Adoption, Why is it a dirty word?

[Sigfridr]

I don't understand why people have such hate for adoption. The only problem I see is the system itself. It *can* be a very lengthy, expensive, and even emotionally testing process to adopt a child, but those who go that route are usually strong enough to endure it all, because the reward is this wonderful child that is SO worth it.

Personally, my husband and I are going to try and conceive when we are ready to have children, but if we wind up not being able to, I'm definitely going to adopt.

[marshmallowcreampie]

Imported Bum

From what I have read, everyone seems to be on the subject of adopting babies or very young children. I have four adopted siblings, and they were all adopted as teenagers. One boys was 15, two girls were 16, and the oldest boy was 17. My parents were foster parents and loved these kids so much we adopted them. The process was not long or a hassle. They all speak to their biological parents, and they all are very succesful and smart. I love every one of them and I know our parents love them just as much as they love me and my biological siblings. I understand why people would be hesitant towards adopting, but if you were to open your heart to even one of these kids, you love them just as much as a child of your own.
On the topic of foster care. Foster care is a joke, and the kids who are in foster care and don't get adopted end up in group homes where they are treated like prisoners because their parents messed up. They can't drive until their eighteen,they arn't allowed to go to a friends house without the friend being fingerprinted, they are treated different because their parents messed up. Not only that, but most foster parents arn't good people. There was a little girl who lived at our house for a year( she was adopted by another family), and in the foster home she had been in previously, she was constanly sexually abused by her foster parent. She was eight years old. The foster care system, in my opinion, actually does more harm then good. Of course it's good to get the child out of the home they were in, but they are usually not placed into a better one.
While you may have to go through a few months of paperwork and screening(6 months usually), it's really for the childs own good. To make sure your not some disgusting pervert, or something along those lines.

A question about foster care... Why can't the kids just stay in one foster home? Why do they have to move to a new one every few years or whatever it is? Or, let's just open orphanages back up. The kids get to stay in one place and it would be easier to make sure they are being treated properly.

[Sin of the Malkavian]

AntiThesis of Time

I browse through a lot of forums and online communities each day, looking for something worthwhile to blog, and sometimes I feel the urge to share it with the world outside of my little blogging community. In that respect, this topic came up in another community I frequent. I will not expose the community in question, but it is mostly a community for women's health. Sadly, the community has devolved from real questions about women's health, to little more then "Help, I'm TTC, and can't, what should I do?" For those of you who don't know, TTC means Trying to Conceive, or become pregnant.

What bothers me is how a person is completely ostrasized in such a community for suggesting the nobler approach of adopting a child, rather then having your own. It sickens me just how many people I see in this, and other communities like it, who seem to believe that adopted children aren't even real family, and that they're little more then left-over refuse from trash parents.

Often, a person suggesting adoption will get several biting jabs, and see phrases such as the following;

"It's different when it's your own kid." Right, because unless the child shares your DNA you can't possibly raise it.

"But I'm the last male in my family, I have to have my own kids to carry on my family name." Yes, because a name is so very important. Guess what, your adopted child can legally take your last name.

"It's not really my kid, because the DNA is different, I couldn't possibly love him/her like I would my own kid." Sure, because your sperm/egg is so special that only it is deserving of your love.

"Adoption takes too long" Right, because you've been trying for years, what's a few more months to go through some paperwork....

The fact of the matter remains that there are already many many children awaiting adoption, and each day, perfectly healthy children are overlooked because two people are so incredibly selfish that they have to spend upwards of hundreds of thousands of dollars just to have thier own DNA.

It's sickening. If you're so dead set on raising a kid, yet can't seem to create one yourself, for the love of whichever deity(ies) you worship, please consider a child that desperately needs you, instead of forcing the issue to have your own.

Actually, there is a difference between blood child and adopted child. Go to any home where the mother remarried after the first child and had a second following, (Such as my home) and you will see the difference. For example, my step father has never tried to get to know me. When I took lunches to school, I had a sandwich, caprisun, and a pack of crackers. My sister just walked out of the door with a baggy full of double stuffed oreos, bag of grapes, two sandwiches, a thermes with what I can only assume is some nasty looking soup, a bottle of orange juice, and one of those fruit roll up stackers things. When I leave a plate in the living room, I am called from my room to pick it up even if my sister is sitting right there. If she leaves it, he will tell me to pick it up and when I tell him it was hers, he will say, "I don't care, take it to the kitchen."

It's not on purpose, I'm sure. It's a subliminal mental block created from society's invisible censors that cause us to view adopted/step children as....not our responsiblity I guess. Where as a blood child is like, "I helped create that. It was an accomplishment in my life."

