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What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life.


They don't? Ever? What about single fathers? What about families where only the mother can find a job? Etc...

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And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.


And if that was your point, your seriously overstated your OP (bolded for emphasis):

bobloon

Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid.


I meant that a mother has to breast feed. And I'm talking about a situation when a child is planned at an optimal point in someone's life. Yeah, if the baby wasn't planned at a manageable time, the father may be a single parent, the parents will struggle finding jobs. I really don't quite understand why you're getting so worked up for no reason. Having kids when you're not ready isn't the best option. MOST young women have unplanned children, or decide to have kids before experiencing some of what life has to offer to us as free young women that aren't expected to be house wives anymore and have every opportunity at our feet.


I'm not getting worked up - I'm pointing out that your OP was unclear and frankly, rather judgmental. And where are you getting the "MOST" from? I know very few people who did that, and several people who had fertility problems because they waited too long to have kids, having focused for so long on their careers.


So, you're saying that the majority of the young mothers you know have gone out and used a lot of of what being a single person has to offer and planned their child? And it's not just about careers.
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Quick picking apart my post and try to understand it as a whole.


I'm sorry, but that's what we do here - perhaps the ED is not for you?


If you only respond to parts of the post, you lose the whole point I'm trying to make. Making assumptions of what I'm trying to communicate from a portion of the post is ridiculous.
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Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life.


They don't? Ever? What about single fathers? What about families where only the mother can find a job? Etc...

bobloon


And if that was your point, your seriously overstated your OP (bolded for emphasis):

bobloon

Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid.


I meant that a mother has to breast feed. And I'm talking about a situation when a child is planned at an optimal point in someone's life. Yeah, if the baby wasn't planned at a manageable time, the father may be a single parent, the parents will struggle finding jobs. I really don't quite understand why you're getting so worked up for no reason. Having kids when you're not ready isn't the best option. MOST young women have unplanned children, or decide to have kids before experiencing some of what life has to offer to us as free young women that aren't expected to be house wives anymore and have every opportunity at our feet.


I'm not getting worked up - I'm pointing out that your OP was unclear and frankly, rather judgmental. And where are you getting the "MOST" from? I know very few people who did that, and several people who had fertility problems because they waited too long to have kids, having focused for so long on their careers.


So, you're saying that the majority of the young mothers you know have gone out and used a lot of of what being a single person has to offer and planned their child? And it's not just about careers.


I'm saying that most of the mothers of any age I know planned their children, and many of them spent so long exploring before hand I wouldn't even consider them "young". I know very few people who had children in the 20's - 30's is more typical here and even know a few who until their 40's.
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Quick picking apart my post and try to understand it as a whole.


I'm sorry, but that's what we do here - perhaps the ED is not for you?


If you only respond to parts of the post, you lose the whole point I'm trying to make. Making assumptions of what I'm trying to communicate from a portion of the post is ridiculous.


But what is your whole post except make up of parts? Everything you say here is subject to debate, and you've said some things (especially in the OP) that contradicted what you say you meant; that causes confusion.
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They don't? Ever? What about single fathers? What about families where only the mother can find a job? Etc...



And if that was your point, your seriously overstated your OP (bolded for emphasis):



I meant that a mother has to breast feed. And I'm talking about a situation when a child is planned at an optimal point in someone's life. Yeah, if the baby wasn't planned at a manageable time, the father may be a single parent, the parents will struggle finding jobs. I really don't quite understand why you're getting so worked up for no reason. Having kids when you're not ready isn't the best option. MOST young women have unplanned children, or decide to have kids before experiencing some of what life has to offer to us as free young women that aren't expected to be house wives anymore and have every opportunity at our feet.


I'm not getting worked up - I'm pointing out that your OP was unclear and frankly, rather judgmental. And where are you getting the "MOST" from? I know very few people who did that, and several people who had fertility problems because they waited too long to have kids, having focused for so long on their careers.


So, you're saying that the majority of the young mothers you know have gone out and used a lot of of what being a single person has to offer and planned their child? And it's not just about careers.


