Question for someone with Aspergers

[blackheartgirl2]

Psionic decimator

It probably wasn't right to push me into being manly, as the effects of it from being a kid still carry over to today. Even though the pressure is gone, I still feel it mentally, as if the people from my past still coerce me into being as manly as possible. My dad and my grandparents mainly were trying to make me be as manly as possible, but also the kids at school and the kids I hung out with. I STILL feel a little shameful if I have to take my car in to be repaired instead of doing it myself, or if I don't want to get my hands dirty, or if I go shopping for clothes, for instance. I don't think I'll bring my kid up like that (if I ever have any) but I AM gonna teach him some things a man should know, or if he has questions, I'll answer. No pressures though.

Yeah, I've kinda noticed girls separate guys into two categories: Friend zone and relationship / sex zone. Hate to say I've been put in the friend zone way too many times... but every so often, I'm not put there. I'm trying to educate all guys on the friend zone, and if a girl puts a guy there, a guy should not try to push it, but just drop the idea of dating said girl and find another.

So in Islam, you can't date? Really? I never knew that. So how does one find a mate if you can't date? I'm a Christian man, so I hope that means you aren't going to see me as an enemy. I won't force my beliefs on you, so long as you give me the right to have my beliefs, I will do the same. I won't attack your beliefs, but I just want you to explain why you can't date, and how a Muslim man or woman is to find a mate.

Wow i an understand how that would still affect and you, it really isn't good that parents do that. I mean i can understand teach boy boy things, but forcing them to think that anything less than the idea "man" is bad, is not good at all.

Yeah i don't think kids should be brought up like that but it is really great for you to be able to say that how you were raised is different form how you want to raise kids though i think that is probably a hard thing to do.

Well i think it is possible for a guy to get out of the friend zone but not easy, but for me personally i did it because i am not comfortable with guys are i put in the relationship zone i guess and i like guy friends so i have to put them in the friends zone to be able to be around them.

In Islam you don't date because dating leads to physical contact and then sex. And sex outside of marriage in Islam is a really bad thing. So there are lots of rules and stuff that prevent gender mixing to even stop the temptation of sex in any way, until you are married.

How you find someone in the past(and probably still common now in Islamic countries) was through your parents and your community. They of course would be allowed to talk and meet and everything they just would have to do it around family, they just couldn't be by themselves and do all of the things normal couples here do until they are married.

Now you can meet people online and everything, but physical contact is very limited, even when the 2 people are engaged. Everything is really to stop sex outside of marriage.

Oh and i don't judge people by religion, only by their actions and words. A persons religion doesn't make them a good or bad person. And i would never force my religion on others, in Islam we are taught there is no compulsion in religion. But if you want to know more i would love to answer your questions.

[Psionic decimator]

blackheartgirl2

Wow i an understand how that would still affect and you, it really isn't good that parents do that. I mean i can understand teach boy boy things, but forcing them to think that anything less than the idea "man" is bad, is not good at all.

Yeah i don't think kids should be brought up like that but it is really great for you to be able to say that how you were raised is different form how you want to raise kids though i think that is probably a hard thing to do.

Well i think it is possible for a guy to get out of the friend zone but not easy, but for me personally i did it because i am not comfortable with guys are i put in the relationship zone i guess and i like guy friends so i have to put them in the friends zone to be able to be around them.

In Islam you don't date because dating leads to physical contact and then sex. And sex outside of marriage in Islam is a really bad thing. So there are lots of rules and stuff that prevent gender mixing to even stop the temptation of sex in any way, until you are married.

How you find someone in the past(and probably still common now in Islamic countries) was through your parents and your community. They of course would be allowed to talk and meet and everything they just would have to do it around family, they just couldn't be by themselves and do all of the things normal couples here do until they are married.

Now you can meet people online and everything, but physical contact is very limited, even when the 2 people are engaged. Everything is really to stop sex outside of marriage.

Oh and i don't judge people by religion, only by their actions and words. A persons religion doesn't make them a good or bad person. And i would never force my religion on others, in Islam we are taught there is no compulsion in religion. But if you want to know more i would love to answer your questions.

Yeah, even today, I feel the effects of what was forced upon me. I still have some things I don't do or feel I can't do just because I mentally feel like I'll still get made fun of for it, or yelled at by my dad for it, or something like that. I STILL feel I'm forced to be manly about everything just despite the fact I know the influences are not there anymore. It's rough, but I just keep in mind I won't bring my kids up like that. I mean, I'll still let them know what their gender role is and what the world expects of them, but I'm not going to make them be manly men if they aren't wanting to be. I'll NEVER force anything on my kids ever.

I'm adding you to friends list, because there have been times in the past I've wanted to ask a Muslim something, but didn't have anyone to ask. I'm sure I'll bring a lot of questions your way. I don't hate on anyone or attack anyone for their beliefs, and I'll never force my beliefs on them.... unless they strike first. If someone attacks my beliefs, I'll defend them. I get into a LOT of debates with atheists, and I constantly have to defend my beliefs against them, but if you let me have my beliefs, I won't attack yours. I just heard somewhere that muslims are not supposed to be friendly with non-muslims, and that you are supposed to hate us... however, I don't know if that's actually true, so I won't judge you. I would just like to ask a bunch of questions to you to see if certain things are true and such.