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Ophelianime
hisoka hxh
sorry if i'm going to sound rude, but i don't mean to offend.


That's ok. I wouldn't have put up this forum if I couldn't tell the difference between constructive criticism and being picked on. And I can tell you're just giving an honest critique

hisoka hxh
1)the new pages are ok, not bad since we got to see more background characters other than the main girl.

She's about to get lots more character action, so hang in there

hisoka hxh
2)the story is not getting anywhere at the moment, i feel things should go a bit faster.

I think you might be right, I may have started this thing out too slowly. Of course, fixing that would require a complete re-do of the first few chapters at least. Do you think it would be worth it?

hisoka hxh
3)this goes to the artist: the foldings of clothes on the waitress looked unnatural. and the movement + some poses of the characters from time to time looked too staged. Finally, all the girls have the same face.

I noticed the face thing too. I'll pass that along

hisoka hxh
4)the theme is still too light-hearted. it should be darker since anyone trapped in an alien setting would constantly freaking out, unless the girl has an extremely-care-free personality. Care-free is a good trait usually for male characters. if you apply that personality on attractive female leads....well, there are only a handfull of examples out there, but some readers might take it in the wrong context (pretty minus a brain).

When you say, "darker" and "freaking out," do you mean that she should be experiencing more psychological trauma? I think I could do that, and it would require only a few minor re-dos. I certainly don't want her to appear to care-free, and I definitely don't want her to appear brainless. What I was thinking is that she's the kind of person who suppresses her worry when she feels she can't do anything about it, so she can focus on what she can get through. But perhaps that isn't showing very well

hisoka hxh
good luck and keep up the good work.

Thank you for pointing out my weak spots. I'm thinking of whipping together an alternate beginning for the story, would you be willing to be a sounding board?


don't re-do the whole thing. what you can do is to keep the pace a bit faster in the new chapters. pacing in stories does not have to be consistent, most popular manga out there have different pace from time to time.

about "darker", i was thinking maybe you should throw in some evil in this world. everyone is just too nice in the story. about "freaking out", you might want to show her "worrying" most of the time; again, her face is just too "happy".

as for the alternate beginning, that sounds great. you can actaully introduce a male version of the protagonist (maybe from a different time-line) that faces the same situation. and eventually putting your two protagonists together in one setting.

and yes, i can give you advices from the best of my ability for your projects.

at the meantime, i will also launch my manga on that site this month. Once I do, please also check it out.
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ANNOUNCEMENT!
I am attending a wedding in Texas and could not bring my laptop with me, so I'm going to have to skip this week's update
But I assure you that next week I'll be back and posting!
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Okay, I read the first chapter... I am now bookmarking this, and will come back to read the rest that you have later on today.
Then I will give you my critique and opinions ^ _ ^
So far, however, I do like it quite a bit; she really wasn't all that frightened at the beginning at what happened which seems a little unrealistic, but then again, I wouldn't be either. Haha, personality types differ! So I kinda like that. I shall be back later.
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hisoka hxh


at the meantime, i will also launch my manga on that site this month. Once I do, please also check it out.


Sure thing! Just let me know
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TranquilDisturbance
Okay, I read the first chapter... I am now bookmarking this, and will come back to read the rest that you have later on today.
Then I will give you my critique and opinions ^ _ ^
So far, however, I do like it quite a bit; she really wasn't all that frightened at the beginning at what happened which seems a little unrealistic, but then again, I wouldn't be either. Haha, personality types differ! So I kinda like that. I shall be back later.

thank you. I hope that you continue to enjoy it!
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Snowblazer

made an update yesterday
I nice big one, to make up for skipping last week's whee
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hisoka hxh

new big update
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Ophelianime
hisoka hxh

new big update


The new pages are pretty good. I like how things are moving faster now. The addition of black background is a big plus on the artist's side. Great job.

However, I still feel there is a lacking of secondary/supporting characters. So far, I feel most of the other characters are "background characters" where little character developments can be done upon them. Maybe you should start introducing 1 or 2 characters whose roles are as important as Ms Friday's? One way to do so is to give the readers an idea of what those supporting characters are thinking and feeling at that moment during the interation. Or give them some background stories.
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hisoka hxh
Ophelianime
hisoka hxh

new big update


The new pages are pretty good. I like how things are moving faster now. The addition of black background is a big plus on the artist's side. Great job.

However, I still feel there is a lacking of secondary/supporting characters. So far, I feel most of the other characters are "background characters" where little character developments can be done upon them. Maybe you should start introducing 1 or 2 characters whose roles are as important as Ms Friday's? One way to do so is to give the readers an idea of what those supporting characters are thinking and feeling at that moment during the interation. Or give them some background stories.

good idea.
and don't worry, some new characters are being introduced this upcoming chapter. In fact, you've just met one. wink
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Ophelianime
hisoka hxh
Ophelianime
hisoka hxh

new big update


The new pages are pretty good. I like how things are moving faster now. The addition of black background is a big plus on the artist's side. Great job.

However, I still feel there is a lacking of secondary/supporting characters. So far, I feel most of the other characters are "background characters" where little character developments can be done upon them. Maybe you should start introducing 1 or 2 characters whose roles are as important as Ms Friday's? One way to do so is to give the readers an idea of what those supporting characters are thinking and feeling at that moment during the interation. Or give them some background stories.

good idea.
and don't worry, some new characters are being introduced this upcoming chapter. In fact, you've just met one. wink


Is she going to have 8 jobs? The more time you spend in one area the more others will get left out...I mean you have a lot of worlds to explore and a lot of people to meet
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Noe Shu
Ophelianime
hisoka hxh
Ophelianime
hisoka hxh

new big update


The new pages are pretty good. I like how things are moving faster now. The addition of black background is a big plus on the artist's side. Great job.

However, I still feel there is a lacking of secondary/supporting characters. So far, I feel most of the other characters are "background characters" where little character developments can be done upon them. Maybe you should start introducing 1 or 2 characters whose roles are as important as Ms Friday's? One way to do so is to give the readers an idea of what those supporting characters are thinking and feeling at that moment during the interation. Or give them some background stories.

good idea.
and don't worry, some new characters are being introduced this upcoming chapter. In fact, you've just met one. wink


Is she going to have 8 jobs? The more time you spend in one area the more others will get left out...I mean you have a lot of worlds to explore and a lot of people to meet

yes and no. She will not have 8 JOBS, but she will be aquiring several more roles.
and yes, she will be spending a little more time in the Asian universe, but don't worry, she will be going to different universes and meeting new people as the story progresses. But I need her to stay in this universe for now for the sake of introducing more characters and moving the story forward
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i just started reading this
it's amazing emotion_yatta
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Spectacular! Awesome and very unique storyline, fun main character and beautiful art. I admire what you've done
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F a c c i o l a - c h i
i just started reading this
it's amazing emotion_yatta

Wow! thanks for saying so. that means a lot to me
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Ananias5
Spectacular! Awesome and very unique storyline, fun main character and beautiful art. I admire what you've done

thanks so much!

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