New Comic Project, Website going up soon

[carolita]

blinkanjell01

carolita

Ya-da ya-da

Oh, thanks very much! My french is really atrocious, so I used a translator to get the gist across, and I already could tell that it was being phrased weirdly or wrong. These pages aren't completed, I plan to go back and fix the dialogue to make it less messy and get someone to help correct my bad french.

My main reason to have the french dialogue isn't just for the heck of it, but it actually factors into a big part of the plot (being that english speakers, mainly americans, go abroad unwilling to learn any local language because they expect everyone to learn english, and then complain when people coming into America prefer to speak their home language). I wish I could explain it a bit more eloquently!

Still, thanks very much. I will most definitely work on all the french dialogue before any of it goes up!

It's all right French is pretty much a pain in the arse, when it comes to writing,anyway. Ah , now I understand, well I'll let you know Internet Translators are your worst enemy biggrin in every language I know , I tried translating ,and it gave close to horrible results ( well, at least some words were there). Ah that's so marvellous , I mean , last time I told someone to correct their sentences; 'il m'a envoyé chier ' ( he sent me to hell ). You actually considering correcting it makes me really happy. If you ever need a corrector ( maybe you already have some contacts) don't hesitate to contact me? I would be more than willing to help you . I could post the mistakes I already found, here,but I'm partial to posting it publicly without your permission with the consequence of being called 'rude'

I had understood that much , since I constantly have fights .... revolving around the same theme.

No problem! I hope I did not make your head explode with my awful third-language-English.

[blinkanjell01]

If you wanted to correct me, that would be an amazing help! Would it be presumptuous of me to ask you to be one of my go-to people to correct my french? It would certainly save me the awkward request for my teacher's help D: If you could help me with just this page even, it would be super helpful.

[BunnyCupCakes]

...I don't know any French, but I really like the idea.

The pages are nice ( even your sketches! ) and I adore your style.
Can't wait for more ^^

[Mr McGrumpypants]

carolita

third-language-English.

And yet your posts are far more legible than many of the primary language people who post on this website.

[blinkanjell01]

BunnyCupCakes

...I don't know any French, but I really like the idea.

The pages are nice ( even your sketches! ) and I adore your style.
Can't wait for more ^^

Glad to hear you're on board :O

[utopiansky]

I love the concept and your art! Can't wait to see more.

[carolita]

@ Blink: As I said, I would be more than glad to do so! Just pm me with your already made sentences or what you think it would look like in French, and I'll do my best to correct it :> .
( I understand, I would hate to have my 'personal texts' corrected by my English teacher gonk )
Alright I'll post the correction here -> ( ) I can't right now since I am in a crappy laptop and I literally have to wait about 5 minutes for a page to open . What a drag.

@ Grumpypants : I try! Yet I still have a long way to go.

[blinkanjell01]

carolita

@ Blink: As i said, I would be more than glad to do so! Just pm me with you already made sentences or what you think it would look like in French, and I'll do my best to correct it :> .
( I understand, I would hate to have my 'personal texts' corrected by my English teacher gonk )
Alright I'll post the correction here -> ( ) I can't right now since I am in a crappy laptop and I literally have to wait about 5 minutes for a page to open . What a drag.

@ Grumpypants : I try! Yet I still have a long way to go.

Thanks very much, this is a big help. I'll message you or post them here at some point soon.

[carolita]

Too lazy to go edit last post I just noticed it will take some space so I'll post it here instead.

Quote:

http://tinypic.com/r/w1b686/4

Débris - Simply forgot the accent.

Quote:

http://tinypic.com/r/2j17clk/4

Nota

Is it normal for her to be so courteous with her? I know you guys don't have that in english ,addressing everyone with 'you' ; but in french,we address important people or strangers with 'vous' ---could also be for elderly people, but the common familiar term is 'tu' which is often used for friends, family , and people who are not strangers. This is a thing to note when using 'vous' and 'tu'. ---what kind of relationship are you looking for?

