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I love babies because babies are really cute and nice..

Do you like babies..
MisdreavusPrincess's avatar

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bobloon
catspook
What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life. And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.





User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.But fathers SHOULD have to give up just as much.
Also, this is why I don't want to have a child for a long time despite being married (I'm still in college!)

But one day when I do have kids, it will be when and only when a babysitter or nanny could be hired to change the diapers and do dirty work.
And no breastfeeding. I'm not letting my breasts get saggy or gross.

I'm not going to give up my entire life and things I like to do just because I have kids one day--me and my husband have talked about it on several occasions and we'll be lenient parents. Junk food? Soda? Sure, as long as our kid doesn't get fat in which case we'll explicitly tell them to cut back on eating.

We'll teach our kids respect but also allow them to be individuals; we're not gonna just use them as a molding toy as some parents do.User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.


MisdreavusPrincess
bobloon
catspook
What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life. And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.





User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.But fathers SHOULD have to give up just as much.
Also, this is why I don't want to have a child for a long time despite being married (I'm still in college!)

But one day when I do have kids, it will be when and only when a babysitter or nanny could be hired to change the diapers and do dirty work.
And no breastfeeding. I'm not letting my breasts get saggy or gross.

I'm not going to give up my entire life and things I like to do just because I have kids one day--me and my husband have talked about it on several occasions and we'll be lenient parents. Junk food? Soda? Sure, as long as our kid doesn't get fat in which case we'll explicitly tell them to cut back on eating.

We'll teach our kids respect but also allow them to be individuals; we're not gonna just use them as a molding toy as some parents do.User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.




That is so cute that you think breastfeeding makes women's breasts saggy and gross. Formula is a disgusting chemical processed food that makes babies sick and choosing to formula feed should be a very informed decision not an ignorant one. I breast feed and my tits are awesome, guess what? I also don't have a baby tied to me. I use a breast pump and bottle feed the baby it's as simple as that. Hormones in pregnancy cause breasts to sag, breast feeding tones them and also breast feeding mothers lose weight faster and easier than non breastfeeding mothers, it burns 500-800 calories a day just to produce breast milk. I hope to god you never have kids until you get educated about the proper nutrition and care a baby requires. You don't want to do any mothering work, you want to be a lazy selfish peice of crap mother by dumping your future kids off on a nanny and sticking chemically processed food in their mouths. Please, do not EVER have children.
MisdreavusPrincess's avatar

Timid Vampire

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Cherrytini
MisdreavusPrincess
bobloon
catspook
What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life. And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.





User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.But fathers SHOULD have to give up just as much.
Also, this is why I don't want to have a child for a long time despite being married (I'm still in college!)

But one day when I do have kids, it will be when and only when a babysitter or nanny could be hired to change the diapers and do dirty work.
And no breastfeeding. I'm not letting my breasts get saggy or gross.

I'm not going to give up my entire life and things I like to do just because I have kids one day--me and my husband have talked about it on several occasions and we'll be lenient parents. Junk food? Soda? Sure, as long as our kid doesn't get fat in which case we'll explicitly tell them to cut back on eating.

We'll teach our kids respect but also allow them to be individuals; we're not gonna just use them as a molding toy as some parents do.User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.




That is so cute that you think breastfeeding makes women's breasts saggy and gross. Formula is a disgusting chemical processed food that makes babies sick and choosing to formula feed should be a very informed decision not an ignorant one. I breast feed and my tits are awesome, guess what? I also don't have a baby tied to me. I use a breast pump and bottle feed the baby it's as simple as that. Hormones in pregnancy cause breasts to sag, breast feeding tones them and also breast feeding mothers lose weight faster and easier than non breastfeeding mothers, it burns 500-800 calories a day just to produce breast milk. I hope to god you never have kids until you get educated about the proper nutrition and care a baby requires. You don't want to do any mothering work, you want to be a lazy selfish peice of crap mother by dumping your future kids off on a nanny and sticking chemically processed food in their mouths. Please, do not EVER have children.





