Do I need new friends? (Needing some advice ASAP)

[Maxxie-Delu]

So recently I've gone through some s**t with a group of friends, if you wanna skip that, move down until you reach 3 of emotion_bigvein , but the back story that I'm gonna explain first is kind of important. (ALSO! If I'm posting this in the wrong place please let me know! I'm new here ^_^;; )

So just for the sake of protecting names, the people involved will be called "George", "Sally" and "Jessica".
Also, the reason I am explaining this is so you can understand my stress in the situation, and to know these people like I do.
About 4 months ago, just a couple weeks back in from Summer Break, I formed a friend group within my school with George, Sally and Jessica. We were all good friends within the school for a solid month and a half before George and Sally began to date. When they did, both me and Jessica thought it wasn't going to last long as the foundation of their relationship was only on a touchy-feely basis (which works for some people, but you have to know them and the situation to see why it wouldn't work). Shockingly, it's lasted until now, nearly 4 months later. Thing is, with every month that's gone by, more and more stress is being put on their relationship which is severely putting strain on the friend group.

So as of about 2 months ago, just to put things into greater context, Sally has become extremely weak (She falls over constantly, is always telling us about disorders she's never been diagnosed with, and actually trying to get hurt by running into traffic at random), and over a chain of events I come to discover she is a hypochondriac (A person who fakes weakness, sickness and mental illness for attention, some also threaten suicide frequently which she does also, but that's a whole other discussion).
What's frustrating me about this, is she only does this stuff around George. I have known Sally for a grand total of 4 years and George for a year, and only in these past 5 months has she developed these things around him, and only holds them up around him as well. When her and I are alone, she is perfectly fine, the second he walks in the room, she faints, and yes, that is a real story.
What else is concerning in this situation is that George in the process has become over protective and is almost reaching abusive grounds (In my opinion). As of the past 4 months he hasn't let her fully speak to me or anyone else, he physically picks her up and moves her if he doesn't like the way someone is interacting with her, and he answers questions asked to her, not him. That, and he's shockingly ignorant (e.g., he thinks that a house is $10,000 (USD or CAD), and that once you pay that your bills are covered for as long as you live there).
What's even crazier in this is that Sally and George plan to get married this year and move away.
And if you're wondering where Jessica is in all of this, she isn't. She literally disappeared when they started dating, and since then I have seen her approx. 10 times.

So, now that I've gotten through the history of what's going on, now onto the current stuff that I need help with.
About a month ago I decided to step up our friendship to more than grabbing Starbucks after class. I had asked everyone if they wanted to hang out and do a day trip out to a big mall where I live, we had planned it 2 weeks in advance, and everybody was on board. About a week in, Jessica suddenly bailed, (Shocker). Then morning of I was running a fever of 100 and had to stay home, when I let Sally and George know they both said they had planned on bailing that morning anyways,
Then, about 2 weeks ago we had made new plans to do a day trip out again, except this time George and Jessica bailed, leaving myself and Sally. I had messaged her, asking if she wanted to hang out with me, to which she responded, "Where is Jessica? I want to do wedding planning with her.", before I could even answer, Jessica continues "I know you're not excited about wedding stuff.". That just broke me; I would have said no, but she could have at least offered for me to come over. I cried for 3 hours that night, realizing I was nothing more than a messenger owl.

We haven't really spoken since then, except for today which is what I need help with.
emotion_bigvein emotion_bigvein emotion_bigvein

Today at school I was in math when I realized neither George or Sally were there, so I messaged them asking where they were, they said they were hiding in the library (from class and teachers, they do this a lot, and they wonder why their grades are in the toilet.), I didn't bother arguing and continued on with my work.
An hour later after class had finished I had 2 hours to kill before going to my next one. I went to the library to meet them, only to find Sally sitting in the corner. She told me George had gone to the bathroom so her and I got talking. When he got back, he said nothing to me, and for 10 minutes stood behind my chair as if waiting for me to leave. Once he figured out I wasn't leaving he returned to his seat with Sally. She got up and sat on his lap while he wrapped his arms around her and proceeded to kiss her. (Any physical contact is banned in my school.). I continued to talk to her as she rejected the kiss (she doesn't like kissing in front of people) and George was just staring/glaring at me in silence.
A couple minutes pass of me talking to her, and George abruptly breaks in "Don't you have somewhere to be?" I told him no, and his reaction was physically picking Sally up and moving her slightly out of my vision, making it difficult to talk. As I proceeded to talk to her, he kept catching her attention by kissing her cheek and caressing her back and face/hugging her.
A couple more minutes pass, and he gets up again. She gets up with him, and they both disappear behind the book shelf. I ask what they're doing, no response.
I got up, peered through the shelf and see George flirting with her, he turns to me and snaps "When does your class start," Before I could answer Sally pipes up and says "He's trying to get rid of you" in a playful way. At that, I slowly hiked down from my conversation with her and left.
I literally went to the washroom stalls and cried for a good 20 minutes before class started. Now that I'm home, I'm more calm, but I really need some help.

