Adoption, Why is it a dirty word?

[Steam Punk Adept]

I browse through a lot of forums and online communities each day, looking for something worthwhile to blog, and sometimes I feel the urge to share it with the world outside of my little blogging community. In that respect, this topic came up in another community I frequent. I will not expose the community in question, but it is mostly a community for women's health. Sadly, the community has devolved from real questions about women's health, to little more then "Help, I'm TTC, and can't, what should I do?" For those of you who don't know, TTC means Trying to Conceive, or become pregnant.

What bothers me is how a person is completely ostrasized in such a community for suggesting the nobler approach of adopting a child, rather then having your own. It sickens me just how many people I see in this, and other communities like it, who seem to believe that adopted children aren't even real family, and that they're little more then left-over refuse from trash parents.

Often, a person suggesting adoption will get several biting jabs, and see phrases such as the following;

"It's different when it's your own kid." Right, because unless the child shares your DNA you can't possibly raise it.

"But I'm the last male in my family, I have to have my own kids to carry on my family name." Yes, because a name is so very important. Guess what, your adopted child can legally take your last name.

"It's not really my kid, because the DNA is different, I couldn't possibly love him/her like I would my own kid." Sure, because your sperm/egg is so special that only it is deserving of your love.

"Adoption takes too long" Right, because you've been trying for years, what's a few more months to go through some paperwork....

The fact of the matter remains that there are already many many children awaiting adoption, and each day, perfectly healthy children are overlooked because two people are so incredibly selfish that they have to spend upwards of hundreds of thousands of dollars just to have thier own DNA.

It's sickening. If you're so dead set on raising a kid, yet can't seem to create one yourself, for the love of whichever deity(ies) you worship, please consider a child that desperately needs you, instead of forcing the issue to have your own.

[nassimo]

I can see how people who cant have a child of there own try so hard to do so because they want to make somthing there own and others might want to experence giving birth at least once. Now with that being said I personaly have no problem with adoption so long as they treat the child no differently then they would there own I still conseder them a family. (sorry if my post didnt make any sense but its rather late and i tend to miss my point when im tired)

[TechSonic]

If I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I had planned on adopting a kid or two.

And yes, it is not the same as having your own. Now I respect what you are saying, however if you had not noticed. There are many mental issues that arise from the kids side that are scares for life, life changing mental bends that in most cases, cause adopted children to think of them selfs as "what kind of b*****d must I have been for my real parents not to want me" and that there leads to depression, or even worse. Death.

[Phatts McDangle]

AntiThesis of Time

What bothers me is how a person is completely ostrasized in such a community for suggesting the nobler approach of adopting a child, rather then having your own. It sickens me just how many people I see in this, and other communities like it, who seem to believe that adopted children aren't even real family, and that they're little more then left-over refuse from trash parents.

Yeah, it's pretty sad.

AntiThesis of Time

"It's different when it's your own kid." ... "But I'm the last male in my family, I have to have my own kids to carry on my family name." ... "It's not really my kid, because the DNA is different, I couldn't possibly love him/her like I would my own kid." ... "Adoption takes too long"

People who want to have a child want to have a perfectly blank slate. They want to get in on the "ground floor" and begin impressing their own values/baggage onto the baby from day one. Trying to do that with an adopted baby is like trying to write on a piece of paper that has already been scribbled on. People look at raising a child as the greatest achievement of life. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to sit down and write what I hope will be my magnum opus, I don't want to write it on paper that already has marks on it. I want fresh, clean, perfectly blank paper so that the "story" is mine from the very first pencil-stroke. That's the reason why so many people have such a problem with the idea of adoption, and are so hung up on having "their own" child. The reasons you quoted above are just some of the ways they try to rationalize or articulate that idea. I'm not trying to justify it; it is very selfish and pretty sad.

[nassimo]

I do see your point there and that's what makes it so hard to chose (for me) on if I should adopt or try and have a child the "nomarl" way.

[Phatts McDangle]

The least these people can do is not try to prevent gay people from adopting. That just kills me when they go down that road on top of it.

[Steam Punk Adept]

Phatts McDangle

The least these people can do is not try to prevent gay people from adopting. That just kills me when they go down that road on top of it.

There's that one, and the abortion arguement as well "Why don't you just put your child up for adoption instead of killing it." Both of which make me want to weep for humanity.

[Steam Punk Adept]

TechSonic

There are many mental issues that arise from the kids side that are scares for life, life changing mental bends that in most cases, cause adopted children to think of them selfs as "what kind of b*****d must I have been for my real parents not to want me" and that there leads to depression, or even worse. Death.

Really, can you show me a study on this with statistics? I've known several people who WERE adopted, and none of them have these issues. When asked about her real parents, one of my ex-girlfriends would point to the mother and father who adopted and raised her. Those were her real parents, genetics and blood didn't matter to her.

[nassimo]

Yes i hate when some one says that a gay couple cant raise kids properly and insted of them going to a family that would love and treat them with the upmost respect they would rather them go to a strate family who could care less for them.

[Phatts McDangle]

AntiThesis of Time

Phatts McDangle

The least these people can do is not try to prevent gay people from adopting. That just kills me when they go down that road on top of it.

There's that one, and the abortion arguement as well "Why don't you just put your child up for adoption instead of killing it." Both of which make me want to weep for humanity.

Yep.

Why don't you just put your child up for adoption instead of killing it?

"Because it's mine, dammit, and if I'm not going to be bothered with it I'll be damned if anyone else is!"

"Because that means I'll have to stop drinking and drugging for nine whole months!"

"Child? What child? It's just a fetus. It's a parasite growing inside me, hijacking my body. I mean, it's like a tumor!"

[nassimo]

and now we come to the adoption vs abortion issue

[Phatts McDangle]

nassimo

and now we come to the adoption vs abortion issue

There's really no "issue." The question is whether the pregnant woman is a human being, or a disgusting, soulless piece of s**t.

EDIT: Let me just say that if the pregnancy is the result of rape, or the woman's life would be put in jeopardy by letting it continue, that's a different story. Aside from those two scenarios, there is no excuse for abortion whatsoever. Have the baby and give it up for adoption if you can't raise it yourself. Period. Otherwise, you're a monster.

[Steam Punk Adept]

nassimo

and now we come to the adoption vs abortion issue

Yeah, that devolved quicker then I thought it would *sigh* and I know I helped play a part in it, that makes it even worse.

[nassimo]

I say that its up to the women to chose but you better decide fast for after three months you better be getting ready to rase a child or if you decide to get an abortion donte it to science insted off tossing it out.

[Steam Punk Adept]

nassimo

I say that its up to the women to chose but you better decide fast for after three months you better be getting ready to rase a child or if you decide to get an abortion donte it to science insted off tossing it out.

Okay, now that everyone has had their say, let's get back to discussing why people seem to be so turned off to actually adopting children once they are in the system