User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.I seriously doubt that baby formula is dangerous. It may not be natural, but there are some mothers out there that can't produce breastmilk for physical reasons and use it for their children and I'm sure their kids are fine.
I'm just not a baby person, honestly.
I wouldn't mind having kids one day, just past the stage of the dirty work. I wouldn't not care about my kids--I'd more be one of those parents that's more a friend than a parent because I truly believe that's the best way to raise a child.
I honestly find the concept of pregnancy gross and wouldn't ever want to go through it. That's why I say it would be YEARS if my husband and I ever have kids...User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.


Cherrytini


That is so cute that you think breastfeeding makes women's breasts saggy and gross. Formula is a disgusting chemical processed food that makes babies sick and choosing to formula feed should be a very informed decision not an ignorant one. I breast feed and my tits are awesome, guess what? I also don't have a baby tied to me. I use a breast pump and bottle feed the baby it's as simple as that. Hormones in pregnancy cause breasts to sag, breast feeding tones them and also breast feeding mothers lose weight faster and easier than non breastfeeding mothers, it burns 500-800 calories a day just to produce breast milk. I hope to god you never have kids until you get educated about the proper nutrition and care a baby requires. You don't want to do any mothering work, you want to be a lazy selfish peice of crap mother by dumping your future kids off on a nanny and sticking chemically processed food in their mouths. Please, do not EVER have children.
Who cares? If she would have a baby and would not want to breastfeed then that's her choice. I doubt her choice is going to have any effect on you. Everyone is having different techniques on raising their baby and everyone does what he or she thinks is best.

As for the OP: I don't see myself having children in a long long looong time (if ever). I do sometimes feel sorry for people around my age (people in their late teens, early twenties) who have children already. I enjoy spending my money on what I please and I also enjoy having the freedom of going wherever I want without having to worry about a baby.
MisdreavusPrincess
Cherrytini
MisdreavusPrincess
bobloon
catspook
What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life. And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.





User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.But fathers SHOULD have to give up just as much.
Also, this is why I don't want to have a child for a long time despite being married (I'm still in college!)

But one day when I do have kids, it will be when and only when a babysitter or nanny could be hired to change the diapers and do dirty work.
And no breastfeeding. I'm not letting my breasts get saggy or gross.

I'm not going to give up my entire life and things I like to do just because I have kids one day--me and my husband have talked about it on several occasions and we'll be lenient parents. Junk food? Soda? Sure, as long as our kid doesn't get fat in which case we'll explicitly tell them to cut back on eating.

We'll teach our kids respect but also allow them to be individuals; we're not gonna just use them as a molding toy as some parents do.User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.




That is so cute that you think breastfeeding makes women's breasts saggy and gross. Formula is a disgusting chemical processed food that makes babies sick and choosing to formula feed should be a very informed decision not an ignorant one. I breast feed and my tits are awesome, guess what? I also don't have a baby tied to me. I use a breast pump and bottle feed the baby it's as simple as that. Hormones in pregnancy cause breasts to sag, breast feeding tones them and also breast feeding mothers lose weight faster and easier than non breastfeeding mothers, it burns 500-800 calories a day just to produce breast milk. I hope to god you never have kids until you get educated about the proper nutrition and care a baby requires. You don't want to do any mothering work, you want to be a lazy selfish peice of crap mother by dumping your future kids off on a nanny and sticking chemically processed food in their mouths. Please, do not EVER have children.





User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.I seriously doubt that baby formula is dangerous. It may not be natural, but there are some mothers out there that can't produce breastmilk for physical reasons and use it for their children and I'm sure their kids are fine.
I'm just not a baby person, honestly.
I wouldn't mind having kids one day, just past the stage of the dirty work. I wouldn't not care about my kids--I'd more be one of those parents that's more a friend than a parent because I truly believe that's the best way to raise a child.
I honestly find the concept of pregnancy gross and wouldn't ever want to go through it. That's why I say it would be YEARS if my husband and I ever have kids...User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.