Do I confront them? Or do I just move on? Do you guys think I've lost my friends? It feels like I'm completely alone in this...

[Tigress Dawn]

I am going to assume you're in high school with this.

My short answer: Yes. You need to find new friends.

Your friends sound incredibly immature. Jessica sounds like the only sensible one here by jumping ship.

In high school relationships can be all encompassing for the people involved because of hormones, first love, and unrealistic views of what a healthy relationship even is. It is not surprising that they are each other's entire world at the moment. Which basically means, don't take it personally there's nothing you could have done differently that would make them break from their world of just them.

That said, I'd personally be worried about the lack of boundaries Sally has for herself by allowing him to pick her up and move her, and not telling him no if she's uncomfortable. You've put an awful lot of blame on George. Sally sounds like a manipulative person herself with her countless disorders to get him riled up. She's not entirely blameless in this. Furthermore as your friend she should have stood up to him and told him she was talking to you. Unfortunately there's not much you can do about it.

You can confront them if it makes you feel better, but I wouldn't get your hopes up for change. If you do confront them, I'd go to Sally and tell her that as a friend of 4 years, you expect her to stand up for you. If she blames George, bring it back to her and remind her she didn't protest it.

In the mean time why not hang out with just Jessica and not invite the other two if they're causing problems? Just because you're in a group doesn't mean you need to invite everyone every single time. Or why not go out on your own? Shopping is fun by yourself and you don't have to wait on anyone. Try being comfortable with yourself and you'll naturally attract new friends.

Sorry you're having a shitty time. You're not alone, teen years are hard. Luckily as you get older and more experienced you learn how to deal with these sort of situations better.

[Silent Mule Man]

I don't understand your use of the word 'friend'.

[Yoshpet]

Kinda getting the impression you have feelings for/an attraction to Sally and that's why George's behavior is so upsetting to you, as well as the changes in Sally's behavior since they started dating. They were both very obviously telling you to leave them alone in the library. They don't sound like very good friends to make you feel so unwelcome.

I know it's hard to do, but perhaps you should cut your losses with that group. They don't sound like any fun at all.

Kind of wondering why Jessica is mentioned as she doesn't seem to even be part of the group. Is it just because she's a mutual friend of everyone else involved?

[jestellef]

I'm sorry your friends seem so disconnected, it sounds like you care about them a lot. Reach out to Jessica, mos def, and find out if she's lost interest in the friendship or is just keeping her distance from the drama. There could be a lot to salvage there if you're patient and persistent.

Your friend Sally sounds like she's headed for trouble. I know, "it's her life," but she clearly doesn't see what she's getting herself into. Try not to be an object of contention between them, but also don't blame him for her decisions. Be honest about what you see and let Sally decide if she's going to wake up to her boyfriend's abusive behavior or try and make things work being controlled by him.

Whatever happens, just be there for them, you never know when they'll need a friend. But get some other friends, too, people who will support you and be there for you in the same way you obviously do for anyone lucky enough to have you for a friend.

[Maxxie-Delu]

Tigress Dawn

I am going to assume you're in high school with this.

My short answer: Yes. You need to find new friends.

Your friends sound incredibly immature. Jessica sounds like the only sensible one here by jumping ship.

In high school relationships can be all encompassing for the people involved because of hormones, first love, and unrealistic views of what a healthy relationship even is. It is not surprising that they are each other's entire world at the moment. Which basically means, don't take it personally there's nothing you could have done differently that would make them break from their world of just them.

That said, I'd personally be worried about the lack of boundaries Sally has for herself by allowing him to pick her up and move her, and not telling him no if she's uncomfortable. You've put an awful lot of blame on George. Sally sounds like a manipulative person herself with her countless disorders to get him riled up. She's not entirely blameless in this. Furthermore as your friend she should have stood up to him and told him she was talking to you. Unfortunately there's not much you can do about it.

You can confront them if it makes you feel better, but I wouldn't get your hopes up for change. If you do confront them, I'd go to Sally and tell her that as a friend of 4 years, you expect her to stand up for you. If she blames George, bring it back to her and remind her she didn't protest it.

In the mean time why not hang out with just Jessica and not invite the other two if they're causing problems? Just because you're in a group doesn't mean you need to invite everyone every single time. Or why not go out on your own? Shopping is fun by yourself and you don't have to wait on anyone. Try being comfortable with yourself and you'll naturally attract new friends.

Sorry you're having a shitty time. You're not alone, teen years are hard. Luckily as you get older and more experienced you learn how to deal with these sort of situations better.

I absolutely agree, thank you for the input, it's nice knowing that me being upset is justifiable in this situation ^_^; I do worry quite a lot about Sally also, she's acted like a "push over" or so to speak for a long time, I suspect though it'll end shortly, either way it's not my problem anymore.

And the thing with Jessica is like...She doesn't have a very articulate attitude of that makes sense? When I do see her, she's seriously got her eyes glued to her iPad, the only reason she's really there is because when she IS around I do feel less alone.
I think you're absolutely right about being able to have fun on my own, I suppose it's just that the "bruise is fresh" and I'll need some time to get into the habit of being alone again.
Plus, I always have my friends online, at times like this I have to just keep the positive in mind.

