F.73| Official Constructive Criticism Thread | MOD APPROVED

[gallantswan]

i have no idea what id do different, i worked on it for about 2 days
and i get what you mean, it is very repetitive.

here is a question, could you give me some help?

[Layra-chan]

The kick on the breakbeat that starts in at around :28 needs to be louder, quite a bit louder. I'd suggest maybe layering in an acoustic kick with a good click to it, compressing the two together and adding a bit of distortion. In addition, you'll probably need to turn down your bassline, or do some eqing to get the bass and the kick out of each others' way.
How are you generating your breakcore-y percussion bits? It's always the same snare, same kick, same hats and rides; what you should do is at least find a different snare and kick and alternate between the ones you have and the new ones. Also, it's very dense in terms of sounds-per-time, and that density doesn't change ever. I'd suggest pushing the hats and cymbals down in volume and making portions where the snare and the kick are sparser; also you could experiment with 32nd note rolls for the snares or the hats. Again, the kick isn't prominent enough; part of the reason breakcore is interesting is because the points of percussive emphasis, usually handled by the kick drum, keep shifting, but if the kick doesn't stand out then this effect is ruined.
Ideally, on a volume graph it should show an irregular, violently jagged line going from very loud to almost silent and back often.

As for the melody and the bassline, the problem is that you only have one melody. It's a good one, but you only have one. So the trick to deal with this problem is to make another melody. This doesn't mean take the main melody and transpose it up a third, it means make something completely different in both melodic contour and rhythm.
Another thing you could try is glitching the piano part, chopping it up in a sampler or something. Of course, don't always glitch it, and don't always glitch it the same way, but you can add some variation by slicing up the piano melody and rearranging the bits. Similarly, you could add effects, flanging, reverb, other kinds of sound-warping. Unfortunately, neither glitching nor simple effects will mask the fact that you've only made essentially one melody, and you can only go so far before it starts to become gimmicky.

The end of the track is good because the percussion density goes down, so that we can hear individual pieces and it's not just a blur anymore, and you use some filtering or something so it's not just the same exact noises anymore, and the piano drops out completely letting us hear what the bass actually sounds like.

[gallantswan]

Layra-chan

The kick on the breakbeat that starts in at around :28 needs to be louder, quite a bit louder. I'd suggest maybe layering in an acoustic kick with a good click to it, compressing the two together and adding a bit of distortion. In addition, you'll probably need to turn down your bassline, or do some eqing to get the bass and the kick out of each others' way.
How are you generating your breakcore-y percussion bits? It's always the same snare, same kick, same hats and rides; what you should do is at least find a different snare and kick and alternate between the ones you have and the new ones. Also, it's very dense in terms of sounds-per-time, and that density doesn't change ever. I'd suggest pushing the hats and cymbals down in volume and making portions where the snare and the kick are sparser; also you could experiment with 32nd note rolls for the snares or the hats. Again, the kick isn't prominent enough; part of the reason breakcore is interesting is because the points of percussive emphasis, usually handled by the kick drum, keep shifting, but if the kick doesn't stand out then this effect is ruined.
Ideally, on a volume graph it should show an irregular, violently jagged line going from very loud to almost silent and back often.

As for the melody and the bassline, the problem is that you only have one melody. It's a good one, but you only have one. So the trick to deal with this problem is to make another melody. This doesn't mean take the main melody and transpose it up a third, it means make something completely different in both melodic contour and rhythm.
Another thing you could try is glitching the piano part, chopping it up in a sampler or something. Of course, don't always glitch it, and don't always glitch it the same way, but you can add some variation by slicing up the piano melody and rearranging the bits. Similarly, you could add effects, flanging, reverb, other kinds of sound-warping. Unfortunately, neither glitching nor simple effects will mask the fact that you've only made essentially one melody, and you can only go so far before it starts to become gimmicky.

