Rikaflare
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- Posted: Sun, 26 Feb 2012 22:38:27 +0000
So here's the deal. A friend and I are trying to write a story together but our writing styles are so different that I don't think that we could mold them together. Not to mention that there have been many arguments over how this should be written so I've come to the conclusion that one of us should take on the brunt of the actual writing while the other should do some editing. What I want to know is which version of this exact same story would you rather read? in my opinion, neither are amazing and honestly this is supposed to be a comic later, but for now we are just trying to do a good job of getting the story across. Your feedback will be much appreciated!
Aiden stood quietly in the corner of the room where Catriona, or Cat to him, saw her patients, assessing the man who had just come in. He could not help wondering, as he did every time someone new came in, what happened to bring this person here. Aiden had been Cat's bodyguard for a while, so he had put together a basic knowledge of injuries and had developed an eye for guessing what was wrong.
He did his best not to stare, as that would be rude, and also made the patient and Cat nervous. From the look of the man, it was something internal, since he had no bandages or bruises showing. Idly, Aiden guessed that the man probably just had the stomach bug of the week, and all that would come of this session would be him recovering a little faster, and Catriona feeling like she was going to hurl later.
Catriona frowned once she had a good look at the man. Aiden had seen that look before, and it did not bode well for him. It was clear why she looked at him that way. He looked fine, honestly. He was perhaps a little bit sick, but nothing life threatening.
"Hi there...errrr…Sir..." Cat said to him, as respectfully as she could. Aiden knew her well enough to detect the subtle notes of resignation and disapproval in her voice. The new patient, though, did not pick up on them. "Are you here for someone else or..."
“I’m here for myself,” He said, looking a little confused by Cat’s hesitant manner. He laid a hand on his stomach, and looked imploring. His expression was almost comical. “I haven’t been able to keep food down for the last few days. I’ll eat, and about an hour later, I’ll throw up. I can keep down liquids, but it’s starting to get where I’m feeling weak and tired all the time. Can you help me?”
Aiden did not quite glare at the man, and he kept his mouth shut, but internally he was fuming. His initial guess had been right; the man had nothing but a stomach bug. He could have seen someone back in Charlotte, or wherever he was from, for this. Instead, he was sitting here acting as if he had some sort of bowel cancer.
Catriona, however, gave him a soft smile. It was one of the reasons Aiden genuinely liked her: she could see someone like this, and still feel compassion for them. It was one of her best traits in Aiden’s opinion. The way her smile lit up the room did not hurt, either.
“This is your first time here, isn't it? I don't remember ever seeing you before.” She looked thoughtful, like she was not quite sure how to continue.
Aiden admired the gentleness of her response. If it had been him, he would have told the patient point blank to get out. But then, he was not in the room for his bedside manner or his gentle demeanor. He was there in case a patient got rowdy, or a family member did not like the diagnosis Cat gave.
“I know it might sound a little harsh, but I..." she let her sentence trail off, as if she were trying to think of how best to put what she was about to say. "If I’m being entirely truthful, usually I only see severely injured or ill people." And really, was not that the truth? Aiden had seen the results of her healing efforts, and while he knew she did a lot of good, her empathetic gifts often left her debilitated after she did her thing.
As a Syphon, Cat was a member of the new class of magic users that had sprung up since the Merge almost six years before. Aiden was as well, although as a Fire Syphon, he was fairly average. The four classical elements, Water, Fire, Earth, and Air had seen the sudden empowering of relatively large numbers of Syphons like him, all of varying levels of skill and power.
Cat was rare, though, possibly even unique. She was tied to the element of Aether, a source of power whose closest relative in popular culture was so called “white magic”. Healing, restoration, cleansing, and purification were all natural talents for Aether users, as well as a much broader range of secondary abilities than the classical elements. Cat was the only Aether Syphon in Charlotte that Aiden knew of, and she was by far the best healer in the Combine.
Unfortunately, Cat was also the strongest empath anyone in the Combine had ever seen, and that second gift made her healing abilities something of a two edged sword. It was true that, when combined, her Aether magic and empathetic abilities allowed her to find and repair injuries that would leave other healers scratching their heads and offering condolences to relatives. The downside was that Cat got to experience most of the damage she fixed later on, with all the pain and unpleasantness that her patients were no longer feeling.
That was the main reason why people like her current visitor bothered Aiden so much. By seeing her, the man could avoid a week or two of recovery from a minor ailment. The thing was, once he had gone on his merry way, Aiden would have to be there when Cat was dry heaving a few hours from now, because she had used her abilities to spare this dolt some discomfort.
