Isolation in Japan

[Riviera de la Mancha]

Eh, I don't know dude, but it seems to me like a fair amount of this loneliness you are experiencing is self-imposed.

I have read several of your posts and all you seem to do is go to bars. I don't care where you go in this world - bars are TERRIBLE places to meet people.

When you go somewhere, you say you only go when you have a purpose, which you defined as going to meet someone you already know, or accompanying a friend. You can't meet anyone new if you only hang with people you know.

I would take this opportunity to be more adventurous than you would in the US. I mean, how likely will it be that you will see anyone in that town again? Do you plan on living there where you are in Japan? If not, then why care what people will think? If I were you, I would be going into random bars and restaurants, forcing my way into conversations, chatting with strangers, going to random events, etc. I mean, ********, YOU ARE IN JAPAN. Not many people can say that they have been there.

Plus, you seem to have the added advantage of being a foreigner around people who have met few outsiders, if nothing else, make a game of going out. Sometimes when I used to travel on my own, I would make up a totally fictitious persona before going out and would then live that life out when I went out on the town. My goal was to see who, and how many, people I could fool and how far I could carry it before I had to abandon ship.

[I AM R U]

Riviera de la Mancha

Eh, I don't know dude, but it seems to me like a fair amount of this loneliness you are experiencing is self-imposed.

I have read several of your posts and all you seem to do is go to bars. I don't care where you go in this world - bars are TERRIBLE places to meet people.

When you go somewhere, you say you only go when you have a purpose, which you defined as going to meet someone you already know, or accompanying a friend. You can't meet anyone new if you only hang with people you know.

I would take this opportunity to be more adventurous than you would in the US. I mean, how likely will it be that you will see anyone in that town again? Do you plan on living there where you are in Japan? If not, then why care what people will think? If I were you, I would be going into random bars and restaurants, forcing my way into conversations, chatting with strangers, going to random events, etc. I mean, ********, YOU ARE IN JAPAN. Not many people can say that they have been there.

Plus, you seem to have the added advantage of being a foreigner around people who have met few outsiders, if nothing else, make a game of going out. Sometimes when I used to travel on my own, I would make up a totally fictitious persona before going out and would then live that life out when I went out on the town. My goal was to see who, and how many, people I could fool and how far I could carry it before I had to abandon ship.

Trying to chat up random strangers often really won't work in Japan - aside from the fact they might actively run away from you, they almost certainly won't be amicable to conversation... As much as people make jokes out of Japan and how polite it is, it really is a completely different culture to America, Australia, the UK, and Europe... Even compared to other Asian cultures, its incredibly reserved, polite, and isolating - people do not introduce themselves to strangers with no reason, its considered rude and strange. Bars are a good place to meet people because they are actually hubs of social activity, particularly amongst professionals - drunkenness is encouraged in Japanese society, in certain social activities to the point where people pretend to be more intoxicated than they are - and there aren't as many other places to meet people, other than organised activities and festivals. Being a foreigner isn't an advantage the way you describe it - it's more likely to make you a person of suspicion than interest, in many places.

Plus, I believe he is actually living and working there - that means trying to establish relationships, so making up stories wouldn't really be a good idea, I wouldn't think.

[Riviera de la Mancha]

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

Eh, I don't know dude, but it seems to me like a fair amount of this loneliness you are experiencing is self-imposed.

I have read several of your posts and all you seem to do is go to bars. I don't care where you go in this world - bars are TERRIBLE places to meet people.

When you go somewhere, you say you only go when you have a purpose, which you defined as going to meet someone you already know, or accompanying a friend. You can't meet anyone new if you only hang with people you know.

I would take this opportunity to be more adventurous than you would in the US. I mean, how likely will it be that you will see anyone in that town again? Do you plan on living there where you are in Japan? If not, then why care what people will think? If I were you, I would be going into random bars and restaurants, forcing my way into conversations, chatting with strangers, going to random events, etc. I mean, ********, YOU ARE IN JAPAN. Not many people can say that they have been there.

Plus, you seem to have the added advantage of being a foreigner around people who have met few outsiders, if nothing else, make a game of going out. Sometimes when I used to travel on my own, I would make up a totally fictitious persona before going out and would then live that life out when I went out on the town. My goal was to see who, and how many, people I could fool and how far I could carry it before I had to abandon ship.

