Ganzfeld (Pilot/Ch. 1)

So, how was it?

It was funny, or at least amusing, and I liked the story.	50.0%	[ 2 ]
I didn't find it funny at all, but I still liked the story.	50.0%	[ 2 ]
It was decently well-written, but not my thing.	0.0%	[ 0 ]
Needs work before it's readable.	0.0%	[ 0 ]
You suck at writing. ******** off.	0.0%	[ 0 ]
Total Votes:			[ 4 ]

[CS Jones]

Two people go on an awkward date, only to reveal that neither of them is who they seem to be. Weirdness ensues.

The script is too long to post here (17 pages) but here it is as a .pdf on Google Docs.

Here's the story behind this thingy:

So, there's this Deviantart contest to create a plus-sized female "superheroine."

(Anyone who wants to complain about this aspect of the comic, please spare me. I've heard it before.)

At first I didn't want to enter it - I'm already nose-deep in unfinished scripts, concept art, and commission drawings. On top of that, one of the other projects I'm working on is another comic script with a fat girl in a major role, and I've never liked doing the same thing twice - don't want to be typecast.

But I had this idea, and I couldn't help but write it out. If anyone like it, I've been thinking about how this premise could be expanded into a whole series about a dystopian city home to a community of espers, future-seers, and telekinetics who tried to do good, but were forced into hiding to avoid being "disappeared" by people like the BoPA.

I'm hoping it won't be as serious as it sounds, though. I'm aiming for kind of a black comedy, but I don't think I'm that good at humor writing yet. I'll keep practicing, though.

...And oh yeah, here's some concept sketches. I have several more to do before I send the final version of this off for the contest, and I'll try to post them here as they're done.

[Trembling Fingers]

This kind of reminds me of this dream I had where I wrote a best selling novel called "Black & White, a Black's Bippy" In the dream I seem to recall writing every single page like I was dreaming for days. I really wanted to write it IRL when I first woke up, but I soon forgot most of the dream.

[paramecium99]

I wouldn't say I found it funny in a "hahaha" kind of way but I found it very very interesting. It is extremely well written. I will be honest I don't think the art suits your characters very well but that is of course up to you. The story could alone impress readers. The only thing I noticed is it is written similar to a novel and to me, doesn't feel like it is written as a comic script. I think it may have started as a novel but either way some things said are wasted since no one will be able to read it in comic form.

Nonetheless I do not think you would like my art enough, but I would love to collaborate with you. If my art were better I think you would consider it but let's face it, I have a long way to go.

[CS Jones]

Thank you very much.

I guess I never expected it to be "fall out of your chair" funny, although that would've been nice if I had the skill to pull that off, but I'm hoping the series will at least have the same kind of dry humor you see in Brit comedies.

Yeah, I know the panel descriptions are wordier than you need in a medium where no one will see it in the long run, but since I publish my scripts on my DA, on writing critique sites, etc., I figured people might want to read them for their own merit sometime.

Yeah, I am hoping to find another artist to collaborate with, since my own art style isn't what I had in mind for this series either. I just like to do my own character designs since there are so many details about them that I want in the comic, but can't describe in text.

...And finally, keep practicing. Maybe we can do that in the future.

[paramecium99]

I did see the dry humor in it, it is more the feeling of entertainment as I read it. Still it was fantastic no matter how I look at it.

I will keep up the practicing. Who knows, maybe someday we can work together.

[CS Jones]

Finally, something inked. Now one or two more inked character designs to go.

[HavocSword]

i like your arrangement and the story is intriguing.youve got great art too, wishing success for your comic!