A similar example would be the first car you drove and the first car you bought. The first car you drove, most likely a parent's car, you won't worry too much about crashing or getting it dirty or having those really wicked subwoofers that make the window shake while you roll on your 24s. The first car you buy, however, is like your baby, not matter how scratched, dented, falling apart it comes, it's something special. Sorry to compare children to cars but it's the most common thing I could think of.

[iMystere]

Sin of the Malkavian

AntiThesis of Time

I browse through a lot of forums and online communities each day, looking for something worthwhile to blog, and sometimes I feel the urge to share it with the world outside of my little blogging community. In that respect, this topic came up in another community I frequent. I will not expose the community in question, but it is mostly a community for women's health. Sadly, the community has devolved from real questions about women's health, to little more then "Help, I'm TTC, and can't, what should I do?" For those of you who don't know, TTC means Trying to Conceive, or become pregnant.

What bothers me is how a person is completely ostrasized in such a community for suggesting the nobler approach of adopting a child, rather then having your own. It sickens me just how many people I see in this, and other communities like it, who seem to believe that adopted children aren't even real family, and that they're little more then left-over refuse from trash parents.

Often, a person suggesting adoption will get several biting jabs, and see phrases such as the following;

"It's different when it's your own kid." Right, because unless the child shares your DNA you can't possibly raise it.

"But I'm the last male in my family, I have to have my own kids to carry on my family name." Yes, because a name is so very important. Guess what, your adopted child can legally take your last name.

"It's not really my kid, because the DNA is different, I couldn't possibly love him/her like I would my own kid." Sure, because your sperm/egg is so special that only it is deserving of your love.

"Adoption takes too long" Right, because you've been trying for years, what's a few more months to go through some paperwork....

The fact of the matter remains that there are already many many children awaiting adoption, and each day, perfectly healthy children are overlooked because two people are so incredibly selfish that they have to spend upwards of hundreds of thousands of dollars just to have thier own DNA.

It's sickening. If you're so dead set on raising a kid, yet can't seem to create one yourself, for the love of whichever deity(ies) you worship, please consider a child that desperately needs you, instead of forcing the issue to have your own.

Actually, there is a difference between blood child and adopted child. Go to any home where the mother remarried after the first child and had a second following, (Such as my home) and you will see the difference. For example, my step father has never tried to get to know me. When I took lunches to school, I had a sandwich, caprisun, and a pack of crackers. My sister just walked out of the door with a baggy full of double stuffed oreos, bag of grapes, two sandwiches, a thermes with what I can only assume is some nasty looking soup, a bottle of orange juice, and one of those fruit roll up stackers things. When I leave a plate in the living room, I am called from my room to pick it up even if my sister is sitting right there. If she leaves it, he will tell me to pick it up and when I tell him it was hers, he will say, "I don't care, take it to the kitchen."

It's not on purpose, I'm sure. It's a subliminal mental block created from society's invisible censors that cause us to view adopted/step children as....not our responsiblity I guess. Where as a blood child is like, "I helped create that. It was an accomplishment in my life."

A similar example would be the first car you drove and the first car you bought. The first car you drove, most likely a parent's car, you won't worry too much about crashing or getting it dirty or having those really wicked subwoofers that make the window shake while you roll on your 24s. The first car you buy, however, is like your baby, not matter how scratched, dented, falling apart it comes, it's something special. Sorry to compare children to cars but it's the most common thing I could think of.

{Jesus saves and loves};;

Step children and adopted children are different. You didn't choose for that step child to even come into to your life, you simply loved their parent. Besides, my Aunt and Uncle love their step children, and aren't biased at all. The only difference is that one isn't spoiled, because that's how she was raised, but even her own father doesn't spoil her, unlike her step sister who is used to being spoiled and getting her way (But my uncle stays out of that, because he doesn't agree with my aunt's parenting).

And adopting you chose to take a child in a call them your own. Sure, they have no DNA of yours at all, but why does that matter? You're still giving them a home, giving them your last name, and giving them things. I'm pretty sure if an adopted child wasn't shown love, they could report them. I mean, if someone honestly thinks they can't love an adopted child more, don't adopt.

That car example was silly. Most teenagers are afraid of their first car because, especially if it's their parent's, they're afraid of getting into an accident and messing it up. Every time I drive my parents car I'm in constant panic mode. They would KILL me if there was a single scratch on it. And my first car, well, I was very careful, because I wasn't getting anything else. It died because of too much mileage. -.- »»

† For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. †

[Determined Pumpkin]

Um, I didn't realize adoption equaled social ostrasization. I've never seen this at all around where I have lived (and I have lived in a number of places).

Granted, I live in Canada in a fairly liberal community, so I'm sure that will take it's (wonderful) toll.