Trying to chat up random strangers often really won't work in Japan - aside from the fact they might actively run away from you, they almost certainly won't be amicable to conversation... As much as people make jokes out of Japan and how polite it is, it really is a completely different culture to America, Australia, the UK, and Europe... Even compared to other Asian cultures, its incredibly reserved, polite, and isolating - people do not introduce themselves to strangers with no reason, its considered rude and strange. Bars are a good place to meet people because they are actually hubs of social activity, particularly amongst professionals - drunkenness is encouraged in Japanese society, in certain social activities to the point where people pretend to be more intoxicated than they are - and there aren't as many other places to meet people, other than organised activities and festivals. Being a foreigner isn't an advantage the way you describe it - it's more likely to make you a person of suspicion than interest, in many places.

Plus, I believe he is actually living and working there - that means trying to establish relationships, so making up stories wouldn't really be a good idea, I wouldn't think.

Then be rude and strange. You are foreigner - you are supposed to be that way.

If a bar is so big, then introduce yourself at a bar then. And if you are going to be regarded as suspicious, then that only makes it more fun to me, not less so. Then I can really have some fun with stories. At the end of the day, suspicion is a kind of interest.

All I know is, if I were so lucky as to be in Japan, I would get into all kinds of shenanigans, rudeness or weirdness notwithstanding. Again, unless you are intending to live there permanently, I don't see the sense in being so apprehensive with introducing yourself.

[Buki_Actual]

SHOSHIRO-AKAMARU

I AM R U

SHOSHIRO-AKAMARU

I agree that Japan can be isolating for foreigners - it can be difficult to initiate conversation, people certainly come across as distant/rude and its not common for strangers to interact at all. Personally, I found having a local introduce me/show me around opened a lot of doors and encouraged other locals to be friendly - going to local festivals (mochi making, in my case) and markets (if your town has one) helped too, by becoming more familiar...

I lived in a very isolated, outer suburbs part of Osaka, where tourists don't visit at all - very homogenous, no one from overseas had ever been there before. My worst experience was having children run crying away from me, because I was foreign and therefore scary (they'd never seen a non-Japanese person ever before), but I also had the opportunity to visit people and engage in conversation over drinks/food at their houses, thanks to my okaason...

Good luck though!!! Ganbatte!

I've actually out and about relatively a lot, but I have a rule now that I don't go anywhere unless I have an express purpose or an acquaintance (like another English teacher from my organization) that would go with me. I've had too many bad experiences... sometimes it's just an exhausting waste of time, other times I get a toothless old drunk guy slurring his words worse than the Aomori dialect.
Why'd it have to be the weird old guy that approaches me out of the blue? What a drag...

I think that's the way to do it, have a more native buddy roll you into things. That's my plan when I go over there, hang with my buddy who came Stateside for school and hope for the best.

You said you're in Obihiro area? Got a car?

[I AM R U]

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

Eh, I don't know dude, but it seems to me like a fair amount of this loneliness you are experiencing is self-imposed.

I have read several of your posts and all you seem to do is go to bars. I don't care where you go in this world - bars are TERRIBLE places to meet people.

When you go somewhere, you say you only go when you have a purpose, which you defined as going to meet someone you already know, or accompanying a friend. You can't meet anyone new if you only hang with people you know.

I would take this opportunity to be more adventurous than you would in the US. I mean, how likely will it be that you will see anyone in that town again? Do you plan on living there where you are in Japan? If not, then why care what people will think? If I were you, I would be going into random bars and restaurants, forcing my way into conversations, chatting with strangers, going to random events, etc. I mean, ********, YOU ARE IN JAPAN. Not many people can say that they have been there.

Plus, you seem to have the added advantage of being a foreigner around people who have met few outsiders, if nothing else, make a game of going out. Sometimes when I used to travel on my own, I would make up a totally fictitious persona before going out and would then live that life out when I went out on the town. My goal was to see who, and how many, people I could fool and how far I could carry it before I had to abandon ship.

Trying to chat up random strangers often really won't work in Japan - aside from the fact they might actively run away from you, they almost certainly won't be amicable to conversation... As much as people make jokes out of Japan and how polite it is, it really is a completely different culture to America, Australia, the UK, and Europe... Even compared to other Asian cultures, its incredibly reserved, polite, and isolating - people do not introduce themselves to strangers with no reason, its considered rude and strange. Bars are a good place to meet people because they are actually hubs of social activity, particularly amongst professionals - drunkenness is encouraged in Japanese society, in certain social activities to the point where people pretend to be more intoxicated than they are - and there aren't as many other places to meet people, other than organised activities and festivals. Being a foreigner isn't an advantage the way you describe it - it's more likely to make you a person of suspicion than interest, in many places.

