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Espillam's avatar

Genius

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Please read the first page and do tell me what do you think.

You can find it on Smack Jeeves.

Genre: Adventure | Action | Romance | Comedy | Mystery | Tragedy

A little bit of everything really.
Xiam's avatar

Anxious Humorist

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Interesting style there.

It's spelled "Mystery" though.
Chesed Parader's avatar

Shirtless Shapeshifter

Quote:
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Kyousouka's avatar

Shadowy Phantom

There isn't much need to bump in this forum, it moves slowly.


OP: Are you looking for critique on the comic, or are you here to promote it? In the latter case, the Promotions subforum is where you should be posting, it covers comic promotion too.
Espillam's avatar

Genius

Kyousouka

I'm kinda looking for feedback, Know what people think.
Maybe some words of encouragement.
Lin Inazuma's avatar

Obsessive Tipper

Hi! I do really like the style of your comic, also, really nice hang for the next pages.

I would recommend maybe using a more little pattern for the skin, since the one you are using make dispensary some details that are really good like the hands , that are so nicely done...

would also recommend something like a cover...that could make a first good impression about what the comic is about or the characters.

Keep up that great work >w<!
Chrissi Pumpkin's avatar

Unbeatable Pumpkin

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Beautiful style! I really love your line work and the bold use of black and white, and your use of halftone is really wise. biggrin

I have just a couple of critiques, but I am really impressed with what I see so far!

If you're going to use a pattern or halftone for the skin, make sure all the overlapping lines are thick - a lot of information is lost, such as when her hands are over her mouth, or the nose and crinkles of the face.

Your silhouettes are strong, but your pages' stories are a little confusing. For example, on the latest page (page 3) the masked man runs at the woman. She's reared up her knife over her shoulder, as if she's about to do an underhanded stab at him, but then ... ? The next panel is either she's trying to smack him with the handle, or he's dodging it - but then it looks the woman has switched hands holding the knife. And in the final panel, the knife is gone and he has his hand up, so my first assumption is that he knocked the knife from her hand (even though, it would have been his other hand to do that). BUT he could also be dramatically posing and getting ready for some crazy magic move, and she's still holding the knife off-panel.

My fixes would be:

Use speed lines to show movement. A lot of shonen manga use fantastic speed lines - look for the most action-y issues of Naruto, Attack on Titan, Cowboy Bebop, etc. Any manga that has a lot of martial arts or hand-to-hand combat would be best.

A) If he's knocking the knife from her hands, instead of the dodging panel, have a close up of her knife coming into frame and his hand getting ready to slap hers (or draw the actual contact).

B) If he's dodging it, put up his right hand in the dodging panel, pushing her wrist away from him with the back of his hand - kind of like how someone would swat away flies, or brush something off their shoulder. The back of the hand says, "I can't care enough about this situation to exert the effort to actually stop you." And, of course, it would be easier to understand the dodge.

Really, though, just play through the scene. Act it out with you and a friend - using safe props and not actual knives, of course! - or use action figures (an artist's true best friend!).

Anyway, I've bookmarked your comic. Really excited to see the rest of it!! biggrin
I really don't have much to say other than what has already been said. I just wanted to give you a little encouragement in knowing that you have a new fan. (:

Really though, the tone used for the skin is kind of distracting. I don't focus on the characters as much as I do the widely spread dots. I'll still be reading, but why not make the comic the best it can be and experiment with different tones?

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