What I HAVE seen though, is older children (not cute little toddlers, maybe about grade 2 and up) not being adopted because the parents want a fresh, newborn little baby.

Now THAT'S sad.

[Steam Punk Adept]

Aphrodisial Chastity

Um, I didn't realize adoption equaled social ostrasization. I've never seen this at all around where I have lived (and I have lived in a number of places).

Granted, I live in Canada in a fairly liberal community, so I'm sure that will take it's (wonderful) toll.

What I HAVE seen though, is older children (not cute little toddlers, maybe about grade 2 and up) not being adopted because the parents want a fresh, newborn little baby.

Now THAT'S sad.

There is that too, but the problem occurs when a couple trying to have children naturally can't. If you suggest to them that they adopt (a discussion I had at length with a now former friend. I refuse to remain friends with him because of this, and because of how much of an a** he became because of the subject), they immediately take it as a personal attack upon them, and start telling you how horrible that suggestion is. They want to pass thier [inf]superior DNA. Keep in mind, many of these people also claim to be trying to have children as a selfless act. If you want to be selfless, adopt. Instead they selfishly shell out thousands of dollars to bring yet ANOTHER life into this world, skipping over the ones already here. It's truely repugnant.

I'll have to look for it, but even when a child is adopted, they become the red-headed step-child and in one case (will post the news article when I find it again) the family decided they needed to return their adopted daughter because htey were finally able to combine their [inf]superior DNA.

[Determined Pumpkin]

AntiThesis of Time

Aphrodisial Chastity

Um, I didn't realize adoption equaled social ostrasization. I've never seen this at all around where I have lived (and I have lived in a number of places).

Granted, I live in Canada in a fairly liberal community, so I'm sure that will take it's (wonderful) toll.

What I HAVE seen though, is older children (not cute little toddlers, maybe about grade 2 and up) not being adopted because the parents want a fresh, newborn little baby.

Now THAT'S sad.

There is that too, but the problem occurs when a couple trying to have children naturally can't. If you suggest to them that they adopt (a discussion I had at length with a now former friend. I refuse to remain friends with him because of this, and because of how much of an a** he became because of the subject), they immediately take it as a personal attack upon them, and start telling you how horrible that suggestion is. They want to pass thier [inf]superior DNA. Keep in mind, many of these people also claim to be trying to have children as a selfless act. If you want to be selfless, adopt. Instead they selfishly shell out thousands of dollars to bring yet ANOTHER life into this world, skipping over the ones already here. It's truely repugnant.

I'll have to look for it, but even when a child is adopted, they become the red-headed step-child and in one case (will post the news article when I find it again) the family decided they needed to return their adopted daughter because htey were finally able to combine their [inf]superior DNA.

That's true, I haven't been around that many people that are trying so hard to "make" a child.

But that's horrid. To be so unable to connect to the adopted child as your own, I simply can't find strong enough words that are polite for company.

[Streex]

To the person who said about the foster care parents getting through the adoption process faster- they do get a favorable advantage to adopting the children they foster, even though they don't have to meet the same requirements as a couple or single person adopting a child with no foster background. I think it has a lot to do with them challenging the system going "If you put them in my care temporarily and you say I can't adopt because I don't meet the requirements, then why did you put them in my care the first time around?".

Sin of the Malkavian

AntiThesis of Time

I browse through a lot of forums and online communities each day, looking for something worthwhile to blog, and sometimes I feel the urge to share it with the world outside of my little blogging community. In that respect, this topic came up in another community I frequent. I will not expose the community in question, but it is mostly a community for women's health. Sadly, the community has devolved from real questions about women's health, to little more then "Help, I'm TTC, and can't, what should I do?" For those of you who don't know, TTC means Trying to Conceive, or become pregnant.

What bothers me is how a person is completely ostrasized in such a community for suggesting the nobler approach of adopting a child, rather then having your own. It sickens me just how many people I see in this, and other communities like it, who seem to believe that adopted children aren't even real family, and that they're little more then left-over refuse from trash parents.

Often, a person suggesting adoption will get several biting jabs, and see phrases such as the following;

"It's different when it's your own kid." Right, because unless the child shares your DNA you can't possibly raise it.

"But I'm the last male in my family, I have to have my own kids to carry on my family name." Yes, because a name is so very important. Guess what, your adopted child can legally take your last name.

"It's not really my kid, because the DNA is different, I couldn't possibly love him/her like I would my own kid." Sure, because your sperm/egg is so special that only it is deserving of your love.

"Adoption takes too long" Right, because you've been trying for years, what's a few more months to go through some paperwork....

The fact of the matter remains that there are already many many children awaiting adoption, and each day, perfectly healthy children are overlooked because two people are so incredibly selfish that they have to spend upwards of hundreds of thousands of dollars just to have thier own DNA.

