Will someone rate my plot? I would like to see if it's...

[Kiui-chan]

[Kiui-chan]

I'm going to scan a pic of anrui that I drew. If anybody has any suggestions on changing the plot, I'll be glad to look at them. I'm always up for help.

[Kiui-chan]

Pic is in siggy.

[Stop Him]

Technically, what you have shown is not a plot - it's a premise.

A premise is the basic idea of the story - like the premise to Star Wars (ep. 4) is "A young man is caught up in a battle against an evil galactic Empire as he seeks to rescue a beautiful princess." It's a setup, a teaser - but it is not a plot.

A plot would be an extended description of the direction of the story. A complete plot would include all elements of the story up until the end. Again, using the Star Wars example:

Out in space, two starships clash. The larger Empire ship captures the smaller rebel ship. Darth Vader boards the ship and captures Princess Leia. He's searching for plans of some sort, but doesn't find them. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to him, two droids (the humanoid, sophisticated C3P0 and the squat R2D2) escape from the ship and make their way to a nearby desert planet.

There, they are captured by Jawas and sold to a small family of farmers. Luke Skywalker is the young nephew of the older farming couple, and he longs to leave the farm and find adventure and excitement. He is fascinated by C3PO's tales of the rebellion. While cleaning the droids, he triggers a recording of Princess Leia asking for help from "Obi-Wan Kenobi". He's interested, but the recording stops and R2D2 will not play it.

Luke leaves, but returns later to find that R2D2 has escaped. Tracking the droid, they are beset by vicious Sand People, but rescued by mysterious Ben Kenobi, who, it is revealed, is also Obi-Wan. The recording is played in full for Ben, who resolves to transport the droid to the planet Aldebaraan. He also reveals to Luke that he knew Luke's father, who was a Jedi Knight, but that his father was killed by an evil Lord of the Sith named Darth Vader...

I could describe the whole film, but that would take too long.

But I hope you see that what you've posted isn't really a plot - and so it's really hard to say whether it's any "good" or not just from what you've posted. The Star Wars premise alone is standard-sounding - what makes the movie good are the way the characters interact, the action and drama, the plot twists, etc. A good writer would be able to turn out a decent story based on any premise you could think of.

Since we don't have much of a sample of your writing at this point, I can't even begin to guess whether your story would turn out to be any good. There are many unanswered questions about why the situation you've described has come about, but that's the sort of thing that would be addressed in the actual story, I assume.

[Kiui-chan]

Well.. I knew it wasn't a FULL plot, but the prologue, you could say. I just meant to rate that. Like when you read the back(rather the front ^^) of a manga and see what it's about, do you find it interesting enough to read?

Of course I would never tell the whole plot because that's giving away a lot of stuff.. (and most of it is still being figured out whee )

[Stop Him]

Kiui-chan

Well.. I knew it wasn't a FULL plot, but the prologue, you could say. I just meant to rate that. Like when you read the back(rather the front ^^) of a manga and see what it's about, do you find it interesting enough to read?

Of course I would never tell the whole plot because that's giving away a lot of stuff.. (and most of it is still being figured out whee )

Ah. Well, in that case... no. I, personally, do not find it interesting enough to read, just from that description. However, I personally don't find any of the descriptions or teasers on the backs of paperbacks to be all that interesting either, so it's not just you. Myself, I usually flip through the book a bit and read a few pages to see if I find it at all interesting. To me, the story itself is a more accurate way to judge whether the book will be any good.

What I would recommend, if you're looking for a compelling premise (that is, a block of text designed to sell your book), is to find ways to simplify and condense the information you're presenting. There's a lot of details that people don't need to know until they read the story.

[Yukamina]

Well, I'd check it out...

[Forgotten Elf]

I think it sounds rather interesting also. There are a couple things I dont understand though. First, how are the elements at war with each other, if their wielders are enslaved? Also, If the world is falling apart, how is the quest neverending? Wouldnt they be extremely pressed for time if exisitance is about to end?

