matter what, no questions asked.
And for the record, my friend's grandma had recently threatened to kill her, and my mom kicked me out of the house in the middle of winter on my 15th birthday.
But no, she was right. Totally our fault. rolleyes

This reminds me a few years back to that incident of that redneck dad who recorded himself shooting his daughter's laptop, just because she made a tweet complainting about chores. It made me sick that so many people were patting him on the back, ignoring the psychological consequences parents destroying their children's property can do to them. People are always willing to support abuse against children as long as they think they deserve it. Ugh, I hope that b*****d got a stroke.

People who act like parents can never do wrong and the kid is always to blame are literal garbage. They are pure scum to society.

Exactly.

And the saddest part is kids who grow up hating that their parents do this crap to them tend to grow to do it themselves I've noticed. Not all, certainly (not meaning to point at you or anything) but I know people from school who used to bemoan their parents and now that they're married with kids they're the same kind of awful they used to talk about.

[HMS Thunder Child]

Tackle and Tickle

Respect your Elders. I think the country has gone down hill after people got so gun ho against spanking as abusive behavior. I read the post here and feel most people think that there is no reason to respect your elders. I keep hearing respect has to be earned, well what makes you think parents or other elders (grandparents) have not earned this respect. Just because they have not earned it in your eyes. Society has rules to follow and Adults teach the children these rules raise and provide for these children and all they ask is respect.

If you abuse your kids in any way, you are not deserving of respect. I'd say most parents have engaged in abusive behavior because most of it is socially acceptable. Verbal and emotional abuse more than physical abuse now, but it's still abuse. They are owed zero respect.

And why is it that children are expected to be grateful for something they had no control over?

THANKS MOM/DAD FOR NOT ABORTING ME I OWE YOU BIG TIME! My mom tried holding my birth over my head once. I made her cry by telling her she should have aborted me then.

[Lightning the Lulu]

Tackle and Tickle

Respect your Elders.

What for?

Quote:

I think the country has gone down hill after people got so gun ho against spanking as abusive behavior.

Is that a spurious correlation I see? I love spurious correlations! Here's some more!

Quote:

I read the post here and feel most people think that there is no reason to respect your elders.

Wow, how did you arrive at that conclusion? Considering the way nobody is actually saying that and all.

Quote:

I keep hearing respect has to be earned, well what makes you think parents or other elders (grandparents) have not earned this respect.

Demonstrate in what way they have and maybe we can talk.

Quote:

Just because they have not earned it in your eyes.

That's how respect works, son.

Quote:

Society has rules to follow and Adults teach the children these rules raise and provide for these children and all they ask is respect.

Demonstrate why respect is a reasonable thing to demand in exchange for "teaching rules" and "providing for one's children" in the first place.

[Erholung]

I definitely do not believe that simply because I am the parent that I am automatically entitled to respect from my offspring. It absolutely must be a give and return sort of thing. What kind of person would I be if I just demanded respect yet did nothing to earn it?

“Because they owe you life, Brittney,” some would say, but is that really all there is to it? No. No, I simply do not want to believe that. They did not ask to be born so to expect some form of unconditional respect for birthing them into the world does not equate with me. Neither does the idea that because I am older that I should have some power over them.

Children will be defiant, children will have attitudes and children will talk back. It’s to be expected. They are their own independent individuals finding some identity in this big, scary world. As an adult, I need to use my patience, understanding and open communication with my children to help better mold their path, shape their person and help them find their identity through the struggles of growth and life. Shoving my opinions down their throats with absolute rules of authority and no chance for compromise and communication only breeds resentment and rebellion.

Think about the phrase “because I said so” and about whomever it was that said that to you and recall how you felt about the situation. Probably not very good. No one likes that phrase and there’s no reason to use it. There should always be a time for reasoning, compromise and communication.

These things help breed respect and not resentment. You become an adult, a guardian or parent worth respecting.

[Bogotanian]

Good thing I respect my parents. I'm thankful for all that they've done for me, in fact I like seeing them and hanging out the few times I get to.

[catspook]

Erholung

Think about the phrase “because I said so” and about whomever it was that said that to you and recall how you felt about the situation. Probably not very good. No one likes that phrase and there’s no reason to use it.

Yes! Not to mention that it's incredibly confusing - if you don't know why a behavior is good or bad, how are you supposed to apply the lesson to different situations? IMO, if you can't give a reason as to why a behavior is good or bad, you have no business telling your kid they can or can't do it. Even "Because it bothers me" is better than "because I said so" - at least it's a reason.

[The Herald of War]

catspook

Erholung

Think about the phrase “because I said so” and about whomever it was that said that to you and recall how you felt about the situation. Probably not very good. No one likes that phrase and there’s no reason to use it.