The man stared at her, his expression a little shocked, before it slowly lost its surprised gape to become tight jawed frustrated. Aiden had seen this sort of thing before, and tensed up a bit, just in case.
“Look, I know I don’t have my guts hanging out or something like that, but I’m ill. You’re a healer. It’ll take you two minutes to fix this, and won’t cost you a whole bunch of energy. Why are you being so weird about it?”
While Aiden did not like hearing someone talk to Cat like that, he understood the man’s point. The fact that Catriona was an empath had not been made public knowledge, so to the patient, all she seemed to be was a healer who was being picky about her patients.
"I'll do this for you this time," she said, doing her best to stand her ground in the matter. “Honestly though, this medical center really does usually deal with more serious cases. Speak to my assistant Lauren when you leave, and she’ll give you the name of someone nearer to you if you find yourself coming down with something like this again.”
Despite the firmness in it, her voice remained soft. Hearing that, Aiden relaxed back into his corner. He had seen this particular scene repeat itself God knew how many times since becoming Cat’s bodyguard, and he expected to see it repeated at least that many more. Even though she knew what would happen, she was far too gentle and caring to turn someone away.
"I can understand your frustration, but I’m only one person. If everybody who felt just a bit ill came here to see me, I’d be completely overwhelmed, and unable to manage when more serious cases showed up." She motioned for him to come a bit closer. Aiden managed not to tense again as he did, but only through an act of will. Even though the man was getting what he wanted, that did not mean he could be trusted to behave himself.
The day was winding down and coming to an end in Catriona's small clinic at the Mills. The Mills was a special sort of place. It used to be a shopping mall full of trendy stores of all kinds, where teenagers would hang out and shirk off their homework and adults would come to spend their hard earned money on almost anything that caught their interst well enough.
That was five years ago though, before the world as everyone knew it, ended. Now the former shopping mall had transformed, so much so that it barely resembled a mall at all. Perhaps some of the survivors who settled here could still walk through it and imagine it the way it used to be. Maybe a select few could remember where every store was and what it used to look like. By now all of the stores had been cleverly remodeled to fit the settlers' needs.
Catriona's clinic was one of the more thoughtful of the rennovations. Two areas had been designated for the clinic, made from adjoining shops. The first room was where Catriona did all of her work, the other was divided into sections for overnight patients.
Luckily tonight it looked like everyone had gone home, all of them alive and well enough to do so. Aiden absently helped the tired healer to tidy up for the next day, when more people would no doubt need her and she would have to work more of her magic. He paused at hearing a knock at the door, and his head turned from his work in time to see the door slowly creak open.
It looked like today wasn't over just yet as a straggler came shuffling in, standing at the door and looking hesitant to enter all the way. Catriona took notice and though the movment was slight, her shoulders slumped, causing Aiden concern. He frowned, giving her a worried look. She was known never to turn anyone away, no matter how tired or exhausted she was.
"I guess this is the last one then." she said quietly with a sigh.
"Are you sure?" Aiden questioned, soft enough for the man at the door not to hear. "I can tell the guy we're closed if you want."
Just as he had expected she waved him off. "No, no, it's alright, I'll be fine I need to make sure everything's okay." she said.
Aiden was reluctant to retake his place, and stand guard but he did so. He wasn't experienced in any sort of healing himself, he was her bodyguard and had been for quite some time now. Even so, just watching had taught him a few things. It was this limited knowledge that led him to some sort of dislike of this new patient.
He did his best not to stare the man down as Catriona motioned for him to come in. From the look of things, it was something small that afflicted this patient. Something small and internal since he had no bandages or obvious bruises.
Idly, Aiden guessed that the man probably just had the stomach bug of the week. Somewhere it angered him but he did his best not to show it. Catriona worked herself so hard to save people who would die without her help. A stomach virus that would go away mostly on its own with minimal help didn't need her attention. He had to keep an open mind though, perhaps the man was here to get help for someone else.
A small frown even tugged at the corners of Catriona's lips as she got a good look at the possible patient in question. She seemed to have the same thought as Aiden had though. "Hi there... um... Sir..." She stammered, trying to stay as respectful as she could. "Are you here for someone else or..."
"I'm here for myself." The man said, looking a little confused by Catriona's hesitant manner. He laid a hand on his stomach, and looked imploring. His expression was so pitiful it was nearly comical. "I haven't been able to keep food down for the last few days. I'll eat, and about an hour later... I can keep down liquids but it's starting to get to where I'm feeling weak and tired all the time. Can you help me?"