You dont think formula is dangerous? LOL It is substandard milk! It isn't even considered baby food by the W.H.O lol. Ever heard of Necrotizing Entercolitis? It is caused by baby formula. Here, you should read this article about baby formula before just jumping the gun and making ignorant uninformed choices. To those women who can't breast feed, go over to the lifestyle discussion and look in the pregnancy support topic and see how many women are seriously depressed and GUTTED that they cannot breast feed and have to use formula. Formula is not something you use just because you are uneducated and think it causes saggy tits when it does not. Anyways, women can produce breast milk it's actually very rare, infact the W.H.O estimates that 1% of women cannot produce breast milk for medical reasons. If you ever do have kids, you will find out that being their friend is not what they need. Kids need parents to be parents and their friends at school to be their friends. You can be friendly with your children and do friend things with them of coarse.

Anyways, check this out. I am not agaisnt formula feeding just agaisnt uninformed choices. If you choose to formula feed knowing the truth about it and the risks associated with it, fine that is your choice, lots of women do it. Just don't go spreading lies about breast feeding saying it causes saggy boobs because it's not true and it's lies like that, that keep the U.S at the worlds lowest in breast feeding rates. Here in the UK our formula containers have warning labels on them about the risks associated with it and the formula containers themselves encourage breast feeding and using their formula as a last resort.

This article about baby formula is really good. I can post links to many more sources as well that validate the same things but this one lays it out perfectly.

http://www.theecologist.org/trial_investigations/268337/breastmilk_vs_formula_food.html
bobloon
What ever happened to young women(late teens to early 20's) wanting to go out into the world to find themselves, experience the beautiful opportunities that are available, and not be tied down instead of staying at home raising babies? And to me personally, anyone who thinks they can do both is wrong because that child doesn't deserve to share you with anything else. Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid. All your selfishness must go out the window. Oh, and it would be beneficial to know who you are before you give yourself up to a baby. I wanna smoke cigarettes, stay up late, stare at the tv for hours, only have school to be stressed about, have a job to be able to buy whatever I want for myself and family and friends, decide to go out whenever I want, drink soda, eat food that's bad for me, travel with only a toothbrush, etc. To be noted: all the things that I mentioned that I want to do shouldn't lead you to think that being a parent does not equal not being able to do healthy things that you love. You shouldn't smoke when you have a child; you shouldn't drink soda when you have a child(because then you can't control them drinking soda), and the same for junk food; you can't stay up late for the heck of it because it'll only be hurting you; you can't travel with only your toothbrush when you have a child; having a job means money for your child, not for any silly thing for whomever else.... Now people are going to grumble about me stating the obvious, but oh well.



So.. you're selfish and have the nerve to say that a woman who wants both a career and family is selfish? Really? Wow. Just wow.
bobloon
catspook
What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life. And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.



Proof of the bold please and thank you.
bobloon
catspook
bobloon
catspook
What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life.


They don't? Ever? What about single fathers? What about families where only the mother can find a job? Etc...

bobloon
catspook

And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.


And if that was your point, your seriously overstated your OP (bolded for emphasis):

bobloon

Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid.


I meant that a mother has to breast feed.




Where is this law stated? Hell, my sister-in-law never once breastfed, she just expressed it so they could take turns feeding.
bobloon
People, READ what I wrote before responding. That last bit that I wrote about smoking cigarettes, etc should clue you in on what I mean by what you should stop when you become a parent.


Why should a person stop just because they have a child/children?
bobloon
catspook
bobloon
catspook
What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life.


They don't? Ever? What about single fathers? What about families where only the mother can find a job? Etc...

bobloon
catspook

And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.


And if that was your point, your seriously overstated your OP (bolded for emphasis):

bobloon

Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid.


