Emihaumut
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So, I've been bouncing (okay maybe a bit more than bouncing) this idea for a comic, and I am here hoping to get some feedback about it. (This is my first time [posting my idea and wanting feedback here in CC], so please be gentle. And I love candy //hint hint//).
Here's a brief (much emphasis on brief) summary of my story:
Before anyone mentions anything about length, yes I'm aware that this thing is freakishly long, and that it'd be better to start off with shorter comics, but I'd like to believe that I know enough about comicking to tackle this beast. I'm already off to what I like to believe is a good start with an outline (which is what I based the summary off of).
And then some things I'd like to clarify because it was brought up to me earlier and probably still not explained in the script: Skyler wants to go on the ship because she's a naive little girl (figuratively since she's like 24 I think it was) who is a tad too interested in pirates. The captain of the ship lets her live because she's a really good writer (something about her majoring in it in college). Each of the 13 main characters (comprising the crew of the ship and Skyler) will have their own backstory told throughout the epic, and yeah, the story is really character-development based. Why a desert? Because I said so and by now have developed the world too much to abandon it.
And I guess I should post a snippet of my script for critiquing too (but my god I hate my script gonk and I have no idea how to write a better one. This as it is already sounds ridiculous especially because I gave two of the characters an accent-ish thing and so the lack of grammar makes me cry.)
Uhmmm, I have more, but it makes me feel far too silly when I reread it. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that there is implied rape in there. And I know that as a script it's really undescriptive of what's happening, but I was going to drive myself crazy trying to write out what happens in each and every panel. Hopefully, none of the names are too confusing, or the characters are too unknown to understand what's happening. And please don't kill me for making a gay character (or two).
Okay this is the last bit before I finally click submit. Forgive me for starting to draw pages before actually finishing any semblance of a well rounded script. But I thought since I liked the beginning and really couldn't think of a better one, I may as well go ahead with it.
[
Oh my god that was so long... Sorry for having to make you read this monster. Please don't take your frustration from reading too long and repetitive of a post by posting rude/blunt comments. Even if they are true, it will still hurt what little feelings I have left.
Here's a brief (much emphasis on brief) summary of my story:
Quote:
So in the beginning, I have main character (tentative name: Skyler) sneak onto the pirate ship (tentative name: Glass Pandemonium) and then she gets caught by the pirates whose captain then rapes her and was bout to kill her but then he lets her live so she could write an biography about himself because he's really arrogant and she's an amazing writer who comes with the promise of widespread fame/infamy. And then blah blah blah, pirate-y events, world developing, Skyler goes home to find that her family doesn't love her that much, the captain finds out he has a son when one of his one night stands drops a baby on him, more world developing, awesome fighting tournament and developing of one of the main fighters in the crew (yes, there's more than just a captain aboard), then that fighter later gets her arm eaten off by a giant wyrm. //takes a breath// Afterwards, she gets dropped off at home because she goes emo, the pirate crew goes on with their pirate-y business even though they miss her dearly because they are like the family business type of pirates; the doctor gets impregnated by the mechanic then the mechanic has an epiphany where he has to face his past and finally accept that his ex-lover is dead and that he has to move on; then the pirates attack a transport ship where they find the navigator's twin sister and one of the doctor's (who happens to be foreign to the desert and native-ish to the mountains) friends and thus both their characters get developed. //takes another breath// Then the other main fighting force (the one who is still around) falls in love with the doctor's friend but she (the friend) has to leave because she has a life that needs tending to back home, then the Satyr on the ship gets sick and so the crew has to go to one of the Satyr villages to find a cure, but then they find out that their Satyr was kicked out because Satyrs in general are xenophobic, and the pirate's Satyr picked up a tiger-girl and taught her the Satyr-y magick and so they go through a whole thing about trying to get him help from the satyrs thus developing both him and his cat-girl kidnappee (not really, but I find it funny that I've inadvertantly made the Satyr a *****), and then they go to the fighting tournament again because it's a yearly thing and it's been a year already, and there they see the girl who got her arm bit off, and the captain realizes he loves her but then she's already married and has a baby, but then her husband finds out she used to be a pirate and leaves her so she goes back to the ship and has a major epiphany of whether she should get together with the captain or not and then something that I haven't thought of happens and then the captain dies and then the end with an afterword by Skyler wrapping up everything that's left hanging.
