Help..Description

[Casual Intercourse]

I passed out from the pain. That was my first broken bone, that was also the first time i met Justin. He was the only adult with us at the time on account that it was his turn to watch the kids. Now i saw Justin before but i had never talked to him, i was too scared that he would lecture me on accepting god or liking church more. Surprisingly he wasn't like that at all, he was very nice and caring. Also forgetful. When he had taken me to his car, he forgot to tell my mother or anyone else but the kids that he was going to take me to the hospital. So when my mother had to come out back to get me to walk home i wasn't there. She would have called the police if the other kids weren't there to tell her what had happened.

All i remember from then is waking up at home on the couch. My mother was in the kitchen with a man about six foot two with short hair with a light beard, medium build. They were talking and all i heard was my mom thanking the man over and over, not knowing that Justin had done anything i walked into the kitchen and asked my mother; "Whats he doing here?". she just replied "He helped you, why not thanks him?" I had no idea what she meant but i thanked him. When he spoke him voice was deeper then the ocean, and loud enough to shake mountains, he had only said two words in my presence "You're welcome."

I need help describing Justin help me develop him further?

[Snowblazer]

Before starting on descriptions, edit what you have.

All your i's should be capitalized. You don't need the . after the ?"

It should be thank not thanks

I'm not 100% positive, but I believe God is supposed to be capitalized.

In my opinion you should have it - he was very nice, caring, and forgetful.

It needs a lot of work before you start on descriptions.

[Casual Intercourse]

Snowblazer

Before starting on descriptions, edit what you have.

All your i's should be capitalized. You don't need the . after the ?"

It should be thank not thanks

I'm not 100% positive, but I believe God is supposed to be capitalized.

In my opinion you should have it - he was very nice, caring, and forgetful.

It needs a lot of work before you start on descriptions.

i'm just getting the basic idea first, im editing everything thing later.

[Snowblazer]

Casual Intercourse

Snowblazer

Before starting on descriptions, edit what you have.

All your i's should be capitalized. You don't need the . after the ?"

It should be thank not thanks

I'm not 100% positive, but I believe God is supposed to be capitalized.

In my opinion you should have it - he was very nice, caring, and forgetful.

It needs a lot of work before you start on descriptions.

i'm just getting the basic idea first, im editing everything thing later.

Well, being in the writers forum, you will more than likely get a lot of rude people telling you to edit first.