Yes! Not to mention that it's incredibly confusing - if you don't know why a behavior is good or bad, how are you supposed to apply the lesson to different situations? IMO, if you can't give a reason as to why a behavior is good or bad, you have no business telling your kid they can or can't do it. Even "Because it bothers me" is better than "because I said so" - at least it's a reason.

To be fair, some things aren't easy to just explain to a kid, depending on the age. But particularly as they get old there's more that can be explained.

[The Herald of War]

Tackle and Tickle

Respect your Elders. I think the country has gone down hill after people got so gun ho against spanking as abusive behavior. I read the post here and feel most people think that there is no reason to respect your elders. I keep hearing respect has to be earned, well what makes you think parents or other elders (grandparents) have not earned this respect. Just because they have not earned it in your eyes. Society has rules to follow and Adults teach the children these rules raise and provide for these children and all they ask is respect.

You think you can really ask for respect in return for following basic responsibilities? You bring a kid into the world it's a basic responsibility to teach them. Gratitude is owed for being well taken care of. Respect is owed to people who show themselves to be decent people. Being a parent alone doesn't make one a decent person, age doesn't either.

Perhaps you're some religious nut and so it escapes you that people want to see evidence of things for themselves sometimes. But quite frankly you have to be utterly self-absorbed to think that earning the respect of others is supposed to mean something to someone who hasn't seen the reasons for themselves.

[Lightning the Lulu]

The Herald of War

catspook

Erholung

Think about the phrase “because I said so” and about whomever it was that said that to you and recall how you felt about the situation. Probably not very good. No one likes that phrase and there’s no reason to use it.

Yes! Not to mention that it's incredibly confusing - if you don't know why a behavior is good or bad, how are you supposed to apply the lesson to different situations? IMO, if you can't give a reason as to why a behavior is good or bad, you have no business telling your kid they can or can't do it. Even "Because it bothers me" is better than "because I said so" - at least it's a reason.

To be fair, some things aren't easy to just explain to a kid, depending on the age. But particularly as they get old there's more that can be explained.

This is also true and so I use it extremely rarely and when I do, I remind them that I would not be offering it up if I had any other way to approach it at the time, promise they'll get more thorough explanations as they get older (reminding them of situations where that has been the case, if necessary) and ask them to trust me on this, for now, because Mom doesn't make a habit of of bullshitting people but sometimes a parent has got to ask things of children for their own good that the kids are not able to understand the need for just yet.

This usually works. It is prudent to note that my kids are permitted to complain about it as long as they comply. I do not always like hearing the complaints but I know "because I said so" sucks to hear and they're people with feelings so tough break for us all that time around.

[The Herald of War]

The Legendary Guest

The Herald of War

catspook

Erholung

Think about the phrase “because I said so” and about whomever it was that said that to you and recall how you felt about the situation. Probably not very good. No one likes that phrase and there’s no reason to use it.

Yes! Not to mention that it's incredibly confusing - if you don't know why a behavior is good or bad, how are you supposed to apply the lesson to different situations? IMO, if you can't give a reason as to why a behavior is good or bad, you have no business telling your kid they can or can't do it. Even "Because it bothers me" is better than "because I said so" - at least it's a reason.

To be fair, some things aren't easy to just explain to a kid, depending on the age. But particularly as they get old there's more that can be explained.

This is also true and so I use it extremely rarely and when I do, I remind them that I would not be offering it up if I had any other way to approach it at the time, promise they'll get more thorough explanations as they get older (reminding them of situations where that has been the case, if necessary) and ask them to trust me on this, for now, because Mom doesn't make a habit of of bullshitting people but sometimes a parent has got to ask things of children for their own good that the kids are not able to understand the need for just yet.

This usually works. It is prudent to note that my kids are permitted to complain about it as long as they comply. I do not always like hearing the complaints but I know "because I said so" sucks to hear and they're people with feelings so tough break for us all that time around.

That makes a lot of sense and it seems like a good way to raise kids that understand things, not just do crap just because someone told them it's supposed to be that way. That's how I'd think people would want to set their kids on being as adults, people who know why they ought to do things so they don't just fall for any old BS.

[Lightning the Lulu]

The Herald of War

The Legendary Guest

The Herald of War

catspook

Erholung

Think about the phrase “because I said so” and about whomever it was that said that to you and recall how you felt about the situation. Probably not very good. No one likes that phrase and there’s no reason to use it.

Yes! Not to mention that it's incredibly confusing - if you don't know why a behavior is good or bad, how are you supposed to apply the lesson to different situations? IMO, if you can't give a reason as to why a behavior is good or bad, you have no business telling your kid they can or can't do it. Even "Because it bothers me" is better than "because I said so" - at least it's a reason.