That was long. But that's basically my story's outlined. It's long, yes, and I skipped like 4 arcs and didn't bother naming any of the characters (here) because it'd probably just get more confusing. Hopefully it's not that... bewildering. I have a nicer outlined typed up, but it probably wouldn't make much sense since they're missing buttloads of details. And this on it's own amounts to at least 27 arcs/chapters. Oh man, this is going to be painfully long.
That was long. But that's basically my story's outlined. It's long, yes, and I skipped like 4 arcs and didn't bother naming any of the characters (here) because it'd probably just get more confusing. Hopefully it's not that... bewildering. I have a nicer outlined typed up, but it probably wouldn't make much sense since they're missing buttloads of details. And this on it's own amounts to at least 27 arcs/chapters. Oh man, this is going to be painfully long.
Before anyone mentions anything about length, yes I'm aware that this thing is freakishly long, and that it'd be better to start off with shorter comics, but I'd like to believe that I know enough about comicking to tackle this beast. I'm already off to what I like to believe is a good start with an outline (which is what I based the summary off of).
And then some things I'd like to clarify because it was brought up to me earlier and probably still not explained in the script: Skyler wants to go on the ship because she's a naive little girl (figuratively since she's like 24 I think it was) who is a tad too interested in pirates. The captain of the ship lets her live because she's a really good writer (something about her majoring in it in college). Each of the 13 main characters (comprising the crew of the ship and Skyler) will have their own backstory told throughout the epic, and yeah, the story is really character-development based. Why a desert? Because I said so and by now have developed the world too much to abandon it.
And I guess I should post a snippet of my script for critiquing too (but my god I hate my script gonk and I have no idea how to write a better one. This as it is already sounds ridiculous especially because I gave two of the characters an accent-ish thing and so the lack of grammar makes me cry.)
Quote:
[establishing shot] Skyler is on one of her daddy's cruise ships. It's midnight. She's bored out of her mind. She sees a pirate ship in the distance.
"Finally. Some excitement. 10 nights on this god forsaken ship and nothing happens,"
[The Glass Pandemonium's silhouette can be seen in the distance and approaching towards the cruise ship. As it gets closer, show that it looks like a friendly ship.]
[Show the two ships side by side]
[Hoist the Glass Pandemonium Flag!]
[Captain Alabaster makes his appearance]
Alabaster:"Welcome one, welcome all, welcome to the land of Pandemonium, or so I call. Congratulations, my grand guests of unlucky ship number 1. You have just won the lottery--quite possibly the most lavish of you life (and likely the last that you shall befall)! Without further ado, I present to you, your prize--lest anymore I forestall."
[Vaeryl, Euzo, and Asgar run past Alabaster to the cruise ship.]
[insert scenes of Vaeryl & co. gathering up the passengers and crew of the ship and quite possibly even killing a few of them.]
[Skyler takes cover behind a barrel/container of some sort and takes out her notes.]
Skyler: Yes! Beautiful! This would make for the most magnificent of masterpieces.
Oh! An unguarded entrance to the ship? Well... a little peak to the pirate's life should give me enough inspiration to write my novel.
Just a little bit and I'll be right back.
[Skyler sneaks on board the ship, takes note of the things that she sees, and she hears footsteps so she hides in a corner.]
Euzo: Don't forget to leave some of 'em alive! Fleur needs a number of 'em for her experimament or other.
Vaeryl: Fine, fine. If only they'd stop squirming so much, I wouldn't have to hurt so many of them.
Asgar: We got all that we needed, yeah? Food, crystals, goodies, ‘uman test subjects. Anything else?
Mak: Did ye' get me a whore?
Alabaster: Oh but of course, Mak. Pick one out from the circle of test subjects and she--or he if you feel like swinging that way tonight--'s all yours.
Mak: And you, captain?
Alabaster: Before the captain indulges himself into mortal delights, Vaeryl, can you torch the ship? Need to spread my name around a bit more. I didn't see nearly enough fear in their eyes when they saw me.
