EI Report: Dappy Dandy & Shadowlegend

[[NPC] Dr. Singh]

Happy Friday! In this week's Evolving Item Report, we've got updates to the Dappy Dandy and Shadowlegend-- put 'em together and you've got the thrill of ninja vengeance and the sophistication of formal dress! What could be a better combo?

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Now, stay tuned for the full report, in which Timmy meets a celebrity spokesperson for an intriguing religion...

Timmy: Hiya, folks, I'm-- I'm just so darned excited I can hardly speech! I mean speak! I know I've had a lotta interesting guests lately-- in fact, I tried to get that spaceship guy back this week to see if his offer for that fruity beverage still stands, but he wasn't answerin' his phone-- but this is beyond all of 'em: this week's guest is only the biggest celebrity in the world!

Ron Bruise: Good to be here, Tim. Great to be here. Tim, it's great to see you.

Timmy: I been on some kinda spiritual quest for enlightenment lately, and as we all know, there's nobody who has life and love and spirituality figured out better than celebrities! Isn't that right, Ron?

Ron Bruise: Tim, I'm just so happy. Never been happier. Things are goin' great. Whoooo!

Timmy: Yeah! We better get to the items right away, before I seize up from all the adulation. We've got two great items changin' this week. First up, our heroes in the Shadowlegend have buried their slain master, and now vengeful thoughts are a-brewin...

Ron Bruise: This reminds me of my role in the 1986 action film, Ninja Revenge II: Ninja Revenge Vengeance.

Timmy: That's a real classic, Ron! The best of the Ninja Revenge series, if you ask me.

Ron Bruise: It holds the record for most highest ratio between decapitations and cast members. Almost 2:1! WHOOO!

Timmy: We've also got a real spectacular update from the Dappy Dandy, with lots more class and sophistication: trousers, fancy coats, and even some tophats! Whaddaya say, Ron?

Ron Bruise: Perfect for the red carpet. I'll be sure to pick one up to wear at the premiere of my upcoming action comedy, Baby Assassin.

Timmy: I'm sold, Ron! You had me at "Baby" and you had me again at "Assassin"! Anywho, that's it for the items this week. Make sure to stop by our weekly EI poll to let us know what you think! Now, I'd love to get a quick word in with Ron about spiritual enlightenment...

Ron Bruise: You got it, buddy! So, Tim, I'm gonna lay it down for you: you and me, Tim, we're celebrities. You've got your little TV show, I'm the most famous man in the world, same thing, right?

Timmy: Well, I mean, I guess so...

Ron Bruise: So what does that mean? Well, celebrity means money, right? And money means spiritual fulfillment. Y'see, Tim, for just 350,000 Gold, I can hook you up to this little meter, and the meter has this little needle that responds to your soul, and the needle tells me whether you're feeling anxiety. Anxiety because of bad aliens in your past, Tim.

Timmy: Bad aliens? Jeepers, sign me up! But actually, I don't really have that much money... Dr. Singh keeps it in trust, so I can live on it when I get older, but she only gives me a little weekly allowance...

Ron Bruise: How much of an allowance?

Timmy: About 25 Gold, I guess. I usually spend it on bubble gum and marbles.

Ron Bruise: Well, keep saving it up, buddy! In 14,000 weeks, you'll be able to afford your first G-Meter treatment. Then you'll be in business!

Timmy: Sounds great, Ron! How many years is that?

Ron Bruise: About... two hundred and sixty nine years, Tim. See you then! I gotta get going, buddy. Early shoot tomorrow. Keep your chin up, huh, buddy?

Timmy: Sure thing, Ron! See you in a couple dozen decades!