Plus, I believe he is actually living and working there - that means trying to establish relationships, so making up stories wouldn't really be a good idea, I wouldn't think.

Then be rude and strange. You are foreigner - you are supposed to be that way.

If a bar is so big, then introduce yourself at a bar then. And if you are going to be regarded as suspicious, then that only makes it more fun to me, not less so. Then I can really have some fun with stories. At the end of the day, suspicion is a kind of interest.

All I know is, if I were so lucky as to be in Japan, I would get into all kinds of shenanigans, rudeness or weirdness notwithstanding. Again, unless you are intending to live there permanently, I don't see the sense in being so apprehensive with introducing yourself.

The Japanese often already have poor opinions of foreigners - reinforcing them doesn't seem like a wonderful idea to me, and exhibiting loud, rude and purposely strange behaviour would be offensive, given any knowledge of Japanese manners.

Again, he is intending/is living and working in a community - he wants to make friends, and behaving how you suggest would only result in him being ostracized and avoided.

[Riviera de la Mancha]

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

Eh, I don't know dude, but it seems to me like a fair amount of this loneliness you are experiencing is self-imposed.

I have read several of your posts and all you seem to do is go to bars. I don't care where you go in this world - bars are TERRIBLE places to meet people.

When you go somewhere, you say you only go when you have a purpose, which you defined as going to meet someone you already know, or accompanying a friend. You can't meet anyone new if you only hang with people you know.

I would take this opportunity to be more adventurous than you would in the US. I mean, how likely will it be that you will see anyone in that town again? Do you plan on living there where you are in Japan? If not, then why care what people will think? If I were you, I would be going into random bars and restaurants, forcing my way into conversations, chatting with strangers, going to random events, etc. I mean, ********, YOU ARE IN JAPAN. Not many people can say that they have been there.

Plus, you seem to have the added advantage of being a foreigner around people who have met few outsiders, if nothing else, make a game of going out. Sometimes when I used to travel on my own, I would make up a totally fictitious persona before going out and would then live that life out when I went out on the town. My goal was to see who, and how many, people I could fool and how far I could carry it before I had to abandon ship.

Trying to chat up random strangers often really won't work in Japan - aside from the fact they might actively run away from you, they almost certainly won't be amicable to conversation... As much as people make jokes out of Japan and how polite it is, it really is a completely different culture to America, Australia, the UK, and Europe... Even compared to other Asian cultures, its incredibly reserved, polite, and isolating - people do not introduce themselves to strangers with no reason, its considered rude and strange. Bars are a good place to meet people because they are actually hubs of social activity, particularly amongst professionals - drunkenness is encouraged in Japanese society, in certain social activities to the point where people pretend to be more intoxicated than they are - and there aren't as many other places to meet people, other than organised activities and festivals. Being a foreigner isn't an advantage the way you describe it - it's more likely to make you a person of suspicion than interest, in many places.

Plus, I believe he is actually living and working there - that means trying to establish relationships, so making up stories wouldn't really be a good idea, I wouldn't think.

Then be rude and strange. You are foreigner - you are supposed to be that way.

If a bar is so big, then introduce yourself at a bar then. And if you are going to be regarded as suspicious, then that only makes it more fun to me, not less so. Then I can really have some fun with stories. At the end of the day, suspicion is a kind of interest.

All I know is, if I were so lucky as to be in Japan, I would get into all kinds of shenanigans, rudeness or weirdness notwithstanding. Again, unless you are intending to live there permanently, I don't see the sense in being so apprehensive with introducing yourself.

The Japanese often already have poor opinions of foreigners - reinforcing them doesn't seem like a wonderful idea to me, and exhibiting loud, rude and purposely strange behaviour would be offensive, given any knowledge of Japanese manners.

Again, he is intending/is living and working in a community - he wants to make friends, and behaving how you suggest would only result in him being ostracized and avoided.

What seems like a particularly lame idea to me is to invest all the time, energy, and funds to go and live on the other side of the world and then let local biases or self-imposed apprehension to dictate the experience I have. If that's going to be the case, I'd have rather have saved myself the expense and headache and not have gone at all. Takes a little bit of that Lewis and Clark mentality to have fun when you travel is my point.

