My webcomic ~ The God Stone~ critique wanted

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

Yes...I have a webcomic. Just starting out and I want advice/critique/questions, all that jazz.

Be brutal, be helpful and be honest! I really want to know as this is just a practice project for me...
I really want opinions on how you think the story is progressing. Is it boring? Does it have too much text?

My Website- The God Stone


Edit- New comic reader format http://thegodstone.myartsonline.com/comic.html

Facebook for God Stone- Facey B

My D.A.- Deviant Art

Or even SmackJeeves- SmackJeeves


View where you feel most comfortable.

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

Oh yes, and advice on my website too. Navigation, the overall look...stuff to add or takeaway etc.

Its all work in progress

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

Preview of page 8

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

No one has anything to say? scream

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

scream

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

scream

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

scream

[-2o]

Stop bumping. This place is one of the slowest on Gaia, you could leave your topic for weeks and not leave the first page, so chill out.

It's very early to be critiquing you. Right now all that has happened has been the death of the driver and the horse. Seems like the precursor to something, but that something isn't clear just yet. We really havent had a chance to be introduced to your setting yet, or your characters. I thought introducing the idea of channellers and stones could have been done in a subtler fashion, but it wasn't done in a way that would raise red flags and made me jump ship, so I don't think that's an indictment of your future writing. So I can't really comment on your writing or any aspect of that.

Visually, you're doing a decent job depicting characters in environments and in motion. There's some slight anatomy weirdness here and there, but that's something you will iron out as you go along.

There's something weird going on with the font. Don't know if it's just me, but there seems to be some, I don't know, fuzzyness? I don't really know how to describe it. Also, you leave too much white space on the page, it's a little distracting. There's no real need with the presence of an archive, to have that white space on the bottom occupied with a page number. It's not a huge deal, but I do think the pages would look better without it.

Personally, I think the gold detailing on the site looks a little tacky, but the site itself is easy to navigate and nothing stood out as being detrimental to the reading experience. So that's just my personal taste.

I think it's good you are really involved in the world you created (as evidenced by your extra pages filled with bios and whatnot) but personally, I don't read that kind of stuff unless i'm already investing in a story, so I wouldn't be surprised if readers don't look at that stuff until the story has really gotten going. As long as you don't have any info in their that the reader absolutely needs in order to understand the work, it should be fine.

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

Thanks for all the input. I'm used to Gaia being rushed through so I just naturally assumed bumps were necessary.

As for the early state of it all yes I am crawling out of primordial sludge and evolving into something coherent so all information in the beginning is appreciated whilst I fit into something comfortable.

I'll keep an eye on the whiteness. I'm actually finding that the white space is disappearing as the pages get more detailed and I'm making them bigger.

Font? Yes, I've always had issues with it. Got to find out how to use it better because paint shop pro is a nightmare for adding font.

[Tenko72]

I actually know what you mean about the font, because I use PSP too. Have you tried these setting, "Sharp Anti-alias, foreground transparent"? I had to do that with Garamond to keep it from looking fuzzy, so it might be the same with the font you're using too.

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

Tenko72

I actually know what you mean about the font, because I use PSP too. Have you tried these setting, "Sharp Anti-alias, foreground transparent"? I had to do that with Garamond to keep it from looking fuzzy, so it might be the same with the font you're using too.

I've actually been using GIMP 2.8 to add in the font because I just haven't figured out ways I can add speech bubbles and font comfortably on PSP. I'll give that a go and see what I can come up with.

[Emihaumut]

I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. It is too early to say. Your story seems ok, but it's kinda flimsy at certain points. Like with the snow lion and the god stones. Why didn't he just pick them up? The lion was dazed, and the stones were right there, it's not like he even had to go out of his way to get them. I am enjoying the characters and the interactions though.

Artwise, your drawing's are solid, but you should pay more attention to linework/inking and coloring. I'm not sure which one's putting me off more. I think the colouring's really just going to take practice to get better. I feel like you're starting to get the hang of it in your latest page. Using textures does kind of clash with the feel of everything else. The inking is very very distracting though. It's easy to see where you got lazy. The lines are pretty wobbly, but that'll probably get better with practice. You should think about adding some (more) line weight and variance to break things up a bit.

You might also want to spend some more time with the lettering. Some bubbles doesn't have enough white space in them, and some have uncentered text. Here's a decent lettering tutorial (though it is in photoshop). Also, your watermark is very distracting, especially since it's larger than the dialogue.

As for the design of your site, the layout is (more or less) fine, but the graphics and colour choices are very garish. The font is a bit hard to read, and the buttons on the bottom are obnoxiously large. I also think there are too many items in your menu up top, but that may just be me.

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

Thanks for the great advice, its so helpful to get outside opinions and I really agree with a lot of it. I've always had an issue with the colouring, and its taking me a long time to really get into a good colouring style, which is a large reason why I decided to do it in colour, it'll stop me from ignoring that aspect where I need work.

Some of the inking is indeed, lazy, but some is attributed to a terrible scanner which scans thing wobbly. I'm getting used to a tablet, and considering drawing over some of the wobbly problems.

The lettering I'm defiantly having a trouble finding the right way to present it, and I think the more I fiddle around the more likely I am to find something that fits. Another problem I think I might have too much text, but I've got a lot to say.

And the rest is laziness. Finding a way to smooth out the lines and fix them a little more is my next step.

my next steps: smaller water mark
smaller navigation buttons.
drawing over terribly scanned lines/ lazy bits.

My colouring I know will take me a while, and I know its a slow process, uncomfortably for me.

As for the loosing of the channelling stones I wanted to use it as a device to introduce the fact that there is a form of powers within the world, but to take it away from the main character so that he wont be so powerful in the very beginning of the story. I also wanted to introduce the fact that this is a world that has slightly different creatures, hence the snow lions appearance.

I can attribute many reasons for why Steel didn't go back and pick them up such as 'right next to the lion', 'he's an idiot' but if it doesn't feel right I'll think of something else I can do. Maybe solidify why he can;t pick them up (perhaps have him try to pick them up but looses them in the snow, then the lion chases him) Or I could even change the whole scene exactly.

I've always harboured the idea that if you have to explain art then you haven't done it right, so I'll have to find a different way to go about that.

Thanks for all the input there. Keep it coming biggrin

[0o Sabakku No Gaara o0]

new format for the page reader
http://thegodstone.myartsonline.com/comic.html

[Celestial White Tigress]

I enjoyed reading it biggrin The characters are all very distinctive and the expressions + dialogue that you give them mesh very well together!