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What ever happened to young women(late teens to early 20's) wanting to go out into the world to find themselves, experience the beautiful opportunities that are available, and not be tied down instead of staying at home raising babies? And to me personally, anyone who thinks they can do both is wrong because that child doesn't deserve to share you with anything else. Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid. All your selfishness must go out the window. Oh, and it would be beneficial to know who you are before you give yourself up to a baby. I wanna smoke cigarettes, stay up late, stare at the tv for hours, only have school to be stressed about, have a job to be able to buy whatever I want for myself and family and friends, decide to go out whenever I want, drink soda, eat food that's bad for me, travel with only a toothbrush, etc. To be noted: all the things that I mentioned that I want to do shouldn't lead you to think that being a parent does not equal not being able to do healthy things that you love. You shouldn't smoke when you have a child; you shouldn't drink soda when you have a child(because then you can't control them drinking soda), and the same for junk food; you can't stay up late for the heck of it because it'll only be hurting you; you can't travel with only your toothbrush when you have a child; having a job means money for your child, not for any silly thing for whomever else.... Now people are going to grumble about me stating the obvious, but oh well.
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What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.
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catspook
What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life. And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.
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bobloon


I agree with this to a point, but I do think as the child develops more, the parents need to let them learn from experience. When the child turns seven or eight, let them play with fire. They will learn for themselves not to play with it the moment they get burned. It may sound cruel, but it's how we learn.

Obviously that's kind of a different topic, it relates quite a bit. The parent's need to have about 33% involvement in the child's development. (33% mother, 33% father, and 33% self.)

This enables the child to develop the idea that family and others come first, and they are second. Having a stable relationship with the child through adolescence is important, and being supportive in the decisions is key to ensuring they make the correct decisions for their future.

I think my first child will be an adopted one, and if my future wife and I agree, we will try to have a child of our own. I really believe that the development of the child is 100% key here, but devoting 100% of your life to the child is not the way to do this.
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Eye Laws Dug Aim
bobloon


I agree with this to a point, but I do think as the child develops more, the parents need to let them learn from experience. When the child turns seven or eight, let them play with fire. They will learn for themselves not to play with it the moment they get burned. It may sound cruel, but it's how we learn.

Obviously that's kind of a different topic, it relates quite a bit. The parent's need to have about 33% involvement in the child's development. (33% mother, 33% father, and 33% self.)

This enables the child to develop the idea that family and others come first, and they are second. Having a stable relationship with the child through adolescence is important, and being supportive in the decisions is key to ensuring they make the correct decisions for their future.

I think my first child will be an adopted one, and if my future wife and I agree, we will try to have a child of our own. I really believe that the development of the child is 100% key here, but devoting 100% of your life to the child is not the way to do this.


Okay, I guess my point has been missed. I don't think everyone should be a helicopter mom. I meant that there are certain selfish things that you really have to break when you become a parent, and not many people are ready to do that.
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What makes you think raising a family is tying yourself down? Sure, it takes dedication, commitment and patience, but it can be as rewarding as you want it to be. You do not have to be a helicopter parent, and children need to learn that people have other things to do rather than come at the childs beck and call. Teaching a child to self-soothe and be independent makes both parent and child happy, if it doesn't go overboard into lack-luster raising of a child.
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bobloon
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What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life.


They don't? Ever? What about single fathers? What about families where only the mother can find a job? Etc...

bobloon
catspook

And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.


And if that was your point, your seriously overstated your OP (bolded for emphasis):

bobloon

Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid.
bobloon's avatar

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catspook
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What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life.


They don't? Ever? What about single fathers? What about families where only the mother can find a job? Etc...

bobloon
catspook

And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.


And if that was your point, your seriously overstated your OP (bolded for emphasis):

bobloon

Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid.


I meant that a mother has to breast feed. And I'm talking about a situation when a child is planned at an optimal point in someone's life. Yeah, if the baby wasn't planned at a manageable time, the father may be a single parent, the parents will struggle finding jobs. I really don't quite understand why you're getting so worked up for no reason. Having kids when you're not ready isn't the best option. MOST young women have unplanned children, or decide to have kids before experiencing some of what life has to offer to us as free young women that aren't expected to be house wives anymore and have every opportunity at our feet.
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Phallic Wonderland
What makes you think raising a family is tying yourself down? Sure, it takes dedication, commitment and patience, but it can be as rewarding as you want it to be. You do not have to be a helicopter parent, and children need to learn that people have other things to do rather than come at the childs beck and call. Teaching a child to self-soothe and be independent makes both parent and child happy, if it doesn't go overboard into lack-luster raising of a child.


I already posted that no one has to be a helicopter mom!
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People, READ what I wrote before responding. That last bit that I wrote about smoking cigarettes, etc should clue you in on what I mean by what you should stop when you become a parent.
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bobloon


I can agree with that. I think the people who are not ready, should consider waiting until they are.

Sorry for my slow response, and if it seems rushed. I'm currently in a post Presidential Debate conversation, and I'm trying to do that, along with research to help my claims.
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I didn't put that I want to write songs, go dancing when I have time, practice with a band, play basketball, whatever things because I parent should remove every aspect of themselves when they have a kid. I'm talking about SELFISHNESS!
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Quick picking apart my post and try to understand it as a whole.
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bobloon
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What about fathers? Are they not allowed to have lives either?

Seriously, just because your child is your first priority does not mean they have to be your only priority - I've seen mothers who made their kids their whole lives; the kids didn't do so well.


Fathers don't have an equal relationship with a child in the first year of that child's life.


They don't? Ever? What about single fathers? What about families where only the mother can find a job? Etc...

bobloon
catspook

And I don't think that you should throw your whole identity as a person away when you become a parent. But I still see so many parents with selfish tendencies that effect their child's behavior.


And if that was your point, your seriously overstated your OP (bolded for emphasis):

bobloon

Once you become a mother, your focus should be solely on the development of that kid.


I meant that a mother has to breast feed. And I'm talking about a situation when a child is planned at an optimal point in someone's life. Yeah, if the baby wasn't planned at a manageable time, the father may be a single parent, the parents will struggle finding jobs. I really don't quite understand why you're getting so worked up for no reason. Having kids when you're not ready isn't the best option. MOST young women have unplanned children, or decide to have kids before experiencing some of what life has to offer to us as free young women that aren't expected to be house wives anymore and have every opportunity at our feet.


I'm not getting worked up - I'm pointing out that your OP was unclear and frankly, rather judgmental. And where are you getting the "MOST" from? I know very few people who did that, and several people who had fertility problems because they waited too long to have kids, having focused for so long on their careers.
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bobloon
Quick picking apart my post and try to understand it as a whole.


I'm sorry, but that's what we do here - perhaps the ED is not for you?

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