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Ophelianime

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Post: 87817327_61 created on Mon, 21 Oct 2013 01:42:40 +0000
Posted: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 01:42:40 +0000

ANNOUNCEMENT! I need a little help on fine tuning a future character and would like to set up a think tank. Would any of you loyal fans care to participate?

Noe Shu

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Post: 87817327_62 created on Mon, 21 Oct 2013 04:31:15 +0000
Posted: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 04:31:15 +0000

Ophelianime

ANNOUNCEMENT! I need a little help on fine tuning a future character and would like to set up a think tank. Would any of you loyal fans care to participate?

Sounds like fun

Ophelianime

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Post: 87817327_63 created on Mon, 21 Oct 2013 04:33:47 +0000
Posted: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 04:33:47 +0000

Noe Shu

Ophelianime

ANNOUNCEMENT! I need a little help on fine tuning a future character and would like to set up a think tank. Would any of you loyal fans care to participate?

Sounds like fun

oh good
mind if I pm you?

Noe Shu

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Post: 87817327_64 created on Mon, 21 Oct 2013 04:35:15 +0000
Posted: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 04:35:15 +0000

Ophelianime

Noe Shu

Ophelianime

ANNOUNCEMENT! I need a little help on fine tuning a future character and would like to set up a think tank. Would any of you loyal fans care to participate?

Sounds like fun

oh good
mind if I pm you?

Nope I don't mind

paramecium99

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Post: 87817327_65 created on Tue, 22 Oct 2013 18:03:37 +0000
Posted: Tue, 22 Oct 2013 18:03:37 +0000

First Chapter: (First impression)
I think your first chapter is confusing but I have a feeling I am supposed to be confused. I am not sure whether she is changing universes or time traveling. She is saying a lot about changing universes but it seems like she is time traveling while also traveling to different locations. With all the possibilities in parallel universes I think there is a lot of lost potential. This is where your imagination could go wild, yet you still seem bound by the rules of our universe. As someone who enjoys fantasy it is possible that my tastes simply don't suit the story and mind you, this is NOT a bad story. If I didn't think it was good I would have not said anything. I just think you could go further with the concept and really make something of it. I feel also that we would be better off getting to know your character. All I know about her is that she is a science fiction fan. The problem with this is, I don't feel like I care about your character because I don't know her.

Here are some positives about your story:
- The naked guys were funny
- It is in the realm of fantasy so there is a lot of room for imagination
- The art looks great (you have a good artist to work with)
- Your main character is hesitant to put on the bracelet - I like this because it is realistic. She doesn't just jump at the opportunity to put on the bracelet because a real person probably wouldn't. Her concerns also make the audience curious.
- The fact that she is a science fiction fan might justify that she automatically assumes she time traveled (which wasn't even a big issue really)
- There is a good sense of anime humour. Anime humour is very popular at the moment and I like that it is using the situation to be funny.