Facebook Parenting: For the Troubled Teen

[Nonesuch Solo]

Let's all make stupid assumptions! That he's violent! That he's a bad parent! That he needs to have CPS called on him! (They did; they found nothing wrong with the home life.) They should call the police! (They...thanked him.)

Quote:

HANNAH'S REACTION
For those that wondered, commented, criticized, and just in general wanted to know:
My daughter came through it fine.

Yes, she's in trouble, and yes she's grounded, but that doesn't mean every moment of her life has to be miserable. She's going to come to terms with the changes that will be present for a while; no TV privileges, no Internet, etc.

In the meantime, once the initial anger passed,... she sat with me reviewing some of the comments that have come in via Facebook and YouTube. One person even suggested collecting the shell casings and auctioning them on eBay. I said I’d do it if it would help contribute to her college fund! When I told her about it, she thought a minute, got a funny calculating expression on her face and said, “in that case you should shoot my phone too. We can use more bullets and I’ll go half-sies with ya on it! It’s not like I’m going to need it any time soon. And I can use the money we get to buy a new one.”

While the whole point of this story isn’t funny, what is funny to me is how weak some people out there think kids are. Our kids are as strong as we help them to be. My daughter took a horrible day in her life, had her crying fit, then got over it, accepted her punishment, and hasn’t let it (or people’s comments) destroy her strength. I don’t get any credit for that. She’s strong and able to overcome almost anything life throws at her.

Since this unsuspectingly threw her into the limelight much more strongly than either of us intended, I asked her if she wanted to make her own response video, and told her I’d let her do it if she wanted to. She doesn’t like being in front of the camera, so she declined, but I’ve told her if she wants to write a response or post a video response, I’d be OK with it. It’s only fair considering the viral nature of the whole thing. So far she’s not really interested. Quite frankly it seems she’s gotten bored of it much faster than the general public has. If that changes I’ll post it here.

[1]

Sounds like the poor girl is SO abused and traumatized and needs therapy for the rest of her life. Yep. Totally.

rolleyes

[I Shall Grant You NoMercy]

If you ask me, I think him posting it on Facebook where EVERYONE could see is rather cruel and heartless. If my dad posted a video on the Internet punshing me and it got a million hits over night, Id be pretty embarrassed and mortified.

[Mannequin Harpsichord]

Yeah I wonder about homework on there too. But I think he was pretty calm and respectful about it. Being a technical guy he probably backed up the computer. A teenage girl gone that far is out of control, I would have shot the laptop too, though probably not posted it on youtube because I find that tacky.

[Mannequin Harpsichord]

Horace Burtons Ghost

I also wondered what telling a person with no form of income of their own, still relying on parental support, that paying back the money wasted on a shot up laptop, is really going to achieve.

It is yet another hint to get a job. If you don't have income (even when allowed and encouraged to get a job) then you don't have the right to complain.

[TarablyTired]

I Shall Grant You NoMercy

If you ask me, I think him posting it on Facebook where EVERYONE could see is rather cruel and heartless. If my dad posted a video on the Internet punshing me and it got a million hits over night, Id be pretty embarrassed and mortified.

I suspect that was one point he was trying to make to the girl. Her father, mother, and step-mother were apparently very upset and quite mortified by his daughter's comments. She'd also done something similar in the past and been warned about her behavior; parenting is hard enough these days without having your kids get online and complain about the private family life for all the world to see and comment upon.

It's not like this child is abused. She sounds like a kid who comes from a family in which she's expected to do pretty typical chores like making her bed and emptying the dishwasher. Did her dad overreact? Yes, I think he did, but the child is okay and moving on with her life. It's time let them work it out on their own.

[GunsmithKitten]

Wow, surprising amount of support for the brat around here.

******** that kid. No sympy for an emo rant over chores that aren't even 20% of what I had to do at her age and without the privledge of my own laptop at that.

