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Noe Shu
Im a fan I just don't have an account on that page biggrin

that's good to know, thanks
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Ophelianime
hisoka hxh
the new story is decent, but there is a problem with the overall mood. I assume the new chapter is supposed to be sad but I just cannot feel it. the overall theme is just too cheerful. I think you might want to change the theme from light to dark once in a while to suit the story better?

I'm not quite sure how to address this, but I'll try
I do have a lot of dark plots planned,but before I start those plots I need to set the stage with a couple new characters and exploring a different world
I suppose I'd be further along towards the dark parts if I had started out differently, but someone told me that my other start up option was a little too dark, so I went with this one
let me know if it continues to be a problem. I could talk with my artist to see if he'd be willing to sketch out an alternate scene


hey just wondering, do you pay to your artist or does he works for you for free? if you do pay him, ask him to fix page 15 of chapter 3. cause that page really ruined the mood for that scene. it would've worked better if she was shown holding her tears in while picking up the cash.
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also, just trying to help you with the project here, if you look at page 17 corner panel, her head is too small.

sometimes, if you are drawing the same character in separate pages, you might get away with errors in proportion because the readers won't see the character more than once on the same page.

but, if you are planning to include that character more than once on the same page, you have to be really careful about her/his body proportion and anatomy.
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another advice on the project, since the artist is using manga studio debut, ask him to spend more time on shading and ask him to use darker tone.

i'm also working on my manga atm with manga studio, only if this isn't against the rule otherwise I could post one sample page here for you to see what I meant.
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hisoka hxh
another advice on the project, since the artist is using manga studio debut, ask him to spend more time on shading and ask him to use darker tone.

i'm also working on my manga atm with manga studio, only if this isn't against the rule otherwise I could post one sample page here for you to see what I meant.

thanks for the tip
I'll be sure to pass that along to my artist 3nodding
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glad I can be of help. and glad to see you gaining fans.
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the art form the latest chapter seems rushed. some of the panels are lacking, like hisoka hxh pointed out.
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hisoka hxh
glad I can be of help. and glad to see you gaining fans.

I know right?! I'm super excited!
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UPDATE INFORMATION!
I'm going to have to cut down the number of pages I put up every week to three at a time
I wish I didn't have to, but my fabulous artist doesn't come cheap. Not that his rates aren't reasonable, it's just that my job pays a diddly paycheck.
So unless I get help monetarily, I'm going to have to stick to a three page update once a week
speaking of which, I'm about to make the latest update, so keep your eyes open
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Snowblazer

don't know if you knew, but I've made an update. So be sure to check it out!
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Noe Shu

updated
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I've read the first chapter so far, and honestly, it is actually quite cool! owo

Though my one concern, about the wrist bracelet thingie falling out of the sky and crashing in the ground: It felt inspired on Ben 10. QwQ Had it been a necklace, or a Gameboy thingie, I would never even have thought htis, I'm sorry. orz

But other than that, other criticism you got was spot on, and it is a interesting so far, I will certainly continue reading. owo
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Samanthai
I've read the first chapter so far, and honestly, it is actually quite cool! owo

Though my one concern, about the wrist bracelet thingie falling out of the sky and crashing in the ground: It felt inspired on Ben 10. QwQ Had it been a necklace, or a Gameboy thingie, I would never even have thought htis, I'm sorry. orz

But other than that, other criticism you got was spot on, and it is a interesting so far, I will certainly continue reading. owo

Thanks for the compliments! And yes, I did notice the similiarity to Ben 10. My original concept was that the shifter was a necklace or a brooch and that she find it in an attic or buried somewhere. But the necklace and brooch idea made it too easily lose-able, and the finding it in an attic idea didn't mesh with the object's origin story. So I changed it to a bracelet falling from the sky and decided to risk the Ben 10 comparison. wink
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sorry if i'm going to sound rude, but i don't mean to offend.

1)the new pages are ok, not bad since we got to see more background characters other than the main girl.

2)the story is not getting anywhere at the moment, i feel things should go a bit faster.

3)this goes to the artist: the foldings of clothes on the waitress looked unnatural. and the movement + some poses of the characters from time to time looked too staged. Finally, all the girls have the same face.

4)the theme is still too light-hearted. it should be darker since anyone trapped in an alien setting would constantly freaking out, unless the girl has an extremely-care-free personality. Care-free is a good trait usually for male characters. if you apply that personality on attractive female leads....well, there are only a handfull of examples out there, but some readers might take it in the wrong context (pretty minus a brain).

good luck and keep up the good work.
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hisoka hxh
sorry if i'm going to sound rude, but i don't mean to offend.


That's ok. I wouldn't have put up this forum if I couldn't tell the difference between constructive criticism and being picked on. And I can tell you're just giving an honest critique

hisoka hxh
1)the new pages are ok, not bad since we got to see more background characters other than the main girl.

She's about to get lots more character action, so hang in there

hisoka hxh
2)the story is not getting anywhere at the moment, i feel things should go a bit faster.

I think you might be right, I may have started this thing out too slowly. Of course, fixing that would require a complete re-do of the first few chapters at least. Do you think it would be worth it?

hisoka hxh
3)this goes to the artist: the foldings of clothes on the waitress looked unnatural. and the movement + some poses of the characters from time to time looked too staged. Finally, all the girls have the same face.

I noticed the face thing too. I'll pass that along

hisoka hxh
4)the theme is still too light-hearted. it should be darker since anyone trapped in an alien setting would constantly freaking out, unless the girl has an extremely-care-free personality. Care-free is a good trait usually for male characters. if you apply that personality on attractive female leads....well, there are only a handfull of examples out there, but some readers might take it in the wrong context (pretty minus a brain).

When you say, "darker" and "freaking out," do you mean that she should be experiencing more psychological trauma? I think I could do that, and it would require only a few minor re-dos. I certainly don't want her to appear to care-free, and I definitely don't want her to appear brainless. What I was thinking is that she's the kind of person who suppresses her worry when she feels she can't do anything about it, so she can focus on what she can get through. But perhaps that isn't showing very well

hisoka hxh
good luck and keep up the good work.

Thank you for pointing out my weak spots. I'm thinking of whipping together an alternate beginning for the story, would you be willing to be a sounding board?

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