Thank you again! <3

[Maxxie-Delu]

Silent Mule Man

I don't understand your use of the word 'friend'.

Yeah, after the day I've had, I've started questioning that also... ;_;

[Maxxie-Delu]

Yoshpet

Kinda getting the impression you have feelings for/an attraction to Sally and that's why George's behavior is so upsetting to you, as well as the changes in Sally's behavior since they started dating. They were both very obviously telling you to leave them alone in the library. They don't sound like very good friends to make you feel so unwelcome.

I know it's hard to do, but perhaps you should cut your losses with that group. They don't sound like any fun at all.

Kind of wondering why Jessica is mentioned as she doesn't seem to even be part of the group. Is it just because she's a mutual friend of everyone else involved?

As good of an observation as that is, I actually have never liked her in that way. I saw her as my family, like my sister (I'm an only child, I make this connection a little too easily imo), so when she started dating George I guess I got protective of her. That, and I've known him for a fraction of the time I've known her, it was insecurities on my part.

And the reason I did mention Jessica as a part of this mess is because when she WAS around I did feel less alone, she was a strong part of our group in the beginning after all.

Thank you for your input on this dilemma ^_^

[Maxxie-Delu]

jestellef

I'm sorry your friends seem so disconnected, it sounds like you care about them a lot. Reach out to Jessica, mos def, and find out if she's lost interest in the friendship or is just keeping her distance from the drama. There could be a lot to salvage there if you're patient and persistent.

Your friend Sally sounds like she's headed for trouble. I know, "it's her life," but she clearly doesn't see what she's getting herself into. Try not to be an object of contention between them, but also don't blame him for her decisions. Be honest about what you see and let Sally decide if she's going to wake up to her boyfriend's abusive behavior or try and make things work being controlled by him.

Whatever happens, just be there for them, you never know when they'll need a friend. But get some other friends, too, people who will support you and be there for you in the same way you obviously do for anyone lucky enough to have you for a friend.

She is as far as I'm concerned, but frankly you're right in that it's none of my concern and it shouldn't be. I agree with you that I have to be honest about what I see, and I feel in that I should distance myself a little, it's no good for anyone to be so close to such toxicity.

And thank you so much! That's so sweet of you to say <3 I really appreciate that!

[Arcoon Effox]

There's a section for these kinds of threads called Life Issues. I'd get in contact with a Mod and see if they can move this thread; you'll prolly have better luck over there.

[Happy Emo Child]

Your friend is not a hypochondriac, she has Munchausen Syndrome. Hypochondria is being constantly convinced you ARE sick, not constantly faking sick.

[Pikachew Tobacco]

Chalk it all up to life experience and learn this lesson. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't waste it on them. They're not worth your tears and effort. If you want to risk your emotional strength, you can stick with those assholes and hope they become better people, but chances are you'll part ways when High School ends, leaving you with more negative experiences than good.

Don't even hang out with Jessica since she's currently enabling the other two and feeding their delusion. If you still want to be around them, you have to confront them and pray that Sally will recover from her bullshit syndrome. Personally, I suggest you get out while you still can. There is no point in investing your time in morons who don't want to better themselves.

[Maxxie-Delu]

Pikachew Tobacco

Chalk it all up to life experience and learn this lesson. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't waste it on them. They're not worth your tears and effort. If you want to risk your emotional strength, you can stick with those assholes and hope they become better people, but chances are you'll part ways when High School ends, leaving you with more negative experiences than good.

Don't even hang out with Jessica since she's currently enabling the other two and feeding their delusion. If you still want to be around them, you have to confront them and pray that Sally will recover from her bullshit syndrome. Personally, I suggest you get out while you still can. There is no point in investing your time in morons who don't want to better themselves.

Thank you for the words of encouragement :') I also really appreciate the kind words, I guess I just need to use my head and get out of their toxic situation.
And I don't plan to hang with Jessica, I sent her a message same day I posted this and she's just getting back to me now and with the wrong information (She didn't read my message to her), tbh it's too tiring and I think I'm done with them..

Thank you again heart heart

[Naked Bacon]

You need a new font size.

Is contacting Sally's family an option? You don't have to involve yourself in their drama, but the family's involved by default and should probably know about this.

[Riviera de la Mancha]

Eh, I am a little more heartless than most, so if I were you, I would just bounce.

I have little to no patience for drama, so the second someone gets wacky with me, I just disassociate myself from them. It seems like you have not known this "Sally" for that long, and "George" even less. I'd just let them do their own thing, and if your friend comes to you or this George cat chills, then re-connect.

I take it you are not like that though, so your best bet, in my opinion, is to be direct. I'd just talk to Sally personally and let her know how you feel. If George butts in, then all the better; confront them both and tell them that you really value her friendship as well, and while you respect that they are together, you do not appreciate George dominating your relationship. If she wants to be friends, she will check George or George will ease up. If not, then you have your answer and you can easily leave the friendship.