How's my scripting? [WLFA/Scriptdump]

[Shouting Fox]

UPDATE: I'd like to note I'd like to find an artist to work with at some point. Not aggressively or anything. Otherwise, I'd appreciate critiques on future scripts. Thanks.

I'm a newbie, first forum post. Was wondering if anyone would mind telling me how my scripting comes off. Specifically, I'm hoping I can get the opinion of artists who've worked from a script before in regards to my panel structure, whether I'm leaving enough wiggle room for artistic interpretation while giving enough detail, and whether (as Warren Ellis said) it actually makes you want to keep reading.

(I'm not trying to post an ongoing fanfic script or anything; just using this as a sample.)


PART ONE: YELLOW LANTERN ALLEN SCOTT

PAGE ONE

PANEL ONE
This panel takes up all the page, save for the bleed. There's a yellow border around it. The right half is "reserved" for some panels-in-panel action.

The left side of the panel is primarily taken up by Yellow Lantern Alan Scott. It's a full-body shot, meant to show off his unique costume. (This is meant to immediately show the difference between characters visually. There will be more of kinds of "introductory panels" for each of the six primary characters.) It may be at a slight angle, possibly an action pose, as he had just entered the main room of his version of the JSA's headquarters. There might be other members in sight (even just partially, given the limited room on either half of the page), but he's there to see Mister Terrible, who's definitely not in this particular panel.

YL SCOTT: You called?

PANEL TWO
This is one of the smaller panels on the right side of Panel One. It is the uppermost panel in a column of three same-sized panels, each space proportionally between each other and the edge of the bleed (vertically, that is). Yellow border.

Mister Terrible has his back to a large computer display, his arms outstretched with amiability. We can only see about the upper half or so of his torso-- not being outright important, he doesn't get the "look at my cool costume" treatment like the main six do.

TERRIBLE: I did. First, to give you an appropriate "job well done."
YL SCOTT (off-panel): It was a job.
TERRIBLE: I was getting to that.

PANEL THREE
The second in the column of panels inside Panel One; yellow bordered.

Mister Terrible is sitting at the computer, YL Scott now visibly standing behind him.
What can be seen of the computer screen or screens would be things like images of universes other than their own (though not universes we're all that familiar with, so no Earth-1 or anything too common), perhaps schematics of a device and portions of the formulas that operate at the device's core.

TERRIBLE: While you were dealing with Vand le Savant, one of my Terribyte crawlers was able to infiltrate the base and found this.
YL SCOTT: "This" being?


PANEL FOUR
The third in the column of panels inside Panel One; yellow bordered.

The character positioning will be similar to the last panel, with the perspective shifted so that we can get a better view of the screen(s). The dominant image on the screen is of the schematics of that device. The schematics might be diagrammed, with lines linking different parts of the device to explanations of what they are and what they do; that may be Mister Terrible's computer attempting to divine the purpose of the device by running a simulation of its operation.


TERRIBLE: An interdimensional transporter.
TERRIBLE: Technically, a personal teleporter, augmented for larger capacity and interdimensional travel.
YL SCOTT: And we found the schematics?

PAGE TWO

PANEL ONE
This panel takes up approximately the top third of the page, each panel being of equal dimensions and allowing for space between each of them. Yellow-bordered.

Mister Terrible has left his chair, now standing a few short feet away at a table-like console. YL Scott watches from place behind the chair. This might be a good time to show a wider array of screens, some of which might be keyed onto JSA members in other universes. In theory, the computers connection to the device could allow it to access computers or satellites from other worlds. When the device comes out, the computer would lose that ability.

TERRIBLE: Not exactly. These schematics were drawn from the computer's scans of the actual device.
TERRIBLE: By hooking it up to the computer, I was able to get a glimpse of alternate versions of Earth.
YL SCOTT: Sounds like we got lucky. There's a lot of havoc to be had with a device like that.


PANEL TWO
Equal in size with those above and below it; yellow bordered.

A close of Mister Terrible's hand, or maybe just his index finger as it presses into a button on the console he's standing before.

SFX: Click!

PANEL THREE
Equal in size with those above and below it; yellow bordered.

Mister Terrible is still standing in front of the console, but YL Scott has now crept up to the side of the thing. Between them, the ascending compartment within the console can be seen rising up.