The end of the track is good because the percussion density goes down, so that we can hear individual pieces and it's not just a blur anymore, and you use some filtering or something so it's not just the same exact noises anymore, and the piano drops out completely letting us hear what the bass actually sounds like.

wow, thats alot, i know exactly what you mean about the melody though. still as a WIP this will help alot. im not too good at eq-ing etc but i'll look up a few tutorials before i get started to read up on and get a basic idea of the theory.
and the breakcore drum sample is a break cut up, only one though, i have an idea to mix up the drums and make it better.
the bass, i know it needs filtering and eq-ing etc
i like the end of the track too.. its weird how it worked out. was just a filter i used to lead it in.
i'll have a go at something with it
thanks
wink

[Layra-chan]

I've never liked using sample chops for breakcore; it leads to the exact problem you have here where the drumming flatlines. I do all of my breakcore by making complicated midi snippets and using multiple drum machines.

[Captain Coldwave]

Most of my WIP's are still in text inside my notebook.. but I've decided to make a song that actually fits well in this forum... here goes:

4/4 time 2 kicks a beat with a snare on each 2nd with a sample of Robin Williams: "One Ugly PandaBitch" per measure for 2 or 3 measures with the following measure or 2 with just "One Ugly b***h". The RW samples will alternate on and off and certain parts of the song, say, off for the first x measures, on for the next y as a sort of buildup to something more.

I've decided to take most, if not all of my music samples from one compilation: The Cyberflesh conspiracy.

So during the part with the RW samples, I will have the first part of the riff from Stabbing Westward's early version of "Violent Mood Swings" and during "One Ugly b***h" the second part of the riff will run.

There will also be some deep wah'd synth bass line... I think I just whipped together a shitty presetcore of it in beatcraft.

So...BRB Soundclouding!

Also keep in mind this is my first actual attempt at EDM... and I did it in like 10 minutes... however, serious criticism would be much appreciated now so I can get it better sooner!

yeah... I just felt like fitting in here. But I will make this song!

[gallantswan]

Latest WIP
have a go an listen please? this one is being turned over and over again and again
ive made about 4 different versions and this one stands out to me.

[Layra-chan]

gallantswan

Latest WIP
have a go an listen please? this one is being turned over and over again and again
ive made about 4 different versions and this one stands out to me.

I like how the overlapping breakcore and breakbeat sound, although I think the breakbeat kick is a bit dry; could use a little bit of reverb.
I think you spend too long on the build in the beginning. In a longer track it might be justified, but since it takes up about half the track here, I'm not so sure it works.
The drumming is too loud in the beginning; it's not easy to hear the pad-thing you have going. You also have something, I think it may be a rimshot or wood, in the initial breakbeat; it's the thing that's not the kick, main snare or the regular, closed hat. Anyway, it's too loud compared to the rest of the percussion. Maybe you could replace it with an open hat, or at least something that isn't as loud.

[Layra-chan]

Captain Coldwave

Most of my WIP's are still in text inside my notebook.. but I've decided to make a song that actually fits well in this forum... here goes:

4/4 time 2 kicks a beat with a snare on each 2nd with a sample of Robin Williams: "One Ugly PandaBitch" per measure for 2 or 3 measures with the following measure or 2 with just "One Ugly b***h". The RW samples will alternate on and off and certain parts of the song, say, off for the first x measures, on for the next y as a sort of buildup to something more.

I've decided to take most, if not all of my music samples from one compilation: The Cyberflesh conspiracy.

So during the part with the RW samples, I will have the first part of the riff from Stabbing Westward's early version of "Violent Mood Swings" and during "One Ugly b***h" the second part of the riff will run.

There will also be some deep wah'd synth bass line... I think I just whipped together a shitty presetcore of it in beatcraft.

So...BRB Soundclouding!

Also keep in mind this is my first actual attempt at EDM... and I did it in like 10 minutes... however, serious criticism would be much appreciated now so I can get it better sooner!

yeah... I just felt like fitting in here. But I will make this song!

The kick and the snare are both overcompressed.
The parts with just the kick are boring and slightly painful to listen to because of how badly the kick is overcompressed.
Even though there's no other context, it feels like it's too fast. Don't know why.

At about 0:28 you introduce a bunch of other percussion pieces, and I don't think any of them work. The toms might be good if they weren't just a downward tom roll, and then there's that bassy thing that sounds like my ears are popping; I think it's a mud problem from generating subbass that really shouldn't be there. The cymbals are too loud, and there's a clacky, bamboo-type sound that just feels random and out of place. Oh, and it's either overcompressed or peaking or something like that.