Vaeryl: Aye, aye, Alabaster. [Sets the cruise ship on fire]
Skyler: [Le Gasp!] Oh god! The boat? My stuff! The crew!
Vaeryl: Captain, I think we've a rat aboard our ship.
[Vaeryl Throws Skyler into the middle of everything and some of her things spread on the floor. Skyler's stunned and doesn't know what to do.]
Alabaster: Hrmmm. Just what I wanted tonight too. Who knew the Gods would just throw me a girl to ravage? But then again, I always was in their favor.
Skyler: Oh gods... you're going to rape me then kill me, aren't you? After you finish having your way with me, you'll have no more need for me so you'll just throw me off the side of the ship and feed me to the wyrms,
or perhaps you'll hang me as a trophy.
Mak: You forgot the possibility where we burn you alive.
Skyler: Oh my gods! Please don't rape and kill me! Please! I'll do anything please!
Alabaster: You should be honored to die by the hands of a god, more or less have a taste of a god in you.
Asgar: Hrmmm, what's this nonsense? "After the deliverance of a rather whimsical introduction, three swift, agile pyrates then run past the captain? who stands in the moonlight accenting 'is strong, bold features."Haha, I think she's writing a story about you, Captain? Ain't that cute?
Alabaster: Hrmm, Asgar, won't you bring the pages to your captain?
[Asgar does so and Alabaster looks through the pages]
Interesting.
Skyler: Y-you like it? I could write more for you. Y'see, I'm a writer--in fact, that's what I studied in college--and so if you'd only spare my life, I could write the epic of the Glass Pandemonium. Or perhaps, it should be more like
the Epic of Captain Alabaster the Immortal? Yes! I could scribe all of your amazing adventures and then you'll be remembered in history forever as the strongest, the most feared pyrate in all the sands! Everyone in the desert—
no, the whole world—will know the name of Captain Alabaster and the Glass Pandemonium. Just think, wouldn’t that be wonderful? And I could help make that a reality for you. I could write your epic for you.
Alabaster: Captain...Alabaster... the Immortal... That'd be absurd, and asinine, and... amazing. Most feared pyrate in all the sands... A little over the top, but it is enthralling.
Everyone, welcome the newest member of the crew, Uhhh...
Skyler: Skyler.
Alabaster: Tyler my biographer-
Vaeryl: What?! You're going to let her live? Are you ******** high Alabaster?! We had a system of doing things. Are you going to just throw it away now?!
Alabaster: That is quite enough out of you, Vaeryl. Your captain is speaking, and you do not interrupt.
Vaeryl: What? No! There's no ******** way I'm allowing this!
Euzo: What if we put her through the initiation trials? If she passes them, then she's in. If she fails, we'll feed her to the wyrms or something. Is that good with you, Vae?
Vaeryl: No, I'm not.
Euzo: You're the one who wanted to play by the system. This is how the system rolls.
Alabaster: Well then, I guess we'll go with initiation.
Skyler: Uhmmm, what do I have to do for initiation?
Asgar: There are three parts to it. Part one is that you go for a full sun up and down without food or water. Part two, we feast. Part three, you read and sign the Code of Pyrates. It’s simple really.
Mak: So then! Shall we begin initiation now?
Alabaster: Asgar, how far are we to Kryll?
Asgar: If nothing happens, we should arrive by dawn night after.
Alabaster: Well then, what say we start initiation at dawn?
Vaeryl: Hrmph! Fine. I'm going to bed now lest you decide to let any of the other hostages live.
Mak: You're not going to take a whore with you?
Vaeryl: I'm not you, Mak.
Mak: Well, I guess I'll just take your share.
Alabaster: Now that that's been settled, Euzo, take the circle of nice people to Fleur after Mak has his pickings, won't you.
Asgar, you and me and Tyler in the kitchen. Let's see if we can't get a something to eat. I'm famished.
Skyler: It's Skyler, sir.
Alabaster: [knocks on a kitchen door] Gavon! Your captain is hungry. Fix him a few bites to eat, won't you?
Gavon: Al, it's midnight. Or did you forget that some of us like to sleep through the nigh-
Who's that?