It's sickening. If you're so dead set on raising a kid, yet can't seem to create one yourself, for the love of whichever deity(ies) you worship, please consider a child that desperately needs you, instead of forcing the issue to have your own.

Actually, there is a difference between blood child and adopted child. Go to any home where the mother remarried after the first child and had a second following, (Such as my home) and you will see the difference. For example, my step father has never tried to get to know me. When I took lunches to school, I had a sandwich, caprisun, and a pack of crackers. My sister just walked out of the door with a baggy full of double stuffed oreos, bag of grapes, two sandwiches, a thermes with what I can only assume is some nasty looking soup, a bottle of orange juice, and one of those fruit roll up stackers things. When I leave a plate in the living room, I am called from my room to pick it up even if my sister is sitting right there. If she leaves it, he will tell me to pick it up and when I tell him it was hers, he will say, "I don't care, take it to the kitchen."

It's not on purpose, I'm sure. It's a subliminal mental block created from society's invisible censors that cause us to view adopted/step children as....not our responsiblity I guess. Where as a blood child is like, "I helped create that. It was an accomplishment in my life."

A similar example would be the first car you drove and the first car you bought. The first car you drove, most likely a parent's car, you won't worry too much about crashing or getting it dirty or having those really wicked subwoofers that make the window shake while you roll on your 24s. The first car you buy, however, is like your baby, not matter how scratched, dented, falling apart it comes, it's something special. Sorry to compare children to cars but it's the most common thing I could think of.

I've either seen this situation happen before or known someone in it. From what I have seen, it's more likely the stepfathers than stepmothers who will be mean or cold towards children that aren't theirs. Sometimes if the child is male, it's seen as a threat for the mother's attention. One of my friends is the first son born to his mother and the father had died when the friend was a toddler. His mom remarried and his stepfather beat him constantly. My fiance told me of a similar story with him and his stepfather where they got into a huge fist fight. But my fiance's stepmother is very accepting of him and tries her best to show she cares. You see similar instances in the animal kingdom as well such as male cats eating kittens from another father.

[ninjaoftheblackslippers]

Flaming Taboo

I didn't think that adoption was consider so "dirty". I always thought that it was a good way to get a kid.
Well I guess I overestimated america intelligence again ... damn

[Run-With-Scissorsx]

kay i see where your coming from but adoption saved my dads life. he had teenaged parents and they were starving him cause they couldn't afford food to fill my dads stomache... if he wasnt adopted i wouldnt be here today

[Steam Punk Adept]

qutiepie43

kay i see where your coming from but adoption saved my dads life. he had teenaged parents and they were starving him cause they couldn't afford food to fill my dads stomache... if he wasnt adopted i wouldnt be here today

Completely irrelevant. It's not a matter of those who are adopted, it's about the social stigma many place on actually adopting children rather then having your own.

[Hashire-Greywolf]

A quote of my own: "Blood doesnt make family"
I have so many family members that arent blood, when I always thought they were...
I grew up into that quote, and I will pass it on to my own kids.

Adoption is a wonderful thing. youre giving a child a roof over their head, warm clothes, full bellies, and a familial love they needed.


If I ever found out I was sterile (god forbid), I would gladly adopt a child!

hell I might have one of my own and adopt another...(yes, I do want at least one blood child >.<
Nature wants me to procreate, I will do so >.0)

[Sapphisto]

When I get old enough, I want to adopt. I can't see myself pregnant. I might even raise them myself. And I wouldn't care about how much they looked like me. I would adopt a black kid, they're cute. Most of the black babies I see are cuter than the white ones. And I might adopt a teen, too. Children can be annoying. As long as they aren't like, "You're not my mom!" and go do drugs and have promiscuous sex, it'll be good. He/she can help me with the little black baby. Only if I have the money, though, obviously.

I can understand why people wouldn't want to adopt, but I don't understand why some are so pissy towards people who bring up that idea. People who try so hard to have kids themselves, and keep everyone else from adopting, even those who can't conceive... How selfish. It's sickening.

[Cassidy Peterson]

qutiepie43

kay i see where your coming from but adoption saved my dads life. he had teenaged parents and they were starving him cause they couldn't afford food to fill my dads stomache... if he wasnt adopted i wouldnt be here today

"They were starving him" or "they were starving"? There's a difference.

[FlexibleCottonSwabs]

It's not my fault if in God's plan...

If I ever become a good parent and have kids, they MUST be adopted. MUST.

I cannot stand children under grade 2.

I don't care for stigma, but I cannot stand to teach kids. I get abusive.

...He made the devil so much stronger than a man!