YL SCOTT: Do we have any major plans for it thus far?


PAGE THREE

PANEL ONE
This panel and Panel Two take up the top third of the page, each being half the width of the page. Yellow bordered.

A close-up on the compartment, which has finished rising and retracted its shell to reveal its interior: the device is a gauntlet, held in the air by a visible ray of light. The color doesn't specifically matter itself, but might want to reflect Mister Terrible's coloration in some way. (That is, his costume, not his skintone.)

TERRIBLE (off-panel): We've not even finished the analysis phase, and from the looks of it, it's dependant on an external power source.

Panel TWO
The same size as Panel One; yellow bordered.

Mister Terrible and YL Scott are still standing at the console, although the gauntlet-like device is now in Terrible's hands and the console is mid-descent.

TERRIBLE: Catman said something about starting an interdimensional gladiator arena... Powergirl pondered finding a Krypton to conquer and rule over... But we've got to make sure the thing even works first.

PANEL THREE
This panel takes up the middle third of the page; yellow bordered.

The console between Terrible and YL Scott has returned to its normal state. Terrible is holding the gauntlet in a different position; both are looking at it intently.

Terrible: No one wants their molecules scattered in the multiverse.
YL SCOTT: May I?

PANEL FOUR
To be simple, this panel is the same size as Panels One and Two, bottom left with a yellow flippin' border.

Although still in Terrible's hands, YL Scott has wrapped a yellow force field around the gauntlet.

YL SCOTT: I totally agree. That's a great idea.
TERRIBLE: Idea?

PANEL FIVE
Same as Panel Four, bottom right and yellow border.

The force field is holding up the gauntlet between Terrible and YL Scott. YL Scott has his head cocked to the side, probably looking at buttons or screens. Terrible, confused at what seem to be YL Scott's non-sequitors, is giving him a puzzled, cautious look.

YL SCOTT: That sounds highly likely. Should we proceed with that course of action?
TERRIBLE: Alan, are you okay?

PAGE FOUR

PANEL ONE
This might be a little confusing but here goes: this page, like Page One, is designed with some panels-in-panel action. There will be three panels inside this one, centered and towards the top. There will be two in one row, one in the second; the top two will equal the length of the bottom, which is about fifty percent of the page's length. Although this is the primary panel on the page, it is the last in the reading order of it, so it might read as though it were out of place. Same yellow border, of course.

YL Scott is in the center of the bottom portion of this panel, and should be the only person seen. Energy is swirling around him, as though his yellow light of fear is combining with temporal and multiversal energies as it sends him into another dimension.

YL SCOTT: I can spread a little FEAR through the Multiverse!

PANEL TWO
This panel is approximately a quarter of the length of the page, just to the right of the center line, and roughly a little less than a quarter of the height of the page. Yellow bordered.

This panel is a close-up of the gauntlet, still surrounded by the YL Scott's force field but now opened or unlatched, ready to but placed on someone's arm.

TERRIBLE: Scott, what are you doing?
YL SCOTT: Isn't it obvious?

PANEL THREE
The same size as panel two, although positioned to the right of the center line with a bit of space between them. Yellow bordered.

Another close-up, this time as the YL Scott's forcefield places the gauntlet onto his left arm (which should, if I remember correctly, be the same side his ring is equipped on).

PANEL FOUR
This panel is just below Panels Two and Three, inside Panel One, and is the same height as the above two and the length of them both combined. Yellow bordered.

YL Scott has backed away from Terrible a bit, who's reaching out to him. YL Scott is looking at the gauntlet and pressing buttons with his right hand.

TERRIBLE: Scott, no!
YL SCOTT: I figure, if I can put a little FEAR in this machine...

END PART ONE

[Kupocake]

My first instinct is that you are definitely controlling the script down to its last detail, and at the same time, paneling-logic isn't something you're extremely well-versed in. You have a preference for less panels-per-page, which isn't the problem, it's the way you attempt to force how these are arranged. You get into very lengthy descriptions that may be unnecessary. For example, that page one, panel one description can be summed down to one sentence. "Yellow Lantern Alan Scott enters the main room of JSA headquarters." If the artist is competent, the artist would start off with an establishing shot on this first scene. No need to fudge the details!