Aiden didn't quite glare at the man and he had to resist the urge to open his mouth and say something. It was just as he had thought: nothing but a stomach bug. This man could have seen someone else back in Charlotte or wherever he was from, but instead he had come here, acting as though he had some sort of cancer. Catriona could handle this easily, sure, but her energy was already stretched so thin. Any small case like this should have been diverted to another healer.
Catriona, however, gave the man a soft smile. "This is your first time here isn't it? I don't remember ever seeing you before." She said, her expression going thoughtfu as if she wasn't quite sure how to continue.
Aiden admired the gentleness of her response. If it had been him, he would have told the patient point blank to get out. It was one of the reasons why Aiden genuinely liked Catriona: despite her disappointment she could still be compassionate. It was one of her best traits in his opinion. The way her smile could light up a room didn't hurt either. She was a rare sort of person in personality and talent.
It seemd that now she was having a hard time trying to word what she was going to say next. She was worried and unsure of how this man would take it. "I know it might sound a little harsh, but I..." she began, stumbling over her words a bit. "I honestly only see severely injured or ill people."
The man stared at her, his expression a little shocked before it's slowly lost it's surprise to become tight jawed frustration. Aiden tensed, ready to step in should this man make any move beyond simply speaking. Even then, depending on what was said, he might deem action necessary.
"Look, I know I don't have my guts hanging out or something like that but I'm ill. You're a healer. It'll take you two minutes to fix this and won't cost you a whole bunch of energy. Why are you being so weird about it?"
"Sir--" Aiden began but, a quick motion from Catriona cut him off and he stood down for now. He didn't like hearing someone talk to her like that and he would have rather told the man to get lost. He would respect her wishes though.
"I'll do this for you this time." she said. Although she was still soft spoken there was a firmness present in her tone. "Honestly though, this medical center is really only for more serious cases. Speak with my assistant Lauren when you leave and she'll give you the name of someone closer to you if you find yourself coming down with something like this again."
The man seemed to be less upset now, taking a bit of the tenseness Aiden felt out of the air. This wasn't the first time she had done something like this and he really wished that she wouldn't. As tired as she was now, she would be absolutely drained after the fact.
She motioned for the patient to come a bit closer and the man stepped forward. Aiden watched him like a hawk, unconcerned now whether or not this made the patient uncomfortable. He was lucky that Catriona was doing anything for him at all.
Version 1
Chapter I
April 10th, 2019
Chapter I
April 10th, 2019
Aiden stood quietly in the corner of the room where Catriona, or Cat to him, saw her patients, assessing the man who had just come in. He could not help wondering, as he did every time someone new came in, what happened to bring this person here. Aiden had been Cat's bodyguard for a while, so he had put together a basic knowledge of injuries and had developed an eye for guessing what was wrong.
He did his best not to stare, as that would be rude, and also made the patient and Cat nervous. From the look of the man, it was something internal, since he had no bandages or bruises showing. Idly, Aiden guessed that the man probably just had the stomach bug of the week, and all that would come of this session would be him recovering a little faster, and Catriona feeling like she was going to hurl later.
Catriona frowned once she had a good look at the man. Aiden had seen that look before, and it did not bode well for him. It was clear why she looked at him that way. He looked fine, honestly. He was perhaps a little bit sick, but nothing life threatening.
"Hi there...errrr…Sir..." Cat said to him, as respectfully as she could. Aiden knew her well enough to detect the subtle notes of resignation and disapproval in her voice. The new patient, though, did not pick up on them. "Are you here for someone else or..."
“I’m here for myself,” He said, looking a little confused by Cat’s hesitant manner. He laid a hand on his stomach, and looked imploring. His expression was almost comical. “I haven’t been able to keep food down for the last few days. I’ll eat, and about an hour later, I’ll throw up. I can keep down liquids, but it’s starting to get where I’m feeling weak and tired all the time. Can you help me?”
Aiden did not quite glare at the man, and he kept his mouth shut, but internally he was fuming. His initial guess had been right; the man had nothing but a stomach bug. He could have seen someone back in Charlotte, or wherever he was from, for this. Instead, he was sitting here acting as if he had some sort of bowel cancer.
Catriona, however, gave him a soft smile. It was one of the reasons Aiden genuinely liked her: she could see someone like this, and still feel compassion for them. It was one of her best traits in Aiden’s opinion. The way her smile lit up the room did not hurt, either.
