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I love him he loves me heart
I cheat on him he cheats mrgreen
on me.He yell at me i yell scream
at me!I cry he cry,i laugh crying blaugh
he gets mad.He punched twisted
me,i puched him.We started evil
punching eachother.I fell he xd
feel.He laughs i laugh.We say blaugh

sorry and make up. biggrin
This really isn't much of a poem, and the emoticons are pointless and annoying. You really don't give the reader any reason to care about your speaker, their boyfriend, or their apparently screwed up relationship. That's something to work on. You'll also want to check your grammar, there's a lot wrong here and it doesn't help the poem's flow in the least.

Maybe try rewriting this and then posting it in the original lyrics and poetry sub-forum.
WOW... i got nothing....
I am The Compendium's avatar

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It sounds more like bad writing and hitting each other hurts.
Lol thats cute in a deviant way
I_Write_Ivre's avatar

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CherryLynnx
Lol thats cute in a deviant way


I wish I didn't have to post this everyday, but it's a rule of thumb to only take critique from people who can actually write.
Thirteenth King  's avatar

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So . . . basically . . . you both are just copying each other, right? emotion_awesome
RADI0 Mouse's avatar

Shirtless Wench

So basically, you were the b***h who started cheating - and that broke your boyfriend's mind and he became some broken husk who would mirror you in desperation?

Wow.
To think that today's 13 year olds can be so mentally destructive so unwittingly.
I_Write_Ivre
CherryLynnx
Lol thats cute in a deviant way


I wish I didnt have to post this everyday, but its a rule of thumb to only take critique from people who can actually write.
huh?
I_Write_Ivre's avatar

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CherryLynnx
I_Write_Ivre
CherryLynnx
Lol thats cute in a deviant way


I wish I didnt have to post this everyday, but its a rule of thumb to only take critique from people who can actually write.
huh?


Write properly in the WF if you want to be taken seriously. What part did you not understand the first time around?
Thirteenth King  's avatar

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RADI0 Mouse
So basically, you were the b***h who started cheating - and that broke your boyfriend's mind and he became some broken husk who would mirror you in desperation?

Wow.
To think that today's 13 year olds can be so mentally destructive so unwittingly.


So basically . . .

rofl
Angry Pikachu87

I cheat on him he cheats mrgreen


Why shouldn't he? If you have the right to, so does he, right?
I_Write_Ivre
CherryLynnx
I_Write_Ivre
CherryLynnx
Lol thats cute in a deviant way


I wish I didnt have to post this everyday, but its a rule of thumb to only take critique from people who can actually write.
huh?


Write properly in the WF if you want to be taken seriously. What part did you not understand the first time around?
how was i not writing "properly"?
CherryLynnx
I_Write_Ivre
CherryLynnx
I_Write_Ivre
CherryLynnx
Lol thats cute in a deviant way


I wish I didnt have to post this everyday, but its a rule of thumb to only take critique from people who can actually write.
huh?


Write properly in the WF if you want to be taken seriously. What part did you not understand the first time around?
how was i not writing "properly"?

Given how you wrote that, you just answered your own question.
CherryLynnx
I_Write_Ivre
CherryLynnx
I_Write_Ivre
CherryLynnx
Lol thats cute in a deviant way


I wish I didnt have to post this everyday, but its a rule of thumb to only take critique from people who can actually write.
huh?


Write properly in the WF if you want to be taken seriously. What part did you not understand the first time around?
How was I not writing properly?

Capitalization goes a long way to make it look as though you are at least trying. Punctuation would help too.

As is, you don't seem to care much. If you don't care enough about writing to try and do it well, then you don't belong in this forum.

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