All_The_Worlds_a_Stage
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- Posted: Sun, 30 Dec 2012 00:47:14 +0000
The government legally mandated that I have to get injected every two weeks with anti-psychotics or else the cops will bring me to the hospital and the dosage will be raised.
The effects of the antipsychotics are mostly permanent and as follows.
1. I have no emotions. Love, joy, sadness, grief, anger, embarrassment, excitement, anticipation, envy, wonder, any emotion you can name I no longer have the capacity to feel. Life seems completely hollow and when talking to people or watching movies or anything I cannot care about what is happening whatsoever. This is a permanent effect.
2. I have no inner voice. I do not say things to myself about others or try to figure things out in my head.
3. My body feels leaden and generally unwell. Sometimes I get severe pain in my legs and back and have to move around a lot in order to try to cope with it, but it doesn't work.
4. I cannot imagine anything whatsoever, and my dreams are dimmed and gibberish.
5. My sleep quality is poor.
6. My sex drive doesn't work at all.
7. I don't have an appetite but eat anyways,
8. I don't enjoy and can't focus on any activities.
9. I'd rather be dead, in prison, on the street or pretty much anywhere doing anything else than on these drugs.
10. The thoughts I do have, are not my own, I am not in a literal cage, but I have lost all freewill at the source of where freewill begins.
In short, I am being tortured and turned into a thoughtless emotionless zombie by a bunch of ******** in the government. I'm an innocent person and my life is being ruined in ways far worse than imprisonment, death, most disease and physical injury, or cruel methods of psychological manipulation.
The reasons for it seem so absurd to me I want to cry but the tears won't come out. I want to die but its so hard to just end it, and I want to run away but they will find me.
Plus they always hang over my head the chance of coming off meds in the future, even though the damage has been done and I will have to cope with having nothing to live for for the rest of my life. Plus I will be held to higher standards, and they can put me in a psych ward at the drop of a hat for doing basically nothing.
The effects of the antipsychotics are mostly permanent and as follows.
1. I have no emotions. Love, joy, sadness, grief, anger, embarrassment, excitement, anticipation, envy, wonder, any emotion you can name I no longer have the capacity to feel. Life seems completely hollow and when talking to people or watching movies or anything I cannot care about what is happening whatsoever. This is a permanent effect.
2. I have no inner voice. I do not say things to myself about others or try to figure things out in my head.
3. My body feels leaden and generally unwell. Sometimes I get severe pain in my legs and back and have to move around a lot in order to try to cope with it, but it doesn't work.
4. I cannot imagine anything whatsoever, and my dreams are dimmed and gibberish.
5. My sleep quality is poor.
6. My sex drive doesn't work at all.
7. I don't have an appetite but eat anyways,
8. I don't enjoy and can't focus on any activities.
9. I'd rather be dead, in prison, on the street or pretty much anywhere doing anything else than on these drugs.
10. The thoughts I do have, are not my own, I am not in a literal cage, but I have lost all freewill at the source of where freewill begins.
In short, I am being tortured and turned into a thoughtless emotionless zombie by a bunch of ******** in the government. I'm an innocent person and my life is being ruined in ways far worse than imprisonment, death, most disease and physical injury, or cruel methods of psychological manipulation.
The reasons for it seem so absurd to me I want to cry but the tears won't come out. I want to die but its so hard to just end it, and I want to run away but they will find me.
Plus they always hang over my head the chance of coming off meds in the future, even though the damage has been done and I will have to cope with having nothing to live for for the rest of my life. Plus I will be held to higher standards, and they can put me in a psych ward at the drop of a hat for doing basically nothing.
