Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.2%	[ 743 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	5.0%	[ 127 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.6%	[ 142 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.3%	[ 110 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.2%	[ 260 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.8%	[ 249 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.1%	[ 156 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	2.9%	[ 75 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	26.8%	[ 681 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2543 ]

[Sheepyxchan]

I'm sure they didn't expect it.
but I went off this morning
We are ******** swamped and they keep throwing more on top of us
I only just barely was able to step away for 10 minutes so I wouldn't lose my mind
this is GE 2.0 it feels like
We cannot continue to let this s**t slide.
I'm breaking my ******** back to clean up the mess that these adjusters were just sitting on and the managers are just sending us the work?? hell tf no man
I didn't even get to take my lunch yesterday but I'm ******** taking it today
I am tired of working past my regular hours because of SEVERAL other people not doing their job
what kills me is 80% of this wouldn't be an issue if people did their job the 1st time.
Now I have to try to de-escalate s**t that has nothing to do with me but I'm the one getting cussed out
but because we are doing their work, they get the credit.
like the audacity to have us sit in a meeting recognizing the same ******** people for "excellent work"
no b***h, WE DID THAT. I ******** did it, so they can get those results.
bro I'm so ******** sdalkfjh sdkjhf
whatever, work rant over.
I'm going to need a drink after work. . .or a smoke. and I don't even smoke but ********
I need a raise or manager pay if y'all are going to toss manager duties on us
-------
Running off of 3 hours of sleep and vibes
: ' )

[no scheisse]

i was starting to get angry, upset and emotional while talking about it. to the point of just wanting to cry. because i know how it sounds. i know its abuse. i just didnt want to..embrace it as that. but yeah. i know it is. just thought maybe i was too important to abuse to my mom. i guess not.

[no scheisse]

im not important at all. i feel like thats very much been the opposite lately.

i really dont feel wanted by the world or like anyone needs me. i wish i could make someone need me. but thats pure evil.

[no scheisse]

im not gonna be like my mom and force people to stay by me. id rather people leave me forever and never speak to me again if they ever felt like i was surrounding them and they didnt like it.

[no scheisse]

its the worst kind of feeling.

[Psst Over Here]

Complaining about my Mom.

I love my Mom to death, but it annoys me to no end when she asks me something via text/messenger and I respond promptly and she doesn't look at her texts for hours or even at all until I go downstairs and ask her about what she texted me.

I also text/message her sometimes during the day, while I'm at work, to get info from her, like when an appointment is or asking her if we need something from the store so I can make a list and she just doesn't look at her texts, despite being on her phone almost all day. I have to call her or go to ask her if she saw my text and she always says no.

I ask her if she's got her text notifications turned off for me and she doesn't, I know she gets notifications for everything else.

It also bothers me when she asks me about my sister, since Sis cut contact with Mom and Mom keeps hoping I'll give her info about what my sister and her family is up to. Sis was always the favorite child. It makes it feel like she honestly doesn't care about me or anything I do for us. She doesn't ask me about anything going on with me, minus just asking me how work was when she picks me up. But she keeps asking me random things that my sister is doing or if I've talked to her and I don't tell Mom anything going on, out of respect for my sister's wishes, but Mom keeps asking anyway.

[Edit] I don't know why, but I wanted to include this memory in here, after talking about my sister. Sis always got the more expensive gifts and as I got older, Mom would give me a gift amount limit for Christmas or birthday and I'd make sure I stayed under that amount. But she'd blow 2x the limit on my sister's gifts. The one Christmas where I felt like I got something better than my sister was one year my parents got me a bigger TV. I was using a tiny, maybe 10 inch TV to play video games and watch over-the-air TV and my parents got me a bigger, probably 27 inch TV. I was so excited, but I brought up, "I wonder if it's going to fit on the shelf where my TV is?" and instead of my parents trying to come up with a solution for me to keep this TV, like checking to see if it fit (it would have) or getting me a small TV stand if it didn't... they immediately gave the TV to my sister and told me I could have my sister's old TV (it wasn't any bigger than what I had, but it had a remote control, mine was so old it had knobs) and it would be "new to me." I was maybe 8-9 years old, standing there in the living room with my new TV that I was so excited for, that my parents just gave away to my sister. Whilst I stood beside the giant wall of just pictures of my sister and not a single visible photo of just me anywhere in the house. It felt like s**t then and it still feels like s**t now. And I know it's stupid and weird to get salty over material things, but my parents weren't super affectionate, much like most boomers, they showed their love with buying stuff vs spending time or getting to know either me or my sister.

I get grumpy at her because I'm trying to do all I can for the both of us, but it feels like she couldn't care less about me. I buy all the groceries in the house, I buy her weed, I got on my own phone plan to help lower her bill, I took over paying the water bill and will pay for any bills she can't afford. I try to clean up in the common areas in the house we both use. She doesn't show any sort of appreciation for anything I do or have done.

When she fell for one of those Romeo scammers, I was just expected to just bail her out when the guy drained her bank account, because she gave him full access to it and then sent himself $700 on paypal with a credit card that he made her sign up for. I called her out on being stupid, after I warned her this guy was a scammer, now she won't ask me for directly to help pay for anything because I "threw it in her face" that I had to bail her out from being stupid, she will complain if she has no money in hopes I just give it to her vs her asking me directly. I also used to give her cash to buy her own groceries and she'd spend it on clothes and take out food and it'd be gone within a couple days so, I had to stop giving her cash.

If I could afford to live on my own, I would have left a while ago, but I won't be able to financially do it by myself. I don't have a girlfriend or real life friends anymore so, I can't just move in with someone I know. Because of my trans status, I worry about moving in with someone I don't know. So, I'm stuck here for a while. Then I also worry about leaving Mom alone, I don't think she could survive by herself and she's so gullible now that I feel she'd get scammed immediately and lose everything if I'm not here to constantly monitor her.

[cosmosredshift7]

Why does my stepfather have to turn everything into a lecture?
I ******** know
I k n o w.
You wonder why i get upset, why i don't want to talk to you,
Why your own son doesn't talk to you.
You only care about money and work.
Get a different job, make more money, do something with your life
Bro, shut the ******** up life isn't about that i'm not wasting my life doing meaningless s**t like obsessing about money and not having a life outside of my job.

[Sheepyxchan]

I'm FINALLY taking my lunch break
2.5 hours before the end of my day
lmfao lol
kill me pls
54 + voicemails
these adjusters AINT s**t
I feel like that one ******** meme: "YOU HAVE BEEN PRO-MOTED. TO OUR MOST VALUABLE EM-PLOY-EEEEE"
I'm not even going to stress over it anymore
I've done what I can, which is more than what can be said for them so fuggit.
I'm going to go outside and scream at the sun.
---------
focus on the positive, Sisi
something something Job security
something something you're making a difference

[lL U C lI lF lE lR]

Leave me alone, and once again: [******** off.