Manga Page 1 (Test)

[Otaru Anzai]

This was a test drawing, I wanted to see how well I could draw up a manga page. Sadly it isn't like traditional mangaka and reads left to right instead of right to left. I made some mistakes and Some things in there are prolly disproportional to the eye. It's a test but I would love to show it to the public and get their opinions. Continuing this story is still in the air for debate.
This took me about an estimation of 7 hours. Using a program called SAI Paint Tools.

[The Drunken Jester]

It's not terrible.
It's not print-worthy though. The page dimensions aren't suitable for an actual comic page.
As far as the art itself.... I've seen worse. The 'kawaii-desu' shot of the girl makes it completely obvious that you haven't put much effort into anatomy, but it's passable for a webcomic if that's what you wanted to do with it.

[Otaru Anzai]

It;s a good way of looking at it, if you have any sources that can help me with anatomy please do share.

[moeotaku1]

I agree with The Drunken Jester that it's not print-worthy art. It's still got that nooby feeling to it, but I would prefer to see this art than a lot of art that I've seen. XD Please do study anatomy though. What I do is go on DeviantArt and search for anything I need (in this case "Anatomy tutorial" ) and than Cntrl+click to make a new tab for each tutorial that sounds helpful. Then, I read them. Once I finish I take my newfound knowledge and test them out in my sketchbook.
It looks to me like the art in the first two panel isn't as good as the other panels.
Also, try experimenting with varying thickness in the lineart to add depth and shadow. Lastly, put some tone in it, even if it's just a little gray. The page looks so...naked, especially because of your uniform line width.

Of course, this is just my opinion.

[Otaru Anzai]

moeotaku1

I agree with The Drunken Jester that it's not print-worthy art. It's still got that nooby feeling to it, but I would prefer to see this art than a lot of art that I've seen. XD Please do study anatomy though. What I do is go on DeviantArt and search for anything I need (in this case "Anatomy tutorial" ) and than Cntrl+click to make a new tab for each tutorial that sounds helpful. Then, I read them. Once I finish I take my newfound knowledge and test them out in my sketchbook.
It looks to me like the art in the first two panel isn't as good as the other panels.
Also, try experimenting with varying thickness in the lineart to add depth and shadow. Lastly, put some tone in it, even if it's just a little gray. The page looks so...naked, especially because of your uniform line width.

Of course, this is just my opinion.

I had no doubt it wasn't print worthy, after all this is just a test . I've taken shading into consideration even if its not colorful, like you said it gives off that naked feeling. The first panels were test subjects in their own; Somewhat Chibi, sketching, and sudden surprise. But thanks for the tip for the anatomy tutorials. I'm not the best, but i'm making slow progress. thanks again.

[Kenny Cappuchino]

I'd definitely add some more weight to your lines. Even if you don't end up colouring, line weight can make a huge difference and, right now when I look at your page, everything's very light and sketchy, which wouldn't be bad, but then you get to the eyes and it throws off the sketchy look completely by how dark they've been made. I see that kinda emphasis way so often, it's cliche.

Ah, your speech bubbles too (I don't think anyone commented about them, at least?) could be placed a little better. Such as, in the second panel, instead of having the speech bubbles one under the other, you could have placed the second in the bottom right corner instead, to let the flow be a little smoother. Small things like that make a big difference in the end.

[CB_Young]

Keep it from left to right unless you are planning on writing in a language that reads from right to left. Panels should flow from one to another, and one of the ways that this happens is the direction that the text goes. There is no good reason to make the art read opposite the words. So as far as the direction that the comic is read, keep up the good work!

You have nothing even resembling backgrounds, so unless this story is taking place in a blank white void, the reader has no idea of setting.

I can't tell which character's face is which in the close-ups.

Line weight has been talked about in previous comments.

If this were the first and only page that I got to see of a comic, I'm not going to lie, I wouldn't read anymore. There isn't anything that catches my attention. I'm not saying that it's bad, it just looks very generic. I'm pointing this out because this is an area that is surprisingly easy to fix. You're certainly not without potential, and I would encourage you to continue; but study and work on improving as you continue.

Best of luck!

[Zeo]

I'm going to set aside comments on the art.

I'm not at all your target audience here, but I'll give you a few thoughts.

There's no background. There's no context. There's just KAWAII girl jumping on KAWAII guy and lots of wacky anime/manga cliches thrown in. There's not a lot to grab my attention and make me want to read more. Who are these people? Where are they? Is this a fantasy story, slice-of-life, school drama, what? I can't tell anything, and from the first page I should be able to tell something.

Comics are just as much good storytelling as engaging visuals.

By no means stop making comics, but do keep these things in mind when you're developing your skills. Storytelling has to consist of more than kawaii eye sparkles, Japanese honorifics, and cutesy manga conventions (sorry, those effects drive me nuts sweatdrop ). You can't just take manga's stylistic conventions out of context and hope they'll make a good story on their own.

I know you said this was just a test page, primarily focusing on the art, but I'm also addressing your mentioning you are debating whether or not to continue the story. Also, don't apologize for writing the thing in the direction the English language reads in. biggrin