According to you and some of his own comments, he is already pretty ostracized and excluded by virtue of being a foreigner. Can't go much lower than the bottom, so might as well double-down and enjoy the ride. Certainly seems a lot better than sitting around making a Gaia thread about how lonely you are. This is especially going to be the case where, as I have said, you have no interest in making the place your permanent home. Intending to live and work does not amount to intending to make the place your permanent home.

[I AM R U]

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

Eh, I don't know dude, but it seems to me like a fair amount of this loneliness you are experiencing is self-imposed.

I have read several of your posts and all you seem to do is go to bars. I don't care where you go in this world - bars are TERRIBLE places to meet people.

When you go somewhere, you say you only go when you have a purpose, which you defined as going to meet someone you already know, or accompanying a friend. You can't meet anyone new if you only hang with people you know.

I would take this opportunity to be more adventurous than you would in the US. I mean, how likely will it be that you will see anyone in that town again? Do you plan on living there where you are in Japan? If not, then why care what people will think? If I were you, I would be going into random bars and restaurants, forcing my way into conversations, chatting with strangers, going to random events, etc. I mean, ********, YOU ARE IN JAPAN. Not many people can say that they have been there.

Plus, you seem to have the added advantage of being a foreigner around people who have met few outsiders, if nothing else, make a game of going out. Sometimes when I used to travel on my own, I would make up a totally fictitious persona before going out and would then live that life out when I went out on the town. My goal was to see who, and how many, people I could fool and how far I could carry it before I had to abandon ship.

Trying to chat up random strangers often really won't work in Japan - aside from the fact they might actively run away from you, they almost certainly won't be amicable to conversation... As much as people make jokes out of Japan and how polite it is, it really is a completely different culture to America, Australia, the UK, and Europe... Even compared to other Asian cultures, its incredibly reserved, polite, and isolating - people do not introduce themselves to strangers with no reason, its considered rude and strange. Bars are a good place to meet people because they are actually hubs of social activity, particularly amongst professionals - drunkenness is encouraged in Japanese society, in certain social activities to the point where people pretend to be more intoxicated than they are - and there aren't as many other places to meet people, other than organised activities and festivals. Being a foreigner isn't an advantage the way you describe it - it's more likely to make you a person of suspicion than interest, in many places.

Plus, I believe he is actually living and working there - that means trying to establish relationships, so making up stories wouldn't really be a good idea, I wouldn't think.

Then be rude and strange. You are foreigner - you are supposed to be that way.

If a bar is so big, then introduce yourself at a bar then. And if you are going to be regarded as suspicious, then that only makes it more fun to me, not less so. Then I can really have some fun with stories. At the end of the day, suspicion is a kind of interest.

All I know is, if I were so lucky as to be in Japan, I would get into all kinds of shenanigans, rudeness or weirdness notwithstanding. Again, unless you are intending to live there permanently, I don't see the sense in being so apprehensive with introducing yourself.

The Japanese often already have poor opinions of foreigners - reinforcing them doesn't seem like a wonderful idea to me, and exhibiting loud, rude and purposely strange behaviour would be offensive, given any knowledge of Japanese manners.

Again, he is intending/is living and working in a community - he wants to make friends, and behaving how you suggest would only result in him being ostracized and avoided.

What seems like a particularly lame idea to me is to invest all the time, energy, and funds to go and live on the other side of the world and then let local biases or self-imposed apprehension to dictate the experience I have. If that's going to be the case, I'd have rather have saved myself the expense and headache and not have gone at all. Takes a little bit of that Lewis and Clark mentality to have fun when you travel is my point.

Its your prerogative to act how you wish.

Quote:

According to you and some of his own comments, he is already pretty ostracized and excluded by virtue of being a foreigner. Can't go much lower than the bottom, so might as well double-down and enjoy the ride. Certainly seems a lot better than sitting around making a Gaia thread about how lonely you are. This is especially going to be the case where, as I have said, you have no interest in making the place your permanent home. Intending to live and work does not amount to intending to make the place your permanent home.

Well, he has to work with people, and it would certainly make his life harder if they refuse to talk to him, for example. For all either of us know, he does plan to make Japan a permanent home.

