The Story of Star and Lune - 13 pages

[KayJKay]

Really, how hard is it to use a ruler? Do you have some aversion to them? Did you get into a traumatic ruler accident as a child, thus scarring you for life? Even if you have post traumatic stress from looking at a ruler, USE THEM.

That said, the first three pages... are exactly like a million other anime/manga storylines I see.

Here's how it goes:

Late for school! *running with toast in mouth*
Whew just made it!
Hi best friend named X!

Next panel goes to the love interest, page full of him before the teacher gets all the students to settle down and start their day. But lo, the protagonist is off daydreaming instead of paying attention, and just when she least expects it, the teacher brings her mind back to the task at hand, much the general amusement of her classmates. Oh, she's so goofy.

Meanwhile, the male love interest grumps, growls, and is generally put off by just about everyone. He's the strong silent type, that doesn't talk much. No one understands him, edgy outsider that he is.

OR

Meanwhile, the male love interest is being observed and gawked at by a million shiny-eyed students...male...female... doesn't matter. He's just that good looking. And for some strange reason, he's enticed by the female protagonist. It's her charms, it's her heart, it's Mary Sueness!

Through a series of whacky events, they end up in love...

Fushigi Yuugi
Fruits Baskets
Card Captor Sakura
And just about any other anime/manga that takes place in a high school setting.

[utopiansky]

woah...that's creepy...you guessed my next page eek
but as far as this being like every other story, you are wrong! please keep reading to find out 3nodding

I don't like rulers because they are kind of annoying and remind me of math homework, but I can try out using them maybe for the next pages sweatdrop

[-2o]

It doesn't worry that your next page was so easily guessable? I'm not saying stop (it's good practice if you're doing it for NanoMango) but really, you should be thinking about these things when you set out to make a comic. A comic is art and a story. If one half fails,the comic fails. Unless you want some vapid shallow story with no depth. If that's the case,by all means

[utopiansky]

I am trying to use everyones comments to make my manga better, I decided to change the next page a bit..

[Kersian]

KayJKay

Really, how hard is it to use a ruler? Do you have some aversion to them? Did you get into a traumatic ruler accident as a child, thus scarring you for life? Even if you have post traumatic stress from looking at a ruler, USE THEM.

That said, the first three pages... are exactly like a million other anime/manga storylines I see.

Here's how it goes:

Late for school! *running with toast in mouth*
Whew just made it!
Hi best friend named X!

Next panel goes to the love interest, page full of him before the teacher gets all the students to settle down and start their day. But lo, the protagonist is off daydreaming instead of paying attention, and just when she least expects it, the teacher brings her mind back to the task at hand, much the general amusement of her classmates. Oh, she's so goofy.

Meanwhile, the male love interest grumps, growls, and is generally put off by just about everyone. He's the strong silent type, that doesn't talk much. No one understands him, edgy outsider that he is.

OR

Meanwhile, the male love interest is being observed and gawked at by a million shiny-eyed students...male...female... doesn't matter. He's just that good looking. And for some strange reason, he's enticed by the female protagonist. It's her charms, it's her heart, it's Mary Sueness!

Through a series of whacky events, they end up in love...

Fushigi Yuugi
Fruits Baskets
Card Captor Sakura
And just about any other anime/manga that takes place in a high school setting.

I agree this idea has been overly used and for some reason this attracts fans, and then the fans decide to do something exactly like it, but with "different characters"

[utopiansky]

3 new pages =_=

[Corneliusth]

Siliva2

I'd never let people tell me I suck stop me from making comics before. As long as you learn from the mistake you make, you'll get better, trust me.

I've been drawing comics for 6-ish years, and one. ONE got off the ground, and it only lasted 2 months. But I learned what I did wrong, and fixed it. Goes for drawing proportions, and drawing manga in general.

Amen brutha

[Kersian]

You improved at the last page at least.

[blinkanjell01]

I see improvement and the faces are kind of cute in a simple way, but in the future try to make your storytelling more original.

[Kersian]

blinkanjell01

I see improvement and the faces are kind of cute in a simple way, but in the future try to make your storytelling more original.

Yeah and don't rush through your art work, at times you might need to slow down.

[utopiansky]

can't slow down, only 23 days left!

[Bulbasauur]

From a n00b's point of view:

I think the flow of your comics is (in my opinion) it's strong point. It was easy for me to follow, which many readers appreciate. I think you should take into consideration some of the others advice. If the plot seems cliche, maybe take a look at it a few more times before continuing? If a lot of people are agreeing on the same thing, then it wouldn't hurt to take a look at what they are pointing out. It seems that an artist must compromise for the good of the story, not for self-satisfaction. Don't get me wrong, I personally think that self satisfaction can be an element too.

Another thing you might want to take a look at is how the panels are exactly side by side. I think the correct term for space in between panels is called gutters? That doesn't sound right... Could someone correct me?

Using a ruler is definitely something to consider also. If the tool is there, why not use it? Why not make the story as good as it can be? You can work quickly, and also have a neat and clean looking story.

Anyways, these are just my thoughts. I'm actually looking forward to see where you go with it.

EDIT:
I should point out that I ALREADY see improvement in the last page. C:

[utopiansky]

one new page!

woohoo, I'm caught up with one page per day

[Kersian]

utopiansky

I love manga so I've been thinking about this story/ idea for about a year now. It's about a girl who is your average high school girl, but then she meets this boy who actually is transported from another world! After they meet, the girl discovers that she is actually from his world and has special new abilities to see the world in ways that no one else can see!

The girl is named Star (which is her nickname). She has black hair and light blue eyes. Her personality is kind but a little spunky
Star

The boy is named Lune and he has blond hair and silver eyes. He is vey mysterious
Lune

You can feel free to critic or comment, but please understand this is one of my first comics.
I will slowly add more pages...

READ ONLINE!
you can go forward by clicking the page

page 1
page 2
page 3
page 4
page 5
page 6
page 7

Thank you for reading

Oh my god, finally improvement.

[Siliva2]

Just looking at the differences between pages 1 and 7...wow. You've really improved, really fast! See what taking advice from overly-straightforward doucebags does for you? Get used to it, it'll be happening a lot in life...

The perspective on the last panel of page 7 is really good. I could never draw chairs and desks like that, even if it is easy...