Overall it's boring and painful. It's boring because nothing happens and there's nothing but minimal percussion, and it's painful because it's overcompressed.

Tracks like this are the reason we tell people not to post anything until they've made a hundred tracks. Sure, you're starting out, you're expected to suck terribly and everyone hates your crap, but at the moment there is nothing I can tell you that will actually help, other than "don't do that, don't do that, don't do that," in which case I might as well tell you to either start over completely and pretend this track never happened. Which I think I will, come to think of it.

[gallantswan]

Layra-chan

gallantswan

Latest WIP
have a go an listen please? this one is being turned over and over again and again
ive made about 4 different versions and this one stands out to me.

I like how the overlapping breakcore and breakbeat sound, although I think the breakbeat kick is a bit dry; could use a little bit of reverb.
I think you spend too long on the build in the beginning. In a longer track it might be justified, but since it takes up about half the track here, I'm not so sure it works.
The drumming is too loud in the beginning; it's not easy to hear the pad-thing you have going. You also have something, I think it may be a rimshot or wood, in the initial breakbeat; it's the thing that's not the kick, main snare or the regular, closed hat. Anyway, it's too loud compared to the rest of the percussion. Maybe you could replace it with an open hat, or at least something that isn't as loud.

i wanted to fade it in alot, build it up. was just an idea in the beginning. will probably expand on it later into a full song. blaugh
yeah, i might put some reverb on it to add something to it.
thats a conga sample thats glitched
the glitch effect is also on a fade-in to add to the build up. (part of the fade-in) i could put a filter on it to bring it down a little, on the low pass. or put a ping-pong delay on it so its on each ear.
if its the main break after the build, it'll be the secondary snare that i used in the build up.
i'll eq it, keeping it as i like it.
i should pull the pad in louder at the beginning. yes. i also need to pull up the 2nd synth thats in, the gating one. cant hear that. do you agree?

[Layra-chan]

I didn't notice a gating one, I think. Either way, it gets kind of drowned out by the drumming.
The fade in is probably also masked by the drumming, since the drums are not being similarly faded in except at the very beginning, so it sounds pretty constant.
Anyway I definitely think the conga sample needs to be pulled down and maybe distorted a little bit; it's too sharp at the moment.

[gallantswan]

it is sort of drowned out. i agree.
i'll work at it. i like this work to be honest. if you wanna have a little remix, you can biggrin

[Captain Coldwave]

Layra-chan

Captain Coldwave

Most of my WIP's are still in text inside my notebook.. but I've decided to make a song that actually fits well in this forum... here goes:

4/4 time 2 kicks a beat with a snare on each 2nd with a sample of Robin Williams: "One Ugly PandaBitch" per measure for 2 or 3 measures with the following measure or 2 with just "One Ugly b***h". The RW samples will alternate on and off and certain parts of the song, say, off for the first x measures, on for the next y as a sort of buildup to something more.

I've decided to take most, if not all of my music samples from one compilation: The Cyberflesh conspiracy.

So during the part with the RW samples, I will have the first part of the riff from Stabbing Westward's early version of "Violent Mood Swings" and during "One Ugly b***h" the second part of the riff will run.

There will also be some deep wah'd synth bass line... I think I just whipped together a shitty presetcore of it in beatcraft.

So...BRB Soundclouding!

Also keep in mind this is my first actual attempt at EDM... and I did it in like 10 minutes... however, serious criticism would be much appreciated now so I can get it better sooner!

yeah... I just felt like fitting in here. But I will make this song!

The kick and the snare are both overcompressed.
The parts with just the kick are boring and slightly painful to listen to because of how badly the kick is overcompressed.
Even though there's no other context, it feels like it's too fast. Don't know why.

At about 0:28 you introduce a bunch of other percussion pieces, and I don't think any of them work. The toms might be good if they weren't just a downward tom roll, and then there's that bassy thing that sounds like my ears are popping; I think it's a mud problem from generating subbass that really shouldn't be there. The cymbals are too loud, and there's a clacky, bamboo-type sound that just feels random and out of place. Oh, and it's either overcompressed or peaking or something like that.