I'm saying that most of the mothers of any age I know planned their children, and many of them spent so long exploring before hand I wouldn't even consider them "young". I know very few people who had children in the 20's - 30's is more typical here and even know a few who until their 40's.


Okay, well, where I come from, a lot of women are having children from 16 y.o.a. to 23 y.o.a. That's good for the folks you know, but that's not the case for the folks I know.
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They don't? Ever? What about single fathers? What about families where only the mother can find a job? Etc...



And if that was your point, your seriously overstated your OP (bolded for emphasis):



I meant that a mother has to breast feed. And I'm talking about a situation when a child is planned at an optimal point in someone's life. Yeah, if the baby wasn't planned at a manageable time, the father may be a single parent, the parents will struggle finding jobs. I really don't quite understand why you're getting so worked up for no reason. Having kids when you're not ready isn't the best option. MOST young women have unplanned children, or decide to have kids before experiencing some of what life has to offer to us as free young women that aren't expected to be house wives anymore and have every opportunity at our feet.


I'm not getting worked up - I'm pointing out that your OP was unclear and frankly, rather judgmental. And where are you getting the "MOST" from? I know very few people who did that, and several people who had fertility problems because they waited too long to have kids, having focused for so long on their careers.


So, you're saying that the majority of the young mothers you know have gone out and used a lot of of what being a single person has to offer and planned their child? And it's not just about careers.


I'm saying that most of the mothers of any age I know planned their children, and many of them spent so long exploring before hand I wouldn't even consider them "young". I know very few people who had children in the 20's - 30's is more typical here and even know a few who until their 40's.


Okay, well, where I come from, a lot of women are having children from 16 y.o.a. to 23 y.o.a. That's good for the folks you know, but that's not the case for the folks I know.


And that is what clear details in an OP are helpful - I had no way of knowing what people do where you live, because you did not say. Instead you posted some vague and general statements, leading to several people misunderstanding your point.
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Quick picking apart my post and try to understand it as a whole.


I'm sorry, but that's what we do here - perhaps the ED is not for you?


If you only respond to parts of the post, you lose the whole point I'm trying to make. Making assumptions of what I'm trying to communicate from a portion of the post is ridiculous.


But what is your whole post except make up of parts? Everything you say here is subject to debate, and you've said some things (especially in the OP) that contradicted what you say you meant; that causes confusion.


"I wanna smoke cigarettes, stay up late, stare at the tv for hours, only have school to be stressed about, have a job to be able to buy whatever I want for myself and family and friends, decide to go out whenever I want, drink soda, eat food that's bad for me, travel with only a toothbrush, etc." How does this contradict? I didn't say that all the time you have as a mother should be spent on the child. By solely focusing on your child, you must remove all the selfishness you possessed as a single person. Keeping up with your favorite hobbies or whatever isn't being selfish. The quote I gave are things that are selfish; those are things you can't do as a parent.
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I'm not getting worked up - I'm pointing out that your OP was unclear and frankly, rather judgmental. And where are you getting the "MOST" from? I know very few people who did that, and several people who had fertility problems because they waited too long to have kids, having focused for so long on their careers.


So, you're saying that the majority of the young mothers you know have gone out and used a lot of of what being a single person has to offer and planned their child? And it's not just about careers.


I'm saying that most of the mothers of any age I know planned their children, and many of them spent so long exploring before hand I wouldn't even consider them "young". I know very few people who had children in the 20's - 30's is more typical here and even know a few who until their 40's.


Okay, well, where I come from, a lot of women are having children from 16 y.o.a. to 23 y.o.a. That's good for the folks you know, but that's not the case for the folks I know.


And that is what clear details in an OP are helpful - I had no way of knowing what people do where you live, because you did not say. Instead you posted some vague and general statements, leading to several people misunderstanding your point.


Well, if only you made sense. The very first sentence mentioned YOUNG WOMEN.
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Quick picking apart my post and try to understand it as a whole.


I'm sorry, but that's what we do here - perhaps the ED is not for you?


If you only respond to parts of the post, you lose the whole point I'm trying to make. Making assumptions of what I'm trying to communicate from a portion of the post is ridiculous.