“This is your first time here, isn't it? I don't remember ever seeing you before.” She looked thoughtful, like she was not quite sure how to continue.
Aiden admired the gentleness of her response. If it had been him, he would have told the patient point blank to get out. But then, he was not in the room for his bedside manner or his gentle demeanor. He was there in case a patient got rowdy, or a family member did not like the diagnosis Cat gave.
“I know it might sound a little harsh, but I..." she let her sentence trail off, as if she were trying to think of how best to put what she was about to say. "If I’m being entirely truthful, usually I only see severely injured or ill people." And really, was not that the truth? Aiden had seen the results of her healing efforts, and while he knew she did a lot of good, her empathetic gifts often left her debilitated after she did her thing.
As a Syphon, Cat was a member of the new class of magic users that had sprung up since the Merge almost six years before. Aiden was as well, although as a Fire Syphon, he was fairly average. The four classical elements, Water, Fire, Earth, and Air had seen the sudden empowering of relatively large numbers of Syphons like him, all of varying levels of skill and power.
Cat was rare, though, possibly even unique. She was tied to the element of Aether, a source of power whose closest relative in popular culture was so called “white magic”. Healing, restoration, cleansing, and purification were all natural talents for Aether users, as well as a much broader range of secondary abilities than the classical elements. Cat was the only Aether Syphon in Charlotte that Aiden knew of, and she was by far the best healer in the Combine.
Unfortunately, Cat was also the strongest empath anyone in the Combine had ever seen, and that second gift made her healing abilities something of a two edged sword. It was true that, when combined, her Aether magic and empathetic abilities allowed her to find and repair injuries that would leave other healers scratching their heads and offering condolences to relatives. The downside was that Cat got to experience most of the damage she fixed later on, with all the pain and unpleasantness that her patients were no longer feeling.
That was the main reason why people like her current visitor bothered Aiden so much. By seeing her, the man could avoid a week or two of recovery from a minor ailment. The thing was, once he had gone on his merry way, Aiden would have to be there when Cat was dry heaving a few hours from now, because she had used her abilities to spare this dolt some discomfort.
The man stared at her, his expression a little shocked, before it slowly lost its surprised gape to become tight jawed frustrated. Aiden had seen this sort of thing before, and tensed up a bit, just in case.
“Look, I know I don’t have my guts hanging out or something like that, but I’m ill. You’re a healer. It’ll take you two minutes to fix this, and won’t cost you a whole bunch of energy. Why are you being so weird about it?”
While Aiden did not like hearing someone talk to Cat like that, he understood the man’s point. The fact that Catriona was an empath had not been made public knowledge, so to the patient, all she seemed to be was a healer who was being picky about her patients.
"I'll do this for you this time," she said, doing her best to stand her ground in the matter. “Honestly though, this medical center really does usually deal with more serious cases. Speak to my assistant Lauren when you leave, and she’ll give you the name of someone nearer to you if you find yourself coming down with something like this again.”
Despite the firmness in it, her voice remained soft. Hearing that, Aiden relaxed back into his corner. He had seen this particular scene repeat itself God knew how many times since becoming Cat’s bodyguard, and he expected to see it repeated at least that many more. Even though she knew what would happen, she was far too gentle and caring to turn someone away.
"I can understand your frustration, but I’m only one person. If everybody who felt just a bit ill came here to see me, I’d be completely overwhelmed, and unable to manage when more serious cases showed up." She motioned for him to come a bit closer. Aiden managed not to tense again as he did, but only through an act of will. Even though the man was getting what he wanted, that did not mean he could be trusted to behave himself.
Version 2
Chapter I
April 10th, 2019
Chapter I
April 10th, 2019
The day was winding down and coming to an end in Catriona's small clinic at the Mills. The Mills was a special sort of place. It used to be a shopping mall full of trendy stores of all kinds, where teenagers would hang out and shirk off their homework and adults would come to spend their hard earned money on almost anything that caught their interst well enough.
That was five years ago though, before the world as everyone knew it, ended. Now the former shopping mall had transformed, so much so that it barely resembled a mall at all. Perhaps some of the survivors who settled here could still walk through it and imagine it the way it used to be. Maybe a select few could remember where every store was and what it used to look like. By now all of the stores had been cleverly remodeled to fit the settlers' needs.
Catriona's clinic was one of the more thoughtful of the rennovations. Two areas had been designated for the clinic, made from adjoining shops. The first room was where Catriona did all of her work, the other was divided into sections for overnight patients.