[Riviera de la Mancha]

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Trying to chat up random strangers often really won't work in Japan - aside from the fact they might actively run away from you, they almost certainly won't be amicable to conversation... As much as people make jokes out of Japan and how polite it is, it really is a completely different culture to America, Australia, the UK, and Europe... Even compared to other Asian cultures, its incredibly reserved, polite, and isolating - people do not introduce themselves to strangers with no reason, its considered rude and strange. Bars are a good place to meet people because they are actually hubs of social activity, particularly amongst professionals - drunkenness is encouraged in Japanese society, in certain social activities to the point where people pretend to be more intoxicated than they are - and there aren't as many other places to meet people, other than organised activities and festivals. Being a foreigner isn't an advantage the way you describe it - it's more likely to make you a person of suspicion than interest, in many places.

Plus, I believe he is actually living and working there - that means trying to establish relationships, so making up stories wouldn't really be a good idea, I wouldn't think.

Then be rude and strange. You are foreigner - you are supposed to be that way.

If a bar is so big, then introduce yourself at a bar then. And if you are going to be regarded as suspicious, then that only makes it more fun to me, not less so. Then I can really have some fun with stories. At the end of the day, suspicion is a kind of interest.

All I know is, if I were so lucky as to be in Japan, I would get into all kinds of shenanigans, rudeness or weirdness notwithstanding. Again, unless you are intending to live there permanently, I don't see the sense in being so apprehensive with introducing yourself.

The Japanese often already have poor opinions of foreigners - reinforcing them doesn't seem like a wonderful idea to me, and exhibiting loud, rude and purposely strange behaviour would be offensive, given any knowledge of Japanese manners.

Again, he is intending/is living and working in a community - he wants to make friends, and behaving how you suggest would only result in him being ostracized and avoided.

What seems like a particularly lame idea to me is to invest all the time, energy, and funds to go and live on the other side of the world and then let local biases or self-imposed apprehension to dictate the experience I have. If that's going to be the case, I'd have rather have saved myself the expense and headache and not have gone at all. Takes a little bit of that Lewis and Clark mentality to have fun when you travel is my point.

Its your prerogative to act how you wish.

Quote:

According to you and some of his own comments, he is already pretty ostracized and excluded by virtue of being a foreigner. Can't go much lower than the bottom, so might as well double-down and enjoy the ride. Certainly seems a lot better than sitting around making a Gaia thread about how lonely you are. This is especially going to be the case where, as I have said, you have no interest in making the place your permanent home. Intending to live and work does not amount to intending to make the place your permanent home.

Well, he has to work with people, and it would certainly make his life harder if they refuse to talk to him, for example. For all either of us know, he does plan to make Japan a permanent home.

We also don't have it confirmed either that he wants to make it his permanent home.

And I am just trying to figure out what's the pro to not acting as I have advised. Seems like the alternatives are to sit around in your room and make Gaia threads, go and hang out with people you already know, or have a lame time drinking on your own at a bar. None of those seem really desirable.

[SHOSHIRO-AKAMARU]

I AM R U

Probably a good rule, I found people fairly suspicious and unfriendly when I went out on my own... And yeah, old drunk guys -.- I got groped on a train by one, but there's basically nothing you can do :/

Have you been anywhere else? I didn't leave Honshu when I was there...

I have been to Sapporo, Otaru, Obihiro, and Memuro, all place in Hokkaido.

I kinda don't have a reason to go to Honshu, in all honesty. If I wanted to do some sightseeing or go to a festival, maybe, but neither of those can fit in with my schedule since I used up most of my vacation days to visit my family back in America.

[I AM R U]

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

Then be rude and strange. You are foreigner - you are supposed to be that way.

If a bar is so big, then introduce yourself at a bar then. And if you are going to be regarded as suspicious, then that only makes it more fun to me, not less so. Then I can really have some fun with stories. At the end of the day, suspicion is a kind of interest.

All I know is, if I were so lucky as to be in Japan, I would get into all kinds of shenanigans, rudeness or weirdness notwithstanding. Again, unless you are intending to live there permanently, I don't see the sense in being so apprehensive with introducing yourself.

The Japanese often already have poor opinions of foreigners - reinforcing them doesn't seem like a wonderful idea to me, and exhibiting loud, rude and purposely strange behaviour would be offensive, given any knowledge of Japanese manners.