I meant that a mother has to breast feed. And I'm talking about a situation when a child is planned at an optimal point in someone's life. Yeah, if the baby wasn't planned at a manageable time, the father may be a single parent, the parents will struggle finding jobs.



I already addressed the erroneous breast feeding claim so I will comment on the rest now. Where is the unwritten rule that the only time a father is a single father is when they're young and the child wasn't planned at a 'manageable' time, whatever the hell that is? Also, in this economy ANYONE could find themselves struggling to find a job. People, even those who have been working in the same place for years, are being laid off and having to fight others for a job n a slow jobs market.

bobloon
Having kids when you're not ready isn't the best option.


Few people are ever fully ready to have children.


bobloon
MOST young women have unplanned children,



Source for this claim please and think you.


bobloon
or decide to have kids before experiencing some of what life has to offer to us as free young women



What makes you think every single female wants the things you want?


bobloon
that aren't expected to be house wives anymore and have every opportunity at our feet.



First, see above. Second, some women *gasp* actually WANT to be housewives.
bobloon
catspook
bobloon
catspook
bobloon
Quick picking apart my post and try to understand it as a whole.


I'm sorry, but that's what we do here - perhaps the ED is not for you?


If you only respond to parts of the post, you lose the whole point I'm trying to make. Making assumptions of what I'm trying to communicate from a portion of the post is ridiculous.


But what is your whole post except make up of parts? Everything you say here is subject to debate, and you've said some things (especially in the OP) that contradicted what you say you meant; that causes confusion.


"I wanna smoke cigarettes, stay up late, stare at the tv for hours, only have school to be stressed about, have a job to be able to buy whatever I want for myself and family and friends, decide to go out whenever I want, drink soda, eat food that's bad for me, travel with only a toothbrush, etc." How does this contradict? I didn't say that all the time you have as a mother should be spent on the child. By solely focusing on your child, you must remove all the selfishness you possessed as a single person. Keeping up with your favorite hobbies or whatever isn't being selfish. The quote I gave are things that are selfish; those are things you can't do as a parent.




All the things I struck out are things that you can still do as a parent and its not being 'selfish' to drink a soda. Where the hell are you getting that idea from?
bobloon
catspook
bobloon
catspook
bobloon
catspook


I'm not getting worked up - I'm pointing out that your OP was unclear and frankly, rather judgmental. And where are you getting the "MOST" from? I know very few people who did that, and several people who had fertility problems because they waited too long to have kids, having focused for so long on their careers.


So, you're saying that the majority of the young mothers you know have gone out and used a lot of of what being a single person has to offer and planned their child? And it's not just about careers.


I'm saying that most of the mothers of any age I know planned their children, and many of them spent so long exploring before hand I wouldn't even consider them "young". I know very few people who had children in the 20's - 30's is more typical here and even know a few who until their 40's.


Okay, well, where I come from, a lot of women are having children from 16 y.o.a. to 23 y.o.a. That's good for the folks you know, but that's not the case for the folks I know.


And that is what clear details in an OP are helpful - I had no way of knowing what people do where you live, because you did not say. Instead you posted some vague and general statements, leading to several people misunderstanding your point.


Well, if only you made sense. The very first sentence mentioned YOUNG WOMEN.


So... the only place young women live is where you live?
bobloon
Lait
Yes, because nobody can ever have a career and a baby.

Tsk. Why do people want to throw everything back to the 50's?

Wanting frivolous things like candy =/= having a career.


Throwing everything back to the '50s would be the opposite of the point I was trying to make. The '50s was a time that women had one option, which was to have a family.



Which is exactly what you're claiming. If you have kids you cannot have anything else because you're selfish... that is s 1950's attitude.
seal pup tirade
catspook
What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


not really possible to have any other priority if your first is a child

not any SERIOUS priority... that actually goes huge places, or means anything profound, or rewards you hugely in any way



Wait, so my mother, who raised four children and put herself through law school, didn't do anything meaningful with her life because her first priority was to her children?

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