At the same time, you don't talk much about the mood, which makes it hard for the artist to figure out how to portray this character. Is the mood serious? Or is he going in to visit an old friend? Avoid giving unnecessary orders concerning how the panels should be laid out and instead think of the tone of each panel. Generally speaking, as visual-people, (non-amateur) artists can figure out how something should be positioned/angled/shot better than the writer, and it's best to trust on the instincts of whoever you choose to partner with. Few writers thrive with the Alan Moore-method.

But this is coming from someone who prefers straight up screenplay-format as opposed to comic-script format. I'm all about artistic freedom and liberties.

[Shouting Fox]

Ooh, thoughtful reply! I knew coming here would be a good idea.

The first thing you need to know is that this script was both theme-based and experimental for me. The first issue (this one) is set to introduce six main characters-- good and bad versions of Alan Scott, Hal Jordan, and Kyle Raynor-- and show them in their respective universes, which is Earth-1 for the good versions but three different universes for the bad versions. The idea, then, is that the characters would be introduced in the order of bad Scott, good Scott, bad Jordan, good Jordan, bad Raynor, good Raynor. The panel structure for, say, good Scott and bad Scott is to be the exact same, and is meant to imply that the universes have similarities but differences.

The second thing is that Moore has essentially become my god over the past year, year and a half. I got a Kindle Fire for Christmas and I've since used it to consume his runs on Miracleman, Supreme, his Green Lantern shorts, and I'm working on Promethea. Moore, to me, is super-rational, including his extreme methods of laying out script, but also in the sense of letting the artist's sensibilities override the script when necessary.

I'm not good with panels, panels throw me off pretty bad. I wrote a couple of scripts in a very simple nine-panel, three-by-three layout because of how much easier it made the whole process on me. I've gotten into the habit of sketching out my panels so that I can have a visual aid, otherwise I feel as though I'm just juggling the panels and I don't juggle well.

Thanks for the reply.

[Kupocake]

Shouting Fox

Ooh, thoughtful reply! I knew coming here would be a good idea.

The first thing you need to know is that this script was both theme-based and experimental for me. The first issue (this one) is set to introduce six main characters-- good and bad versions of Alan Scott, Hal Jordan, and Kyle Raynor-- and show them in their respective universes, which is Earth-1 for the good versions but three different universes for the bad versions. The idea, then, is that the characters would be introduced in the order of bad Scott, good Scott, bad Jordan, good Jordan, bad Raynor, good Raynor. The panel structure for, say, good Scott and bad Scott is to be the exact same, and is meant to imply that the universes have similarities but differences.

If that were the case, make a note to the artist about your intent. They probably can come up with a creative way of doing it without having to OCD-control every little bit of content.

Quote:

The second thing is that Moore has essentially become my god over the past year, year and a half. I got a Kindle Fire for Christmas and I've since used it to consume his runs on Miracleman, Supreme, his Green Lantern shorts, and I'm working on Promethea. Moore, to me, is super-rational, including his extreme methods of laying out script, but also in the sense of letting the artist's sensibilities override the script when necessary.

I definitely got a Moore-fan vibe reading this script, but without the sensibilities of Moore's scripts. Essentially, Moore is a novelist who knows how to handle a sequential, visual medium like comics. He thinks in pictures, and runs with abundant details that even the most confused artist can follow. Just looking at his script for The Killing Joke, you can tell he thoroughly thinks out each panel: the mood, the composition, and so forth. He writes pictures as if he were the artist himself.

But as I said, few people are Alan Moore, and the lengthy paragraphs for each individual panel may be overwhelming to some artists, and a rip-off of Alan Moore to others. I personally would never tackle a project with someone who went this crazy with the details. It's too confining, as an artist.

Quote:

I'm not good with panels, panels throw me off pretty bad. I wrote a couple of scripts in a very simple nine-panel, three-by-three layout because of how much easier it made the whole process on me. I've gotten into the habit of sketching out my panels so that I can have a visual aid, otherwise I feel as though I'm just juggling the panels and I don't juggle well.

Thanks for the reply.

You might want to read up Understanding Comics and Making Comics, especially the latter even if you're not an artist. Get into the head of an artist, try to figure out what makes visuals exciting to them. Study cinematography. Study other comics and graphic novels. Paneling isn't easy and it takes some time for an artist to learn, let alone a writer. But I can guarantee you that if you can understand the visual process, you'll be more valuable as a comic writer.