To be fair, some things aren't easy to just explain to a kid, depending on the age. But particularly as they get old there's more that can be explained.

This is also true and so I use it extremely rarely and when I do, I remind them that I would not be offering it up if I had any other way to approach it at the time, promise they'll get more thorough explanations as they get older (reminding them of situations where that has been the case, if necessary) and ask them to trust me on this, for now, because Mom doesn't make a habit of of bullshitting people but sometimes a parent has got to ask things of children for their own good that the kids are not able to understand the need for just yet.

This usually works. It is prudent to note that my kids are permitted to complain about it as long as they comply. I do not always like hearing the complaints but I know "because I said so" sucks to hear and they're people with feelings so tough break for us all that time around.

That makes a lot of sense and it seems like a good way to raise kids that understand things, not just do crap just because someone told them it's supposed to be that way. That's how I'd think people would want to set their kids on being as adults, people who know why they ought to do things so they don't just fall for any old BS.

Thank you. It's not easy when so many people in my generation seem to be ******** thrilled about turning into the parents they said they'd never be like. There's a big difference between giving your kids a set of (arbitrary) rules and telling them what to think vs. teaching them what morality is and how to think. I don't know wtf these people can possibly be thinking except that they're going to live forever and dispense advice like Pez for these kids to swallow.

My job is to teach them how to leave me, and live without me, because people aren't permanent. It's just hella rude to cripple your kids so that they need you to wipe their asses all their lives because you're afraid of death.

[The Herald of War]

The Legendary Guest

The Herald of War

The Legendary Guest

The Herald of War

catspook

Erholung

Think about the phrase “because I said so” and about whomever it was that said that to you and recall how you felt about the situation. Probably not very good. No one likes that phrase and there’s no reason to use it.

Yes! Not to mention that it's incredibly confusing - if you don't know why a behavior is good or bad, how are you supposed to apply the lesson to different situations? IMO, if you can't give a reason as to why a behavior is good or bad, you have no business telling your kid they can or can't do it. Even "Because it bothers me" is better than "because I said so" - at least it's a reason.

To be fair, some things aren't easy to just explain to a kid, depending on the age. But particularly as they get old there's more that can be explained.

This is also true and so I use it extremely rarely and when I do, I remind them that I would not be offering it up if I had any other way to approach it at the time, promise they'll get more thorough explanations as they get older (reminding them of situations where that has been the case, if necessary) and ask them to trust me on this, for now, because Mom doesn't make a habit of of bullshitting people but sometimes a parent has got to ask things of children for their own good that the kids are not able to understand the need for just yet.

This usually works. It is prudent to note that my kids are permitted to complain about it as long as they comply. I do not always like hearing the complaints but I know "because I said so" sucks to hear and they're people with feelings so tough break for us all that time around.

That makes a lot of sense and it seems like a good way to raise kids that understand things, not just do crap just because someone told them it's supposed to be that way. That's how I'd think people would want to set their kids on being as adults, people who know why they ought to do things so they don't just fall for any old BS.

Thank you. It's not easy when so many people in my generation seem to be ******** thrilled about turning into the parents they said they'd never be like. There's a big difference between giving your kids a set of (arbitrary) rules and telling them what to think vs. teaching them what morality is and how to think. I don't know wtf these people can possibly be thinking except that they're going to live forever and dispense advice like Pez for these kids to swallow.

My job is to teach them how to leave me, and live without me, because people aren't permanent. It's just hella rude to cripple your kids so that they need you to wipe their asses all their lives because you're afraid of death.

Well most likely they expect their kids to do as they do and fall back on whatever traditional nonsense they imparted to them when they were young. Not that tradition is bad per se, but when you don't know why you're doing what you do it's kinda stupid.

But yeah, I like the idea that you're trying to teach them to live without you. That's the eventual goal, you want them to be able to be independent and able to succeed on their own.

[I AM R U]

The Herald of War

Generally there are reasons to be grateful to parents, at the very least for financial support for the start of your life. And when you're young and don't know much it's generally best to defer to people who know more, which your parents generally qualify as.

But when it comes to actually having respect for them, I think that really depends on how they've acted, just like when it comes to respecting anyone else. Being your parent doesn't mean anything in and of itself as far as respect goes. For instance an abusive parent deserves no respect. How someone acts determines the respect they ought to get.

Hmmm, I may be misunderstanding your use of "grateful" here... But I don't see any reason for being 'grateful' to my parents for raising me - no child asks to be born, and the responsibilities parents take on when they decide to have children are theirs alone, and no child should feel grateful for their care or for not being abused, abandoned etc.

I agree with what you say about respect though.