Again, he is intending/is living and working in a community - he wants to make friends, and behaving how you suggest would only result in him being ostracized and avoided.

What seems like a particularly lame idea to me is to invest all the time, energy, and funds to go and live on the other side of the world and then let local biases or self-imposed apprehension to dictate the experience I have. If that's going to be the case, I'd have rather have saved myself the expense and headache and not have gone at all. Takes a little bit of that Lewis and Clark mentality to have fun when you travel is my point.

Its your prerogative to act how you wish.

Quote:

According to you and some of his own comments, he is already pretty ostracized and excluded by virtue of being a foreigner. Can't go much lower than the bottom, so might as well double-down and enjoy the ride. Certainly seems a lot better than sitting around making a Gaia thread about how lonely you are. This is especially going to be the case where, as I have said, you have no interest in making the place your permanent home. Intending to live and work does not amount to intending to make the place your permanent home.

Well, he has to work with people, and it would certainly make his life harder if they refuse to talk to him, for example. For all either of us know, he does plan to make Japan a permanent home.

We also don't have it confirmed either that he wants to make it his permanent home.

And I am just trying to figure out what's the pro to not acting as I have advised. Seems like the alternatives are to sit around in your room and make Gaia threads, go and hang out with people you already know, or have a lame time drinking on your own at a bar. None of those seem really desirable.

Personally, I've made some other suggestions - going to local festivals, and asking people you do know to introduce you around to new people.

I mean, it can be good to put yourself out there, but in his situation it may not be worth burning bridges.

And it really is very different in Japan to other Asian countries, Europe... Japan is exceptionally isolating, and people can be unbelievably unfriendly while still being unfailingly polite.

[I AM R U]

SHOSHIRO-AKAMARU

I AM R U

Probably a good rule, I found people fairly suspicious and unfriendly when I went out on my own... And yeah, old drunk guys -.- I got groped on a train by one, but there's basically nothing you can do :/

Have you been anywhere else? I didn't leave Honshu when I was there...

I have been to Sapporo, Otaru, Obihiro, and Memuro, all place in Hokkaido.

I kinda don't have a reason to go to Honshu, in all honesty. If I wanted to do some sightseeing or go to a festival, maybe, but neither of those can fit in with my schedule since I used up most of my vacation days to visit my family back in America.

I lived in Osaka, but went to school in Kobe, and traveled around Tokyo, Hiroshima and Kyoto. I was so busy I didn't really go anywhere else, but there were a few places I really wanted to go, Sapporo included!

[Riviera de la Mancha]

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

The Japanese often already have poor opinions of foreigners - reinforcing them doesn't seem like a wonderful idea to me, and exhibiting loud, rude and purposely strange behaviour would be offensive, given any knowledge of Japanese manners.

Again, he is intending/is living and working in a community - he wants to make friends, and behaving how you suggest would only result in him being ostracized and avoided.

What seems like a particularly lame idea to me is to invest all the time, energy, and funds to go and live on the other side of the world and then let local biases or self-imposed apprehension to dictate the experience I have. If that's going to be the case, I'd have rather have saved myself the expense and headache and not have gone at all. Takes a little bit of that Lewis and Clark mentality to have fun when you travel is my point.

Its your prerogative to act how you wish.

Quote:

According to you and some of his own comments, he is already pretty ostracized and excluded by virtue of being a foreigner. Can't go much lower than the bottom, so might as well double-down and enjoy the ride. Certainly seems a lot better than sitting around making a Gaia thread about how lonely you are. This is especially going to be the case where, as I have said, you have no interest in making the place your permanent home. Intending to live and work does not amount to intending to make the place your permanent home.

Well, he has to work with people, and it would certainly make his life harder if they refuse to talk to him, for example. For all either of us know, he does plan to make Japan a permanent home.

We also don't have it confirmed either that he wants to make it his permanent home.

And I am just trying to figure out what's the pro to not acting as I have advised. Seems like the alternatives are to sit around in your room and make Gaia threads, go and hang out with people you already know, or have a lame time drinking on your own at a bar. None of those seem really desirable.

Personally, I've made some other suggestions - going to local festivals, and asking people you do know to introduce you around to new people.

I mean, it can be good to put yourself out there, but in his situation it may not be worth burning bridges.

And it really is very different in Japan to other Asian countries, Europe... Japan is exceptionally isolating, and people can be unbelievably unfriendly while still being unfailingly polite.