Good luck.

[Shouting Fox]

Kupocake

(helpful stuff)

Thanks for reply, Kupocake.

There's a preface on the .docx file itself that explained what I was doing and why I was doing it. However, I genuinely feel as though I HAVE to be that OCD about things, especially at this point in the game.

I remember reading an interview with a guy who was writing for Marvel; he explained that he and the artist he was working with became so familiar with each other that the description of one was panel was (paraphrasing), "That thing we were talking about last week? Spider-Man's doing that there." He thing is, I don't have an artist partner, I've NEVER had an artist partner, so in order for me to get my ideas across as fully as possible, there's got to be some OCD-like explanations. (For the record, I've never sent a script to an artist, either, so while it's not that the style has scared artists away, but I can see how it could.)

But, on the other hand, is Alan Moore going to go down in history as the only writer allowed to write lengthy description? Don't get me wrong-- I don't want to... as they said in a CBR interview, I don't want to "ape his style." I like his style, but I have different interests and different sensibilities, and I don't want to be Alan Moore. He just makes the most sense.

Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics was a phenomenal read. I've be trying to get Making and Reinventing for my Kindle, to no luck thus far. Believe it or not, his explanations of the types of panels, their uses, and their occurences in Eastern and Western comics was incredibly helpful. His explanation of subtractive colors was the inspiration for making the Laterns in the fanfic yellow, cyan, and magenta. I have Will Eisner's book on the subject and I've been looking at more. Ironically enough, Alan Moore's Writing for Comics is extremely hard for me to read.

Appreciate the help.

[keiiii]

Shouting Fox

I don't have an artist partner, I've NEVER had an artist partner, so in order for me to get my ideas across as fully as possible, there's got to be some OCD-like explanations. (For the record, I've never sent a script to an artist, either, so while it's not that the style has scared artists away, but I can see how it could.)

But, on the other hand, is Alan Moore going to go down in history as the only writer allowed to write lengthy description?

I feel that "scaring" artists away is not the right word here. It's more like turning them off a big time. Scaring implies intimidation because the artists don't feel they have the skills to meet the expectations. Here it's more like, they don't want to work the way you want them to.

If you want this much control, I think you should supplement the scripts with stick figure drawings of every page. Clarity is one of the most important things in this kind of stuff. You want the artist to do EXACTLY what you want them to do, and nothing less/more -- fine. At least be as clear as you can, so the poor artist doesn't have to start over/ change things because they didn't understand what you meant the first time.

Also, might be a good thing to read: http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=13633

Lastly, since you said you have never worked with an artist before, don't decide that this is how you're going to do your scripts for the rest of your life. Your working style may adapt and evolve as you gain more experience. It could even depend on the artist; some artists might consistently meet your expectations or even exceed them, while others need to be told exactly what to do.

[Shouting Fox]

Updated thread. More criticism and critiques welcome on this rough draft. I have a few thoughts on its issues, but I'll wait to see if those are picked up on. Also keeping the side-notes and my panel outline to myself, just because. More scripts to come.


TECHNOMAGIA: G.U.I. - TIME SPANNER
PAGE ONE
PANEL ONE
The Chronomancer enters the saloon. It’s like the cantina scene from Star Wars. Different races and classes and cultures from within the Technomagia universe are represented and cavorting with each other. Our view is from behind the Chronomancer, and we can clearly see his guild emblem on the back of his cape. With a crimson cape, it probably stands out in gold; I’m thinking it’s a combination of a cog, a clock, and a magical symbol.

PANEL TWO
An over-the-shoulder shot: the Chronomancer looks to one side of the saloon.

PANEL THREE
An over-the-shoulder shot, reverse angle: the Chronomancer looks at the other side of the room. One person has shifted in his chair to turn and look at him.

PANEL FOUR
A close-up of that guy-- the Chronomancer’s target. He just looks sketchy, you know? Something about the Chronomancer has already set this guy on edge.

PANEL FIVE
The Chronomancer has approached the bar, and is holding up a picture to hold to the bartender. The Chronomancer keeps his poise and posture; he’s here on official guild business, serious business. The bartender’s probably drying off a stein, trying to multitask.

