well, i can tell straight off that i won't be reading it, because the way your artist draws women lets me know i'm really far away from being the target audience. and the first character image, the black woman with exposed nipples? is incredibly fetishistic.
aside from that, i would rearrange things a bit. the background art is beautiful, yes, but instead of lazily drifting a dozen backgrounds around the screen for the first forever, i'd have them done as brief, clean cuts. full screen, so people can get a look at them. and get through them as quickly as possible. i know you want to wow people with the art, but backgrounds offer no hook. nothing to make the viewer want to stay for the rest. people come for the art but they stay for the story.
and speaking of story, i don't personally get drawn in by the idea of some mystic artifact in africa. stories of people scrambling for power are all well and good, but you should try to be more precise than this. who are the main characters? why should we care about them? nations are massacred in fiction all the time--it's like the old saying "one death is a tragedy. a million deaths is just a statistic." give us someone to root for.
i see also that this is labeled as something you're working on for kickstarter. in that case, you might want to consider getting in front of the camera yourself. people like that extra little connection--they want to support a person, not just a project. being personable on screen will help charm the viewer.
lastly, and i'm sure this has occurred to you--that yellow evaluation bar has got to go. there are free programs you can use. play with those.
anyway, good luck.
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