Luckily tonight it looked like everyone had gone home, all of them alive and well enough to do so. Aiden absently helped the tired healer to tidy up for the next day, when more people would no doubt need her and she would have to work more of her magic. He paused at hearing a knock at the door, and his head turned from his work in time to see the door slowly creak open.
It looked like today wasn't over just yet as a straggler came shuffling in, standing at the door and looking hesitant to enter all the way. Catriona took notice and though the movment was slight, her shoulders slumped, causing Aiden concern. He frowned, giving her a worried look. She was known never to turn anyone away, no matter how tired or exhausted she was.
"I guess this is the last one then." she said quietly with a sigh.
"Are you sure?" Aiden questioned, soft enough for the man at the door not to hear. "I can tell the guy we're closed if you want."
Just as he had expected she waved him off. "No, no, it's alright, I'll be fine I need to make sure everything's okay." she said.
Aiden was reluctant to retake his place, and stand guard but he did so. He wasn't experienced in any sort of healing himself, he was her bodyguard and had been for quite some time now. Even so, just watching had taught him a few things. It was this limited knowledge that led him to some sort of dislike of this new patient.
He did his best not to stare the man down as Catriona motioned for him to come in. From the look of things, it was something small that afflicted this patient. Something small and internal since he had no bandages or obvious bruises.
Idly, Aiden guessed that the man probably just had the stomach bug of the week. Somewhere it angered him but he did his best not to show it. Catriona worked herself so hard to save people who would die without her help. A stomach virus that would go away mostly on its own with minimal help didn't need her attention. He had to keep an open mind though, perhaps the man was here to get help for someone else.
A small frown even tugged at the corners of Catriona's lips as she got a good look at the possible patient in question. She seemed to have the same thought as Aiden had though. "Hi there... um... Sir..." She stammered, trying to stay as respectful as she could. "Are you here for someone else or..."
"I'm here for myself." The man said, looking a little confused by Catriona's hesitant manner. He laid a hand on his stomach, and looked imploring. His expression was so pitiful it was nearly comical. "I haven't been able to keep food down for the last few days. I'll eat, and about an hour later... I can keep down liquids but it's starting to get to where I'm feeling weak and tired all the time. Can you help me?"
Aiden didn't quite glare at the man and he had to resist the urge to open his mouth and say something. It was just as he had thought: nothing but a stomach bug. This man could have seen someone else back in Charlotte or wherever he was from, but instead he had come here, acting as though he had some sort of cancer. Catriona could handle this easily, sure, but her energy was already stretched so thin. Any small case like this should have been diverted to another healer.
Catriona, however, gave the man a soft smile. "This is your first time here isn't it? I don't remember ever seeing you before." She said, her expression going thoughtfu as if she wasn't quite sure how to continue.
Aiden admired the gentleness of her response. If it had been him, he would have told the patient point blank to get out. It was one of the reasons why Aiden genuinely liked Catriona: despite her disappointment she could still be compassionate. It was one of her best traits in his opinion. The way her smile could light up a room didn't hurt either. She was a rare sort of person in personality and talent.
It seemd that now she was having a hard time trying to word what she was going to say next. She was worried and unsure of how this man would take it. "I know it might sound a little harsh, but I..." she began, stumbling over her words a bit. "I honestly only see severely injured or ill people."
The man stared at her, his expression a little shocked before it's slowly lost it's surprise to become tight jawed frustration. Aiden tensed, ready to step in should this man make any move beyond simply speaking. Even then, depending on what was said, he might deem action necessary.
"Look, I know I don't have my guts hanging out or something like that but I'm ill. You're a healer. It'll take you two minutes to fix this and won't cost you a whole bunch of energy. Why are you being so weird about it?"
"Sir--" Aiden began but, a quick motion from Catriona cut him off and he stood down for now. He didn't like hearing someone talk to her like that and he would have rather told the man to get lost. He would respect her wishes though.
"I'll do this for you this time." she said. Although she was still soft spoken there was a firmness present in her tone. "Honestly though, this medical center is really only for more serious cases. Speak with my assistant Lauren when you leave and she'll give you the name of someone closer to you if you find yourself coming down with something like this again."
The man seemed to be less upset now, taking a bit of the tenseness Aiden felt out of the air. This wasn't the first time she had done something like this and he really wished that she wouldn't. As tired as she was now, she would be absolutely drained after the fact.
She motioned for the patient to come a bit closer and the man stepped forward. Aiden watched him like a hawk, unconcerned now whether or not this made the patient uncomfortable. He was lucky that Catriona was doing anything for him at all.