CHRONOMANCER: I’m here on behalf of the Chronomancer Guild. This man has been caught selling Chronomancer technology to Arzzandal’s forces. Any chance you’ve seen him?
BARTENDER: A Meta-lover, eh?

PAGE TWO
PANEL ONE
From behind the Chronomancer’s target, we can see the bartender point the man out. The bartender has probably shifted his rag and stein to the same hand, wrapping the rag around the handle.

BARTENDER: That’s the one.

PANEL TWO
Switch angles to look at the target head-on. Outrage is clearly visible. It looks like he stood up so fast his chair fell behind him, and he’s in the process of flipping the table. He’s either pissed at the bartender or simply trying to cause an uproar for distraction.

PANEL THREE
It’s almost like the Heisman pose-- someone is in the target’s way, and is forcibly being removed.

PANEL FOUR
And by the time he’s hit door, he’s already left plenty of destruction in his wake.

PANEL FIVE
The protagonist has bolted for the door...

PANEL SIX
… And with a touch of the forefinger to the brooch, or whatever the ornate thing is that holds his cape together, the cape itself begins to dissolve into crimson binary. I dunno, I figure it’d look majestic or something during the intro, but wouldn’t be practical for “making chase.”

PAGE THREE
PANEL ONE
The Chronomancer does a bit of a standing baseball slide to the center of the dirt and rock road. Ahead, on the same path, his target is making a ninety degree turn from the main path to another. The setting is probably sparsely-forested mountains, so there’s a bit of an upwards angle toward the target’s turn.

PANEL TWO
The Chronomancer hits the next path. The target is way ahead. Unlike the dirt road, which is actually made for travel, this path is less designed for typical travel. There are highs and lows and large rocks in the path which make it less habitable.

PANEL THREE
As if in some jumping-turning maneuver typical of a video game (and fittingly so), the target has spun mid-air to cast a summoning spell. His left hand grips his glowing right. The ground below him glows as well, possibly in a circle or in a symbolically magic arrangement.

PANEL FOUR
From the glowing ground, the front half of the dragonhound has arisen, and is basically pulling itself in this space from whatever space it had previously occupied.

PANEL FIVE
While the dragonhound pulls the rest of itself up out of the glowing circle, the Chronomancer’s target has turned to flee.

TARGET: That should hold you for a bit!

PAGE FOUR
PANEL ONE
Not to draw too many Star Wars references here, but the Time Spanner looks like a high-tech wrench that’s attached to his belt like a light saber hilt. At any rate, the Chronomancer pulls it from his belt in preparation...

PANEL TWO
…Then quickly moves to avoid the giant snapping jaws of the dragonhound.

PANEL THREE
The Time Spanner grows to the length of, oh, say, a wizard’s staff. That’s appropriate enough, as that it essentially the parallel it is meant to draw. In retreating from the attack, and with the resized Spanner in his hands, the Chronomancer casts a spell, shooting the dragonhound with some form of energy.

PANEL FOUR
I picture this as being a borderless panel, just the growling dragonhound. It should be scaled to make it look big, bulky, but the features of it have changed to reflect its time-reversed younger form.

DRAGONHOUND (no bubble): GRR ARF! ARF!

PANEL FIVE
The Chronomancer is seen now standing much taller over the dragonhound pup. He’s wagging a stern finger down at the pup, shaming him for his aggressive behavior.

CHRONOMANCER: No! Bad boy!


PAGE FIVE
PANEL ONE
The Chronomancer kneels down towards the pup, his Time Spanner (still enlongated) in his left hand and a little bone-shaped puppy treat in his hand. I refuse to disclose which orifice this puppy treat was pulled from.

PANEL TWO
The Chronomancer commands the pup.

CHRONOMANCER: Speak!
DRAGONHOUND: Ruff!

PANEL THREE
The pup is somewhere in the process of rolling over. This could be one of those time lapse panels with a transparent illustrations of the pup’s movement. It could be something more simple than that.

CHRONOMANCER: Roll over!

PANEL FOUR
The pup is standing on his hind quarters.

CHRONOMANCER: Stand!

PANEL FIVE
The Chronomancer gives the pup the treat.

CHRONOMANCER: Play dead!

PANEL SIX
A close-up of the pup, laying on his back with his legs straight up, as the Chronomancer rubs his belly.

