Please Critique My Webcomic!

[Ashkitty Love]

Transformed Paradise

I'm sticking with using MS Paint, Gimp and the trackpad until I get used to the tablet and Manga Studio, so the pixelated-ness is a staple. However, please let me know how I'm doing on the page flow, camera angles, color palette, etc. Thanks.

[Snowblazer]

but...but...theres only three pages???? wheres the rest???


Since you are using hard-to-control programs I'll go easy on ya. The proportions of her face are off a little. It doesn't seem to move, her running looks like she is frozen in place. Animals need some work too, their bodies look distorted.

[Ashkitty Love]

Snowblazer

but...but...theres only three pages???? wheres the rest???


Since you are using hard-to-control programs I'll go easy on ya. The proportions of her face are off a little. It doesn't seem to move, her running looks like she is frozen in place. Animals need some work too, their bodies look distorted.

http://ashkitty-love.deviantart.com/gallery/31907681

Sorry. I forgot that I never uploaded the full prologue to SmackJeeves. Here's the complete prologue. And thanks for the critique thus-far.

[anna_cracker]

So, you have a tablet and manga studio, but you're not using them because you aren't used to them?

It's not a huge learning curve to figure out a tablet, and a comic is a perfect way to perfect it. Your time is better spent not futzing with a trackpad, IMHO.

[XMegantronX]

well, so far it's ok. i think i'm following the story thus far. here's just some helpful tips:

-instead of using words like "reveal" and "fly" to show us what's going on, just show it. if we can't tell what's going on just by what we see in your comic, then change it. like the flying scene should probably have her more off the ground and the tree with the boy behind it be lower.

-improve your art. some spots look alright, but then others look down right terrible....the coloring is sloppy and i swear i've seen the good poses somewhere before...it's like they're copied from other shojo manga. if you're copying from other mangas, you should stop right now and just go back to practicing. you could get into trouble doing that. i've known quite a few comic artists that were just starting out and they copied many pages of their work from existing manga, thinking no one would catch them. well, someone did and now they can't be looked at as respectable artists.

-coloring...i would probably do without it and study light sources in black and white first. right now all the colors are making it hard to tell what's going on in some scenes.

just some things to think about. don't be afraid to go back and change pages. professionals do it all the time till they get it right. ^^

[Redfox44]

I didn't understand what exactly was going on in this story and then at first she was scared calling out for someone to help her and then she uses some power and calls the animals cowards... ? That mad no sense. I won't comment on your art work, but I think you should go and purchase a how to draw manga book they have lots of great tips on showing motion through your panel. I also think you need work on making panels. the panels help the readers follow the story with out getting lost and most pf the pages are just pictures with words describing whats going on and you really don't want to do that its a comic book not a story book. using some words like "WUSH" insted of "fly" makes the reader thing "oh there is wind or shes creating a gust" but this only works with the visual scene of motion as well.

All in all nice work keep trying and working on your story.

[Ashkitty Love]

XMegantronX

-improve your art. some spots look alright, but then others look down right terrible....the coloring is sloppy and i swear i've seen the good poses somewhere before...it's like they're copied from other shojo manga. if you're copying from other mangas, you should stop right now and just go back to practicing. you could get into trouble doing that. i've known quite a few comic artists that were just starting out and they copied many pages of their work from existing manga, thinking no one would catch them. well, someone did and now they can't be looked at as respectable artists.

I...did not even use references, so I will take that as a compliment. XD Thanks for the other tips, as well. Very helpful.

Redfox44

Thank you so much. I'll keep those things in mind. :3

[XMegantronX]

Torana-chan

XMegantronX

-improve your art. some spots look alright, but then others look down right terrible....the coloring is sloppy and i swear i've seen the good poses somewhere before...it's like they're copied from other shojo manga. if you're copying from other mangas, you should stop right now and just go back to practicing. you could get into trouble doing that. i've known quite a few comic artists that were just starting out and they copied many pages of their work from existing manga, thinking no one would catch them. well, someone did and now they can't be looked at as respectable artists.

I...did not even use references, so I will take that as a compliment. XD Thanks for the other tips, as well. Very helpful.

Redfox44

Thank you so much. I'll keep those things in mind. :3

not to be mean, but it's actually something to work on. since you didn't use any form of references, it means your art is pretty unstable right now going from good to not as much. so practice up to round out your skills more and use references! not anime ones but from real people. it'll help you in the long run and pros use references all the time. ^^

[MooMooJuice]

Keep working on your backgrounds. Like adding more details to give the reader an idea of where she is. I think it's great that you have made an effort to add them. Of course backgrounds aren't needed all the time. But keep it up! : )

Also, try working with different lighting. This seems like a really dramatic scene. 'Sunny day' just isn't doing it any justice, you know?