That taken aside, I corrected using the original term 'vous'

Bonjour ma chérie ---Mon = masculine/Ma = feminine + accent

Vous vous êtes reveillée si tôt ,

Ma bonté / Bonté divine! / Mon doux! --- I'm sorry I do not know a lot of typical French 'swearing'

Vous n'avez pas besoin d'être amicale avec moi. -female + à = to / avec= with

Quote:

http://tinypic.com/r/hvv5uf/4

La pauvre pute?-- But I thought you were more aiming for the 'look at that wrench' ?
So ' r'garde la pauvre putaine' ( slang on the look because it seems more natural.)

I'm sorry for the Chaotic French lesson, but I thought it would be meaningless to just correct it mindlessly, and shove it all there, but if you prefer me doing it like that then I'll stop with the explanations , jaja.
And that's all for now biggrin

[blinkanjell01]

Ah, perfect, I'll make the corrections. I understand more now than before about vous/tu since I started taking french and whatnot. It's always useful to have someone who speaks it fluently on hand!

[carolita]

cool 'vous' can also be used for a group of people.
I wonder how 'French second language' teaches French.
Glad to be helpful|

[denver taylor]

It's not easy to how much potential these pages show! You're style is well-conceived and your on the right track with page layouts. I think someone pointed out a need for (or better) transitions already.

The only other thing for me is that the pacing seems to be syncopated, like every third panel is offbeat which makes it a teensy hard to follow sometimes on the first read through. For example in the first page Hortense appears to wake up and know the time without (the reader seeing her) glancing any clocks. sweatdrop

However, that is easily overshadowed by the character designs, style, solid mannerisms/poses, and fully inked pages!

[blinkanjell01]

denver taylor

It's not easy to how much potential these pages show! You're style is well-conceived and your on the right track with page layouts. I think someone pointed out a need for (or better) transitions already.

The only other thing for me is that the pacing seems to be syncopated, like every third panel is offbeat which makes it a teensy hard to follow sometimes on the first read through. For example in the first page Hortense appears to wake up and know the time without (the reader seeing her) glancing any clocks. sweatdrop

However, that is easily overshadowed by the character designs, style, solid mannerisms/poses, and fully inked pages!

If it means anything, that's not the first page. There are about 5 pages before it, two of which detail Hortense climbing out of bed (a shot of her digital clock) and yanking on some clothes to stop Edith from banging on her door. I'd post them but I haven't inked them yet or anything because they need to be re-drawn better.

Thanks for the comment about the panels though, I think I have trouble pacing and some of the pages I've drawn I didn't fully plan out. I hope they don't detract too much! If anything is too bad to the point of being distracting, let me know, and I'll re-draw it.

I'm still working on the website as I type this and I really want the first chapter to be good and dynamic, to set the tone for the rest of the story. I'm willing to draw and re-draw pages if need be, so any criticism at this stage is much appreciated!

[Zee Coldwater]

I don't think you should redraw. Most webcomics start out shaky and your stuff is nowhere near as bad as the majority of webcomic beginnings.

Okay, that sounded like a backhanded compliment. Whoops. What I meant is, your art is very good and is only going to get better -- so don't sweat redrawing just yet.

When you finish it and decide to publish, though, I would see no harm in going back and doing some minor touch-ups.

But seriously. Don't get sucked into the redraw cycle. It's poison.

[blinkanjell01]

Tovarish Groznaya

I don't think you should redraw. Most webcomics start out shaky and your stuff is nowhere near as bad as the majority of webcomic beginnings.

Okay, that sounded like a backhanded compliment. Whoops. What I meant is, your art is very good and is only going to get better -- so don't sweat redrawing just yet.

When you finish it and decide to publish, though, I would see no harm in going back and doing some minor touch-ups.

But seriously. Don't get sucked into the redraw cycle. It's poison.

I just want everything to be perfect D: *crazed look*