CHRONOMANCER: Good boy!

PAGE SIX
PANEL ONE
The Chronomancer’s target is now much further along on the coarse path; from the perspective shown, we can see him from behind as he’s running.

PANEL TWO
From the opposite angle, looking at the target head-on as he sort of peeks behind him.

SFX: WUB WUB WUB WUB

PANEL THREE
The target has stopped and turn. From over his shoulder, we can see the target’s expression of fear as he sees the Chronomancer riding the back of the flying (and again fully grown) dragonhound.

PANEL FOUR
A close-up on the head of the dragonhound. Its mouth is opened, baring its teeth and gullet as a fireball forms from within its throat.

PANEL FIVE
Exasperated, the target turns in an attempt to scramble away from the fireball, which is seen in the background, large and mid-approach.

END

[Shouting Fox]

Script written in response to another thread.

PAGE ONE
This is going to be a dream sequence. Here’s what you want to do: take a full white sheet of paper and cover it with bright, colorful, psychedelic patterns. Make it a single image, no or little white space, no black either. Scan the paper into a computer image; give that image nine panels, three rows by three column, each the same size and with wavy borders, and make the non-panel area black. Images in the panels will probably have to be drawn separately, scanned, and pasted onto the image in the correct panel.

PANEL ONE
A silhouette of a star.

PANEL TWO
The talking backpack stands before a silhouette of two rayguns, which are position somewhat like the Pisces symbol behind him. The talking backpack looks like a white stuffed teddy bear with a symbol on the belly.

BACKPACK: Look, I know this is going to be a lot to take in, but bear with me...

PANEL THREE
The silhouette of a sword.

PANEL FOUR
The silhouette of a lizard. (Represents upcoming incident.)

PANEL FIVE
The talking backpack again, standing in front of an inverted silhouette of a butterfly.

BACKPACK: You’re strong! Probably moreso than you think!

PANEL SIX
The silhouette of a spider hanging from a string of its web. The background might show through an hourglass (as in a black widow) or some other symbol on the spider’s body.

PANEL SEVEN
The silhouette of a winged, female figure holding a sword.

PANEL EIGHT
The talking backpack, standing in front of the silhouette of an old-fashioned key.

BACKPAGE: And besides, I have everything you need!

PANEL NINE
The silhouette of a heart.

PAGE TWO
PANEL ONE
Imagine your teacher standing over you, and he or she just caught you sleeping. That’s the angle the perspective should be, I think. If it can be seen, Cherri is wearing the backpack from the dream.

TEACHER: Miss, to sleep in my class, you need a doctor’s note or an A-plus. You, of course, have neither.

PANEL TWO
A close-up of the bell as it rings, dismissing school.

SFX: RRRIIINNNGGG!!!

PANEL THREE
The teacher is standing back at the front of class. We see him from the side. Out of an open window, a shady character can be seen under a tree across the street. Math notes are visible, albeit slanted, on the board behind the teacher.

TEACHER: Class, let’s not forget we have a test next Monday this time, shall we?

PANEL FOUR
The hallway outside the classroom starts to fill with students. The door to the classroom is open, and other students are currently exiting.

PANEL FIVE
Cherri walks out of classroom as her friend Angel is walking by. Cherri is holding a math book and a notebook and carrying the bear backpack.

ANGEL: Hey, Cherri!
ANGEL: Good timing!

PAGE THREE
PANEL ONE
As the two of them walk, Angel checks out the bear backpack.

ANGEL: Were you wearing that when you got here this morning?
CHERRI: Uhh... Yeah?

PANEL TWO
Cherri and Angel have stopped at Cherri’s locker. The door is open and Cherri is putting her mathbook on the shelf at the top. The inside of her door can be seen, adorned with letters and mirrors and other girly things.

ANGEL: Well, I want to know where you got it. You should let me know so I can get a matching one!

PANEL THREE
Down the hallway, past the two girls, another student has his/her hand in the air.

STUDENT: ‘Ey! Angel!
ANGEL: That’s my ride!

PANEL FOUR
The door to the locker is closed now. Angel is already walking towards her friend.

ANGEL: See you, Cherri!

PANEL FIVE
Cherri, now just with the bear backpack strapped on, is walking out of the school’s entrance.

