Comic idea. Tell me what you think.

[Mooncat_LI]

Okee, here's my idea: beware, it's creepy.

Christopher Revins is 16 years old, and in a mental institute. He has a strange condition with his eyes, where even the dimmest light hurts his eyes.

His friend, an albino mute named Andrew, continuously asks him why he is at the Institute, but Chris continuously refuses to say.

In fact, the only think everyone except Chris knows about the boy is that he keeps hallucinating he sees someone named Daniel in his room. Chris sees Daniel as a normal kid, except for the huge hole in his left eye.

The comic goes on. I introduce his neurotic therapist, Dr. Franks, and Andrew's nurse, Nancy Guida. Daniel make more and more appearances, constantly teasing Chris.

One day, Dr. Franks sits Chris down and asks him for his own view on the 'incident' that landed him in the institute.

The incident is a school shooting, in which Chris, completely crazed and sun-blinded, steals a gun from the security room at his school and shoots everyone, including the girl he liked.

This part, I've got down to the fine details, so I'll give you a sort of script:

Chris looks around, gun in hand, and sees all carnage around him. A realization hits him, and he starts laughing.

Chris: "This is such total bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I have got to be insane, 'cause I don't think I really wanted to do this."

Chris sits down.

Chris: "There shouldn't be room on Earth for some insane freak. I'll be sent to jail, and I couldn't stand myself with all my friend's blood on my hands."

Chris sits down and drops all the bullets in his gun, except one.

Chris: Presses the gun to his head. "This is probably the best way to go. No one'll need to waste any nightmare on such a shithead."

A quick flash to the present.

Dr. Frank: "Then what, Chris?"

Chris: "Then Danny stopped me."

Dr. Frank: "Danny?"

Daniel, free of hole in his head, runs up.

Daniel: "Chris! What are doing?"

Chris: Looks up. "Oh, hi."

Daniel: "Chris, you can't kill yourself. Look at me. I've known you since the second grade, man. I know you wouldn't do anything like what you've just done. You're sick, Chris, you just gotta except that, and try to get help. Do you understand that, Chris?"

Chris is silent.

Daniel: Annoyed. "Oh, Christopher! You know that girl you liked? Katherine? Yeah, I found her with a bullet through her brain! Even if she survives, she'll be blind. Did you want that? Seriously? Chris, look at me!"

Chris still doesn't look at Daniel.

Daniel: "Listen, put the gun down. I called the police, and-"

Chris: "You what!?"

Dr. Frank: "Is that what got you angry?"

Chris: "Yes."

Chris: "You called the police on me!? You s**t!"

Daniel: "You'd never be able to get this past you, Chris. Someone would've called the police, if not me."

Chris: "You called the police... I can't believe it..."

Daniel: "Chris, you're not listening to me."

Chris: "You s**t. Total s**t!"

Daniel: "Chris, listen to m-"

Chris's hand shoots up and the trigger pulls. The bullet goes through Daniel's left eye. He dies immediately.

Dr. Frank: "That's still no reason to kill someone, Chris."

Chris: "..."

That's not the end, but that's all I'll tell you. The end is too weird.

[Skage]

neutral Its not that creepy. Don't get me wrong, you are a lot better than some people I've seen, but other tahn the fact that Chris is mentally screwed up, I still don't see why he did that. Was he bullied?

[clubanimon]

um..don't mutes not talk...hence them being mute?

aside from the small plot hole it looks rather interesting, but i think it needs to be fleshed out more for other then the points of his insanity and past, such as those around him and what ends up happening to him.

[Mooncat_LI]

Yeah, I know. But thanks for the advise.

[Mooncat_LI]

Quote:

um..don't mutes not talk...hence them being mute?

aside from the small plot hole it looks rather interesting, but i think it needs to be fleshed out more for other then the points of his insanity and past, such as those around him and what ends up happening to him.