Also, have you decided which element is which animal? I would be interested to hear them. Good luck! blaugh

[Mercilly-Angelheart]

It sounds like you have a good base thought of it, but like Elf said, you might want to clear up some plot holes. ( If you have already, I do aplogize. ) I'd like to know how the new species of Demona came to be. Did humans evovle with new traits? And if the Demona are having a war agaisnt eachother, why can't their mages just stop them if their more powerful then they are? Sorry if some of this is already explained, I might have missed a detail or something. @_@;

[Kiui-chan]

Well at the point when we came up with it.. we were desperate and throwing out ideas.

I'll try to explain it more clearly... This may be quite long...

In another galaxy, a galaxy where things abnormal to the people of Earth are normal to the people of [insert name of galaxy here.. though we're working on it]. The people, Demona, or people of mixes of humans, animals, and elements, are far more advanced than that of the minds of the people on Earth. However, after a battle against another galaxy, on their way home, a few thousand Demona pass through the milky way galaxy. The gravity is different here and they get pulled straight into the Earth's atmosphere. They land in japan.(Thay are in space ships shaped kind of like Ryo-oki in Tenchi Muyo.) They are weary of the people here but the land looks familiar and the elements are the same and easy to control.(they also can change into the full animal they possess a third of) When powerful science mages see of their coming and use powerful magic to capture all of them. When they are captured, all the elements of which they control go wild. Water starts fighting with fire. Love and hatred are becomoing too strong and start to over power one another in terrible battles. (Oh it's not only elements. there are emotions.. else it would be too short) Now every element has treasure. they have a charm that holds all their powers and enchantments. These charms(charms like bracelet charms), are well hidden, so that they are protected. Without the charms and the weilders, the elements would cease to be, and with them the world. However, the Demona galaxy had been watching over their lost ones through a looking glass. There are still some demona of the same elements to keep 50% of the elements neutral.. but without the majority of their people, they cannot keep the wars from happening. So they must rely on the two most trustful demona:The wind and the water. Anrui Gekkani, the wind, and Rakinu Wantabe, the water, make the greatest team. Together the can cast the most powerful storms. More powerful than a thouand hurricanes(however, this takes a great deal of power. Enough to kill both of them. Thats why they dare not try it alone.) Anrui and Raki are two which landed on Earth. They however, were the only two uncaptured(I changed it) but they do escape quite a few greedy men in their adventures. They get word from those at home to find all the charms of the elements and bring them together upon two handfasted wrists. To obtian them they must go to all sorts of spots around the world collecting each element. Shouldnt be too hard, ay? A few examples:

To obtain the Fire Charm you must go to the center of the earth to get it from a thousand fire gorgans and the Fire Gorgan king. But the gorgans hate humans and demona, so the only way you'll get it is to slaughter them.

To obtain the water charm: You must dive to the deepest crevase in the ocean and get it as a gift from the water goddess, a giant serpent who takes virgin sacrifices.

To obtain a wind/storm/air charm: You must find the god of wind, high in the clouds and he will send you on a quest to retrieve a feather from a great bird of fire; a pheonix. To obtain the feather you need the ice charm and you need to use it's power to freeze a feather of the pheonix while its sleeping and pluck it off in a hurry before you get singed.
(Get my drift?)

Well Anrui and Rakinu also have a few stalkers. Two older teenage boys who are Demona obsessed and wish to become great Demona trainers(yes folks. for their erotic and weird pleasures ALL the people of earth have decided to MAKE the demona battle. They use magic whips to force them to battle their cousins. They even interbreed with demona so the species wont die out.), Xalikeau and Kamatari have been stalking the two demona for days, with plans to capture them. However, the keen sences of the Demona suprises the boys and it's actually Anrui and Raki who capture and hold hostage of Xalikeau(Za-lick-oh) and Kamatari. They drag them on all of their quests. Ect.. i think i'm giving too much away..

[Nanie Chama]

Hey, it sounds cool. It may not be a plot, but as a prolog it's cool. I would rate it at about an eight out of ten. If you want a ten out of ten I would suggest you have a bit of plot and some further on detail. But what you have sounds super cool blaugh