PAGE FOUR
PANEL ONE
As she walks down the path in front of the school, we can see the shadowy figure from page two walking far behind her.

PANEL TWO
Cherri turns down a street, but the shadowy figure is still trailing her.

PANEL THREE
She’s walking down the street when she sort of gets a glimpse of the person behind her and becomes suspicious. He’s closer.

FOLLOWER: Hey, girl!

PANEL FOUR
Now hurrying, she closes in on her house as the figure closes in on her.

FOLLOWER: Where’d you get the backpack, girly?

PAGE FiVE
PANEL ONE
Cherri is standing at the front door to her house. She’s checking her pockets for the key to her house. She looks frantic, nervous.

PANEL TWO
The same panel as page one, panel eight, including speech. Probably adjusted for size. It’s meant to be Cherri having a flashback.

PANEL THREE
The slim figure of the follower to expand and explode outward.

PANEL FOUR
And the follower turns into what looks like a humanoid lizard.

FOLLOWER: Give me the backpack, girl, and I might not eat you.

PANEL FIVE
The girl is reaching into the backpack and, judging by the strain on her face, is pulling hard enough to break a sweat.

PANEL SIX
The girl has put the backpack on the ground, is stepping on the straps, and is pulling on something with both hands.

PAGE SIX
PANEL ONE
Another flashback; this time it’s page one, panel seven.

PANEL TWO
The object Cherri is pulling gives and little, and we can see a small portion of a hilt as she pulls.

PANEL THREE
Cherri has fully dislodged the object from the backpack: a full-size sword, with a hilt and decorations of green and pink and red and a silver metallic blade.

PANEL FOUR
The follower looks shocked, and not happily.

FOLLOWER: No! How could you have the sword of Prunia?!

PANEL FIVE
Cherri poses, fully brandishing the sword like a badass swordswoman.

PAGE SEVEN
PANEL ONE
The lizard-like follower has lunged at Cherri, its clawed left hand raised, ready to strike.

PANEL TWO
Cherri swings the sword upward at the right time, effectively deflecting the follower’s attack.

PANEL THREE
Swinging again, she slashes the follower gravely...

PANEL FOUR
...And it slowly de-molecularizes, as if it were never there.

PANEL FIVE
Cherri has turned and, with sword still in hand, is bending to pick up the backpack.

PANEL SIX
With the backpack on her shoulder, she tries her front door and finds it to be unlocked.

CHERRI: Unlocked... Seriously?

PAGE EIGHT
PANEL ONE
Cherri has thrown open the door to her bedroom...

PANEL TWO
… And, after stepping in, kicks it shut behind her.

PANEL THREE
She simultaneously drops the sword and backpack on the floor...

PANEL FOUR
… Then falls onto her bed, face first and sprawled out like a starfish.

END CAPTION: UNTIL NEXT TIME!

[Mr Heatmiser]

Reinventing comics isn't a PRIORITY read. I am a complete dimbus, but, honestly, after Making and Understanding Comics, Reinvinting Comics I just remember being a huge disappointment. It's short, though, and you probably could get your hands on it from a library if you are a student.

[Shouting Fox]

Mr Heatmiser

Reinventing comics isn't a PRIORITY read. I am a complete dimbus, but, honestly, after Making and Understanding Comics, Reinvinting Comics I just remember being a huge disappointment. It's short, though, and you probably could get your hands on it from a library if you are a student.

I have Understanding Comics on the KindleFire and Reinventing Comics and Making Comics in paperback. I have Alan Moore's Writing for Comics, although I haven't gotten very far through it. I was going to mention I read that Warren Ellis post linked earlier (you know, when it hit my Google Reader), and was signed up for his BAD SIGNAL mailing list going back to 2006. I even have a copy of Will Eisner's Comics and Sequential Art. Being pointed to those sort of "you should reads" isn't helping as much as pointed criticism would.

EDIT: However, pointing me to other known comic creator communities might help greatly. DeviantArt isn't tailored to someone who writes comic scripts. ("Comic scripts" is not a category they carry.) I'm not manga-oriented, although I do have a couple OEL manga-style idea projects. (Whenever I play Kingdom Hearts on the DS, I see hybridized cartoon-RPG characters in my head.) Really, I'd be interested in about anywhere I could get in and throw a few scripts around.