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Okay guys. I'd first like to say that I've been lurking this forum for a few months now reading up on all the critiques and pointers that get dropped on other people's works.... and while it's been nice, I think I finally have the courage to post my work and get more direct/useful comments for me to use.

While you guys have free range to critique every pixel of my little project, I would like to point out some things that I already know that don't necessarily need to be hammered:
-I need to scan/ink these things better. The lines are terrible.
-Comics need nearly as much black space as there is white. (which I will be working on!)

This is a Pokemon story. Yeah not my own creativity spewing all over the page. It is actually just a side project I'm working on to sharpen my skills for a much bigger, original idea that I have.
So although critique on the story is nice, it is not my main goal here. Sure tell me where pacing is weird, wording, ballooning, ect. But I'm actually looking for pointers on how to improve my drawing. Where is it good, and where is it god awful? Does it look dynamic at all? Those sorts of things.

Enough of me hiding behind an introduction though. Here is my work!



Oh and one last little note:
If you haven't played Pokemon Red/Blue this may be a little bit confusing. The main character is just some NPC that you beat early on while playing the game. Normally when you are defeated in the game you 'black out' and magically awaken at the Pokecenter. So this story revolves around a NPC that blacks out when defeated by the player.
Tenko72's avatar

Benevolent Genius

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I like the idea of this fancomic. I've read a lot of Pokemon fancomics, but none about this particular subject. Now, this is nitpicky, but gamewise, a Pokemon with no moves would use Struggle all the time. Other than that, I thought you were great at being faithful to the games.

On the first page, it'd be better if the first bubble was on top of the page instead of in the middle. Nugget Bridge should be capitalized. Nidoran is the plural form, not Nidorans. On the third page, it should be " 'em ". The word bubbles could be more cleanly drawn. They're really rough now and on the last pages, the tails look separate from the main bubble part.
Tenko72
I like the idea of this fancomic. I've read a lot of Pokemon fancomics, but none about this particular subject. Now, this is nitpicky, but gamewise, a Pokemon with no moves would use Struggle all the time. Other than that, I thought you were great at being faithful to the games.

On the first page, it'd be better if the first bubble was on top of the page instead of in the middle. Nugget Bridge should be capitalized. Nidoran is the plural form, not Nidorans. On the third page, it should be " 'em ". The word bubbles could be more cleanly drawn. They're really rough now and on the last pages, the tails look separate from the main bubble part.


Wow thanks for your input!

I totally understand that a Pokemon would use struggle. ;_; I think I was just chasing after the gag over the accuracy of the game.
Gah! I knew I should have just left it as 'Nidoran'.

YES! My bubbles. sweatdrop
The tails are quite separate in these pages. I'm new to the technology I'm using, photoshop/gimp, to add defined lines to my comic.... and I haven't figured out the best way to make them organic looking, and clean.

All and all the pages are VERY rough. This comic is meant to be a much needed practice and learning experience. Thank you so much for your critique. I will be putting forth much effort to getting nice looking speechbubbles. (and placement)
Thanks!
I added a new page. (page 10)
I incorporated a bubble that I drew, and a digitally created one I made with an ellipse tool.
I'd like feedback on which to use in the future. I like being able to draw my own...but worry that the lines look patchy on speech bubbles that I can't draw in one swoop.
OR... is there a prettier more organic way of making them without the ellipse and line tool?
Sugar_Stars_x's avatar

Tipsy Genius

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You should try drawing several bubbles, and once you have a few different ones you're happy with, scan them into photoshop, make the lines sharp and save them! This way you always have ones to copy onto your pages that you like biggrin
Sugar_Stars_x
You should try drawing several bubbles, and once you have a few different ones you're happy with, scan them into photoshop, make the lines sharp and save them! This way you always have ones to copy onto your pages that you like biggrin

Ah my goodness.
Greater words of wisdom have never been spoken!
...exaggerating a bit... but seriously: THANK YOU!
I don't know why I never thought to do something like this!
My gratitude is eternal! crying
XMegantronX's avatar

Generous Fatcat

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i'm going to make a pokemon 1 page comic soon too ^^ i may make a longer fan comic on pokemon sometime after too.

you could use some more drawing practice. based on your comic, i can tell you're not as experienced and lack anatomy training. however, perhaps this comic can get you lots of practice. as it is right now, it's messy and a bit confusing on the first page. the main character isn't that likable either :/ i found her to be pretty cruel and mean spirited. water torture on her pokemon!? DX so now if anything bad happens to her, i don't really care because she probably deserves it XD.

i'd look up how to tone a bit better. could use more tones to show testure and better, cleaner lines. how to draw manga: computones have some good tips on how to use tones effectively.
XMegantronX
i'm going to make a pokemon 1 page comic soon too ^^ i may make a longer fan comic on pokemon sometime after too.

you could use some more drawing practice. based on your comic, i can tell you're not as experienced and lack anatomy training. however, perhaps this comic can get you lots of practice. as it is right now, it's messy and a bit confusing on the first page. the main character isn't that likable either :/ i found her to be pretty cruel and mean spirited. water torture on her pokemon!? DX so now if anything bad happens to her, i don't really care because she probably deserves it XD.

i'd look up how to tone a bit better. could use more tones to show testure and better, cleaner lines. how to draw manga: computones have some good tips on how to use tones effectively.

WHOOO!!! I'd love to see your work! >///<

Mmhmm. Believe it or not, this comic has been my attempt at studying anatomy! gonk
Of course as I continue it I hope to improve.
Does the legibility improve a bit as it goes on? After the first couple pages I noticed that...it wasn't easy to follow, and did a quick little read about flow/paneling. My focus in this comic is number one to improve my anatomy/expressions of characters, and secondly the paneling and flow.

BWAHAHA! Yes! I fully intended for her to have a rather cruel personality. I kind of ran with the idea of having the main character be someone who doesn't 'love' pokemon. Basically creating the polar opposite of the player in the red/blue pokemon games.
Maybe I'll lighten her up and reveal backstory. But as it stands, I'm not too attached to her either.

Thanks! I will definitely check out computones. As you can tell, my focus hasn't been on the tones. (probably isn't too easy on the eyes....) I was going to use the excuse that I'd rather focus on the art for now, but it's just as easy to experiment with the tones too!

Thank you so much for your comment! I really look up to you in this forum, and love the glimpses I've seen of your art!
Cheers! And may we both continue to have fun and improve with our art!
Sugar_Stars_x's avatar

Tipsy Genius

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You're very welcome 3nodding heart
sinfully_cute's avatar

Dapper Ladykiller

I don't have any critiques for you, but I just wanted to say your idea is adorable.
sinfully_cute
I don't have any critiques for you, but I just wanted to say your idea is adorable.

redface
Thank you for your kind words! heart

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