Looking for Development Help/Critique

[No Snacking]

As you've probably already guessed, I'm an aspiring Webcomic Creator. As of now, I've got several ideas on the table which could all possibly be webcomics.

However, while I feel as if I have a few good ideas for each individual comic, and at least a general direction + a main conflict, I feel that I am lacking in the development department; that is, I have no idea how I can keep the in-between interesting. I would like each of these to be relatively lengthy (two of them were actually novel ideas originally, then movies, and now webcomic ideas).

To avoid stretching the page, here I have placed general outlines of each story in the following spoilers.

Scavenger [Title is undecided as of yet, but Scavenger is the placeholder]

A group of young friends venture to a mysterious island, along with 100, 000 other people. They are contestants in the Scavenger Hunt of all Scavenger Hunts. Rumor has it that there is a unique item hidden somewhere on the island with unique properties, and the winner of the hunt shall inherit the very island itself. The hunt is hunted by a man who goes by the title of Host, who gives each and every contestant a dose of a very special serum. This particular serum grants the user a random ability; some can conjure magics, others can fly, some gain super strength- but these powers of course come at a cost. The powers come with a set of side-effects classified into three divisions: Drawback, Obsession, Alteration. The Scavengers, as the contestants become known as, race against each other to explore the island and use their abilities to hunt down the Prize.

Untitled

In the distant future, a new world has emerged after total nuclear warfare broke out. Two factions each control one half of the world, the division cutting right through the center of Future North America. Along with the war, a very alarming amount of technology was lost. However, some technology was saved, including the Cloning Machine. While not able to literally clone humans, the machine allows scientists to download the memories and personalities of people in files, which are then stored in massive databases. These files can be uploaded into a special Robot, which takes on the physical appearance of the mimicked individual.

Things go wrong when a double-agent betrays the head scientists in charge of this machine, corrupting the program and altering every file in the database. In coordination, a very important Military General is presumed dead in a helicopter crash; but she's alive. With the scientists ignorant to the hacker's shenanigans, they create a clone of this General, but the clone exhibits erratic behavior.

That's about all I have for this one.

Everdine [Currently the idea I am focusing on.]

Two kingdoms have finally reached the climax of a long war. Through the use of blitzkrieg tactics and their army's brute force, the Arwood kingdom overtakes Kingdom Everdine. A young knight-in-training is sent away from the kingdom by King Roderick III, who remains in his throneroom with his final battalion. This young knight is Simon Drake, whose mission is now to escape alive and raise an army of his own. He must travel across the continent and find a way to the distant kingdom of Vignon, where he must persuade King Virgil IV to commission an army.

But there are much darker things in the works here; a mysterious cult has recently surfaced, and they are in the process of assassinating any and all Government figures, as well as high ranking Knights and Soldiers. Simon must find a way to stop this cult and take back the kingdom, which the King had entrusted to him.

With that out of the way, I should also note that I am looking for an artist or two to aid me in the process of literally painting a picture with my writing. I've already got one artist, however, I am not sure that he will be able to handle the workload alone- mainly in the case of computer graphics. So, with that, I am looking for someone to ink/color the lineart. Please provide samples; samples are important. And don't worry if you can only do one or the other; I'll still consider you, it just means waiting a little longer to find your partner.

And so ends the post. I look forward to any and all critiques. Post or PM me if you have any questions at all.

[HanoMayonaka]

I like these stories, each one has a distinctive feel and feel unique with each one. You have great idea skills, but you are right when it comes down to the nitty gritty. The synopsi are good as just that, synopsi. These are great summaries, but they are missing the "oomph!" you need to make a story. The best thing I can do is advise you to ask yourself one thing...

"What comes in between?"

Every story that exists in the world consists of three parts. A beginning, a middle, and an end. Your first step is to determine what those three parts are. How does you story start? How does it end? And the most important part, what comes in the middle.
Once you determine what those parts are, then you can move on to the next part. What happens in between? What happens between the beginning and the middle? What events from the beginning, lead up to the events in the middle? Cause and effect. Action and reaction.Make it something interesting, something that tells your reader, "Holy s**t, this is good stuff! I want to read more!"
Rinse and repeat for the middle to the end. What happens in between that makes this a good story? Once you got the middle parts for those, put things in between the beginning and the part between the beginning and middle of the beginning and the middle. Observe Figure 1-A




As far as artists go, I am willing to help you on a professional level, however, I expect real compensation for my work. Rates can be discussed if you email me at, [e-mail]

You can find samples of my work in the following links:

[No Snacking]

HanoMayonaka

First of all, thanks for the reply! I checked out your comic while skimming through some of the other threads here. Gotta say, I'm hooked already!

Second, you've actually given me some insight as to how I should go about this. I've been trying to get it out all at once is the thing, which in hindsight wasn't the best idea. I'll try to work at it piece by piece from now on, which should make things much easier for me. While I do have the beginnings and ends laid out already, there's also a series of important events that happen in between. I suppose all I really need to do is focus on building around those points, as you've said. Idea skills are my strong point- development, sadly, is not gonk

While I only have extremely ambiguous summaries posted here, both Scavenger and Everdine are actually more than just ideas- I have a handful of details for each of them. In fact, I had so much worked into Scavenger that my actual summaries were met with complaints of "Too much exposition!" With Scavenger I've got plenty of characters (since it revolves around a grand contest) as well as how deep certain characters play a part in relation to other characters. It's sort of a Good vs. Evil vs. Order type deal I have going on with it, where the "Government" of the Scavenger society seeks to end the quarrel between Good and Evil through use of force, as well as the Good vs. Evil conflict taking place simultaneously. My main problem with Scavenger is that there are probably too many characters for me to implement significantly; I originally had the story divided into three arcs: The first taking place within a large city that the contestants reside in, the second following the actual hunt, and the third following the conflict that arises after a Scavenger wins the contest.

As for Everdine, I'm currently in the process of working out a system of magic; I've decided on a combination of the use of Runes, which are applied to the skin or an object with an ink extracted from a special stone; Incantations; and Hand signs. I've also got a small handful of characters whose personalities and fates I have almost set in stone in terms of how the story goes as of now. Everything is, of course, subject to change. I don't actually seem to have too much trouble developing the story for Everdine as I do Scavenger it seems...

A thing I've also been doing is experimenting with certain genres. Scavenger itself is a sort of wide experiment for me; the variation of characters would allow me to throw in any genre I can think of. I actually have one single character dedicated to being the macabre/nightmare fuel of the story. In Everdine, I tried to focus a little bit on tragedy, and I've decided the best way to go about this is to target the character I believe most people wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to.

Regarding your artwork; I would definitely love to have you play a part in the illustration of any of these comics, but I'd much rather wait until I have a solid story rather than make it up as I go along. I feel it'd be easier on the both of us; this way I'm not rushing anyone for last minute changes all the time and whatnot. I'll be saving your email somewhere in case I still need an artist by the time I'm ready to begin.

Once again, I thank you for taking the time to respond to my thread! Keep up the good work; you've got a new fan, m'man!