Overall it's boring and painful. It's boring because nothing happens and there's nothing but minimal percussion, and it's painful because it's overcompressed.

Tracks like this are the reason we tell people not to post anything until they've made a hundred tracks. Sure, you're starting out, you're expected to suck terribly and everyone hates your crap, but at the moment there is nothing I can tell you that will actually help, other than "don't do that, don't do that, don't do that," in which case I might as well tell you to either start over completely and pretend this track never happened. Which I think I will, come to think of it.

I actually realized how horrible it was after I posted this. I wasn't actually going to use those exact samples, but I will certainly take into account what you said about the stuff not working and all that.

[gallantswan]

Captain Coldwave

Layra-chan

Captain Coldwave

Most of my WIP's are still in text inside my notebook.. but I've decided to make a song that actually fits well in this forum... here goes:

4/4 time 2 kicks a beat with a snare on each 2nd with a sample of Robin Williams: "One Ugly PandaBitch" per measure for 2 or 3 measures with the following measure or 2 with just "One Ugly b***h". The RW samples will alternate on and off and certain parts of the song, say, off for the first x measures, on for the next y as a sort of buildup to something more.

I've decided to take most, if not all of my music samples from one compilation: The Cyberflesh conspiracy.

So during the part with the RW samples, I will have the first part of the riff from Stabbing Westward's early version of "Violent Mood Swings" and during "One Ugly b***h" the second part of the riff will run.

There will also be some deep wah'd synth bass line... I think I just whipped together a shitty presetcore of it in beatcraft.

So...BRB Soundclouding!

Also keep in mind this is my first actual attempt at EDM... and I did it in like 10 minutes... however, serious criticism would be much appreciated now so I can get it better sooner!

yeah... I just felt like fitting in here. But I will make this song!

The kick and the snare are both overcompressed.
The parts with just the kick are boring and slightly painful to listen to because of how badly the kick is overcompressed.
Even though there's no other context, it feels like it's too fast. Don't know why.

At about 0:28 you introduce a bunch of other percussion pieces, and I don't think any of them work. The toms might be good if they weren't just a downward tom roll, and then there's that bassy thing that sounds like my ears are popping; I think it's a mud problem from generating subbass that really shouldn't be there. The cymbals are too loud, and there's a clacky, bamboo-type sound that just feels random and out of place. Oh, and it's either overcompressed or peaking or something like that.

Overall it's boring and painful. It's boring because nothing happens and there's nothing but minimal percussion, and it's painful because it's overcompressed.

Tracks like this are the reason we tell people not to post anything until they've made a hundred tracks. Sure, you're starting out, you're expected to suck terribly and everyone hates your crap, but at the moment there is nothing I can tell you that will actually help, other than "don't do that, don't do that, don't do that," in which case I might as well tell you to either start over completely and pretend this track never happened. Which I think I will, come to think of it.

I actually realized how horrible it was after I posted this. I wasn't actually going to use those exact samples, but I will certainly take into account what you said about the stuff not working and all that.

just remember thats personal opinion on her part.
i think the part with the percussion works

the kick is fine in my eyes.

some people.

[Layra-chan]

Beyond the overcompression problem is the fact that there's not enough things and nothing happens. Yeah, you remove the snare at some point, and introduce that mess of percussion at 0:28, but neither of those make the track more interesting, since the first takes an insufficient amount of stuff and subtracts from it, and the second is an arrhythmic spattering of crap.
What you need to do, and I'd suggest doing this before even picking out more samples and stuff, is to figure out how this track is going to be blocked out, where you introduce new material, how you want the energy and attention to flow.
Saying "I'm going to put this vocal sample here, and here, and here" is not the same as actually arranging a track, and indeed focusing on the vocal sample will only lead to a terrible track that may be hilarious to you but contributes nothing musically, an in-joke told badly regarding an event that wasn't actually funny.
Anyway, I'll let you fiddle around. Just keep in mind that at minimal instrumentation only works when composition, the rhythms and the sound design are all highly complex and nuanced.

[King 0wl]

it's been a while coming, but here's a link at last

"thirteen and a half steps"; illlojiqual vs merkaba

http://soundcloud.com/doctors_orders/unr-thirteen-and-a-half-steps/s-iHFI8