Alabaster: Ah yes. This is Tyler, the soon-to-be-biographer of your captivating captain. She just has to go through initiation and then she's in.
Gavon: Does she amaze you that much? [looks for food in the pantry. ]
Alabaster: Why yes, actually. She majored in writing in college. She actually went to college. And finished it. Right?
[Skyler nods]
See, we have people who attended, but none who's finished it. She is truly a scholar, and just think, she's going to be writing the epic of Captain Alabaster the Immortal and the Glass Pandemonium. Doesn't it just have a nice ring to it.
Gavon: Of course it does, Captain. Of course it does. [brings them some food]
It's not much, but it should be filling at least.
I'm going back to sleep now.
Alabaster: Good night, Gav.
"Finally. Some excitement. 10 nights on this god forsaken ship and nothing happens,"
[The Glass Pandemonium's silhouette can be seen in the distance and approaching towards the cruise ship. As it gets closer, show that it looks like a friendly ship.]
[Show the two ships side by side]
[Hoist the Glass Pandemonium Flag!]
[Captain Alabaster makes his appearance]
Alabaster:"Welcome one, welcome all, welcome to the land of Pandemonium, or so I call. Congratulations, my grand guests of unlucky ship number 1. You have just won the lottery--quite possibly the most lavish of you life (and likely the last that you shall befall)! Without further ado, I present to you, your prize--lest anymore I forestall."
[Vaeryl, Euzo, and Asgar run past Alabaster to the cruise ship.]
[insert scenes of Vaeryl & co. gathering up the passengers and crew of the ship and quite possibly even killing a few of them.]
[Skyler takes cover behind a barrel/container of some sort and takes out her notes.]
Skyler: Yes! Beautiful! This would make for the most magnificent of masterpieces.
Oh! An unguarded entrance to the ship? Well... a little peak to the pirate's life should give me enough inspiration to write my novel.
Just a little bit and I'll be right back.
[Skyler sneaks on board the ship, takes note of the things that she sees, and she hears footsteps so she hides in a corner.]
Euzo: Don't forget to leave some of 'em alive! Fleur needs a number of 'em for her experimament or other.
Vaeryl: Fine, fine. If only they'd stop squirming so much, I wouldn't have to hurt so many of them.
Asgar: We got all that we needed, yeah? Food, crystals, goodies, ‘uman test subjects. Anything else?
Mak: Did ye' get me a whore?
Alabaster: Oh but of course, Mak. Pick one out from the circle of test subjects and she--or he if you feel like swinging that way tonight--'s all yours.
Mak: And you, captain?
Alabaster: Before the captain indulges himself into mortal delights, Vaeryl, can you torch the ship? Need to spread my name around a bit more. I didn't see nearly enough fear in their eyes when they saw me.
Vaeryl: Aye, aye, Alabaster. [Sets the cruise ship on fire]
Skyler: [Le Gasp!] Oh god! The boat? My stuff! The crew!
Vaeryl: Captain, I think we've a rat aboard our ship.
[Vaeryl Throws Skyler into the middle of everything and some of her things spread on the floor. Skyler's stunned and doesn't know what to do.]
Alabaster: Hrmmm. Just what I wanted tonight too. Who knew the Gods would just throw me a girl to ravage? But then again, I always was in their favor.
Skyler: Oh gods... you're going to rape me then kill me, aren't you? After you finish having your way with me, you'll have no more need for me so you'll just throw me off the side of the ship and feed me to the wyrms,
or perhaps you'll hang me as a trophy.
Mak: You forgot the possibility where we burn you alive.
Skyler: Oh my gods! Please don't rape and kill me! Please! I'll do anything please!
Alabaster: You should be honored to die by the hands of a god, more or less have a taste of a god in you.
Asgar: Hrmmm, what's this nonsense? "After the deliverance of a rather whimsical introduction, three swift, agile pyrates then run past the captain? who stands in the moonlight accenting 'is strong, bold features."Haha, I think she's writing a story about you, Captain? Ain't that cute?
Alabaster: Hrmm, Asgar, won't you bring the pages to your captain?
[Asgar does so and Alabaster looks through the pages]
Interesting.