But what is your whole post except make up of parts? Everything you say here is subject to debate, and you've said some things (especially in the OP) that contradicted what you say you meant; that causes confusion.


"I wanna smoke cigarettes, stay up late, stare at the tv for hours, only have school to be stressed about, have a job to be able to buy whatever I want for myself and family and friends, decide to go out whenever I want, drink soda, eat food that's bad for me, travel with only a toothbrush, etc." How does this contradict? I didn't say that all the time you have as a mother should be spent on the child. By solely focusing on your child, you must remove all the selfishness you possessed as a single person. Keeping up with your favorite hobbies or whatever isn't being selfish. The quote I gave are things that are selfish; those are things you can't do as a parent.


I already quoted where you contradicted, but I'll do it again if you like:

bobloon

Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid.


You mentioned no exemption for "favorite hobbies" or anything else in your OP, and that is what people responded to. You expected people to just know what you meant and got defensive when they didn't. I'm just telling you that people will pick your post apart here, and getting defensive is not going to help.
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I'm not getting worked up - I'm pointing out that your OP was unclear and frankly, rather judgmental. And where are you getting the "MOST" from? I know very few people who did that, and several people who had fertility problems because they waited too long to have kids, having focused for so long on their careers.


So, you're saying that the majority of the young mothers you know have gone out and used a lot of of what being a single person has to offer and planned their child? And it's not just about careers.


I'm saying that most of the mothers of any age I know planned their children, and many of them spent so long exploring before hand I wouldn't even consider them "young". I know very few people who had children in the 20's - 30's is more typical here and even know a few who until their 40's.


Okay, well, where I come from, a lot of women are having children from 16 y.o.a. to 23 y.o.a. That's good for the folks you know, but that's not the case for the folks I know.


And that is what clear details in an OP are helpful - I had no way of knowing what people do where you live, because you did not say. Instead you posted some vague and general statements, leading to several people misunderstanding your point.


Well, if only you made sense. The very first sentence mentioned YOUNG WOMEN.


And what qualifies as "young"? Teenagers? Early 20s? Late 20s? Early 30s?
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I'm saying that most of the mothers of any age I know planned their children, and many of them spent so long exploring before hand I wouldn't even consider them "young". I know very few people who had children in the 20's - 30's is more typical here and even know a few who until their 40's.


Okay, well, where I come from, a lot of women are having children from 16 y.o.a. to 23 y.o.a. That's good for the folks you know, but that's not the case for the folks I know.


And that is what clear details in an OP are helpful - I had no way of knowing what people do where you live, because you did not say. Instead you posted some vague and general statements, leading to several people misunderstanding your point.


Well, if only you made sense. The very first sentence mentioned YOUNG WOMEN.


And what qualifies as "young"? Teenagers? Early 20s? Late 20s? Early 30s?


There, I changed it.
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Yes, because nobody can ever have a career and a baby.

Tsk. Why do people want to throw everything back to the 50's?

Wanting frivolous things like candy =/= having a career.
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What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life. And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.


That's awfully sweeping.
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Yes, because nobody can ever have a career and a baby.

Tsk. Why do people want to throw everything back to the 50's?

Wanting frivolous things like candy =/= having a career.


Throwing everything back to the '50s would be the opposite of the point I was trying to make. The '50s was a time that women had one option, which was to have a family.
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I'm saying that most of the mothers of any age I know planned their children, and many of them spent so long exploring before hand I wouldn't even consider them "young". I know very few people who had children in the 20's - 30's is more typical here and even know a few who until their 40's.


Okay, well, where I come from, a lot of women are having children from 16 y.o.a. to 23 y.o.a. That's good for the folks you know, but that's not the case for the folks I know.


And that is what clear details in an OP are helpful - I had no way of knowing what people do where you live, because you did not say. Instead you posted some vague and general statements, leading to several people misunderstanding your point.


Well, if only you made sense. The very first sentence mentioned YOUNG WOMEN.


And what qualifies as "young"? Teenagers? Early 20s? Late 20s? Early 30s?


There, I changed it.


That's much clearer - thank you.

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