Oh, that part... yeah, I understand the confuse. See, he's mute, but that doesn't mean he has no way of communication. He 'speaks' via notes. Get it?

[Bleeding Art]

I like where you were going with this, but you should try working on the main plot more than anything else. What happens to him in the institute? Will he ever be cured? How will he cope with all of this? And just what is his condition? You know, all that good stuff. But, it's a nice and original idea. A little more work and it'll be a dark masterpiece in the making.

[Spinoza]

The story needs to be worked a little bit. (That's not a bad thing. All first drafts are not that good. Me included.) But it sounds like it could work, if the mood was set up well and the drawings fit the atmosphere.

However, this sort of plotline doesn't seem very... anime-ish to me. It sounds more suited to american-style animation. You know, like... Spawn or something. Or live actors. smile

Manga could work too though. But I expect this dark story would take a LOT of black ink. smile

[whitegold]

woow, im totally like...interested now xd
but, i agree with spinoza...it doesnt sound very anime/mangaish to me...more like a dark underground comic or something (not bad)
you should work on the story more, give it more depth too...but i like it! i would love to hear more sweatdrop

[Ritsako]

It's great. 3nodding
It doesn't really matter what others think. If you like it, you're bound to find great fans that will love it. 3nodding

[Dachenan]

Quote:

The story needs to be worked a little bit. (That's not a bad thing. All first drafts are not that good. Me included.) But it sounds like it could work, if the mood was set up well and the drawings fit the atmosphere.

However, this sort of plotline doesn't seem very... anime-ish to me. It sounds more suited to american-style animation. You know, like... Spawn or something. Or live actors. smile

Manga could work too though. But I expect this dark story would take a LOT of black ink. smile

I don't see what the style has to do with anything...

But there are definately darker Manga, that would definatley fit. I think one nice one I've read is called "Alive!"

It's not mainstream at all, but very nicely drawn. and definately Japanese. The style would fit this well.


What I don't see is what relevance the amount of light on his eyes has to do with anything... and how he reads what his mute friend writes without said light. And other sorts of things of that nature.

The creepiness factor definately has a lot to do with how well it's put together, but with a little work, this sounds great.

[jinc]

Does sound interesting for sure...It has inconsistencies as mentioned, but I'm sure it can be worked into something very good. Don't worry if you don't see other manga like it. Inovation is a good thing!

[Dius]

Ehh... Have you ever seen the movie Donnie Darko?

Because this is pretty much exactly like it. Down to the bullet hole in the eye and everything. It's the same concept, except that the character Frank is called Daniel (and not in a bunny suit XD; ), and the main character is in a mental institution.

If you haven't ever seen it, I don't mean to be accusing you XD! I just thought you should know. Because if you ever get this published, Donnie Darko fans won't be very happy.

If you HAVE seen Donnie Darko, all I'd like to know is if you intentionally mimiced Donnie Darko, or if it just resurfaced in your subconcious. (movie plots tend to do that XD )

[MAC Donations]

Quote:

Ehh... Have you ever seen the movie Donnie Darko?

Because this is pretty much exactly like it. Down to the bullet hole in the eye and everything. It's the same concept, except that the character Frank is called Daniel (and not in a bunny suit XD; ), and the main character is in a mental institution.

If you haven't ever seen it, I don't mean to be accusing you XD! I just thought you should know. Because if you ever get this published, Donnie Darko fans won't be very happy.

If you HAVE seen Donnie Darko, all I'd like to know is if you intentionally mimiced Donnie Darko, or if it just resurfaced in your subconcious. (movie plots tend to do that XD )

I luv that movie...^^
This is good too..but...it needs more to it..I mean he sees the docotr and tells him why he's in there and s**t but it needs more to it..I dunno..
Mayb u could make it more clear of what his umm.."goal" was in this series..otherwise it's just..ehh..

[sheerpower]

That is pretty good

[ajetset]

not the best but DEFINETLY not the worst.