Skyler: Y-you like it? I could write more for you. Y'see, I'm a writer--in fact, that's what I studied in college--and so if you'd only spare my life, I could write the epic of the Glass Pandemonium. Or perhaps, it should be more like
the Epic of Captain Alabaster the Immortal? Yes! I could scribe all of your amazing adventures and then you'll be remembered in history forever as the strongest, the most feared pyrate in all the sands! Everyone in the desert—
no, the whole world—will know the name of Captain Alabaster and the Glass Pandemonium. Just think, wouldn’t that be wonderful? And I could help make that a reality for you. I could write your epic for you.
Alabaster: Captain...Alabaster... the Immortal... That'd be absurd, and asinine, and... amazing. Most feared pyrate in all the sands... A little over the top, but it is enthralling.
Everyone, welcome the newest member of the crew, Uhhh...
Skyler: Skyler.
Alabaster: Tyler my biographer-
Vaeryl: What?! You're going to let her live? Are you ******** high Alabaster?! We had a system of doing things. Are you going to just throw it away now?!
Alabaster: That is quite enough out of you, Vaeryl. Your captain is speaking, and you do not interrupt.
Vaeryl: What? No! There's no ******** way I'm allowing this!
Euzo: What if we put her through the initiation trials? If she passes them, then she's in. If she fails, we'll feed her to the wyrms or something. Is that good with you, Vae?
Vaeryl: No, I'm not.
Euzo: You're the one who wanted to play by the system. This is how the system rolls.
Alabaster: Well then, I guess we'll go with initiation.
Skyler: Uhmmm, what do I have to do for initiation?
Asgar: There are three parts to it. Part one is that you go for a full sun up and down without food or water. Part two, we feast. Part three, you read and sign the Code of Pyrates. It’s simple really.
Mak: So then! Shall we begin initiation now?
Alabaster: Asgar, how far are we to Kryll?
Asgar: If nothing happens, we should arrive by dawn night after.
Alabaster: Well then, what say we start initiation at dawn?
Vaeryl: Hrmph! Fine. I'm going to bed now lest you decide to let any of the other hostages live.
Mak: You're not going to take a whore with you?
Vaeryl: I'm not you, Mak.
Mak: Well, I guess I'll just take your share.
Alabaster: Now that that's been settled, Euzo, take the circle of nice people to Fleur after Mak has his pickings, won't you.
Asgar, you and me and Tyler in the kitchen. Let's see if we can't get a something to eat. I'm famished.
Skyler: It's Skyler, sir.
Alabaster: [knocks on a kitchen door] Gavon! Your captain is hungry. Fix him a few bites to eat, won't you?
Gavon: Al, it's midnight. Or did you forget that some of us like to sleep through the nigh-
Who's that?
Alabaster: Ah yes. This is Tyler, the soon-to-be-biographer of your captivating captain. She just has to go through initiation and then she's in.
Gavon: Does she amaze you that much? [looks for food in the pantry. ]
Alabaster: Why yes, actually. She majored in writing in college. She actually went to college. And finished it. Right?
[Skyler nods]
See, we have people who attended, but none who's finished it. She is truly a scholar, and just think, she's going to be writing the epic of Captain Alabaster the Immortal and the Glass Pandemonium. Doesn't it just have a nice ring to it.
Gavon: Of course it does, Captain. Of course it does. [brings them some food]
It's not much, but it should be filling at least.
I'm going back to sleep now.
Alabaster: Good night, Gav.
Uhmmm, I have more, but it makes me feel far too silly when I reread it. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that there is implied rape in there. And I know that as a script it's really undescriptive of what's happening, but I was going to drive myself crazy trying to write out what happens in each and every panel. Hopefully, none of the names are too confusing, or the characters are too unknown to understand what's happening. And please don't kill me for making a gay character (or two).
Okay this is the last bit before I finally click submit. Forgive me for starting to draw pages before actually finishing any semblance of a well rounded script. But I thought since I liked the beginning and really couldn't think of a better one, I may as well go ahead with it.
[Oh my god that was so long... Sorry for having to make you read this monster. Please don't take your frustration from reading too long and repetitive of a post by posting rude/blunt comments. Even if they are true, it will still hurt what little feelings I have left.