[marshmallowcreampie]

I think he overreacted, shooting the laptop was kind of over-the-top. However, that doesn't indicate he's a bad parent. I think he was justified in getting angry at her daughter, her letter was kind of bitchy. She doesn't think she should clean because they have a cleaning lady? ******** bullshit, she sounds like a self-entitled b***h. Boo freakin' hoo, your parents asked you to sweep the floor and make coffee. cat_rolleyes They pay for everything, and from what it sounds, she has a pretty good life. Her parents have enough money to buy her a laptop and hire someone to do chores. She apparently hasn't put much effort into looking for a job to pay for anything herself, the only reason I didn't get a job earlier than I did was that I had no transportation. (stupid older sister hogging the car...) When I DID have a job, I was able to stop asking my parents for money and I was glad for it. Most I asked for was car rides (since I couldn't drive...) but that was really about it, I even paid for a few things for my parents. My dad bought me a laptop as a graduation present, which he didn't do for my sister because she was a total ingrate who threw temper tantrums when she didn't get what she wanted. And she was in her late teens.

Personally if I were him I would've given the laptop to a poorer family, or at least sold it to a pawn shop and bought that totally cute Derpy Hooves bag I've been eyeing. cat_ninja

[marshmallowcreampie]

GunsmithKitten

Wow, surprising amount of support for the brat around here.

******** that kid. No sympy for an emo rant over chores that aren't even 20% of what I had to do at her age and without the privledge of my own laptop at that.

Tell me about it. She didn't seem overworked and she must've had it pretty good. Her parents had enough money to hire a maid, and buy her a laptop and other expensive things. The girl wasn't even working, wasn't even paying for her own things, asking her to do chores is not unreasonable.

[Horace Burtons Ghost]

Nonesuch Solo

The follow up was quite interesting, actually. It has a lot more insight into how she reacted, and what they're doing from here.

I recall something about how the dad suggested they sell the shells (from those hollow-points he shot into her laptop) on ebay to help recoup some of the cost, and she added "Hey if we can sell those shells, shoot my phone too!" It's definitely not shut down communication. I can't remember where I originally read all that though.

ETA: This isn't what I read initially, but it is interesting.

Also: This one has a pretty fun quote, "[...if I had to do it again I would] not be smoking a cigarette ... not have used the word "a**" in my comment directed at my daughter ... would have worn my Silverbelly Stetson, not my Tilley hat if I'd known that image was going to follow me the rest of my life and I'd probably have cleaned my boots."

AHA!! Here we go! This one includes an entire section about how Hannah reacted to the whole thing.

Thanks for the link. They were an interesting read. It certainly provoked some serious consequences if the police were called into to investigate, which I suppose means, one over-the-top-reaction deserves another.

But if you are crazy enough to shoot a computer, who knows. Though I am sure the whole thing was more a stern warning not to post s**t about your dad.

One of the 'messages' he felt we all got out of it was that one should not be an idiot and make money out of it, explaining that there are REAL issues to be dealt with out there. He made Facebook Parenting (should copyright that before it's too.....) a REAL issue. Before him, I just saw it as one generation trying to stick their nose into another's.

The lessons learnt. #1. One can tell normally 'what I mean is what I say', a lot more maturity. If she hadn't figured that out whilst she was growing up, then she will never learn. Also, i think he has addressed quite poorly, that he has communication issues, and likes to repeat himself.

#2.Anything you say could be brought up at anytime, by anyone. That one post will haunt Dad forever...."just like those mean things she said on FaceBook will stick with the people her words hurt for a long time to come". So far, it was only the shitbagging she gave her dad that provoked such a response. All those 'other's ' she bagged out dismissed it, like normal people do.

There was nothing about her meaness towards others brought up at all in the original clip. Except calling their friend 'the cleaning lady'. It was all about him after all.

Edit: I re-watched the clip again, and he did say she had been grounded for a similar thing previously. No computers were harmed in that previous incident.

[Maou Chiaki]

I just wanted to say that the daughter does need some discipline for being lazy, but the dad overrreacted a bit. I mean, what teen DOESN'T complain about their chores and doesn't cuss off their parents?

Imagine if every parent handled such problems by shooting or simply breaking stuff. I don't even know why people are cheering the dad on, since really, your daughter is disrespectful, you grab your gun? C'mon.