Who said anything about burning bridges?

[SHOSHIRO-AKAMARU]

Riviera de la Mancha

Eh, I don't know dude, but it seems to me like a fair amount of this loneliness you are experiencing is self-imposed.

I have read several of your posts and all you seem to do is go to bars. I don't care where you go in this world - bars are TERRIBLE places to meet people.

When you go somewhere, you say you only go when you have a purpose, which you defined as going to meet someone you already know, or accompanying a friend. You can't meet anyone new if you only hang with people you know.

I would take this opportunity to be more adventurous than you would in the US. I mean, how likely will it be that you will see anyone in that town again? Do you plan on living there where you are in Japan? If not, then why care what people will think? If I were you, I would be going into random bars and restaurants, forcing my way into conversations, chatting with strangers, going to random events, etc. I mean, ********, YOU ARE IN JAPAN. Not many people can say that they have been there.

Plus, you seem to have the added advantage of being a foreigner around people who have met few outsiders, if nothing else, make a game of going out. Sometimes when I used to travel on my own, I would make up a totally fictitious persona before going out and would then live that life out when I went out on the town. My goal was to see who, and how many, people I could fool and how far I could carry it before I had to abandon ship.

Firstly, I live and work in Japan, and I will be in Obihiro at least until May 2016, over a year from now.
Secondly, making up a persona defeats the purpose because I'm not trying to talk to people just to be showy. I'm trying to make friends, so I eventually have to talk about who I really am, and starting off with a lie is a good way to take the first step with the wrong foot.

Third, statistically, the odds that I run into someone I know in my city are about than 1 in 95 (Based on the number of students I teach across the different schools I work at and the faculty I work with too).
However, only a small number of that is comprised of coworkers, as I teach to a lot of students. Thus, if I'm at a bar, I'm unlikely to run into any of the students (since none are old enough to drink). Relationships between a teacher and a student are taboo anyway, and we're expected to be cold and strict in the classroom setting.

Anyway, it's a bad idea to lie to people when you actually live in the bloody area, and furthermore, I have nothing to gain by lying.

Putting on a mask is kind of the opposite of emotional expression, don't you think?

[I AM R U]

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

I AM R U

Riviera de la Mancha

What seems like a particularly lame idea to me is to invest all the time, energy, and funds to go and live on the other side of the world and then let local biases or self-imposed apprehension to dictate the experience I have. If that's going to be the case, I'd have rather have saved myself the expense and headache and not have gone at all. Takes a little bit of that Lewis and Clark mentality to have fun when you travel is my point.

Its your prerogative to act how you wish.

Quote:

According to you and some of his own comments, he is already pretty ostracized and excluded by virtue of being a foreigner. Can't go much lower than the bottom, so might as well double-down and enjoy the ride. Certainly seems a lot better than sitting around making a Gaia thread about how lonely you are. This is especially going to be the case where, as I have said, you have no interest in making the place your permanent home. Intending to live and work does not amount to intending to make the place your permanent home.

Well, he has to work with people, and it would certainly make his life harder if they refuse to talk to him, for example. For all either of us know, he does plan to make Japan a permanent home.

We also don't have it confirmed either that he wants to make it his permanent home.

And I am just trying to figure out what's the pro to not acting as I have advised. Seems like the alternatives are to sit around in your room and make Gaia threads, go and hang out with people you already know, or have a lame time drinking on your own at a bar. None of those seem really desirable.

Personally, I've made some other suggestions - going to local festivals, and asking people you do know to introduce you around to new people.

I mean, it can be good to put yourself out there, but in his situation it may not be worth burning bridges.

And it really is very different in Japan to other Asian countries, Europe... Japan is exceptionally isolating, and people can be unbelievably unfriendly while still being unfailingly polite.

Who said anything about burning bridges?

Well, I doubt people are going to be impressed if he lies to them and insults them :/

[SHOSHIRO-AKAMARU]

Capt Buckner CTO

I think that's the way to do it, have a more native buddy roll you into things. That's my plan when I go over there, hang with my buddy who came Stateside for school and hope for the best.

You said you're in Obihiro area? Got a car?

I am in Obihiro, Hokkaido, and no, I do not have access to a car.

I don't have access to a native buddy either, though the closest thing to that is my coworkers. I'm not sure how much they can help with my social situation though, given they are all teachers and office workers and they're not exactly "hitch-doctors", you know?