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Here is a Graphic Novel i'm creating please ignore the I would love to get you guys feed back

thanks.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1092207659/asukari-rising
That has got to be the vaguest Kickstarter page I've ever read in my entire life.

But you want feedback? Fair enough.

- Four minutes is WAY too long for a Kickstarter video. Especially when the first two minutes are just blathering about war crimes.

- Congratulating yourself for writing a "strong" female protagonist, while simultaneously dressing her in a catsuit so tight it conforms to each individual breast and saddling her with a rape origin story. I wish you were close enough for me to vomit on your shoes.

- Harriet Tubman was a gun-toting Underground Railroad "engineer" who risked her life dozens of times to rescue slaves. Anne Frank was a Nazi victim who hid for a while, then died. Joan of Arc was a religious nutter who was in the right place a the right time to be swept into the position of military mascot, then executed for political reasons. Nzinga was a warlord who executed her own son to succeed to the throne. These women literally have nothing in common, other than fame and ownership of a v****a.

- Speaking as someone who just got done paying an artist over $11,000 for a 165-page comic project.... what's that $650 meant to cover, exactly? Because I don't know ANY artist who would work for that wage. Despite your FOUR MINUTE LONG VIDEO, I don't know who's writing this comic, who's drawing this comic, or what the plot will be.
apiyo's avatar

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I never respond on the comic creators forum, but I will this morning. Who is Asukari and why should I care? All I know is that she's a Strong Woman and that war crimes are sad, and you made dern sure of that. I really hope your comic isn't just a generic soapbox to garner outrage and sympathy, because the 2 minutes of sad photos and information made it feel that way. I really hope there's a plot in there somewhere.
Annie Felis's avatar

Aged Codger

Having any comic/book title that ends in "rising" is very pretentious and immediately turns me off from reading it.
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I don't really think we need that much background information. You could just give a quick statement of what inspired you and then get into what the story is all about.
Like Apiyo said, we don't even really know who she is.
IronSpike
That has got to be the vaguest Kickstarter page I've ever read in my entire life.

But you want feedback? Fair enough.

- Four minutes is WAY too long for a Kickstarter video. Especially when the first two minutes are just blathering about war crimes.

- Congratulating yourself for writing a "strong" female protagonist, while simultaneously dressing her in a catsuit so tight it conforms to each individual breast and saddling her with a rape origin story. I wish you were close enough for me to vomit on your shoes.

- Harriet Tubman was a gun-toting Underground Railroad "engineer" who risked her life dozens of times to rescue slaves. Anne Frank was a Nazi victim who hid for a while, then died. Joan of Arc was a religious nutter who was in the right place a the right time to be swept into the position of military mascot, then executed for political reasons. Nzinga was a warlord who executed her own son to succeed to the throne. These women literally have nothing in common, other than fame and ownership of a v****a.

- Speaking as someone who just got done paying an artist over $11,000 for a 165-page comic project.... what's that $650 meant to cover, exactly? Because I don't know ANY artist who would work for that wage. Despite your FOUR MINUTE LONG VIDEO, I don't know who's writing this comic, who's drawing this comic, or what the plot will be.


Not to mention the unwavering arrogance that comes from thinking that your comic has anything to do with stopping genocide or "raising awareness" (********). It all seems so self serving, smug and filled with horse s**t. Using your cheesy "strong female character" to deal with real world genocide ( i'm assuming by the tone of the video she is going to be saving those poor people) is tasteless and without any concrete things to hang my hat on, I have no interest in donating to your kickstarter
What does it say about your attitude toward women that your heroine, who's supposed to raise our awareness of the horrors of genocide and rape, ends up contorted into the classic Escher Girls boobs-and-butt pose (2:41)?
My god, He re-launched it. This is the third time.

Just out of curiosity, how many more unsuccessful Kickstarter campaigns will you endure before you step back and take a long, hard look at your concept? Because it's obviously not finding an audience. Haven't you wondered why that is?
Triple, I would strongly recommend you start here:

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html

...and then reconsider your setting. If you still don't see what is wrong with the other half of your story, then there's no helping you.
IronSpike
That has got to be the vaguest Kickstarter page I've ever read in my entire life.

But you want feedback? Fair enough.

- Four minutes is WAY too long for a Kickstarter video. Especially when the first two minutes are just blathering about war crimes.

- Congratulating yourself for writing a "strong" female protagonist, while simultaneously dressing her in a catsuit so tight it conforms to each individual breast and saddling her with a rape origin story. I wish you were close enough for me to vomit on your shoes.

- Harriet Tubman was a gun-toting Underground Railroad "engineer" who risked her life dozens of times to rescue slaves. Anne Frank was a Nazi victim who hid for a while, then died. Joan of Arc was a religious nutter who was in the right place a the right time to be swept into the position of military mascot, then executed for political reasons. Nzinga was a warlord who executed her own son to succeed to the throne. These women literally have nothing in common, other than fame and ownership of a v****a.

- Speaking as someone who just got done paying an artist over $11,000 for a 165-page comic project.... what's that $650 meant to cover, exactly? Because I don't know ANY artist who would work for that wage. Despite your FOUR MINUTE LONG VIDEO, I don't know who's writing this comic, who's drawing this comic, or what the plot will be.


This dude is right. Try to be more focused, because all of that seemed very lost.

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