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I found this on a post from aggressive mall and thought it was funny enough too share. sorry if you are super religious


Quote:
A recent debacle has emerged over the past few days about a Church run Florida skate park that denied rollerbladers entry for it’s own personal reasons. The kid that was denied made a post about it on be-mag and hilarity ensued… Mainly due to direct contact to the park from the heavens above.

This one is definitely worth checking out!

The following messages are e-mail’s between the aforementioned skate park and a very special correspondent. The names and e-mails have been changed.

from jesuschristofnazareth@xxx.com to jammerz@xxxskatechurch.com

Though I rarely respond to humanity’s questions and pleas, I had to take a minute out of my busy day to reproach your sk8 church for misrepresenting myself and my father. As a lifelong rollerblader, I cannot condone a skatepark that discriminates against other sports. As a victim of discrimination and prejudice, it horrifies me that you would preach my teachings while acting in a very unchristian manner. When you die (which if your policies continue, may be sooner rather than later), I will judge you at the gates of Heaven and I will not deny you entry simply because of being a skateboarder. Should I adopt your skatepark’s policies? Should I judge you based on your plywood and send you away after paying an entrance fee your entire life? Is this fair, is this Christian?

Not only is your prejudice disheartening and frightening, but I am perturbed by many of your other policies such as,

“STAY SOBER
No drugs, alcohol, etc. If you’re high the staff will ask you to leave for the evening. Please don’t smoke cigarettes in the skate park or in the parking lot.”

For my father’s sake, I turned water into wine, and moses talked to a burning bush. I am one of the biggest proponents of responsible drinking and habitual marijuana use. How dare you contradict my teachings.

You have strayed very far from my path, child. I pray you will find the light once again.

from jammerz@xxxskatechurch.com to jesuschristofnazareth@xxx.com
I do not know who you are. Our park was designed and built for skateboarding. Rollerblades are not permitted as we are not insured to have that sport in our park. Our insurance prohibits it. Perhaps if you had asked us we would have tried to explain this to you.

from jesuschristofnazareth@xxx.com to jammerz@xxxskatechurch.com
I find that to be very odd, because as part of my career as a carpenter, I became a part time insurance claim examiner. You have no idea how many lawsuits I would see because of salt damage. Oddly enough though, I never saw a case where sports insurance made the distinction between skateboarding and rollerblading. Obviously, insurance companies do elaborate evaluations on sports complexes, but considering how complex a skatepark evaluation could be and how relatively young this market is, these evaluations do not typically bother with the frivolous difference between skates and blades as the liability remains the same. I would be extremely interested in knowing more about your insurance policy. I may be able to direct you to better coverage at a better rate.

How can you not know who I am? I am your shepherd. I know my sheep, and my sheep know me. Are you not privy to my teachings?

from jammerz@xxxskatechurch.com to jesuschristofnazareth@xxx.com
Jesus,

I took your first email as a threat on my life as you stated that when
I die (and that if my policies continued that could be sooner than
later) is very inappropriate. I have informed my attorney and he hs
informed me to contact the loal authorities immediately.
I know my heavenly Father and he does not email me! Do not contact me
again or I will consider this harassment and notify your internet
service provider, as well.

BOARDZ skatepark management

from jesuschristofnazareth@xxx.com to jammerz@xxxskatechurch.com
I am not your Heavenly Father, I am his son, which is why I’ve gotten with the times and gone digital. No more stone tablets, slaughtering lambs and doves, sacrificing children, or fire and brimstone. I’ve upgraded from analog prayers, to digital inquiries. It makes mass information dissemination a whole lot more efficient. Let me tell you, after 2000 years of spreading the word by sword, the internet has boosted my ratings through the roof. Maybe you should think about coming out of the dark ages and joining my father and I in the present, where skaters of all colors, creeds, and apparatus get along.

I know your attorney, and I don’t think Peter would be very apt to open the gates for him. Keep that in mind as you seek advice from him.

Although there are not many lawyers where I live, I have picked up a little bit of information about tort laws, and know that you’re using empty threats (lying and deception are sins young man). And since I’ve started using the internet to forward all prayer requests to my email, I know that you have no way of legally identifying my ISP, and that if you tried to get the law involved you would be laughed at. So once again, I want to remind you that you are doing an awful lot of sinning without any repenting, something that will be taken into account.

Shalom,
- מָשִׁיחַ

from jammerz@xxxskatechurch.com to jesuschristofnazareth@xxx.com

Jesus,

I hate to tell you this…I’m not a young man. When the doctor slapped
my butt I was a girl and have been ever since then. So, you are the
idiot.

Do not contact me again!

from jesuschristofnazareth@xxx.com to jammerz@xxxskatechurch.com

I am sorry, sinners are not gender specific, so I rarely bother to differentiate between male and female. Your soul is amorphous, genderless, and ugly. I am being compassionate and trying to guide you down an enlightened path to salvation, but you stray further and further every reply. You’re now resorting to insulting your supposed savior. I can do nothing more to illustrate the errors of your ways, I only hope that you will repent and save your eternal soul before it’s too late. Your choices now determine your seat in Heaven, or your torture in Hell. You should spend more time reading my word (KJV preferably) and loving thy neighbor.

9,050 Points
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oh wow.....

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