The last straw was when he said the daughter has to pay HIM for the bullets. Parenting, you're doing it wrong.

[Taxet]

The reaction of the father was a bit too much, at least to some extent. He could have just taken the laptop away and store it somewhere, or even sell it for that matter. Shooting it was probably too much, but it could be seen as an effect to a cause: break the rules once and you get a small punishment and a warning, break them again and you get punished more severely. Chores are no fun and every kid in the history of the western world has probably complained about them, but complaining in front of the entire world is a bit more than just complaining to your friends, so the punishment meeting the offense is only logical.

However, the paying for the chores issue that the daughter suggested, was completely valid one IF the daughter had been actively looking for a job with no success. In this case, where the parents had bought her a laptop and the other stuff listed, it is only fair that the daughter does some work to earn them. Selling the laptop might have been a more reasonable punishment and it would have given the father at least some of the money back that was spent on it, but in that case the punishment might not have had the same effect. If he sold the laptop and got back say 50% of the money he had spent on it, the daughter would've had to pay only half of the amount back for the punishment to stay fair. Shooting the laptop allows the parents to ask her to pay the full price, plus the ammunition used to shoot the laptop, making the punishment more severe and probably more effective.

I'm not commenting on the personal life of the family in question, since there is no evidence to support the fact that the man could be considered as a poor father. His actions might have looked harsh and unnecessary, but in this case I think the message got through to the daughter very clearly and hopefully a lesson has been learned. If you're given certain freedoms, such as a personal laptop, you must do something to earn it if you want to keep it. If the daughter will get a job and earn herself enough money to buy a laptop after this, I'm sure she has learned a valuable lesson in life.

[Blood Valkyrie]

Oh yeah, destroying an expensive piece of equipment the girl probably needed for homework is really going to solve parenting problems. No wonder the girl is a brat. I love my father, but if he shot my laptop, I'd pick it back up and whack him in the head with it. Then again, I paid my own money for my laptop. He has no right to shoot it. We can safely assume this other father paid for his daughter's laptop.

EDITED: Someone recently told me the girl actually bought her laptop. Therefore, I recommend that he purchase a new one for her.

[The Living Force]

marshmallowcreampie

GunsmithKitten

Wow, surprising amount of support for the brat around here.

******** that kid. No sympy for an emo rant over chores that aren't even 20% of what I had to do at her age and without the privledge of my own laptop at that.

Tell me about it. She didn't seem overworked and she must've had it pretty good. Her parents had enough money to hire a maid, and buy her a laptop and other expensive things. The girl wasn't even working, wasn't even paying for her own things, asking her to do chores is not unreasonable.

Kids are raised by their parents. Why does it seem like the girl and the father act very similar? Both are spiteful, vindictive, and childish. The kid might grow up. The dad probably never will. There were plenty of better ways to handle that situation. Instead of all of them, he chose to intimidate with a firearm. I know how firearms are supposed to be used and that's definitely not on the list.

Some argue that it wasn't his intent to intimidate, perhaps based upon his word. I'm extremely skeptical. His little speech with the gun out, before he shot it, about the gun comes off as a bit too descriptive for someone just using a tool for a function. It's not like he said he was going to, "SMASH IT WITH A HAMMAH." Described the tool, described the ammunition, and then proceeded to react like a petulant teenager.

She sounds like a bad kid, but it's obvious that she comes by it honestly.

[Sneaker Pimps]

If I was that teens parent, I would have done the same damn thing.

Go daddy go!

I would not stand for such disrespect and childishness. At 15 you should know better.

[Old Blue Collar Joe]

I Shall Grant You NoMercy

If you ask me, I think him posting it on Facebook where EVERYONE could see is rather cruel and heartless. If my dad posted a video on the Internet punshing me and it got a million hits over night, Id be pretty embarrassed and mortified.

She learned a valuable lesson in cause and effect. She posted something to insult her parents on line, and her dad simply responded with a similar video, because she broke the rules of the house. Safe bet that, from now on, she'll damn sure consider consequences.